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Bloggers Speak: Polliwog from ‘Polliwog’s Pond’ 2007-11-14 00:27:55 Welcome to another edition of “When Bloggers Speak” where I interview the authors of, well blogs. We are joined today by Polliwog from Polliwog’s Pond. Her blog is also a member of the infamous humor-blogs.com directory.
Chris: Welcome to the feature Polliwog. How are you doing?
Polliwog: I’m thrilled to be here and to take part in this project with you Chris. Just imagine, I’m in the same company as a guy with a really small book, a dude who hands out huge golden cocks, and some freak who likes Vicks Vapor Rub even more than I do. You might as well end the interview project right now. The four of us are pretty much the cream of the crop. Really, Chris. Who you going to interview? Those bozo’s on the HumorBlogs.com list?
C: What really popular blog do you hate the most?
P: I used to really hate Dan’s Blah Blah Blog because he’d get like 300 comments on every post. Then he confided to me that he was really writing them all himself so I had
Belated Crummy Church Signs Release Party 2007-11-12 19:12:41 Yes, I know, I am like three weeks late for this but better late then never right? Besides, it is for a good cause. All profits from the book go to Compassion, a religious charity that helps feed starving children oversees.
Anyways onto the post. As with Diesel’s really funny book ‘Antisocial Commentary’, this is a roast of Crummy Church
Signs Volume I (2004-2007).
If you couldn’t guess by the way-too-long title, it is about funny church signs sent into Crummy Church Signs the blog.
My theory is that these are pictures sent in by leaders of local churches looking to make a name for themselves. There is a lot of competition in religion these days.
But I digress.
The timing of this book’s release is perfect. The holidays are approaching, and what better way to honor the birth of Jesus then with material goods. At least the book is funnier then frankinsense or however you spell it.
More importantly, I used up all of the pages of Antisocial Commentary and have Read more:Party
, Release
Obligatory Weekend Linkfest 2007-11-09 23:34:05
I think I am the last blogger to jump on the weekly blog link post. So here we go…
FIAR has started up a new blog Humorblogging. Make sure you check it out and make it a regular part of your coffee/feed reading ritual. Of course don’t neglect Radioactive Liberty.
Land of the Lost fans, enjoy these two posts about the show from Katy’s great 70’s blog RollerBlog. One is about the Skylons, one about the Sleestacks.
Brent has some historical context and advice for celebrating the birthday of the Marines this weekend on Ominous Comma.
If you are the type who is waiting to be ready but afraid to press on, Joanne from The Laidback Buddhist has a great post for you. Very inspirational.
I don’t get the post from Raunchy Taters about Ten Things You Should Never Lick. There is only three. Perhaps the Tater Lady wants us to fill in the other seven?
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Book Mark it-> del.icio.us | Reddit | Slashdot | Digg | Fa Read more:Weekend
The Sandwich Condiment Test 2007-11-05 19:07:46
The year was 1994, my first year living in the foreign land known as New Jersey. This is a strange place that greets travelers in the north with the wonderful smell of oil refineries. There is a monster that lives in the swamps in the south, and he’s got night vision goggles so he is good at avoiding humans. But that is another story for another day.
It was my first dinner with my girlfriend’s parents. It is always a big deal when you first meet the parents but I had no idea of the ‘Test’ that I would soon face.
Apparently, her family has this way of weeding out prospective suitors with a simple yet complex decision. Answer wisely, or the consequences are dire. Dinner is served and you must make a choice: mayonnaise or miracle whip.
For some unknown reason, this family also liked to serve sandwiches a lot. But I digress.
I never realized the pressure a simple condiment choice brought. I had always treated it as a mood thing. Today I might feel like mustard on my ham sa Read more:Sandwich
Think you are a Tough Guy? 2007-11-03 00:24:43
You’ve kicked everyone’s ass in UFC. You beat Mike Tyson AND kept your ears intact. You joined the military because you ran out of people to fight in your own country. Chuck Norris is afraid to fight you. What is a real tough guy to do?
Fly to England and participate in the Tough
Guy competition held every year. In January. Britain in the dead of winter. Did I mention they don’t cancel even if it snows? Suddenly it becomes Tough Man meets Rocky’s training in Rocky IV.
Tough Guy will break you!
(I know that picture looks very summery. Weird)
A one-day test of survival pits you against obstacles more demanding then the Navy Seals training courses. Run through smoldering embers, climb huge forty-foot walls, crawl under forty feet of barbed wire. (What is their fascination with the number forty?) The fun lasts through twenty-one different sections of the course. (That is almost half of forty)
See that guy? He is already putting a call through to Mr. Walker, Texas
Marketing Madness 2007-11-01 23:34:32
So as I am sitting down to dinner last night I get a phone call.
Me: “Hello?”
