Owner: Jokes and Forwards URL:http://freemanforwards.blogspot.com/ Join Date: Wed, 14 Nov 2007 13:32:05 -0600 Rating:0 Site Description: Funny humor listings such as jokes and funny pictures and videos. Find the newest and most entertaining jokes that you can send right away to amuse your friends by email. Site statistics:Click here
Fasten Seat Belts 2007-12-07 01:32:00 Flying to Los Angeles from San Francisco the other day, a passenger noticed that the "Fasten Seat Belts
" sign was kept lit during the whole journey although the flight was a particularly smooth one.Just before landing, he asked the stewardess about it."Well," she explained, "up front there are 17 University of California girls going to Los Angeles for the weekend."In back, there are 25 Coast Guard enlistees. What would you do?"
OPTICAL ILLUSION ON GERMAN TRUCKS 2007-12-06 06:36:00 Here are 7 pictures of semi-trucks that their trailers are painted to look like the sides are missing and the products they are hauling are painted on the sides and back.The first painting is one is of a bottle that looks like it is coming out the side of the trailer.The second is a canvas tote bag:The third is of Pepsi cases and they are all stacked on the ceiling, and the bottom of the trailer is empty:The fourth is of a truck with the windshield facing the back, and there has been a driver painted in the drivers seat looking back over his shoulder to appear like he is driving backwards:The fifth one is of an aquarium with fish swimming in it:The sixth one is of a bookshelf with books lined up in it, and a post it note with an advertisement:The last one is for Pringles Hot &Spicy. The side of the trailer has the appearance of having been through a fire that has ravaged the truck's interior:
More Cat Contemplation 2007-12-06 05:32:00 "No heaven will not ever Heaven be; Unless my cats are there to welcome me." --Unknown"There are two means of refuge from the miseries of life: music and cats." --Albert Schweitzer"The cat has too much spirit to have no heart." --Ernest Menaul"Dogs believe they are human. Cats believe they are God." --Anonymous"Time spent with cats is never wasted." --Colette"Some people say that cats are sneaky, evil, and cruel. True, and they have many other fine qualities as well." --Missy Dizick"You will always be lucky if you know how to make friends with strange cats." --Colonial American proverb"Cats seem to go on the principle that it never does any harm to ask for what you want." --Joseph Wood Krutch"I got rid of my husband. The cat was allergic." --Anonymous"My husband said it was him or the cat... I miss him sometimes." --Anonymous"Cats aren't clean, they're just covered with cat spit." --Anonymous Read more:Contemplation
What's the Time? 2007-12-05 02:38:00 Every Monday morning for years, at about 11:30 am, the telephone operator in a small Sierra-Nevada town received a call from a man asking the exact time.One day the operator summed-up the nerve to ask him why the regularity. "I'm foreman of the local sawmill," he explained. "Every day, I have to blow the whistle at noon, so I call you to get the exact time."The operator giggled, "That's really funny," she said. "All this time, we've been setting our clock by your whistle.
Contemplating Cats 2007-12-05 02:34:00 There is no snooze button on a cat who wants breakfast." --Anonymous"Thousands of years ago, cats were worshipped as gods. Cats have never forgotten this." --Anonymous"Cats are smarter than dogs. You can't get eight cats to pull a sled through snow." --Jeff Valdez"In a cat's eye, all things belong to cats." --English proverb"As every cat owner knows, nobody owns a cat." --Ellen Perry Berkeley"One cat just leads to another." --Ernest Hemingway"Dogs come when they're called; cats take a message and get back to you later." --Mary Bly"Cats are rather delicate creatures and they are subject to a good many ailments, but I never heard of one who suffered from insomnia." --Joseph Wood Krutch"People that hate cats, will come back as mice in their next life." --Faith Resnick"There are many intelligent species in the universe. They are all owned by cats." --Anonymous"I have studied many philosophers and many cats. The wisdom of cats is infinitely superior." --Hippolyte Taine
Airline Rage 2007-12-04 02:10:00 As a guy takes his seat on an airplane, he is surprised to find a parrot strapped in next to him. After taking off, the flight attendant comes around to serve the passengers on the plane. The guy asks the flight attendant for a coffee and the parrot squawks: "And get ME a coke...NOW!"The flight attendant, flustered by the parrot's attitude, brings back a coke for the parrot. However, she forgets the coffee for the guy.As the guy points this out, the parrot drains his glass and screams:"Get me another coke or I'll really create a scene!"Quite upset, the attendant comes back shaking, with another coke, but still no coffee.Irritated at her forgetfulness, the man decides to try the parrot's approach. "I've asked you twice for a coffee. Go and get it right now, or I'll create a scene that will make HIS look like a Victorian tea party!"The next moment, both the guy and the parrot are grabbed and thrown out of the emergency exit by two burly security guards.Hurtling towards earth, the pa Read more:Airline
A grief-stricken man 2007-12-04 01:58:00 A grief-stricken man threw himself on a grave and cried bitterly, "My life, oh how senseless is it! How worthless everything about me, because you are gone. If only you had lived, if only fate had not been so cruel as to take you from this world, how everything would have been different!"A clergyman nearby overheard him and said, "I assume the person lying beneath this mound of earth was someone of great importance to you.""Importance? Indeed it was," wept the man. "It's my wife's first husband!"
