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Ghosts Made of Ribbon and Glass 2007-02-08 05:40:10 Comments were closed because I needed them to be. Thank you to everyone that emailed out of concern. There was so much more noise in my brain than I could handle. I was ready to explode from the noise. I was restless, sad, semi-numb, not sleeping, thinking far too much and trying to just be. I don’t expect everyone to understand. I’m trying to write it out here, so please bear with me.
I’ve been thinking a ton about my mother lately. Let’s jump right in to my head, shall we? Why the fuck couldn’t I have a regular mother? One who puts their arms around you when you’re leaking neuroses all over?
I guess the source of said neuroses can’t comfort you.
There was that dream about my Dad. That kinda messed me up royally. I just don’t want to sleep anymore. They both come to me, at intervals that suit them. Like ghosts, they float into my head, my life, like they always have and I just want to slam the door in their faces.
Mom, Dad? Fu Read more:Ribbon
, Glass
Photo Friday: "Sky" 2007-02-09 07:39:22 I’m feeling as naked as these trees after this entry. For more PhotoFriday
, visit here.
{Click to enlarge for detail.}
It is going to take all my strength . . . 2007-02-09 22:42:13 …not to run screaming from the house when Daren pulls in the driveway in 10 minutes. Four days couped up with sick kids is TOO MUCH for this lady. I have never been so excited to go grocery shopping in my entire life. I even flat ironed my hair and put on makeup.
The only things I’m going to “pick up” are produce, sea bass and toilet paper. I’m sure they will all be SO impressed by my beauty.
Hopefully the store people won’t think I’m some kind of thief. Go read my ROFL Award recipient! For more ROFL Awards, go here.
Read more:strength
Tastespotting 2007-02-10 15:10:39 This is the prettiest food blog I’ve ever seen. I doubt they would be interested in my nipple cookies. Pure food porn. You can submit your recipes since it’s a group effort! If you do, let me know here - I wanna see!
Two Crucial Days 2007-02-12 05:40:28 **Updates below**
The next two days are going to be tense. I took Dylan to the hospital this morning. If you don’t know his background, here’s the summary: Dylan was diagnosed at 3 months of age with Kawasaki Disease, which resulted in aneurysms in his heart. He has been through one surgery, and gone from us giving him 2 needles of heparin (blood-thinner) to his coronary arteries “growing into” all but one aneurysm, and being on baby asprin, once every other day to prevent scarring in his heart.
Thursday afternoon, Dylan came home from school, complaining he was extremely cold, changed into pajamas and carried his pillow and comforter down here to the family room and zonked out. He wasn’t anything like himself. I checked on him several times and he started to spike a fever. I gave him Tylenol, he barely ate anything for dinner, then watched Survivor with us and went to bed. Friday and yesterday, his fever came and went, ebbing and flowing with the Read more:Crucial
Now You Can Say I've Given You Tongue 2007-02-12 04:47:25 I want to order this for Ruffy. Here’s the enlarged photo - it’s so worth clicking. Wonder if Chuck would approve?
Read more:Given
We're Home! 2007-02-14 01:09:06 Dylan and I went to the hospital this evening, (I had to wake him up to go, poor kid.) When we got there, he still had the fever, so they gave him a dose of Tylenol, and we were seen pretty quickly because it wasn’t busy.
I’m relieved he is okay, but let me just vent for a second.
Dear Dr. We Saw on Sunday,
If there is no added risk to MY Kawasaki Kid for developing Endocarditis, DO NOT EXPLAIN ENDCARDITIS TO ME. No wonder no one ever told me about Endo in the last 8 years - his chart clearly shows no valve transplants, no sign that he would have any more risk than any other 8 year old.
Thanks.
Had I only known. I feel like the world’s biggest drama queen right now. And I’m not much of a drama queen. Maybe a little, but not about my child’s health. Come on, David. You may have made me feel like a fool this afternoon, but thanks to my homegirls for empowering this Mama Bear once again.
So, the doctor we saw tonight checked and double checked Dylan&
The Fever Hasn't Broke *Updated Again* 2007-02-13 14:38:45 We’re heading to the hospital this afternoon.
**Update** The fever seems to have subsided. Dylan has eaten toast, and has drank the equivalent of Niagara Falls in juice and water. He is the champion of Cranium Family Fun and Sorry, and is fixing to make brownies. Lucky me! Since he was due for a dose of Tylenol at noon and doesn’t seem to need it, we are going to stay home and see what happens. I think he is on the mend!
