Owner: Heir Apparent URL:heirapparent.wordpress.com Join Date: Mon, 05 Nov 2007 20:45:45 -0600 Rating:0 Site Description: First time Parents-to-be pick their way through the craziness of pregnancy... Site statistics:Click here
Look out - there’s Toxoplasmosis in that Cat Poop! 2007-11-13 19:26:24 Sometimes doctors do silly things. Things like call your pregnant wife, and when she doesn’t pick up the phone, leave messages like “Hi, this is Sandy, at your doctor’s office. We got back your blood test results, and have some information for you. Please call back!” It’s worse than the old “I’ve got a secret - I’ll tell you later,” because there’s at least some part of you that now assumes you have Hepatitis B. Or scabies. Whatever that is.
This, of course, happened to us yesterday. My wife didn’t receive the message until after they had closed, so we had to sweat it out overnight, wondering what she might have. Frantically skimming through books, watching old episodes of House (maybe it’s Wilson’s disease? Or African Sleeping Sickness?) - in short letting your mind go places it shouldn’t.
Finally, this morning we called when they opened up at 8:30 in the morning.
KIM: “Hi, this is Kim. Sa
Baby’s First Accident 2007-11-11 20:45:37 Well, I think we both assumed that baby’s first accident would occur in the hospital, and consist of a nasty substance my boss repeatedly has called “tar-like.” Honestly, he mentions it a lot. It’s a little uncomfortable for all of us - we just sort of do that nervous “ha ha, yes, that is amusing” while we look off into space. Anyway, as I was mentioning, we assumed baby’s first accident would occur after birth, and be caused by the natural forces that govern human digestive tracts.
Instead, baby’s first accident was caused by a chain smoking blond who was late for work at TGI Fridays. Yes, as Kim and I drove for an breakfast featuring internationally inspired cuisine (IHOP), we were rear-ended waiting to merge off of a highway exit ramp. The good news is that the tiny Honda Fit weathered the crash reasonably well - we were hit in the driver side left rear bumper - it messed it up pretty good but it missed the tailgate, and it certa Read more:First
In Search of the Perfect Name 2007-11-09 22:22:16 One thing that has certainly taken on some more immediacy since the “incubation” began is finding suitable names for the boy/girl/kitty that’s on the way. Now this is a topic that we’ve talked about off-handedly for years, but now we actually need to come to an agreement, so the conversations have become a bit more pointed. It’s surprising in the variety of places “interesting” names come up - characters on TV (Gil Grissom Frantz? Stewie Frantz?), waiters and waitresses at restaurants (Fran Frantz?) , greyhounds at the racetrack (Feelin’ Lucky Frantz?).
Generally when these names surface, we engage in a subtle verbal spar to determine if said name is an acceptable one for our informal list. To illustrate the point, here’s a sample exchange that we’ve shared many times recently. To protect any possible names that we may use in the future, I will use an arbitrary name stand in - see if you can spot it.
Kim: Ooh, FungleSn Read more:Search
, Perfect
Doctor’s Visit: The Sequel 2007-11-05 20:16:49 Well, it turns out that Kim is having a hummingbird. Or at least that’s what it looked like. As mentioned, we had our second visit to the doctor today, which we’ve been looking forward to pretty much since the last time we were there. We were hoping see some hot, squirmy, fetal action today, and we were not disappointed. Well, maybe a little disappointed. It’s clearly not a kitty (no tail).
We arrived early, which apparently is not the thing to do first thing Monday morning. We ended up waiting for about 45 minutes, which was about 42 minutes longer of Al Roker that I wanted to watch. Once we did get in, it was clear that everyone was in a rush (I think related to the whole Monday morning thing). The pleasantries were pretty much cast aside, and before we knew it things were being put in places unmentionable here, and the screen lit up with Kim’s insides. And there was clearly a larger mass o’ stuff then there was last time. And, if you looked clo Read more:Doctor
Impending Doctor’s Visit 2007-11-04 21:16:26 Tomorrow we have what can probably be described as our first “normal” doctor’s visit. This would be the first visit scheduled if Kim hadn’t been experiencing the cramps she had early on, which have lessened to a large degree now. We’ve been compiling a list of questions for the doctor, a few of which are:
1) We’re going to Las Vegas/Palm Springs in late November - is flying going to be an issue?
2) Is there a “no-list” for eating stuff (if it would be shorter - as I have heard - maybe a “yes” list instead)
3) Can Kim continue to eat soy protein shakes in the morning? More importantly, does she even want to?
4) Can I drink twice as much and say that I’m “drinking for two” and not be considered an alcoholic?
