Owner: instant Humour URL:http://www.instanthumour.com Join Date: Sat, 08 Dec 2007 03:08:39 -0600 Rating:0 Site Description: A humour blog with the funniest jokes, photos, videos, stories and anecdotes. Clean humor for everyone and safe for all places. Site statistics:Click here
The blonde Patient in pain 2008-02-25 04:20:40 A girl says to her doctor, “You have to help me. I hurt all over.” She touches her right knee with her index finger and says, “Ow! That hurts.” She touches her left cheek with her index finger and says, “Ouch! That hurts, too.” She touches her right earlobe with her index finger and says, [...]
Cool break-up 2008-01-22 23:21:57 A soldier stationed in Afghanistan recently received a letter from his girl friend back home. It read as follows:
Dear Ricky,
I can no longer continue our relationship. The distance between us is just too great. I’m sorry. Please return the picture of me that I sent to you.
Love,
Becky
The soldier, with hurt feelings, asked his fellow soldiers [...]
How Share Markets work… 2008-01-22 06:10:22 While I am talking monkey, here’s one more joke that I had received a long time ago. I had totally forgotten it. But I remembered this one after seeing the stock markets around the world crash in the last few days.
A man and his assistant walked into a village and stated that they would buy [...] Read more:Share
, Markets
Monkey talk 2008-01-22 06:04:59 A week ago Australian cricketer, Andrew Symmonds, lodged a complaint against Indian Off spinner Harbhajan Singh accusing Harbhajan of making racial comments against him. Symmonds claimed that Harbhajan singh called him a “MONKEY”.
After a hearing Harbhajan was banned for 3 test matches.
Well I think it wasn’t Harbhajan’s mistake. What if he googled for “Monkey” and [...]
Sardar’s Job Interview 2008-01-18 03:31:23 A sardarji goes for a job interview in an office. The interviewer starts with the basics. “So, Mr., can you tell us your age, please?”
The sardarji counts carefully on his fingers for half a minute before
replying. “Um … 22.”
The interviewer tries another straightforward one to break the ice. “And can you tell us your height, [...] Read more:Sardar
, Job Interview
Yoga Postures 2008-01-10 05:45:02 Caution:
This version of the posture requires considerable strength in neck, shoulder and back, requiring years of practice to achieve. It should not be attempted without supervision.
But, an Irish gentleman has come up with a new and ingenious way to perform these Yogic postures very easily.
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He claims only 6 pegs of whiskey can get anybody to [...] Read more:Postures
Changes in English language 2008-01-09 23:42:29 Recently I had pointed out so many inconsistencies & difficulties in Englishlanguage
. It seems that its not just me.
Having chosen English as the preferred language in the EEC, the European Parliament has commissioned a feasibility study in ways of improving efficiency in communications between Government departments.
European officials have often pointed out that English spelling [...] Read more:English language
Little Johnny’s assignment on childbirth 2008-01-09 00:27:36 Little Johnny
was assigned a paper on childbirth and asked his mother, “How was I born?”
“The stork brought you to us.”
“Oh,” said Little Johnny
. “Well, how did you and daddy get born?” he asked.
“Oh, the stork brought us too.”
“So. . . how were grandpa and grandma born?” “Well, darling, the stork brought them too,” said [...]
The Buffalo Theory 2008-01-07 00:03:42 (In one episode of ‘Cheers’, Cliff is seated in the bar describing the BuffaloTheory
to his buddy, Norm. I don’t think I’ve ever heard the concept explained any better than this…)
“Well you see, Norm, its like this… A heard of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the heard [...]
Little Johnny’s case for promotion 2008-01-03 06:46:42 I have been sitting on this joke for quite some time. The reason being this is quite long joke. But I still could leave it coz its absolutely hilarious. Check it out.
A first-grade teacher, Ms Janet ( Age 28) was having trouble with one of her students
The teacher asked,”Little Johnny
what is your problem?”
Little Johnny
[...]
Blonde Dent Remover 2008-03-21 04:49:33 A blonde was driving home after work, and got caught in a really bad hailstorm. Her car was covered with dents, so the next day she took it to a REPAIR shop.
The shop owner saw that she was a blonde, so he decided to have some fun. He told her just to go home and [...] Read more:Blonde
The Pirate 2008-03-21 01:01:35 A seaman meets a pirate in a bar. The pirate has a peg-leg, a hook and an eye patch.
