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The Look Says it All 2008-03-12 14:48:31 This is Mr. Woodhouse, Emma's father in that famous Jane Austen book, EMMA. He cracks me up. This guy is hysterically neurotic but very much out there with all his neuroses and fears. At least we can tell where he is at. We don't have a picture of a strong jawline and mental sobriety and then find out the guy is a fearful wimp. No, we can tell straight off what he is like.I think I look like him- on one of my bad days. This is what I look like when I've had a scare about something. The look of fear or alarm is not a pretty sight. Unfortunately, there are enough things to alarm us in this world that we could have plenty of opportunities to wear this face.I would rather look like this woman; I mean, have this look on my face:Now this is a quiet , pensive look, a relaxed, thoughtful look tha
Remembering to Ask, 'What's Next?!' 2008-03-14 10:20:20 I can tell it's the month of March. This is the month when winter is like a beloved but frustrating relative who has stayed way too long at your tiny house and you-can't-take-it-anymore. Yes, that's what the month of March feels like here in the Northeast. It's long. It's still cold. And it's hard to be zesty and creative and ready to burst into song in a month like March.This is the month when we are not quite in the season of Spring, yet the mall has stores displaying bright colored shorts and halter tops and you think you're about to take a quick trip to the tropics or something. You think that, while you're at the mall, and then you step outside in the cold and remember otherwise.But it isn't just the cold that gets to you up here in the great Northeast. It's the fact that everything i Read more:Remembering
Onward Ho! 2008-03-18 12:05:57 It's interesting how many people I know who are moving. Some are people I "know" through visiting their blogs, and others are people I know in my home town area. Moving invokes fear in some, and in others, there is a sense of excitement or anticipation...until everything hits the fan and you realize moving is just PLAIN HARD WORK. No one in their right mind loves to pack up and move. (Well, alright, there might be a few who really get a kick of that kind of thing).I think the actual moving is not the hard part, really. For many, what is the real kicker is making the decision to move. Some deliberate over this for eons and others suddenly are told- you're moving. There's all sorts of reasons why people have to -or want to- uproot themselves and get to a new location, a new town, a new state Read more:Onward
Even Now 2008-03-16 17:42:07 My husband has been so sick with a bad upper respiratory infection, my son is fighting a cold, and we all are sleeping rather poorly at night. I wake up feeling older and exhausted lately. The only one who is spring-like and frisky is our dog, Harry. He seems to be sensing the newness of Spring and feeling his vitality renewed. But even as I cuddle with my blond mop of a dog, I feel two lumps on his back and I feel....concerned. The Vet checked him out a couple weeks ago and said she thought it was nothing serious, but that we should monitor him and bring him back in a couple months for a re-check.I've been sensing the battle, not for our physical health so much, but a battle over our joy and our ability to rejoice. Winter can wear you out, but there's so much more that also weighs us down
The Lifeblood of our Soul 2008-03-21 10:26:29 I slept well, last night, for the first night this week. Bill is not coughing as much anymore and therefore I am sleeping better. He is becoming stronger and more like his usual self: the humor is returning, the joking and the teasing are starting again. I used to really get irritated by all that, but then I realized I need to be provoked into laughter. I need to not take myself so seriously.I've been reading Beth Moore's book, Get Out of that Pit. Here and there, as I read, I'll catch a glimpse of myself, my chronic battle, and the things I fight. "The close confinement of a pit exhausts us with the endless echo of self-absorption...We can't see out, so we turn our sights in. After a while, nearsightedness breeds hopelessness. We feel too buried in our present state to feel passionate abo
Name them One by One 2008-03-24 09:09:54 We had a quiet Easter celebration yesterday. After church, my Dad and my brother Mark came over for our afternoon dinner of Roast Chicken with cranberry sauce, mashed potatoes, squash, fruit salad, and then a homemade lemon cheesecake that my daughter and I quickly put together. It's amazing what cream cheese, sugar, lemons, eggs, and a pie crust can do when they all come together.When evening came, my teenage son Alex was still working on an English project. He thought he'd be done by 11pm, he told me. We all went to sleep-except for him. At 1am I woke up and realized I never heard Alex come up."What are you doing still up?" I hissed down the stairs to him."I'm still working on the project. It's taking me longer than I thought."At 2:30am, he was still not up- even though I was. I could no
Still Counting 2008-03-27 14:39:55 Still counting all the many blessings God has brought into my life. That, and I'm running around like a chicken without my head, trying to catch up on a lot of things and also get my husband and son off for a college visit to Pennsylvania.More later! Read more:Counting
