Owner: Imaginary Binky URL:http://www.imaginarybinky.com Join Date: Fri, 30 Nov 2007 14:54:26 -0600 Rating:0 Site Description: I'm a mom, a cynic, a sassy wife, and lots of other things. I write the first thoughts that spew from my head, so forgive me of my trespasses.
My blogs tend to focus on funny little moments shared with my husband The Stand-Up Comedian and our new Site statistics:Click here
Things I may or may not have done 2007-12-05 14:42:00 I'm borrowing this list from SJSFalter+ for today's ramblings. I have a real and GREAT concert to attend tonight, and I don't want to fuss over a blog when I could be making myself pretty and coming up with questions to throw into the pickle jar at Mike Doughty's Question Jar Show.So, I give you 150 things I may or may not have done. Things in bold have been accomplished by yours truly.01. Bought everyone in the bar a drink02. Swam with wild dolphins03. Climbed a mountain (and I turned around)04. Taken a Ferrari for a test drive05. Been inside the Great Pyramid06. Held a tarantula (no, but I watched Phil do it)07. Taken a candlelit bath with someone08. Said "I love you" and meant it (I've meant it every time.)09. Hugged a tree10. Bungee jumped11. Visited Paris12. Watched a lightning storm at sea13. Stayed up all night long and saw the sun rise14. Seen the Northern Lights15. Gone to a huge sports game16. Walked the stairs to the top of the leaning Tower o
The Dawn of Man, Part Two 2007-12-17 15:32:00 (This is a continuation of Amos' birth story. Please first read "The Dawn of Man - Part One" if you want to have the whole story.)Nancy crawled onto the bed and checked me again. It was terribly painful as she inserted her hand and felt my cervix, and I screamed in agony. She said I was fully dilated, no lip of cervix remaining - all clear to push the baby out! (Amos and me, one week before this moment in time.) Nancy and Gina helped me to get off the bed. They cleared the floor of the rug and put down lots of towels. They grabbed the birthing stool and had me sit on it. I started pushing. I don't know how to describe it other than pushing is like trying to get the biggest turd (cinderblock is more like it) of your life out of your body. It was crazy to feel someone's head start to descend through my vagina. His head would come down with each push, and then it would slide back up as I eased my muscles. I wasn't entirely comfortable on the stool, so I begged to get ba Read more:Part Two
The Dawn of Man, Part One 2007-12-16 15:05:00 At the end of this week, Amos will be six-months-old. I felt it fitting to post his birth story today. It blows my mind that I went through this so many months ago. Just last night as I was taking care of the little man while Phil was out doing his comedy thang, I began to cry. I remembered what it was like to feel barren and sad when our efforts to make a baby weren't working. And yet, here he is, the fruit of our loins, with the lights of the Christmas tree twinkling in his eyes.For those not in the know, I had a natural, drug-free waterbirth with a midwife at a birth center (the only free-standing birth center in Colorado). Phil and I studied Hypnobabies, which is hypnosis for childbirth. I know there are a LOT of details in this, so I'm being nice to you by breaking it up into two parts (part two will be posted tomorrow). I wrote this for Amos. I don't know much about my own birth, and I think it's important for him to read it one day when he's older. Everyone's bir
Wall is oval, if you want it 2007-12-22 23:01:00 Just finished a crazy-fun day of shopping for Amos' first Christmas! He also sat in a highchair at a diner and had his third meal ever of rice cereal. My wee man is growing up. *sniff*Someone reminded me of great Christmas songs. Here are two of my favorites. I like to sprinkle a little John Lennon in my coffee. Perhaps "Happy Christmas (War Is Over)", especially great with the wacky Yoko part: "A Melly melly Chlistmas! And a happy New Yeal! Ret's hope it's a good one, without any feel. (Wall is oval, if you want it. Wall is oval now.)"Other than that, "A Fairytale of New York" is a happy, go-lucky tale of old sluts on junk and scumbags and maggots. Ah, Christmas...
