Owner: Jokes and Forwards URL:http://freemanforwards.blogspot.com/ Join Date: Wed, 14 Nov 2007 13:32:05 -0600 Rating:0 Site Description: Funny humor listings such as jokes and funny pictures and videos. Find the newest and most entertaining jokes that you can send right away to amuse your friends by email. Site statistics:Click here
Ladies Bumper Stickers 2007-11-14 02:59:00 - So many men, so few who can afford me - God made us sisters, Prozac made us friends - If they don't have chocolate in Heaven, I ain't going! - My mother is a travel agent for guilt trips - Princess, having had sufficient experience with princes, seeks frog - Coffee - Chocolate - Men... Some things are just better rich Read more:Bumper
, Stickers
Hunting Flies 2007-11-13 05:47:00 A woman walked into the kitchen to find her husband stalking around with a fly swatter."What are you doing?" she asked."Hunting Flies
," he responded."Oh!, Killed any?" she asked."Yep, 3 males, 2 Females," he replied.Intrigued, she asked. "How can you tell?"He responded, "3 were on a beer can, 2 were on the phone."
Judge's Announcement 2007-11-13 05:44:00 A judge enters the courtroom, strikes the gavel and says, "Before I begin this trial, I have an announcement to make."The lawyer for the defense has paid me $15,000 to swing the case his way. The lawyer for the plaintiff has paid me $10,000 to swing the case her way."In order to make this a fair trial, I am returning $5,000 to the defense." Read more:Announcement
, Judge
Appraisal And Resignation 2007-11-13 00:46:00 A newly joined trainee engineer asks his boss "what is the meaning of appraisal?"Boss: "Do you know the meaning of resignation? "Trainee: "Yes I do"Boss: "So let me make you understand what a appraisal is by comparing it with resignation"Comparison study : Appraisal
and Resignation
**********In appraisal meeting they will speak only about your weakness, errors and failures. In resignation meeting they will speak only about your strengths, past achievements and success.**********In appraisal you may need to cry and beg for even 10% hike. In resignation you can easily demand (or get even without asking) more than 50-60% hike.**********During appraisal, they will deny promotion saying you didn't meet the expectation, you don't have leadership qualities, and you had several drawbacks in our objective/goal. During resignation, they will say you are the core member of team; you are the vision of the company how can you go, you have to take the project in shoulder and l
Complicated English..:) 2007-11-13 00:17:00 Read the paragraph below... and try to understand the meaning. Then look for the answer below. Test yourself first.'Two individuals proceeded towards the apex of a natural geologicprotuberance, the purpose of their expedition being the procurementof a sample of fluid hydride of oxygen in a large vessel, the exactsize of which was unspecified.'One member of the team precipitously descended, sustaining severedamage to the upper cranial portion of his anatomical structure;subsequently, the second member of the team performedself-rotational translation, orientated in the same direction taken by thefirst team member.' ANY GUESSES WHAT IT IS ALL ABOUT???Scroll down to understand :.......in simple English
what does this translate to?'Jack and Jill went up the hillTo fetch a pail of waterJack fell down and broke his crownAnd Jill came tumbling after!'