No Bull 2007-12-04 01:57:00 A big-city lawyer was representing the railroad in a lawsuit filed by an old rancher. The rancher's prize bull was missing from the section through which the railroad passed. The rancher claimed that the bull must have been hit by the train, and wanted to be paid the fair value of the bull.The case was scheduled to be tried before the justice of the peace in the back room of the general store.As soon as the rancher showed up, the attorney for the railroad pulled him aside and tried to get him to settle out of court. The lawyer did his best selling job, and finally the rancher agreed to take half of what he was asking.After the rancher had signed the release and took the check, the young lawyer couldn't resist gloating a little over his success, telling the rancher, "You know, I hate to tell you this, old man, but I put one over on you in there. I couldn't have won the case. The engineer was asleep and the fireman was in the caboose when the train went through your ranch that morning
Greatest Inventions of the century :D 2007-12-03 11:26:00 Smart cup in which you can put 2-3 of your favourite cookies. You don't need extra plates. It's made for right handed and left handed.BANANA GUARDAre you fed up with bringing bananas to work or school only to find them bruised and squashed? Banana Guard allows you to safely transport and storage individual bananas letting you enjoy perfect bananas anytime, anywhere.Lock Cup - Anti-Theft Coffee Cup. Are you tired of others stealing your coffee cup? Well now there's a solution. The Lock - Cup has a hole which prevents most people from using it. Only the owner of the cup can use his/hers shaped key to close the hole.PENGUIN TEA TIMERMaking tea, though easy to do, is also time consuming. Once you pour the hot water into the cup, you must patiently hover over it, waiting for the tea to steep. Well, the Penguin Tea Timer happily does the waiting for you.Place your tea cup under the beak and set it to the desired time. As you turn the timer dial, the beak lowers the tea into the hot water. Read more:Greatest
Build your own city at MyMiniCity 2007-12-17 06:31:00 Build your own city at MyMiniCity! Select a country, name your town, and then revisit to see it grow.I created FreeManCity, which is supposed to grow as more people visit. Read more:Build
Testing for Development-Archetypes 2007-12-17 01:30:00 Nobody can deny that the goal of software development is to produce the highest quality product possible. The only way to ensure that quality is through extensive testing.Therefore, the following testing programs will be implemented as additions to the regularly scheduled regression testing:Aggression Testing
: Punching all developers with an open bug.Confession Testing: All developers must admit what they either cannot do or have blown off.Digression Testing: Developers and analysts must change the subject and ramble when the topic of bugs comes up.Repression Testing: All developers must tell everyone who they secretly want to kill.Oppression Testing: All developers will be required to work 24 hours a day until all bugs are fixed.Depression Testing: All developers must explain which bugs make them sad, and why.Succession Testing: Developers must be able to name the chain of command in the event that a PM dies.Hessian Testing: QA will be redone by German mercenaries.Joe Pescian Testing: Read more:Development
You looked a lot like my wife 2007-12-17 01:28:00 A serious drunk walked into a bar and, after staring for some time at the only woman seated at the bar, walked over to her and kissed her. She jumped up and slapped him silly.He immediately apologized and explained, "I'm sorry. I thought you were my wife. You look exactly like her.""Why you worthless, insufferable, wretched, no good drunk!" she screamed. "Funny," he muttered, "you even sound exactly like her."
10 most expensive streetcars 2007-12-16 07:49:00 MAYBACH 57SPrice: $430,355 in USRs 5.36 crore in India The Maybach 57 S has a 12-cylinder engine, goes from 0 to 100 in 5.2 seconds and is designed to be a sportier alternative to the other models. It has more power than the 57 or 62 models, 604 hp versus their 543 hp. As in the other models - Maybach 57 and 62 - the maximum speed is electronically limited. Top Speed: 250 kmphPORSCHE CARRERA GTPrice: $440,000 in USRs 5.47 crore in India Despite claims that the Carrera GT supercar had gone out of production, the car is very much available in the US and is in the list of one of the world's most expensive cars. The car has 605 hp @ 8000 rpm, can go from 0 to100 in 3.9 seconds and has a ten cylinder engine - a type of rarely seen outside of racing. Top speed: 330 kmph MAYBACH 62Price: $448,153 in EuropeRs 5.59 crore in India Maybach's 62 ultra-luxury sedan is made by Mercedes-Benz and has proved that even a car this expensive to build can turn a profit. The Maybach 62 ac
Some Record Holders 2007-12-15 00:02:00 1. Angel Falls ? The World's highest waterfall. You can only visit this place by air.2. The Largest cut diamond ? Cullinan 3. The Largest uncut diamond ? Golden Jubilee Diamond4. The Largest Lake in the world ? Caspian Sea ? as viewed using Google Earth. 5. The Deepest lake in the world ? Lake Baikal in Russia, Also, the Largest freshwater lake by volume of water. Deepest point 1327m6. The Largest Sheet of water ? Victoria Falls, Africa7. The largest cave system in the world ? Mammoth Caves8. Oldest Tree (Known) ? Bristle cone tree ? estimated 10,000 years. Read more:Record
Sex Education 2007-12-14 03:06:00 Coming through the door after school one day, Little Johnny hollers out..."Okay everyone in the house, please stand advised that I, Little Johnny Elvis Smith, have on this date made a complete fool of myself in sex-education class by repeating stories concerning storks as told to me by certain parties residing in this house!" Read more:Education
Funny 2007-12-13 21:32:00 Her First roller coaster ride.She seems to be enjoying it.Oops!!The cop will have trouble meeting his ticket quota this month.Looks like the family cat is going overboard. Read more:Funny
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