Virgin sacrifice 2008-03-11 22:24:57 Aside from the ugliness of the situation, sometimes nice things happen here.Take Amos, for instance.Today, the wee man had a taste of his first teething biscuit. A genuine cookie! Sure, it was organic and made of barley instead of wheat because I'm an anal mother who wants to avoid allergies... but still. He had a cookie.Holy cow, is this boy happy.He decided to anoint every object with his soppy cookie. He would suck on the biscuit, chew thoughtfully, then touch the cookie to some random object. Then, repeat the process. I guess this is like thanking the gods for providing such a bountiful and delicious snack from a box. Soon, I expect to see his stuffed monkey burning on an altar as an offering.Did I mention that wine is delicious? Yes. It is.Did I also mention that I almost boo Read more:Virgin
Jim's is good fer what ails ye 2008-03-11 00:17:04 I could unload all kinds of unpleasantness on you in this blog, but frankly, I've talked about it with so many relatives, doctors, nurses, x-ray techs, and one belligerent old man that I'm just not ready to say it all again. So, here's the short version of the past 24 hours:diabetesaspirationfeeding tubeinsertion of feeding tube into the stomach tomorrowpossible endoscope tomorrowmiracle worker of a cardiologist who may be able to perform a three way stent on the left main artery to substitute for bypass surgery (meaning: less invasive, less risky vs. this surgery will kill you)did I mention the belligerent patient?See what happens when I take the day off?In the meantime, I had a great dinner with my aunt and uncle that I haven't seen in a very long time. They were like my second set of
Drama happens, redux 2008-03-10 11:51:57 Once again with the drama. Please stand by.
PhilOsophy - Ever Vigilant 2008-03-10 11:49:38 Hey, Internet friends, it's your old pal, Phil, here offering up today's "celebrity" guest blog. Sarah continues to tend to the family situation in Texas. Things there are going as well as can be expected. I'm sure she'll cover that in a future blog. I returned yesterday from my weekend at her ancestral home, where I helped the family and tended to our bouncing baby boy, who now seems to have two speeds: sound asleep and constant motion. By combining all of his means of locomotion, Amos is able to roll, tumble, and crawl his way all over the place. It's quite a sight.I took the red eye back from San Antonio yesterday morning, arriving before dawn to catch my 6:20 flight home. To combat terrorism, we're all supposed to be watching out for suspicious characters during any airport visit, but
Drama happens 2008-03-10 11:49:02 Busy. Back to you soon.
Busy busy 2008-03-10 11:48:07 Stuff going on. Back to you soon.
Imaginary Binky Travel Update 2008-03-10 11:46:19 Ahoy there, loyal binky readers. As part of today's guest blogging, I'm throwing in a quick update on Sarah's travels. She and Amos made it to Texas with only a modicum of air-travel-related stress. Being in the remote hinterlands of Texas, she's currently without Internet access, so as you've no doubt noticed, no imaginary binky blogs have been forthcoming for a few days. Rest assured, she and Amos are fine, and the binky blogs will be rolling again soon. Thanks for your support.-Phil Read more:Imaginary
, Travel
, Update
Let's pretend 2008-03-10 00:46:05 Let's pretend that this blog will make up for all the lost blogs and lost boys from the past few weeks that have gone astray. Let's pretend that tonight's blog will distract me from the wafting odor of Amos funk that is emanating from his backside. Let's pretend that there are roses in the room, or a good dose of Fabreeze.I'm borrowing my sister's computer again. Yay for relatives! I skipped school today. I played hookie. Yeah, so what? You can't make me go to the hospital every day. Go ahead, make me. Nah nah nah nah nah.Good things...Amos is officially crawling. I mean CRAWLING. He crawled to me today, which I think melts every mother's soul. Thankfully, he is crawling away from me right now with his load of diaper stench. Yeah, I'll change him soon. Stop naggin' me! It's
The wind doth bloweth 2008-03-09 13:21:08 Sitting at the breakfast table at the folks' house. My sister has a wireless Internet thingy that works here, so I'm borrowing her computer. Amos is on the floor, grunting and squealing at his toys. We've discussed the weather a great deal. Cantaloupe has been consumed.I'm worn out, folks. Today, there will be more visitors to take the burden from me. Yay for that!More updates later. I must say, when I call Phil at the end of the day and he reads to me all of your comments, it really helps me to finish the day with a smile. You kids rock mightily.Keep on rockin' in the free world, my friends. Happy Sunday.