Open Doors, Closed Doors 2008-03-30 13:59:17 This was not an easy week. It was not a week of ease and refreshment. But it was a turning point for us. For some reason I kept singing a line from that old hymn, '...Let all bondage go and let deliverance flow...". I sang that over and over, trying to absorb what the song was advising. "Let" it flow, or "let" it go means I had to be involved with the process. Some of us have a lot to let go of.My husband,Bill, and I are praying about our specific career paths and financial issues and also for our son, Alex, in his college search. We are praying that we hear God clearly because we want to perceive the "new thing" God is doing. A lot changes when your first child goes off to college at the same time that you feel you too need to venture out into greater exploration, service, and commitmen Read more:Doors
, Closed
Inquiring Hearts Want to Know...His Love 2008-04-02 10:04:30 Remember that old 1980's TV ad, "Inquiring Minds want to know"? Well, they still do. This mind- mine- especially. I almost can see the Lord shaking His head and saying with wonder, "This child can't get enough of My answers." The problem is, the Lord isn't saying this with a smile, really. It's more of a pained look on His face because I'm after what He holds in His hands, rather than what He holds in His heart for me.Yesterday was stressful. I won't go into everything, but the day ended with me deciding to take a prayer walk. I brought my daughter with me, and we walked vigorously up and down the street in front of the town library, talking, praying, walking. We had not quite finished when all of a sudden the skies opened and down came the rain. We raced to the car parked in the library p Read more:Hearts
What Happens When Women are Expecting 2008-04-07 19:08:41 I'm not talking about swollen ankles and gestational diabetes and craving for chocolate. I'm talking about what happens when women are expecting God to move mightily in their midst. I'm talking about the retreat I was at this past weekend. I'm talking about how it's possible to pour yourself out to others- and yet leave filled to overflowing.The ladies of Grace Chapel invited me to come and be their Speaker this past weekend at their annual retreat up in the quiet place of Speculator, NY. But really I was invited into the presence of God, the joy and feasting that God spreads out for His children who need Him...and know that they need Him.Some of the things that occurred over the weekend were expected. I prepared four teachings and the women prepared their hearts prayerfully. The two Worsh Read more:Expecting
, Women
No title 2008-04-06 14:37:35 I just got back from teaching at a women's retreat this weekend and all I can say is....WOW. God always does "abundantly above what we can ask or imagine", doesn't He? He refills the empty cup. He splashes color on pale, dry ground. He energizes those who need to continue onward and upward, and who think that maybe they can't go another step. They find out, though, that they can.You can always take a step further with God. Even if the miles stretch before you, you only have to think about a step at a time. You only have to rest your mind on the goodness of God displayed all around you; shown in the "land of the living".I'll share more later. But for now, I have to unpack, hug my family, refill an empty fridge, and walk around with a big smile on my face because of all the wonderful things
It Begins with S and it Ends with Letting Go 2008-04-09 08:36:30 I've been teaching monthly Women's LIFE Workshops all year. We have only one workshop left this year, in May. The last workshop I'm teaching is called "Successful Women Wave a White flag". So these next couple of weeks, until we get to May 1st, this theme will be on my mind. But few people like to go around with the concept of surrender in the back of their mind. Here's why.Nobody ever plans on waving a white flag in surrender...if they're winning. That's why we usually equate the word "Surrender" with something negative, with a losing scene, or a losing battle. We think to surrender is to lose.Surrender is not a popular word. But then, again, neither is despair, frustration, confusion and pain- and that's what happens, often, when we are in a situation and God is telling us to yield to Hi Read more:Letting
Notes to Self on Surrender 2008-04-14 07:59:35 It's a lot easier to surrender when you're feeling weak. It's not a bad thing, really, to get in touch with how frail you really are- in comparison to God's magestic power. I've been sick with a bad chest cold these past couple days and its getting worse. I went from walking around, coughing and sounding like a sultry smoker, to lying in bed, coughing and sounding very old, very sick.I spent most of yesterday in bed. Bill brought me chicken soup on a tray after I woke up from a nap. Because I sound so sick- and look unwell- everyone is letting me be. They're not expecting me to rush around like I normally do, commandeering the ship here, scheduling and ordering the day. No, I've been like that bruised reed barely standing in a strong wind- and its obvious that I am not going to be super mo Read more:Notes
, Surrender