We’re pretty excited for the visit as we’ll see another ultrasound, where we might be able to actually see something “babyish”, or at least something that looks a tadpole. Read more:Doctor
A Few More Down 2007-10-31 22:00:09 A couple of more people are now aware of Kim’s “current condition.” I told my favorite professor from college, who works a floor below us. She’s always been a Mom-Away-From-Mom for me and Kim so we wanted her to know. Nothing spectacular in my approach - simply handed her one of the sealed letters and said “I found this in your mailbox…” She’s very excited (as was to be expected). I suppose I should take solace in the fact that so far no one has seem upset that we are procreating - I think I’d take offense if someone offered a “What has the world done to deserve this?” or “Is that even legal?”
Also told one of my co-workers who works remotely out of our Boston office (actually it’s more of an apartment). It was one of those emails where you were sent a list of issues and you respond after each bullet. I snuck in after one of the entries:
“This is complete. Also my wife is pregnant
The Boss Knows (Finally) 2007-10-29 21:49:43 Monday night after the party we made it over to the hospital to see my boss, his wife, and their new addition. We had to wait until Kim made it home from work so we got over there around 7:30, with visiting hours ending at 8:30. Definitely a nice place, and as I’ve mentioned we’re planning on heading there when the time comes for us as well.
Anyway we were excited to go because a) it’s always fun seeing newborn babies, b) it’s always fun to leave people with their screaming newborns so you can go home and get some sleep when they clearly are getting none and c) we were very ready to get the secret out in the open to my boss considering there would be appointments and such that I would need to miss work for in the very near future.
With their absence at the party, we had to scramble to come up with yet another unique way of telling them. What we settled on somewhat last minute was to purchase two newborn outfits, and then, using iron on letters and numbers, ma Read more:Finally
The Secret Revealed (for the most part) 2007-10-28 20:41:21
Well the party is over, the 7 layer dip (actually it was only 5 layers because it was sans guac and tomatoes so it was technically a lie) is finished and the dishes have been washed (ok - piled into the sink). And the office is now aware of our shocking news. Well, mostly at least - my boss, who was unable to attend due to the sudden arrival of #2, is now the proud father of Benjamin Ray/Dean and in the dark.
We had an elaborate plan of ambushing our guests into figuring this all out. We bought a whole mess of “baby” stuff - things like baby powder, baby food, baby wipes, etc. which we then strategically placed in various places around the house. We also got some baby blocks which i strew about as well. Finally we had the gourds pictured to the left - i picked up some eyeglasses to represent me, and a witches hat for Kim (which she apparently has taken offense too - the truth hurts sometimes I suppose). And then we found the little gourd pictured in front. We figure
The Word is Out (sort of) 2007-10-26 22:08:01 Well after a few long days, the inner workings of the US Postal Service have been demonstrated. Finger still burning from the sealing wax, we sent out the announcements on Tuesday. By Wednesday, the first message arrived in Waterloo, NY (it’s about 30 minutes from here) as we received our first congratulatory call from Kim’s dad. We expected this - dropping a letter to Waterloo is practically like walking it down the street.
We assumed the rest of the mail would reach Philly the next day, and we braced for the crush of phone calls. My office is still in the dark (about the pregnancy and a lot of other, dark, dark secrets), so I pre-formulated rationales to leave the office to take the calls. “It’s my broker,” or “It’s my day to hang up on the telemarketers,” or even “Damn cats, always calling.” Kim and I IM’d back and forth all day in nervous anticipation.
Finally, around 8 PM we received a call from my sister, who
Preparing the Announcement 2007-10-23 21:03:43 It still kind of hurts, thanks. I dripped some “sealing wax” on my ring finger while I was preparing our ornate announcements. It sure seemed like a good idea at the time - print out the announcment on some bonded resume paper, fold it and then seal it “Pope-style” with some red sealing wax and a monogram stamp. I didn’t realize I was putting my life in danger in the process. Not to whine, but it hurts. And it kind of looks like a slug is permanently attached to my finger.
Regardless of my “digital tragedy”, the announcements went out this morning - 3 “scroll-like” announcments to our parents, and 6 folded letters to brothers, sisters and grand parents. We’re in an interesting situation - before we were waiting to tell everyone - now we’re waiting for them to contact us. Let the games begin…
Read more:Announcement
We want to be a part of it, Newark, Newark? 2007-11-20 01:10:43 Well our auspicious trip to Las Vegas and environs has been waylaid by some “low ceilings” and “rain” around the bleak cousin of the Big Apple, Newark, New Jersey. Yes friends, after a 2 hour delay leaving Syracuse (where we sat and watched our plane, wondering why exactly we weren’t in it, hurtling towards our gambling destiny), we missed our connecting flight and am now enduring our luxurious accommodations at the Newark International Airport. We briefly considered a hotel room, but with our flight leaving at 7:25 in the morning, and this being a ridiculous busy airport, we figured we’d need to be back at 5, and so it probably wasn’t worth the hassle. Whether that is indeed true or not is difficult to determine in hindsight.
