Owner: Oh, The Joys URL:http://othejoys.blogspot.com Join Date: Mon, 08 Jan 2007 13:11:08 -0600 Rating:0 Site Description: My husband and I have two babies. They are fifteen months apart. The work load is crazy. When it all gets to be too much, we look at eachother and say sarcastic things like, "Oh, the joys" and "Our lives are so rich and full - are you experiencing the ric Site statistics:Click here
Oh, The Shame of Dryness 1970-01-01 00:59:59 At a "New Moms" group meeting I attended before The Mayor was born, a woman who had just given birth reported that she was experiencing "menopause-like symptoms" in the Yipee Yahoo Region.
She made it clear to those of us still in the birth queue that we needed to invest in oil...
(Black Gold! Texas Tea!)
... and not the Texas kind.
She raved about a sexual lubricant called "Pjur Aqua
Making Chicken with Jesus 1970-01-01 00:59:59 Yesterday I was, you know, thinking about it.
So when K came home from work I told him that I had been thinking about it.
"You feel like chicken tonight?" he asked.
"Oh, yes."
[Girl in her Underwear would use the code word "meatloaf" instead of chicken, but The Lady Flabina is keeping it light.]
Here at House of Joy, it is always helpful if K or I let each other know that tonight's Read more:Chicken
, Jesus
Dana Knows What She Likes 1970-01-01 00:59:59 First, we had to convince The Mayor that he had a hole in his butt.
Then, we had to learn the name of the hole.
That would be D-A-N-A.
And Dana is it's name-oh.
Now?
Let's learn Dana's personal preferences.
Because we're all butts and poo all the time here at House of Joy...
..you take this journey with me.
Lucky you.
This morning Rooster Girl screamed her head off while K took
He Shouldn't Have to Know This Yet 1970-01-01 00:59:59 The story of Babar sucks.
We were given a Babar book as a baby shower gift for The Mayor but we only read it for the first time the other night.
The first page introduces little baby Babar. The wee elephant is busy loving life, frolicking happily around with his wonderful Mom...
...and on page two...
Babar's mother is SHOT AND KILLED BY A HUNTER!
KABLAMMO!
Don't even get me started
How to Ruin Your Husband's Birthday 1970-01-01 00:59:59 First, because you are sick near death with The Plague, forget to give your husband his presents in the morning.
Though you have asked him to take the morning off for "Birthday
Morning Delight," roll your eyes at him and say, "You can just forget about THAT, Mister." (Then blow your nose heartily.)
Scoff at the "Surprise!" fancy underwear you purchased for the occasion.
Reluctantly agree Read more:Husband
November ROFL Award 1970-01-01 00:59:59 It's time for the November
ROFL awards!
This month, I have to give over to Mrs. T for her post called Roy.
You can read it here.
I had to read it again and again.
I had to re-tell the story to my friends.
MUSH, ROY!
My Big Sled Dog, Pudlo Pudlat, 1990
Visit all the November ROFL posts listed at
Izzy Mom and Mommy off the Record!
Updated to Add:
I blush, I blush! Jen at One Plus Two Read more:Award
Hot Park Ranger 1970-01-01 00:59:59 Last night I asked my husband's former boss to help fulfill one of my life long sexual fantasies. Said former boss once ran one of the nations largest and most visited national parks. This means the man has ACCESS to the much coveted park ranger uniform. Park Ranger
s make my beeper go OFF. Every year for my birthday, Valentine's Day, Christmas, Groundhog Day - whatever - I ask K to dress up like
Cheetahs - - Not the Kind You Eat 1970-01-01 00:59:59 Lately, K and I have been adding a made up story to The Mayor's bedtime routine.
We read him his three books, turn off the light and instead of launching right into his songs, we tell a long yarn about a young boy that lives in a tree house in the jungle.
The boy can talk to all the animals in the forest.
He starts out most of his days by greeting his animal friends so I asked The Mayor what
Weddings, Justice and More Poo 1970-01-01 00:59:59 Usually I blog about butts and poo, mighty wind and getting busy.
This is because I started this blog to make K laugh and to record the "madcap hilarity" (ahem) here at House of Joy.
Occassionally, I write something more serious - like here or here. Usually the more serious posts happen by accident.