Here in the darkness 2008-03-08 19:59:55 "Here in the darkness." That's what the cheesy Muzak station song just played. Oh, brother. Has a verse ever been more appropriate?I'm at Schlotzky's at 281 and Loop 1604 in San Antonio. Sweet, sweet Internet. Life is more complicated, day by day.The results of my father's angiogram were grim, to say the least. He has three main artery blockages, including the left main. One is completely blocked. The others are described as "severely diseased." His lungs are in horrible shape, littered with emphysema, from years and years of heavy smoking. (Stop smoking, all of you, or I'll hunt you down. You should know better.) There is a possibility of colon cancer. It's just one bad thing after another. Frankly, I'm shocked the man is still alive.The cardiologist in New Braunfels was so
I dreamed of a circle 2008-03-05 16:05:56 Sarah here. Phil posted a short time ago, so go read his ramblings as well.I'm in the traffic circle again, or, aside the circle as it were. Mom, Amos, and I are keeping ourselves together as we wait for Dad to have his angiogram right now. It's also called a cardio catheter, but it basically is a catheter inserted through the femoral artery in the groin up to the heart. They will inject dye into the cardiac arteries to find blockages or whatever there might be. Although it is a common procedure, there is a 1 in 1,000 chance that something will go wrong. And that's what we're trying to avoid thinking about.His CT scan showed nothing except for the fluid around the chest cavity and lungs that we already knew was there. So, here we are in the circle, waiting for that old man to surviv
Watching the traffic circle 2008-03-03 16:09:40 Well, my friends, things are what they are. Every day, we go to the hospital. Every day, we watch my father get a little bit better. Every day, I dread when he must come home from the hospital. That is when game plans and action must be taken to keep the man alive. Ugh.We're at a little coffee/sandwich shop on the downtown traffic
circle in New Braunfels. Phil is feeding Amos, Mom is staring out the window and marveling at New Braunfels traffic at it goes round and round the circle. And me? Well, I'm holding in there.Life is good while Phil is here. I take him to the airport EARLY in the morning, and then I'm back to juggling baby, two parents, and lots of other burdens. I think I can handle it better this time around now that Dad is getting his parts fixed up. He is still diagn Read more:Watching
Stuck in the middle with you 2008-03-01 19:10:39 Hey, folks. Okay, okay. HOWDY, FOLKS!! That's more like it. Very Texan of me. I'd give you the two finger salute from the steering wheel like all of my rural brethen around here, but this is the Internet. Just imagine that we drove by each other in pickup trucks, and you and I simultaneously nodded at each other and gave the two-finger salute.Dad is getting a wee bit better every day. Phil is here (THANK GOD!!!!!), and we are taking a wee break at 2 Rivers Coffee House in New Braunfels while Dad sleeps. Mom is there with him, as it should be.I just blanked out. I realize I have nothing clever or witty to say, as all of my focus is on my family. Sorry. I'll be back to fighting form someday soon.Alrighty. Sorry to not be meeting up with anyone around here. Thank you to everyone Read more:Stuck
, middle
She lives! 2008-02-29 21:57:41 Howdy, y'all. That's Texan for, "Why, good evening sirs and madams." Yes, I now have a twang.I am sitting in a Buffalo Wild Wings joint with Amos sitting near me in his high chair. I have one hour until I pick up Phil from the San Antonio airport. This week has been, to say the least, one of the most insane and emotional ordeals of my life. I apologize for the lack of words as planned, but I think you'll understand once I explain.I could blah blah blah about it, but here are the facts. Wednesday night, we took my father to the emergency room in New Braunfels. He is now admitted as a patient, and it is undetermined how long he will stay. So far, after many tests and seeing various doctors, he is diagnosed as having congestive heart failure. It is serious. Very serious. Since Wedn