Person: “Hello sir, my name is Ann and I am from the Ajax Marketing
Firm…”
“I’m not interesting in buying anything. I was just sitting down to dinner and…”
“How is your Kraft Macaroni and Cheese sir?”
“What? How did you know that?”
“We are a marketing company, it is our job.”
“Ok, you are freaking me out here.”
“Sir if I really wanted to freak you out I would ask you why you switched from original Lever soap to the new ‘fresh and clean’ scent last week.”
“Woah.”
“You really did smell better with the original choice by the way.”
“I am going to hang up now, you are really creeping me out.”
“Don’t threaten me sir. We both know that you are talking to me on your couch while watching Headline News.”
“How can you see me?”
“Again, sir we are a marketing company. That is our job.”
“Ok ok I’ll buy the product.”
“Great. I’ll put you down Read more:Madness
Answering Yahoo Answers- November Edition 2007-11-19 12:36:02 It is time once again for my monthly advice column based on actual questions from the center of low self-esteem: Yahoo
Answers. In the past I have given great advice on subjects like manned missions to the Sun, fifteen-year-old alcoholics, and the supernatural powers of mirrors.
To the woman to our left I would suggest a secretary or at least learn shorthand.
Is there is a homestyle remedy for smelly and sweaty feet?
Yes, it is called soap and water. You can do it in your own bathroom and choose any method you like. Now you have homestyle.
Please explain?
You have low self-esteem as well as a lack of self-confidence if you have to ask total strangers advice. Of course their answers are relevant because they know all about you and what is good for you. Grow a pair and think for yourself. Have I explained enough for you?
If you had nine lives, how would you waste the first eight lives?
I would find eight people who are rich and love to gamble. I would bet each of them $10,000 that I coul Read more:Edition
, November
Government Informs Bonds of His Retirement 2007-11-16 00:21:36
Finally!
If you have been living under a rock Barry Bonds
was indicted Thursday for lying to a Federal Grand Jury about his alleged steroid use. Whoops!
Unfortunately Johnnie Cochrane is not available. If he was alive, I am sure he would have his hands full with OJ’s third trial. I guess if you are OJ Simpson and you beat a murder rap, allegedly robbing a sports memorabilia dealer of your own stuff seems doable.
It gets worse for Mr. Bonds. His former trainer Greg Anderson was released from jail and while the experts think it was because he was not needed, I think he might still testify. Anderson’s lawyer denies his client is cooperating with federal authorities but he could be saying that to protect him.
People are also saying that this doesn’t mean a slam-dunk for Bonds losing the case. Federal charges are very serious. I don’t buy the argument that Barry will have an easy time with this.
My guess is Bonds does not testify but Anderson does. That is if it get Read more:Government
Top Three Star Wars Parodies 2007-11-23 00:31:34 Nothing says funny like a good parody and surprisingly there are not a lot of Star Wars
versions. Here are my top three.
#3 Family Gus Star Wars Episode
I really liked this one and to be honest I was expecting much worse. The show in it’s second run isn’t as funny but this episode was a masterpiece.
#2 Spaceballs
The classic Star Wars parody that is still funny twenty-plus years later. Say the line ‘funny, you don’t look druish’ and someone will know what you are referring to.
There is a commentary by Mel Brooks on the anniversary DVD which is not to be missed. I know, usually they are boring but this one is funny.
#1 Star Wars III: A Lost Hope
How the hell is this number one? Many reasons including the fact it came out four months before the movie was released. To do a parody without knowing the plot and getting most of the storyline right is masterful. The pregnancy test, ‘No I am your baby’s daddy!’ line are just more reasons Read more:Three
, Top Three
The Log Cake: Holiday Dessert Recipe 2007-11-20 16:44:25 This is a great dessert for your Thanksgiving feast this week. This was always a favorite of mine growing up and this year maybe it will be a hit for you and yours.
It is like a melted Oreo extravaganza with a side effect that is well, odd shall we say. This dessert will make your poop dark.
I know it sounds gross but I think you will appreciate the heads up. Now that your appetite is completely destroyed, here is the recipe:
2 box Nabisco Famous Chocolate Wafers
2 pint whipping cream
2 teaspoon vanilla extract
one plate
~Mix up the whipped cream, as per carton instructions, and add vanilla
~Spread whipped cream on a cookie, then add another cookie, making it like an Oreo. Don’t squeeze them together, stack them loosely.
~Place it on its side on the plate and add more cookies and whip cream, building a row of cookies.
~Create a second row of cookies next to the first.
~Once you have used all the cookies, cover the whole thing with whipped cream making sure to completely cov Read more:Dessert
, Holiday
God Loves Me, You Not so Much 2007-11-27 14:39:07
Things go well for me usually in life and I have recently concluded that it because God likes me. I don’t bother him with prayer or demands. He does what he wants to do. I do what I want to do. If he exists, then I probably have one of the best relationships you could have with a potentially fictitious deity. It is the laissez-faire approach to God/human relations.