We’re leaving in about 20 minutes when Daren gets home. Dylan’s fever is back and he fell asleep about an hour ago - my heart is breaking for him.
Thank you a bazillion times for all your comments and to the one who emailed and said I was over-reacting about a stupid fever? Clearly you don’t know anything about hearts, and how could you? You obviously don’t have one.
Big sighs of relief.
Thanks everyone. Feel free to beat up David in the comments.
Read more:Fever
, Again
This is Fitting 2007-02-14 15:47:39 Happy Valentine’s Day! I created this anatomically correct heart for all my Flickr contacts using fd’s Flickr Toys. The idea came from Chris at Rude Cactus.
If you’re not already one of my Flickr contacts, just sign into your Flickr account and come back to click one of the pics above. Then mouse-over my profile until the drop down appears and add me! Easy Peasy!
Click the pic or this text to go to the Flickr account and add a note where your name is!Â
I hope you all have a Happy Day!
xo
Oh - here’s one for David:
True Wife Confession? 2007-02-15 03:06:21 **EDIT BELOW**
As a loving husband, you would probably think these:
accompanied by this:
might get you this:
However, if you tell your wife you have hockey at 7 p.m. and she will have to wait until 9:30 for take-out Thai Food, that might be all fine and good, you know, if you told her before 6:30 when you’re about to leave after spending a half hour in the bathroom sinking your Battleships.
Instead, she may tell you she has to first run out for milk and come back all pretending to be lovey dovey, unbeknownst to you, as she kisses you on the cheek and hands you this card:
and at this point, you may think, “Hey, I’ve got the coolest wife in the world” and “I’m so GOOD, and I’m SO getting laid tonight,” until you open the card and wonder if it means you will be Parking the Pink Limo in the Garage of Love, or if you should sleep with one eye open:
EDIT: He survived. He may be a little tired today, but he’s good. *wink*
ANYTHING? 2007-02-15 22:16:31 Catherine of Her Bad Mother tagged me last Wednesday for this Six Weird Things, um, thing, whereby I have to tell you six weird things about me.
Um, yeah. There are WAY more than 6.
Tomorrow being Photo Friday, I’ve decided to post this meme with a twist on Monday. But I need your help.
Send me questions!  Millions of them! What do you want to know? If you are shy about your question, email me instead. I’ll give you till Sunday night, and I promise to answer every single question. So leave a question or I’ll feel really like a big loser-head and I’ll never speak to you again.
Heartbreaking 2007-02-15 20:38:47 Chantal’s son Alex, has been diagnosed with Kawasaki’s Disease, which is what Dylan had at 3 months of age. She needs all the support she can get right now - I know how scared she must feel. Please head over there and send good wishes.
xo
What the…??? 2007-02-16 19:22:58 There is absolutely nothing I can say to prepare you for this. WTF?
Photo Friday: Self Portrait 2007 2007-02-16 13:53:31 Click to enlarge. For more PhotoFriday
, click here.
Don’t forget to Ask Me Anything! You have until Sunday night, and one lucky person is going to win a Flickr pro account from me*!
*If you already have a Flickr Pro account, I’ll give you $25 via Paypal.
Read more:Portrait
, Self Portrait
BNL: The Sound of Your Voice 2007-02-17 16:19:54 Barenaked Ladies’ new video features YouTube’s most popular! I’m a huge fan of YouTube, so this was pretty cool. How many do you recognize?
Read more:Sound
, Voice
Me, Unplugged: Part One 2007-02-19 15:09:04 So last week, I asked TB readers to ask me questions rather than try and nail down 6 weird things about me. I’m lazy like that.
I’ll announce the winner of the Flickr Pro account once I’ve answered everything. The thread is now closed, so there will be no more entries.
On to the questions! (Sassy’s fart questions don’t count though - we were just fooling around)
Sarah, Goon Squad Sarah asked 2 questions:
What is the best book you have ever read?
What movie makes you laugh the hardest?
The best book I’ve ever read is a really tough one to narrow down. Many books have touched me, like Comeback, I Know This Much Is True, and Cat’s Eye. Being a busy mom, I like a book that captures me quickly when I crawl into bed, because otherwise I’m asleep. Recently I’ve read Joy Fielding’s Puppet, Mad River Road, Missing Pieces, and I’m currently reading The Deep End. Her books are interesting enough to pull me in and keep me the
Right! I have a blog! 2007-02-23 15:51:47 I forgot about that! What’s with all the exclamation marks ya’ll? I am typing like Britney Spears, yet all the words are spelled correctly. Did you HEAR about her going crazy? Wild.