PhilOsophy - If I Was a Sitcom Dad... 2008-02-27 15:51:16 Once again, I hand the mic over to Phil Porter, guest blogger and stand-up comedian extraordinaire / husband / father / great-in-the-sack.-------------------------------------------------------------------- With Sarah and Amos off in Texas, I've been alone in the house for the last 48 hours. To answer your first question: No, I have not been visited by any spirits, ghosts, or haints. I have, however, noticed that our house is almost never quiet. It's constantly creaking and squeaking and generally making noises that I hadn't really noticed before. Fortunately, I've managed to keep the panic to a minimum.Things have generally been uneventful in the way you wouldn't expect if you're used to watching sitcoms and the wacky antics that ensue when a dad is left alone. In the real world, I've coo
Get spooky in your own time and space, lady 2008-02-24 00:51:59 Tomorrow I leave for my dreaded trip to Texas. There is much to do before I go, so why not give you a tale of horror and suspense for your Sunday driving pleasure? Get ready for the spookity spooky. The Creepy McCreeperton...Last week was truly an emotional time for me. This week is slightly less intense but still emotional. I expect my trip to Texas to not disappoint in this regard. Needless to say, there has been an air of tension and woe in my home that we are not accustomed to. I suspect this tension may have ignited a paranormal experience in my very own abode.(Turn off the lights, hug a pillow, and imagine Auntie Sarah with a flashlight under her chin...)Last Thursday night, Phil and I had a very intense discussion. You might call it an argument. Perhaps you'd even go so far
Resting on my laurels, the hard way 2008-02-23 21:58:29 Greetings from Denver. We are home after a whirlwind trip through the mountains. There is much to say, but I am tired. So, I will show you a few pics of amazement, embarrassment, and awe. Let us begin.Steamboat Springs, Colorado is covered in approximately a $hitload of snow. For a graphic representation of approximately a $hitload, here are your visuals.This is me, your host. I am standing next to whatever river is in Steamboat Springs (oh, like you care what the name is). See the snow next to me, that is yay-high next to my legs? That's how much snow is in Steamboat Springs. That is, my friends, approximately a $hitload of snow.Also for your amusement, I provide a picture of a sidewalk in Old Town Steamboat Springs. I'm sure you can surmise from the height of the fire hydrant j
Puttin' on the parka 2008-02-22 01:30:45 Today, we head to Steamboat Springs, Colorado for a mini-weekend getaway. Phil is performing at a corporate gig, and Amos and I will have the chance to take in the oohs and ahs of a beautiful mountain town and ski resort.Apparently, we are staying at a ski in / ski out hotel. That's pretty cool. It's close to the gondola.So, I leave you with some pics of Amos getting ready for his big mountain adventure. He is trying on some great little hats that my mother knitted for him. He'll look just dandy in his hat while we pull him around in his sled!Isn't he quite fetching? He looks a bit like a lumberjack in this one. Timber!Here is Amos as a longshoreman. The fish are bitin'!Did you get your Amos fix yesterday? Well, go back and look at him... Month 8. Read more:Puttin
Month 8 2008-02-21 18:31:43 Dear Amos,Today, you are 8-months-old. Good grief, child! Where has the time gone? I'm not sure I ever imagined you at 8 months. I was just trying to get through the early months of breastfeeding, getting you plumped up, reshaping your head, and finding a few winks of sleep in between. Quite suddenly, I have a baby who is eating solid foods and crab-crawling around the room. You are fashioning your own Al Qaeda-style baby training camp right here in the living room and dining room.Your biggest achievement BY FAR this past month has been your newfound mobility. Although you are not technically crawling in the sense of the traditional hand-knee-hand-knee crawling maneuver, you are definitely on the move. Your preferred bastardized methods of transportation are scooting on your butt, Read more:Month