A Blessed Closed Door 2008-04-16 09:54:01 If you had a chance between getting a "Yes" as an answer to your prayer request, or getting a "No", which would you choose? I used to think, Why of course I'd want the Yes. Now I'm not so sure that would be my answer.Lately, I'm learning to love all the No's God has been sending my way. I'm appreciating the obvious closed doors that occur because I see how the doors that do open are so "of God" and not of my own doing. Now when a door closes in front of me, I'm not banging on it as long as I used to, not railing against it as though it were an insult to my character or my productivity. A closed door- a "No" - is simply God's way of saying "YES" to something else.I went to a class last night. (I told the instructor, when I arrived, that I might have to leave early if I started coughing. Thi Read more:Blessed
, Closed
Spring Break 2008-04-18 18:55:02 This week is SpringBreak
and we have had more than Spring-like weather here in New York. Today it felt like the middle of summer. The sun warmed my skin and eased my muscles so that I walked along, with my daughter, as though I was a kid again, carefree, smiling, and free. We spent the afternoon in a picturesque nearby town, ate gelatto, walked miles (it seemed) and came home with a riproaring appetite for tonight's supper of fajitas. My husband and son were thrilled when we laid out all the fixings on the table, and Harry waited hopefully by my feet in case anything was dropped. But nothing came his way. We ate it all.Monday I am taking my son to visit one more college and then he is making his final decision. Spring is here, summer is on its way, then college starts in late August, and
The Path Before You 2008-04-23 08:11:35 Sometimes, in one single day, you can figure out a lifetime of problems. Oh, I don't mean that you suddenly have the answers to every problem you've ever had. I just mean that in one day, in one moment, you can have a revelation of something that gives you a new perspective of your past- of why you did certain things, of why you failed and why you succeeded in certain things. And this new perspective is one so enlightening that you now look forward to your future. It's not that you will never have another problem again. But now you realize that you will approach things differently.This revelation I recently had came to me out of taking a deeper look at some of the parables Jesus taught on regarding open doors, closed doors. Maybe He didn't use that term exactly but that's what He was discu
A Tidbit of a Thought for Today 2008-04-22 08:25:46 Just a real quick post today and then I'll try to catch up with you all after that. For now, in a nutshell, here's what I'm meditating on: what open doors and closed doors have to do with the principle of Surrender."With all your heart you must trust the Lord and not your own judgment.Always let Him lead you,and He will clear the road for you to follow."Proverbs 3: 5,6 (CEV) Read more:Today
Under the Sunlight 2008-04-25 08:35:39 Yesterday Mu and I met for breakfast. We tried to not overstay our welcome at the restaurant, and after an hour or so, we took our conversation out into the parking lot. We stood there, talking, letting the sun warm us from the tips of our heads to our toes."Now I know why the Druids- was it the Druids?- worshipped the sun. I mean, isn't this sunlight incredible after a long winter?" she said.I teased her about going pagan on me but I could laugh about this because my friend Mu is very sincere about digging into God's truth, asking good questions, searching for wisdom.We were feeling light-hearted and happy yesterday. She celebrated the resolution our family had come to: our son, Alex, was going off to the college of his choice, far away, down south- and right where he should be. It all ca Read more:Sunlight
Delighted to Know You 2008-04-28 08:32:17 I don't just relish the sun and the warmth of a glorious, bright day. I also love dark, gray, rainy days- such as the one today. These are days for pondering and contemplating, for cups of hot tea and a homemade scone if you care to quickly throw the ingredients together (they're surprisingly simple to make).This Thursday is the last Women's LIFE Workshop for the year. We're concluding our year with the topic of Surrender: "Successful Women Wave a White Flag". I prayerfully picked out these monthly topics almost a year ago, and its so amazing to see how each month I have been seeing the application of each topic for my own life.The Free Dictionary defines Surrender this way:sur·ren·der (s-rndr)1. To relinquish possession or control of to another because of demand or compulsion.2. To
That's How It Will Be 2008-04-29 07:58:13 Several people have asked about my son being so far away from home next year when he goes off to college, inquiring about how I feel about this. I can tell you how I feel about it now: I feel grateful to God that my son has found a place that inspires him, that it has the programs in Media that he loves, that it has a campus setting where true hospitality and warmth and friendly relationships are evident . As to how I'll feel in the middle of next year, I'm not quite sure. It's uncertain what the ramifications of the great physical distance between us will be.This morning I opened up to today's devotional reading in Oswald Chamber's book, My Utmost for His Highest, and this is what I read from April 29th's entry: "Our natural inclination is to be so precise- trying always to forecast acc
