Owner: Senior Citizen Humor URL:http://seniorcitizenhumor.blogspot.com/ Join Date: Sat, 20 Jan 2007 17:40:04 -0600 Rating:0 Site Description: The Lighter Side of Getting Old. Funny photos, cartoons, jokes, videos, stories and much more. Young and old will appreciate. Site statistics:Click here
You Have a Heart Murmur 1970-01-01 00:59:59 An eighty-year-old man was having an annual physical. As the doctor was listening to his heart with the stethoscope, he began muttering, "Oh oh!" The man asked the doctor, "What's the problem?" "Well," said the doc, "you have a serious heart murmur. Do you smoke?" "No," replied the man. "Do you drink in excess?" "No." replied the man. "Do you have a sex life?" "Yes, I do!" "Well," said the doc, "I'm afraid with this heart murmur, you'll have to give up half your sex life." Looking perplexed, the old man said, "Which half - the looking or the thinking?" Read more:Heart
Prostate Problem 1970-01-01 00:59:59 A man walks into his doctor's office and sits down in the waiting room. While he is waiting his turn to be seen, an acquaintance walks in and sits down next to him. The newcomer asks "W w what are yyy you ddd doing here Fred?" The man replies, " I am waiting to see the doctor." "W wwhy dd do yyy you wwant to sss see hhim?" The man replies, "Well, if you must know, I have a prostate problem. " A pp prostate ppp problem, wwhat's ttthat?" "Well, if you must know. I pee like you talk." Read more:Problem
, Prostate
What a relief... 1970-01-01 00:59:59 Overheard in a busy clinic as a receptionist spoke to an obviously hard-of-hearing patient:" No Mrs Smith, not the HEARSE, I'm sending the NURSE!" Read more:relief
The Anxious Cab Driver 1970-01-01 00:59:59 A taxi passenger tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him a question. The driver screamed, lost control of the car, nearly hit a bus, went up on the footpath, and stopped centimeters from a shop window. For a second everything went quiet in the cab, then the elderly driver turned and said, "Look son, don't ever do that again. You scared the living crap out of me!" The passenger apologized and said, "I didn't realize that a little tap would scare you so much."The driver replied, "Sorry, it's not really your fault. I just retired and today is my first day as a cab driver. I've been driving a funeral van for the last 45 years." Read more:Driver
, Anxious
Grandma and the microphone 1970-01-01 00:59:59 See what grandma does with a microphone
. Can't take her anywhere. It's safe to click... What the hell were you thinking? http://www.mojoflix.com/Video/What-Do-You-Do-With-A-Microphone.html Read more:Grandma
How is old Mrs. Kirkland doing? 1970-01-01 00:59:59 Worried because they hadn't heard anything for days from the widow in the neighboring apartment, Mrs. Silver said to her son, "Timmy, would you go next door and see how old Mrs. Kirkland
is?" A few minutes later, Timmy returned. "Well," asked Mrs. Silver, "is she all right?" "She's fine, except that she's pissed at you." "At me?" the woman exclaimed. "Whatever for?" "She said 'It's none of your business how old she is,'" snickered Timmy. Read more:doing
The Eulogy 1970-01-01 00:59:59 An old man had died. A wonderful funeral was in progress and the country preacher talked at length of the good traits of the deceased. The preacher went on about "what an honest man" he was, and "what a loving husband and kind father" he was. Finally, the widow leaned over and whispered to one of her children, "Go up there and take a look in the coffin. See if that's your pa in there" Read more:Eulogy
What's good for constipation? 1970-01-01 00:59:59 Old Aunt Cora went to her doctor to see what could be done about her troublesome constipation. "It's terrible," she said to the doctor. "I haven't moved my bowels in more than a week." "I see. Have you done anything about it?" asked the doctor. "Oh, yes," Aunt Cora replied, "I sit in the bathroom for a good half of an hour in the morning and then again at night." "No," the doctor said, "I mean do you take anything?" "Of course I do." she answered, "I take a magazine."
Senior accessories 2007-03-21 18:07:00 It's actually available at the following URL if you are interested in purchasing one:http://www.foureyesjokeshop.com/index.asp?PageAction=VIEWPROD&ProdID=772
The Last Request 2007-04-09 21:30:00 An old man is lying on his deathbed with his children, grandchildren, and older great-grandchildren all around, teary-eyed at the approaching finale of a very long and productive life. The old man is in a terminal coma, and the doctors have confirmed that the waiting will be over within the next twenty-four hours. Suddenly, the old man opens his eyes and croaks: "I must be dreaming of heaven! I smell your grandmother's strudel!" "No, grandfather, you are not dreaming. Grandmother is baking strudel now." "I know I will never have another taste of her delicious strudel after this one. Could you please go down and get me a piece?", the old man begs with what is left of his final breath. One of the grandchildren is immediately dispatched to honor the old man's last request. After a long time, he returns empty-handed. "Did you bring me one last piece of your grandmother's delicious strudel?" the old man plaintively queries. "I'm very sorry, grandfather, but grandma says they're for the
Geezer Crossing 2007-04-12 21:39:00 OMG! It's the guy from the sign. These are actually real signs. I have seen quite a number of them now. Read more:Crossing
More bumper stickers 2007-04-15 23:12:00 These are the latest bumper stickers from my Senior Citizen Humor website. Visit http://www.pmcaregivers.com/Humor to see all the others.
Hmmm 2007-04-15 18:01:00 "The average child laughs about 400 times per day, the averageadult laughs only 15 times per day. What happened to the other 385 laughs?" USA Today. You don't stop laughing because you grow old. You grow old because you stop laughing.Thought for the day: There is more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra today than on Alzheimer's research. This means that by 2040, there should be a large elderly population with perky boobs and huge erections and absolutely no recollection of what to do with them.
The best Living Will 2007-04-18 18:50:00 I, Maxine, being of sound mind and body, do not wish to be kept alive indefinitely by artificial means. Under no circumstances should my fate be put in the hands of pinhead politicians who couldn't pass ninth-grade biology if their lives depended on it, or lawyers / doctors interested in simply running up the bills. If a reasonable amount of time passes and I fail to ask for at least one of the following: Glass of wine, Chocolate, Margarita, Chocolate, Martini, Cold Beer, Chocolate, Chicken fried steak, Chocolate, Mexican food, Chocolate, French fries, Pizza, Ice cream, Cup of tea, Chocolate, Sex or Chocolate... It should be presumed that I won't ever get better. When such a determination is reached, I hereby instruct my appointed person and attending physicians to pull the plug, reel in the tubes and call it a day. Read more:Living
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