PhilOsophy - On Tonight's Menu: Everything But Flavor 2008-02-20 14:36:28 Once again, I hand the mic over to Phil Porter, guest blogger and stand-up comedian extraordinaire / husband / father / great-in-the-sack.--------------------------------------------------------------------On Tonight
’s Menu: Everything
But Flavor
Yesterday, I prepared one of our favorite Crock-Pot meals, chicken curry. This delicious dish fills the house with mouth-watering aromas as it slow cooks over the course of the afternoon. Served with homemade roti (a type of flat bread), it’s always a treat for eaters in the Porter house. Except yesterday. Instead, as we tucked into our bowls of curry while watching "American Idol", Sarah and I were both surprised to discover…um…nothing really. I had made a bland batch of uninteresting food. Sure, it provided us with nutrition
Naps naps naps 2008-02-20 00:17:26 All kinds of naps. Fried naps, nap kabobs, boiled naps, naps on the barbie...Sing that blog title to the tune of the Yeah Yeah Yeahs "Maps" song, and suddenly it's a great blog.Sorry for the delay today, folks. I've had a crazy mix of emotional days lately, and it took its toll on me today. A big nap seemed to make it all better.You know what's great about crazy emotional days? Hot, crazy, emotional lovin'. You know what I'm talkin' about, oh yeah.Maybe this will make you understand.Except it was Monday. That's all.
Calling all troops 2008-02-18 16:41:16 So, here's the deal. I'm going to be in Texas starting Monday next week. That would be the 25th for those of you who are counting on your fingers. I'll be there for quite a spell, or at least longer than I would like.Amos is coming with me. Phil is staying home. He may or may not visit during a few days of my trip. So, for the most part, I am doing the solo parent thing. I will be helping to take care of my ailing parents. It is an ugly situation that I just don't want to deal with. My father is possibly the most frustrating, irresponsible man I have ever encountered in my life. He asks for my help, then he critiques me on how I apply that help. I could go on and on, but I will spare you my anger and shaking of fists in the air.My goal while in Texas is to escape the homestead f Read more:Calling
Guess what I did to his bum? 2008-02-17 15:56:42 Ugh. These are the days when parenting becomes more chore than fun. My dear, sweet Amos is backed up.Feeding that boy has become a juggling act. He has never been an easy bean to feed. I had breastfeeding problems from the get-go, which would take a whole other blog to explain. I stopped breastfeeding him at four months when my supply just wouldn't hack it. At that point, I was only producing enough to add a bit of "softener", if you know what I'm saying, to his diet.Today, I Q-tipped him. After Phil had already Q-tipped him. What am I talking about? Well, here are the visuals: Unstrap the child from his encumberments (if that's not a word, then I'm claiming it). Let his bits go free in the wind while you acquire the tools needed for this journey. Tools needed: Q-tips ( Read more:Guess
Not so fast, Mrs. Porter... 2008-03-13 15:51:36 Ugh. UGH!!!!I will not be leaving. I am hog-tied to Texas, whether I like it or not.My father has taken a turn for the worse. He is in respiratory failure. A ventilator is doing the breathing for him. It is possibly pneumonia. The doc doesn't know if Dad's body can take it. He has been in the ICU for quite some time now.He is sedated, unable to talk or yell at me for "killing" him. Yeah, folks. That's part of the reason I wanted to leave. I was being blamed for his own mistakes. Thanks, Dad.Now, we wait. Will he pull through? Will he need to have a tracheotomy? Am I preparing to plan a funeral?Rest while you can, Mrs. Porter
. The trick, she is not done yet.
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