Where have I been? Hmmm..good question. I’ll get back to the questions you left but I feel as though I should tell you what I’ve been up to. I bought a piece of land. And I built a house on it. I’ve been going nightclubbing with her and her, and oh! I got new boobs! I’m not a video game person but Second Life has me completely addicted. I was saying to Erin and the Kaiser last night that it really should be called Naked Life. People are always running around naked. It’s very strange and I can’t explain it. My favorite thing is that I can fly. Anyway, my husband has been saying YGAFN in the spirit of LOL and BRB. If you’re a geek like me - find me there under the name Duchess Voom. Really, I should have named her Duchess Va va voom, be Read more:Right
Onward, Ho! 2007-02-25 21:44:30 As promised, more answers to your burning questions.
Vicky says:
Okay…wait, what is that smell? Okay, holding nose, here goes…
Heh. She’s funny. It was the dog.
I'm going to ask you Canadian questions because, you're like, the only Canadian blogger I know. Oh wait, there's me. And Sassy. And Her Bad Mother. And JenB. But you're like the most famousest of the Canadian bloggers I know. And clearly I know five.
I just threw up. Seriously. Famous? Ha ha ha ha ha. Vicky, I want copious amounts of whatever you are smoking.
Question 1: Who is the funniest Canadian on TV? (I say Rick Mercer, but you don't have to agree. It's Rick Mercer though by a long shot)
The funniest Canadian of all time was John Candy. Hands down. My Papa used to install construction projects for a major bank and was walking through the Toronto airport 15 years ago, and sees this big guy coming toward him. He knew that he knew this guy from somewhere but couldn’t place him. He nodde Read more:Onward
M&M’s and Demons 2007-02-27 18:22:58 Let’s see how long I can ride this blogging train…
Christina says:
In my house, peanut M&Ms are considered “power pellets.”
Damn straight sistah. I can fold laundry way faster after a bag of those. But Sassy and I have a deal. We are only allowed a bag of M&M’s on Tuesdays. If we ate more than that, we might as well rub them on our asses, because dude, that is where they would end up. So if you want clean clothes on a Monday, you can forget it.
What is your favorite chick flick? I’m really needing to get a good cry out today…
I have two. The first being Magnolia. I love that movie with every fiber of my being. It’s a grab-you-by-the-balls-in-your-face kind of movie. I love stuff like that. Daren didn’t understand it. Hard to understand it when your eyes are shut, sweetheart. It’s not a tearjerker, but definitely a chick flick, in my opinion, but then I live with Mister If It Isn’t a Mystery, Gore, Horror or Action Read more:Demons
Break Fast 2007-03-04 19:53:18 I need to take a break from your questions to talk to you about something that seems to weigh pretty damn heavily on my mind, usually: food.
Food.
Look at that word. It’s so tiny. Yet it packs a punch in my life. In the last week, I have eaten about 5 bowls of yogurt, granola and blueberries each morning, a bowl of blueberries on their own, some broccoli, a bit of rice and corn one night, and a bowl of Cheerios and a bit of coffee. I’ve been drinking water - maybe 3 bottles a day.
My appetite is gone. I don’t want meat. I don’t want anything. I don’t want M&M’s. I don’t even think about actual food most of the time. I’m content to let my stomach hurt. It feels good. I feel good. I’m confused as to where my appetite has gone, but I’ve lost 10 pounds this week. I’ve been blasting dance music, going absolutely nuts on the housework, working, and sleeping very little - maybe 3 hours a night. Physically, I fe Read more:Break
Coming Undone 2007-03-07 16:34:51 2 more pounds disappeared…and my skinny jeans fit again. Puzzled, but thrilled.
I got the lecture last night. Daren had been away the night before last and when he walked through the door last night, I was asleep. He could not wake me up for a good 10 minutes and even when I did wake up, I was back asleep before he finished his sentence. Exhaustion had taken over.
We talked a bit about what was going on, but the truth is, I can’t explain it without sounding like a crazy person. Thank God he knows I’m not. He held me tight, told me it would all be okay, loved me. Then he went to hockey.
I slept last night for 8 hours straight.
The food thing is a battle. Yesterday I had an apple, a bowl of Cheerios and a bit of turkey and sweet potato. I’m still drinking water and coffee, coffee, coffee. Addict? Oh yeah.