Some funny lines 2007-11-11 10:21:00 ROMANCE MATHEMATICSSmart man + smart woman = romanceSmart man + dumb woman = affairDumb man + smart woman = marriageDumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy********OFFICE ARITHMETICSmart boss + smart employee = profitSmart boss + dumb employee = productionDumb boss + smart employee = promotionDumb boss + dumb employee = overtime********SHOPPING MATHA man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need.********GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICSA woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.A successful woman is one who can find such a man.********HAPPINESSTo be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.********LONGEVITYMarried men live longer than single men do, but married men are a lot more willing t
Stock Market !!!!! 2007-11-11 10:13:00 Once upon a time in a village,a man appeared and announced to the villagers that he would buy monkeys for Rs10.The villagers seeing that there were many monkeys around,went out to the forest and started catching them.The man bought thousands at Rs10 and as supply started to diminish,the villagers stopped their effort.He further announced that he would now buy at Rs20.This renewed the efforts of the villagers and they started catching monkeys again.Soon the supply diminished even further and people started going back to their farms.The offer rate increased to Rs25 and the supply of monkeys became so littlethat it was an effort to even see a monkey, let alone catch it!The man now announced that he would buy monkeys at Rs50!However, since he had to go to the city on some business,his assistant would now buy on behalf of him.In the absence of the man, the assistant told the villagers.Look at all these monkeys in the big cage that the man has collected.I will sell them to you at Rs35 and wh Read more:Market
, Stock
, Stock Market
A Gujarati Boy 2007-11-11 10:11:00 One day many years ago at a school in South London a teacher said to the class of 5-year-olds, "I'll give $20 to the child who can tell me who was the most respected man, whom people consider God, who ever lived."An Irish boy put his hand up and said, "It was St. Patrick." The teacher said, "Sorry Alan, that's not correct."Then a Scottish boy put his hand up and said, "It was St. Andrew." The teacher replied, "I'm sorry, Hamish, that's not right either.Finally, a Gujarati boy raised his hand and said, "It was Jesus Christ." The teacher said, "That's absolutely right, Jayant, come up here and I'll give you the $20."As the teacher was giving Jayant his money, she said, "You know Jayant, since you are Gujarati, I was very surprised you said Jesus Christ." Jayant replied, "Yes, in my heart I knew it was Lord Krishna, but business is business!"
The Indian hell 2007-11-11 09:45:00 A man dies and goes to hell. There he finds that there is a different hell for each country. He goes to the German hell and asks, "What do they do here?" He told, "First they put you in an electric chair for an hour. Then they lay you on a bed of nails for another hour. Then the German devil comes in and beats you for the rest of the day." The man does not like the sound of that at all, so he moves on. He checks out the USA hell as well as the Russian hell and many more. He discovers that they are all more or less the same as the German hell. Then he comes to the Indian hell and finds that there is a long line of people waiting to get in. Amazed, he asks, "What do they do here?" He told, "First they put you in an electric chair for an hour. Then they lay you on a bed of nails for another hour. Then the Indian devil comes in and beats you for the rest of the day. "But that is exactly the same as all the other hells - why are there so many people waiting to get in?" ********Bec
How to Get Into Heaven 2007-11-11 07:10:00 An exasperated mother, whose son was always getting into mischief, finally asked him 'How do you expect to get into Heaven
?' The boy thought it over and said, 'Well, I'll run in and out and in and out and keep slamming the door until St. Peter says, 'For Heaven's sake, Dylan, come in or stay out!''
These Sorta Make Sense 2007-11-11 07:09:00 - I have an answering machine in my car. It says, "I'm home now, but leave a message and I'll call when I'm out."- I bought a house on a one-way dead-end road. I don't know how to get out.- I went to a restaurant that serves "breakfast at any time." So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance.- I have the world's largest collection of sea shells. I keep it scattered on beaches all over the world. Maybe you've seen some of it.- I photocopied a mirror. Now I have an extra photocopy machine. Read more:Sense
Wife wanted 2007-11-09 03:58:00 A man inserted an ad in the classified: "Wife wanted
." Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."