“How’d you end up with a peg-leg?” asks the sailor. “I was swept overboard in a storm,” says the pirate. “A shark bit off me whole leg.”
“Wow!” said the seaman. “What about the hook?”
“We were boarding an [...] Read more:Pirate
The dog’s duties 2008-03-20 20:05:40 A nursery school teacher was delivering a station wagon full of kids home one day when a fire truck zoomed past. Sitting in the front seat of the fire truck was a Dalmatian dog. The children fell to discussing the dog’s duties
.
“They use him to keep crowds back,” said one youngster.
“No,” said another, “he’s just [...]
The Poor nun!! 2008-03-20 02:05:32 There was a guy in a bar one night that got really drunk, I mean really, really, really drunk. When the bar closed he got up to go home.
As he stumbled out the door he saw a nun walking on the sidewalk. So he stumbled over to the nun and punched her in the face.
Well [...]
My son is… 2008-03-20 01:00:31 Four Catholic ladies were having coffee.
The first Catholic woman tells her friends “My son is a priest. When he walks into a room, everyone calls him ‘Father.’”
The second Catholic woman chirps, “My son is a bishop. Whenever he walks into a room, people call him ‘Your Grace.’”
The third Catholic crone says “My son is a [...]
The three legged chicken 2008-03-19 07:03:51 One day a traveling salesman was driving down a back country road at about 30 mph when he noticed that there was a three-legged chicken running alongside his car. He stepped on the gas but at 50 miles per hour. The chicken was still keeping up. After about a mile of running the chicken ran [...]
Little helper 2008-03-19 06:59:31 Little Susie was Mommy’s helper. She helped set the table when company was due for dinner. Soon, everything was on, Mr. Smythe the guest came in, and everyone sat down.
Then Mother noticed something was missing…
“Susie, dear,” she said, “You didn’t put a knife and fork at Mr. Smythe’s place.”
“But, Mommy, I thought he wouldn’t need [...]
What’s the hurry? 2008-03-23 04:10:52 A man in his 40’s bought a new BMW and was out on the interstate for a nice evening drive. The top was down, the breeze was blowing through what was left of his hair, and he decided to open her up. As the needle jumped up to 80 mph, he suddenly saw flashing red [...]
Sir, can you tell me the time? 2008-03-22 08:11:14 A well dressed business man was walking down the street when a little kid covered in soot said to him respectfully, “Sir, can you tell me the time?” The portly man stopped, carefully unbuttoned his coat and jacket, removed a large watch from a vest pocket, looked at it and said, “It is a quarter [...]
Crossing the road 2008-03-21 16:22:23 A blind man was seen waiting at a street corner with his guide dog. After a short wait the dog started leading the blind man across the street against the red light.
First a car comes screeching to a halt inches away from him, but still the dog leads on, then a bicyclist almost wipes them [...] Read more:Crossing
The nude statues 2008-03-21 10:49:35 Two nude statues (one male and one female) had been standing in the middle of a beautiful park for 99 years. On their 100th anniversary in the park an angel came down from heaven to talk to the statues.
He said to them, “God has been watching you for the past 100 years and has been [...]
Brain transplant 2008-03-24 16:55:33 In the Hospital the relatives gathered in the waiting room, where their family member lay gravely ill.
Finally, the doctor came in looking tired and somber. “I’m afraid I’m the bearer of bad news,” he said, as he surveyed the worried faces. “The only hope left for your loved one at this time is a brain [...] Read more:Brain
, transplant
Golden Wedding Anniversary celebration 2008-03-24 07:55:19 An aged farmer and his wife were leaning against the edge of their pig-pen when the old woman wistfully recalled that the next week would mark their golden wedding anniversary.
“Let’s have a party, Homer,” she suggested. “Let’s kill a pig.”
The farmer scratched his grizzled head. “Gee, Ethel,” he finally answered, “I don’t see why the [...] Read more:Golden
, Anniversary
, celebration
The Boy, the Policeman and a Squirrel 2008-03-23 16:33:25 A policeman caught a nasty little boy with a penknife in one hand and a squirrel in the other.
“Now listen here,” the policeman said, “Whatever yo do to that poor, defenceless creature i shall personally do to you”
“In that case,” said the boy, “I’ll kiss it’s butt and let it go”
[...] Read more:Policeman
, Squirrel
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