Besides, it’s not all bad - after all they gave us two (2) $8 meal vouchers, and two (2) “overnight kits” which contains all the things you might need to spend a night at the airport:
A comb
A
Baby’s First Crap(s)? 2007-11-18 21:36:09 This week will bring baby’s first shot at craps - and not the variety that will probably rule our days and nights in a few months. Yes, we are traveling to the only logical Thanksgiving destination, one that pays tribute to the historical and cultural traditions of this American holiday, a land of enchantment where turkeys and large inflatable cartoon characters dance the tango amidst cornucopias and maize. Yep, we’re going to Vegas! The only place where you can walk from the Eiffel Tower to the Pyramids of Egypt with a sidetrip to New York City along the way.
Why Vegas? Well, it’s a long story but it involves some craziness with Kim’s job. But due to some unforeseen circumstances, we now find ourselves in Vegas for 4 days instead of 2, and some free time to go elsewhere as well. On the short list is a trip to Bryce and Zion canyons in nearby Utah, which is only 3-4 hours away. Other than that, we’ll probably just tool around the casinos, takin Read more:First
Sin City, USA 2007-11-22 02:00:25 Howdy folks, from the city that never sleeps (except when you stayed up all night at the airport trying to keep an eye on shifty “airport workers”)! It’s late Wednesday night, and I’m enjoying our $12.99 24-hour Internet pass and so I thought I drop the world a line.
We arrived finally Tuesday morning after the aforementioned overnight ordeal. We were exhausted, hungry and dirty from the experience, and were somewhat unprepared for the realities of Vegas that smack you right in the face the moment you get off the plane. Twenty feet from the boarding gate was a bank of slot machines. Hell, slot machines are EVERYWHERE here. In restaurants, gas stations, the library, the courthouse. After we made our way through the terminal, we were greeted by the Times Square of baggage claims. This place was an all-out assault of advertising, with giant screens plastered in 360 degree splendor, coaxing us to go see Tony Danza in the Producers (probably not), Cel Read more:Sin City
We’re Back, From Outer Space 2007-11-30 22:56:27 After a week in Vegas, we’ve finally returned, substantially poorer, but otherwise in good spirits. To round out a trip that began with such traveling woes, what better way to return than via a red-eye flight categorized by something Delta calls “special screening.” In a hilarious twist, Kim’s backpack somehow set off the explosive detection machine, much to everyone’s amazement. Luckily, they did not have to detonate her bag that was filled with, among other things, my camera and a box of chocolate poker chips. After flying out at midnight, we arrived home finally around 11:30 the next day.
It was a phenomenal trip, and I think that we saw nearly everything that the Strip has to offer - everything from David Copperfield all the way down to an animatronic Bacchus celebrating the mirth and merriment of an upscale shopping mall.
We stayed at 4 hotels, ate at 7 different restaurants for dinner in 6 different casinos, saw 3 full fledged Vegas shows, wand Read more:Space
Doctor Doctor, Give Me a Snooze… 2007-12-02 20:00:04 After our weeklong hiatus in the desert, we’ve returned to Salt City and within days found ourselves back at the OBGYN for another baby appointment. In the end, it proved to be one of our least exciting visits to the baby doctor so far, mainly because we didn’t get any “ultrasound” love. Having had two already, I guess we just expected to see it every time we went, which is apparently not the case. We arrived early, as usual, and after the standard stint in the waiting room, we were called back into “Examination Two.”
We started the visit with a nurse who asked us a series of questions we hadn’t heard before, such as “Does your family have a history of birth defects,” or “Do either of you have genital herpes?”, and our favorite “Are you at increased risk for the Fifth Disease?” We’re not entirely sure what that particular disease is, or the other four that apparently precede it. Maybe it’s a s Read more:Doctor
, Snooze
, hellip
The Past Helps Out in the Present for the Future 2007-12-09 22:45:13
Mom as a Baby
We’ve just returned from a quick trip home to Philadelphia to celebrate my parents 60th birthdays. Both birthdays have passed, but we thought it would be fun to surprise them with a party with friends and family. It went very well, and I think my dad was pretty surprised. Of course, requisite with any milestone party beyond 40 (beyond the inflatable innertube for the ‘roids) is a montage of “growing up photos” for the birthday guy and gal. I spent a few days putting this together with help from my sister and it turned out pretty good.
To frame the pictures with some sort of “chronological reference point” (or CRP), I decided to grab hit songs from around the periods of which the photos were taken. For example, for the 1960s I chose Penny Lane by the Beatles since it represents (loosely) growing up in suburbia (possibly on acid). For the 1970s/80s, which consisted mainly of pictures of my parents and the kids (mostly my br Read more:Future
, Present
Deja Vu 2008-03-08 09:28:21 The phone is a terrible invention. In my experience, it either rings incessantly crashing the fragile concentration you’ve mustered, and sits mercilessly in silence, taunting you when it holds the knowledge you so desperately desire. And frankly, awaiting medical news just plain sucks.