One Plus Two and Mad Hatter Mommy are having a wedding for bloggers that care about social Read more:Weddings
, Justice
Fang Strikes Again 1970-01-01 00:59:59 It is not wise to ask The Rooster to return an item that she has taken from you.
Not even if the item is something that you own.
Not even if you can PROVE you own it.
Like a fireman's hat, for example.
Even if you KNOW that it's yours and you can see that she has it... don't ask for it back.
The Fang will STRIKE again.
Updated to Add:
SJ at I, Asshole was kind enough to suggest CAPTIONS! Read more:Strikes
, Again
Why Dick Should Retire It All 1970-01-01 00:59:59 For a long time, I worked closely with an older man named Dick. We had a great working relationship.
When he was retiring, he asked if I'd like to go out for a farewell lunch with him.
I accepted without hesitation. I would miss working with Dick.
At the lunch, he revealed that his wife was chronically depressed and had spent the last few years in an institution.
[I thought, "Oh, how
Internet Dating 1970-01-01 00:59:59 I've been getting to know someone on-line for months now.
We moved from a public format to e-mailing each other and, as our comfort level grew, wrote about meeting for coffee.
We scheduled meetings... and then cancelled.
I was totally anxious about the whole thing.
What would my husband think?
Meet someone from the internet?
I ALMOST did that once before.
Back in 1998, before we were Read more:Internet
, Dating
, Internet Dating
Parade of the Brazilian Dental Floss 1970-01-01 00:59:59 I'm not the greatest laundress.
I'm the kind of domestic under achiever who believes that an item of clothing must be able to survive unscathed through a cold wash cycle with other items of any and all colors in order to qualify as WORTHY of this family.
Consequently, everyone at House of Joy has a lot of pink clothes.
I'm not so good at the folding either.
I would describe my folding Read more:Parade
, Brazilian
Stay At Home Sushi Pig 1970-01-01 00:59:59 To survive staying at home with toddlers, everyone told me I had to get out of the house.
So...
I went to the All-You-Can-Eat Sushi
Lunch Bar.
Wheeeeeeeeeee.
I am out-of-house-good-mom-so-much!
But, wait. What's this? Thwarted?
A sign at the front of the sushi table said:
"Please don't waste the rice when you eat the sushi."
Rules? Tarnation!
A girl might blow her effing points for the
Isn't Tuesday the NEW Thursday? (Please say Yes.) 1970-01-01 00:59:59 K is way more fun than I am.
Which is probably why both children are sobbing and moaning.
He went back to work today, but The Mayor and Rooster don't go back to daycare until Thursday
.
I am alone with them.
ALONE!!!
I am embarrassed to admit it, but the idea of two full days as a stay at home mom really scares the BEEJESUS out of me.
I am in awe of stay at home mothers. There is no way I Read more:Tuesday
, Please
On Pounds 1970-01-01 00:59:59 I was always 20-30 pounds over weight.
I am 5'6" and throughout my adult life, since my junior year in high school, I generally weighed somewhere between 150 and 160 pounds.
On the days that I delivered both The Mayor and Rooster Girl I weighed 204.
Sweet Fancy Moses on Buttered Toast!
TWO HUNDRED AND FOUR POUNDS!!!!!
Lard. Lard. Lard.
I heard that baby weight took nine months to put on Read more:Pounds
The Best One 1970-01-01 00:59:59 Friday morning The Mayor, Rooster and I dropped K off at the commuter train station.
The Mayor watched K disappear through the station entrance, sighed happily, dreamily and said, "Daddy.... he's my best one."
"My best one" is The Mayor's highest form of praise and is usually reserved for the color green itself and, by nature of their great, good fortune to be green, green-colored things.
The
Fry Bacon Naked 1970-01-01 00:59:59 K's New Year's resolution in 2006 was to fry bacon naked.
This lofty goal was inspired by our friend John who loves bacon so much that he spent many an hour trying to convince his wife that Bacon
should be the name of their first born daughter.
When "Bacon" didn't fly John, whose last name rhymes with "machet," advocated for the name "Paper." (Luckily, his wife is a therapist!)
John's New
Sweetie, You've Got One Clean Nostril 1970-01-01 00:59:59 K and I decided to change our insurance benefits.
To do this we had to get physical exams to prove to the underwriters that we weren't about to drop dead and the insurance company sent a nurse to our house.
The nurse was an older Jamaican woman with a strong accent.
The Mayor was pretty worried by her presence and didn't appreciate the Mommy / Daddy blood letting.