Because of this I get rewarded. Nothing spectacular, mind you, just a problem-free life. Of course my existence is not without its hurdles. Overall I can’t complain and that is because God loves me thanks to my ignoring him. He also comes in for dinner where I work and leaves a very generous tip. We talk politics, this blog, the Red Sox, stuff like that. Let me tell you something, God loves baseball. I keep telling him it is a dinosaur but he comes right back with the “those animals weren’t my idea” line. Of course I am quick with my usual retort “but steroids were!” We laugh and laugh.
On a side note, God is
‘Tin Man’: Six Hours of Awful 2007-12-04 17:32:41
I do not know why I decided to throw away .000000000000001% of my life but I watched ‘Tin Man’, the SciFi Channel’s re-invention of the classic ‘Wizard of Oz’. I also did not know that the writers for the channel must have gone on strike months ago judging by the storyline.
I would warn you about spoilers ahead but that is like warning someone you are about to give away the twist in ‘Curly Sue’. (She dies by the way. Sorry)
Dorothy is now ‘DG’, short for Dorothy Gale. The tin man was found inside armor, but doesn’t wear metal. The Lion is now telepathic and is named ‘Raw’ as in “rahhhhh!” The Scarecrow looks like a Goth version of Ducky from Pretty in Pink. The suckitude gets worse so hang in there.
DG, it turns out is the original Dorothy’s daughter brought up on Earth by robot parents designed to be nurturers or something like that. The evil witch is actually DG’s sister and runs the dimension. The tornadoes are actually portals from Ear Read more:Hours
Bloggers Speak: Theresa from ‘The Rain in Spain’ 2007-12-18 00:20:44
Welcome to another edition of ‘Humor Bloggers Speak’Â where Angry Seafood interviews the authors of the blogs on humor-blogs.com. We are joined today by Theresa from ‘The Rain in Spain
‘.
Chris: Welcome to the feature Theresa. How are you doing?
Theresa: Well, it’s not raining and I have toilet paper, so I can’t complain.
C: What European country is the weirdest and why?
T: I would have to say Belgium. I mean, it’s a place that can’t figure out if it’s French or Dutch, and its best known symbol is a statue of a little boy peeing. How weird is that? Besides those chocolate boobies they sell everywhere kind of ick me out. On the other hand, it is the country that gave us Audrey Hepburn, so it can’t be all that bad.
C: Great taste or less filling?
T: Great taste, without a doubt. After all, I live in Spain. Can you imagine what diet Sangria would be like?
C: How can I tell if my rat is pregnant?
T: What, isn’t there a Rat
Idetrorce a Sign of the Rapture? 2007-12-17 14:39:05
Throughout the weekend, people speculated on who Idetrorce’s identity was and the results were all over the place. The latest Zogby poll came up with these stunning conclusions:
But anyone can fudge numbers or twist them to their benefit so how telling is this poll, really when it comes to figuring out just who Idetrorce is. Twenty-five percent of the country thinks WWE is real. Hell, people think Hitler is still alive. No idea how that one would work out being that Adolph would be like one-hundred-and-twelve years old.
What if Hitler was alive and using the comment spamming of Idetrorce to take control of the planet? You say come on, how can a one-hundred-and-twelve-year-old-man possibly create a spam bot but my reply is never underestimate people. Rocky Balboa boxed again and he was like fifty. Barry Bonds was able to hit seventy-two home runs at age forty-eight. You never know.
If it is not Hitler or Rocky, then who really is Idetrorce? They could be the person behind you i Read more:Rapture
Who is Idetrorce? 2007-12-15 12:24:19 Idetrorce is a commenting Tour De Force. Ok, well maybe not on the level of a Yngwie Malmsteen or anything…
More like that guy from Warrant.
Like a Paris Hilton sex video, Idetrorce is sweeping the comment sections of blogs and websites with the same line:
“very interesting, but I don't agree with you”
Idetrorce
Already he has appeared on Radioactive Liberty, Plooptionary, and has a newly-created user profile on Snowboard Magazine. People like her are starting to notice the mass commenting of Idetrorce.
One of the more interesting ones is on Slash Films about Star Wars Christmas Cards. A commenter writes just before Idetrorce’s standard reply:
“Jurassic Park wasn't a Lucasfilm movie.”
As I write this I have just gotten word there has been a recent Idetrorce sighting.
Who is Idetrorce? Is he real?
Be sure to read ‘Idetrorce a Sign of the Rapture’ for the latest speculation on this phenomenon.
Tired of the whole Idetrorce thing? Re
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