What's Ahead? 2008-05-02 08:47:14 It's Friday, gray and almost rainy. It's the conclusion of many things and the beginning of some wonderful new things. That's life in general; and that's how my personal life seems to be right now. We're winding up some things, nearing the completion of my son's senior year of high school, anticipating the beginning of some new things, and feeling surprisingly at peace in the midst of all this change. If there's anything that I've gotten used to- it's the fact that things are always changing. The good and bad of that? New, good things can spring up like a gorgeous flower that suddenly appears. The bad thing about change: you're in a constant state of trying to internally prepare and it's hard to prepare for what you do not know, do not yet see.I think about that favorite verse of many- in
Spring Forward 2008-05-05 08:17:12 This is a typical Spring
morning in upstate New York: you open the front door and try to get a feel for the weather so you know whether to dress in sweaters and socks or to throw on a t-shirt and sandals. It's a fashion adventure, every day. And if you don't care about fashion, then it's an adventure of another sort. For those who have allergies and asthma, it's a question of what the day will do to you: will you be sneezing, coughing, gasping for air or running around playing Frisbee and happily taking in the sunshine?I've got doctor's appointments to schedule, an orthodontist appointment for one child, prescriptions to fill for the other child, a quick jaunt to the school to drop off my kids, and then back to the school to pick one up later. This is all about attending to the necessities Read more:Forward
Where I've Never Gone Before 2008-05-08 08:33:52 So many people are moving. Some people I know have enjoyed the miraculous sale of their house after many months of waiting and waiting. Some have to move quickly due to a job transfer. As the school year winds up, many are thinking about what life will be like in the new town they are going to.Now, not everyone is physically moving. Some of us are just moving onward. I hate to say "just" moving onward because it is no small thing to let go of the past, to fix your eyes on what is unseen, to take a deep breath, and by faith prepare for change, for new experiences, for increased understanding in how to look at things. Moving onward involves a resolute transfer of your affections. You may love certain memories or have enjoyed a wonderful experience, but now you're sensing that you have to mo
Rise and Shine! 2008-05-15 08:11:01 I haven't been posting as frequently because all my energies have been directed into some serious exploits. Under one category they are all grouped together: the opportunity to rise. Some people would just say I'm dealing with a lot of obstacles, issues, battles, and draining situations. I thought that was what I was dealing with too...at first.But recently I am "seeing" something I didn't see at Read more:Shine
Wait! 2008-05-19 08:14:36 Our son got back last night from a five-day senior trip he took with his class to Virginia. It was like a trial run, for us, finding out what it feels like with him gone. When he's away at college next year, thirteen hours away by car ride, this is what it will feel like in our house: it will feel unnaturally quiet, calm, and a tad boring I think. Our son certainly livens up our home. (He's a crea
Through it All 2008-05-25 14:31:50 One child has a sinus and ear infection, the other child (young man) has pneumonia. He's very sick. The dog, even, has an infected mysterious spot on his back, and we are concerned about that. Thankfully we have the best of doctors, and amazingly the children's doctors' office is less than a mile from our house.This morning as we got ready to go the doctors (they were open this weekend), we had a
Comfort Food 2008-06-01 11:05:39 The best comfort food, for me, is an omelette of mushrooms, onions, and Swiss cheese, with toast (the kind of buttered toast that actually crunches loudly when you bite into it) and tangerine-orange juice. That's perfect comfort food for your every morning, and it's generally what I eat almost every weekday morning. (Weekends I just have coffee, first thing, and maybe a bit of toast). As for midda
Lightening the Load 2008-06-09 08:49:28 It is the least that I can do, to have my dog brought to the Groomer and get sheared like a sheep, lessening the weight of his thick blonde fur all over his body. It's like insulation, and I can't bear to think of how hot he must get, how he can only relieve himself by panting and panting and drinking water. So he's getting clipped today, and Harry will come home looking like a scrawny noodle of a Read more:Lightening
Review Sessions with My Father 2008-06-15 14:48:28 Things are winding up, settling down, ending. The school year is ending, and for my son, his life as a high school student is over and his life as a college student begins in a couple months. But those are not the only big changes in our lives. We are going through transitions of various kinds. And when you're moving forward into new things, its good to review your past to see how you transitioned Read more:Sessions
, Father
Free Indeed 2008-06-19 08:18:17 Last night my daughter and I watched Dr. Phil ( on T.V.) address the problems of Anorexia and Bulimia. It was agonizing to watch. The stories of these young women were enough to make you wonder if anyone, in this world, feels safe, loved, and hopeful.Anorexia and Bulimia are two kinds of battles people have with not just the desire to be thin, but really, more the desire to be in control, to be sa
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