I’d like to say I’ll be okay. I’d like to say I will call the doctor. But I just don’t know much of anything anymore, and Read more:Undone
Articulation 2007-03-10 17:52:38
(as of this morning, 26 pounds lost - and yes, I forced down 8 bites of this: yogurt, granola and frozen blueberries)
I’m trying really hard to articulate what I’m feeling to Daren, and to you. It helps to write it out and your comments and emails (thank you) are really helping me look at this from all angles. Daren took me out last night and when we got to the Keg, it was a 30 minute wait. We sat in the bar and I concentrated hard on not throwing up the martini I was drinking.
I knew that I was falling apart right in front of him and that he was looking at me harder than he had in some time. I’ve always been the stable wife, stable mother, stable friend…and now I was falling into this pit of gravel and hitting every rock on the way down.
Sitting in the bar was torture. I wanted so badly to scream, to cry, to puke, to just freak right out. It was like I had a tornado in my belly and my stomach was in complete knots. I knew that he was looking at me wi
A Four Letter Mindfuck 2007-03-12 16:48:56 I spent last night talking with Erin, a.k.a. Queen of Spain. Do you have any idea how amazing it is to have someone in your life that you can say absolutely anything to, and she won’t laugh at you, judge you or call you a complete nutjob? It’s nice. Thank you so much Erin.
Even with Daren, I hold back a lot of what I’m feeling because that’s how I roll. I’m afraid that if I puke up all the bad, he will run for the hills, screaming and flailing his arms in desperation. Let’s face it, he’s normal. He was raised by normal parents, in a normal home, with normal normal normal being spoon-fed to him and normal normal normal seeping from every pore. We’ve been married nine years this July, and I still feel as though I’m not good enough for him in all his royal normalcy.
I know this is my own problem. I know that I cannot change who brought me into this world, or how I was raised. I know that I have overcome many odds and been bles Read more:Letter
218 Hours 2007-03-12 15:10:06 218 Hours
until I can see my doctor.
God that seems so far away. This past weekend, short of the pecker conversation, was dark for me. Daren was busy helping a friend with a dryer and I was using every ounce of my strength to do laundry. It’s all folded and sitting here but every time I climb the stairs, my heart feels like it’s going to beat right out of my chest. So the family room gets to look like a Laundromat as I slowly take one pile at a time every time I go up.
It’s the first day of March Break. Dylan is still in bed and Thomas is happily playing with Lego. The coffee is not working yet but I’m sure after 2 or 6 more cups I’ll be okay. I have to tackle a bunch of things including work and the kitchen, but when I think about it, it seems like a massive undertaking because I know that the kitchen will lead to the floors and the floors will lead to the bathroom and the bathroom will lead to more laundry and I just. can’t. stop. with. the
Those Dang Peckers 2007-03-12 14:26:46 Last night’s dinner conversation:
“Thomas do you want a pickle?”
“PECKER!”
(laughter from the rest of us)
“A pickle, Thomas….do you want one?”
“PECKER!”
(laughter from Dylan and Daren)
“Thomas…you are going to choke on that pickle..”
“I. AM. NOT. GONNA. CHOKE. ON. A. PECKER!”
~fin~
Canadian Therapy 2007-03-13 18:01:22 One would think that maybe, if one hasn’t been able to keep regular food down for say, two weeks, that perhaps it would not be wise to order anything off of the McDonald’s menu despite hunger pains. My stomach is retching. I hate McDonalds on the best of days, so in the words of Dr. Phil: WHAT WERE YOU THINKIN’???
Also? March Break is kicking my ass, people, with the kids and the kids and the kids. Bah.
But you! You all are amazing - your emails and stories and encouragement and love and support…thank you. From the bottom of my heart.
It’s warm now. The kids and I are heading outside. Them, to play, me, to take a shovel and break up ice. I’m hoping I can take my frustration out on the walkway and driveway.
Something about wielding a heavy shovel and whacking the shit out of ice is gonna feel gooood.
Read more:Canadian
, Therapy
Dearest Psycho, 2007-03-14 17:50:28 Well someone decided to inform me of your latest post. I cannot believe you would write such hateful things about someone you obviously don’t know and did not take the time to read the last few posts where I’m trying to figure shit out. I have never once claimed to have all the answers, and the amount of feedback I’m getting in terms of helpful, solid ideas to take to my doctor is making this vomit on my blog all worth it. It’s my fucking blog, and I will write whatever the hell I want. I have always been honest here, and I’m not about to stop now.
This post is likely futile, because you can’t seem to see past your own toxicity, and I’m sure you will take your usual immature route and tear it apart. I really don’t give a fuck. Have at it. But grow some fucking balls and just link to what you’re referring to. As much as you hate closed comments, I hate people who are cryptic, spineless little bitches, who blog about shit that Read more:Psycho
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