Trying to reassure The Read more:Sweetie
, Clean
Ho for the Holidays 1970-01-01 00:59:59 I went to a holiday party last weekend.
When I walked in, a woman I've never met said to me, "Oh, isn't THAT nice. It's always so nice to see someone who has captured the true holiday spirit."
Step OFF holiday reveler!
Maybe she thought I wasn't properly attired.
She should have asked me if my tree was decorated. Ha!
I've got spirit, yes I do!
I've got spirit, how 'bout YOU?
Yay!
Go, Read more:Holidays
Read First, Poop When Ready 1970-01-01 00:59:59 This morning, The Mayor went to his bookshelf and chose a few books. Then he yelled, "POOPY COMING!!!" and ran to the bathroom, books in hand.
Once properly throned, he opened a book and began to "read" to himself.
A calm, happiness shrouded him.
The thing is, The Mayor sat there for twenty minutes during the household morning rush hour.
I had to "hold it" while he leisured on the loo.
K Read more:First
Little Brother 1970-01-01 00:59:59 Christmas Eve makes me think of my brother.
We didn't get along very well when we were growing up - - mostly because I was selfish and greedy for my parent's attention and pushed the sibling rivalry thing much too far.
I was the first born child and I learned early and well how to gain their approval and attention.
My parents met acting in a neighborhood theater and shared a love for the Read more:Brother
, Little Brother
Gifts 1970-01-01 00:59:59 Three days before Christmas found me without a gift (or even an idea for a gift) for He Who Does Not Live in Spain.
The daycare my children attend closed for the holidays two days ago and I've been home with The Mayor and Rooster Girl doing toddler things.
Luckily, K got off work early today and took the kids for a ride on the commuter train so I could go shopping.
We agreed that I would Read more:Gifts
We're Gonna Break It Down Baby Now 1970-01-01 00:59:59 Sunday morning at 7:13 a.m. I was dancing around my kitchen to that song "Shotgun."
I said, Shotgun shoot em for he runs now
Do the jerk baby
Do the jerk now
Hey!
The Mayor and Rooster had been awake forever already, breakfast was eaten, sippy cups were administered to all the right pie holes...
What else was there to do?
So I was shaking my tacos to Jr. Walker and the Allstars when The Mayor Read more:Break
Where I Can't Shut Up About My Boobs 1970-01-01 00:59:59 I just want to carry on talking about my boobs on the internet.
Intellectually, that seems unusual to me.
The next thing you know I'm going to be one of those girls who happily bares all at Mardi Gras when some awesome dudes yell, "Show us yer..."
However, practical wisdom reassures me that given the absolute state The Girls are in these days, they aren't coming out in public.
Still, if I
Strangers Commented On My Blog! 1970-01-01 00:59:59 I started this blog to entertain my husband at work.
My first comment came from Melanie in Orygun, quickly followed by Kevin Charnas.
Honestly, they scared the shit out of me.
(Which seems crazy now because Melanie looks like Grace Kelly and is the Seinfeld of all bloggers because she can make any post hilarious and Kevin has fabulous abs, will also make you laugh and I am building a Read more:Strangers
The Just Post Award 1970-01-01 00:59:59 As someone who does community related work for a living, I was excited to participate in the Just Post Award
s.
Jen and The Mad Hatter have created an award to recognize bloggers who use their voice for the common good.
I am inspired and moved by their efforts.
In the award's inaugural month I thought it was only fitting to nominate Jen herself for the award as she is an amazing writer that
Children's Education v. Good Hair 1970-01-01 00:59:59 Providing us with reassurance that we are raising him right, The Mayor said,
"Mom and Dad, when I get bigger I can drink coffee"Now that's my boy.
And -- I'm proud to report that sixteen month old Rooster, who is acquiring new words at an exponential rate, has also completely mastered the word coffee.
I can officially boast that "coffee" was among both of my children's first words and that my Read more:Children
, Education
City Council Management 1970-01-01 00:59:59 We walked into daycare at the same time as one of The Mayor's teachers yesterday.
I asked her how he had been doing lately and she said,
"Well... let's just say he's been having some trouble listening lately."
There has been virtually NO LISTENING at House of Joy so I was at least relieved to note that The Mayor treats all the City Council
Representatives equally.
The teacher turned to look Read more:Management
, City Council
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