Our appointment was on a Wednesday morning and we left with the [...]
A Quart Low 2008-03-03 21:33:33 One date we had been anxiously awaiting was the much ballyhooed 19 week sonogram. As previously mentioned, our first crack at this ended up instead being a 17 week ultrasound in which, according to our sonographer, ‘you can’t see nothin’. So we were directed to return a few weeks later for the correct date.
And so [...]
A Mighty Fortress is Our Stroller 2008-02-29 21:08:15 Automobile revelations aside, after the jaunt to Utica the Zooper won our hearts (and wallets). Kids World had a single 2006 model left - the price was right, and they were no longer going to carry the brand because (surprise) the cost of the new models was too much for the Uticans to bear. We [...] Read more:Mighty
, Fortress
, Stroller
To Utica, and Beyond! 2008-02-25 21:28:29 In all honesty, the thought had not crossed my mind as we pointed our little Fit in the direction of that wonderland of enchantment, Utica NY. This whole business had been about a stroller after all.
But let me back up a little. For probably a solid month, we had [...]
Crafting the List 2008-01-30 21:50:01 Having a baby and getting married are pretty similar events in life. Both represent significant changes in your life and the life of your spouse. Both involve a good amount of the husband attempting to stay ‘out of the crossfire’. Both involve the woman wearing a silly gown at the end. [...] Read more:Crafting
A Twinge of Concern 2008-01-25 19:21:43 I think as time has marched inevitably forward this whole concept of ‘children’ has started to burrow its way slowly into my brain, finding a small niche presently between the rather large ’sarcasm’ lobe and the equally sizable ‘Jack and Coke Absorption Center’. It certainly never held such a premier spot in my mind before [...] Read more:Concern
It’s a… collection of random body parts? 2008-01-21 20:17:29 Last week, we once again geared up for another ‘baby appointment’ - but this was to be of the ‘non-standard’ variety. Rather than the posh Long Island apartment of ‘the Nanny’, we would be subject to the soft-lit environs of the ultra-sound room at a specialist near the University. It was time for [...] Read more:collection
Howdy, Stranger. 2008-01-08 21:48:37 Ok, I’m back. Sorry about that. While indeed I have seemingly taken a hiatus from the blog, in reality I had been supporting the Writer’s Strike by not posting. Recently, however, I discovered that the Writer’s Guild covers, in fact, only television and movie writers, and not blog writers. I have stopped [...] Read more:Stranger
A Search for Conveyance 2008-03-13 19:20:19 There are few processes in life that cause as much knock down, drag out stress and anxiety as having a baby. Except for car shopping, which is a hundred times worse. For instance, I’ve watched ‘Jon and Kate Plus 8′ with mild envy because, despite having an overabundance of children, hundreds of weekly [...] Read more:Search
Our Chariot Awaits 2008-03-17 17:03:10 After the all clear with the ‘fluid situation’, we resumed the search for a car. It was at this point that Kim’s Dad laid a bombshell on us - he recently invested in a used car dealership. This was reasonably interesting news for people LOOKING FOR A CAR. Unfortunately, he dealt with [...] Read more:Chariot
A Rumblin’ in the Tummy 2008-03-30 21:39:21 I was sound asleep. I’m not 100% sure, but I believe I was dreaming of either the secrets of fusion or a cure for cancer, and just about to discover the answers when I was unceremoniously nudged. Not gently.
“Hey, you awake?’
As the lives of millions of people slipped away into the abyss, my mind slowly [...] Read more:Tummy
A Nursery - And Not the Tree Kind 2008-04-08 22:07:56 One of our larger tasks in preparation for Chi-Baba is crafting a nursery. Presumably this thing will spend a good amount of it’s time pining away in this room, and so its completion before ‘B-day’ is essential. We’ve decided on just some minor changes to one of our bedrooms - a closet system, [...] Read more:Nursery
School Daze 2008-04-12 21:36:40 One of the many many tasks that awaits first time parents is the attendance of natural childbirth classes. While I briefly contemplated taking the course online - I’m sure the ‘University of Phoenix’ offers a childbirth/criminology course that’s just plain awesome. But after ‘that look’ from the wife, I dutifully sent in the [...] Read more:School
Birthing Class 2, Electric Bugaloo? 2008-04-20 21:43:51 Birthing class #2 began in a classroom, where our instructor (the one who was sans children) gave us a rundown on the internal workings of birth. To graphically display this, she whipped out what was clearly a striped ski cap with a doll shoved inside.
‘This is a uterus, ‘ she declared. This is [...] Read more:Electric
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