How to Detect a Mental Deficiency 2007-11-09 03:56:00 A noted psychiatrist was a guest at a blonde gathering, and his hostess naturally broached the subject in which the doctor was most at ease. "Would you mind telling me, Doctor," she asked, "how you detect a mental deficiency in somebody who appears completely normal?""Nothing is easier," he replied. "You ask a simple question which anyone should answer with no trouble. If he hesitates, that puts you on the track.""What sort of question?""Well, you might ask him, 'Captain Cook made three trips around the world and died during one of them. Which one?'The blonde thought a moment, then said with a nervous laugh, "You wouldn't happen to have another example would you? I must confess I don't know much about history." Read more:Deficiency
, Detect
Ridiculous British laws 2007-11-09 01:23:00 1. It is illegal to die in the Houses of parliament . 2. It is an act of treason to place a postage stamp bearing the British
monarch upside-down . 3. In Liverpool, it is illegal for a woman to be topless except as a clerk in a tropical fish store 4. Mince pies cannot be eaten on Christmas Day . 5. In Scotland, if someone knocks on your door and requires the use of your toilet, you must let them enter . 6. A pregnant woman can legally relieve herself anywhere she wants, including in a policeman's helmet . 7. The head of any dead whale found on the British coast automatically becomes the property of the king, and the tail of the queen . 8. It is illegal to avoid telling the tax man anything you do not want him to know, but legal not to tell him information you do not mind him knowing . 9. It is illegal to enter the Houses of parliament in a suit of armour .
☼ 10 COMMANDMENTS OF MARRIAGE ☼ 2007-11-08 08:19:00 Commandment 1.Marriages are made in heaven.But so again, are thunder and lightning.Commandment 2.If you want your spouse to listen andpay strict attention to every word you say,talk in your sleep.Commandment 3.Marriage is grand --and divorce is at least 100 grand!Commandment 4.Married life is very frustrating.In the first year of marriage,the man speaks and the woman listens.In the second year, the woman speaksand the man listens.In the third year, they both speak andthe neighbors listen.Commandment 5.When a man opens the door of his carfor his wife, you can be sure of one thing:Either the car is new or the wife is.Commandment 6.Marriage is when a man and womanbecome as one; the trouble starts whenthey try to decide which one.Commandment 7.Before marriage, a man will lie awakeall night thinking about something yousaid. After marriage, he will fall asleepbefore you finish.Commandment 8.Every man wants a wife who is beautiful,understanding, economical, and a goodcook. But the law allows
Daniel Czapiewski designs the upside-down house in Poland 2007-11-20 06:33:00 A Polish businessman and philanthropist says he has built this upside
down house to remind people of wrongdoings against humanity. The house has been attracting thousands of tourists. People visiting the house start to feel sea-sick once they are inside. "Mankind spoiling this world, and only mankind can fix it...", the owner of this new wonder said. The house took 5 times longer to build than a normal house. It took 114 days to build the structure - a typical project made by Czapiewski's cooperation which specializes in wooden houses, would normally take 21 days to construct. He remembers that his workers had to take an hour's break every three hours while working inside the house because they were feeling disorientated and confused from the strange angles of the walls. The upside down house is not the first unusual structure made or devised by Czapiewski. He is infamous for making the longest single piece of wood in the world - a Guinness World Record. Czapiewski also smuggled Read more:Daniel
, Poland
Motivation : Take up the challenge 2007-11-20 04:12:00 The Japanese have always loved fresh fish. But the waters close to Japan have not held many fish for decades. So to feed the Japanese population, fishing boats got bigger and went farther than ever. The farther the fishermen went, the longer it took to bring in the fish. If the return trip took more than a few days, the fish were not fresh. The Japanese did not like the taste. To solve this problem, fishing companies installed freezers on their boats. They would catch the fish and freeze them at sea. Freezers allowed the boats to go farther and stay longer. However, the Japanese could taste the difference between fresh and frozen and they did not like frozen fish. The frozen fish brought a lower price. So fishing companies installed fish tanks. They would catch the fish and stuff them in the tanks, fin to fin. After a little thrashing around, the fish stopped moving. They were tired and dull, but alive. Unfortunately, the Japanese could still taste the difference. Because the fish did
Broom 2007-11-20 01:50:00 A young man hired by a supermarket reported for his first day of work. The manager greeted him with a warm handshake and a smile, gave him a broom, and said, "Your first job will be to sweep out the store.""But I'm a college graduate," the young man replied indignantly. "Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't know that," said the manager. "Here, give me the broom -- I'll show you how." Read more:Broom
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