Owner: frumstepper URL:http://frumstepper.blogspot.com Join Date: Mon, 29 Oct 2007 05:33:23 -0500 Rating:0 Site Description: A Frum (Jewish) Twelve Stepper (12 steps) writes (using \"meditation books\" as an inspiration )about how she is continually reminded that \"Hashem (G-d) is driving the bus\",and about her efforts to \"let go and let G-d\" in Site statistics:Click here
Self Will and Step 3 2008-03-07 07:30:00 From Step 3, AA "12 and 12"- Made a decision to turn our lives and our wills over to the care of our Higher Power as we understood Him: ".Every month, I write on the current step- Therefore, March corresponds with Step 3. For me, step three is the most important of the 12 steps, because it hammers home the paramount, and most basic fact on this planet: That the One who created the world and knows how things will eventually work out, and why things happen as they do- is the only One who can really solve my personal problems, as well as those of all humans on earth.When I don't do what this step tells me to, then I am "spinning my wheels", "chasing my tail", "getting in my own way",as these, or other numerous popular expressions describe.The more I struggle on my own, the less effective or
A Faith That Works 2008-03-03 02:36:00 From AA 12 steps and 12 traditions, Step 3:" The key to the door of faith is willingness... inside the door is a plaque that reads: This is the way to a faith that works.....We can have faith, yet keep G-d out of our lives. " How do we let Him in? "It is when we try to make our will conform with G-d's that we begin to use it rightly."I like the metaphor of electricity. I can purchase a powerful air conditioner with an incredibly strong motor, capable of cooling an enormous room. But if I don't take the simple action of plugging it into an outlet, I will not avail myself of all the potential benefits this wonderful machine can offer me.So too, with faith; I can speak and write all about Hashem, and of my faith in His ability to run the world and to help me in my personal life. But if I Read more:Works
, Faith
Twenty Twenty Vision 2008-03-02 14:31:00 From A Day at A Time, March 2 : "Why don't I spend part of today thinking about my assets, rather than my liabilities? Why not think about victories, instead of defeats- about the ways in which I am gentle and kind?.... If I am a child of G-d, created in His image, there must be goodness in me.....I will respect what is G-d's. I will respect myself".This took me many years of self-work to come to. When I was young, I could never understand the concept of "love your neighbor as yourself". Why would I want to do that to my friend or neighbor?It took me several months, or perhaps years, of working my 12 step Program, before I came to the point of respecting myself. In thinking back, I now realize that way before "respect", I first needed to learn to accept myself and my limitations . I ne
Spiritual Battery Charger 2008-02-27 03:16:00 From Twenty Four Hours a Day, Feb, 28 : " I must seek a silence of spirit-touching with G-d. Just a moment's contact and all the fever of life leaves me. Then I am well, whole, calm, and able to rise and minister to others. G-d's touch is a potent healer. I must feel that touch and sense G-d's presence".This is a powerful little piece, and I can vouch for its truth. There are times when my life is at a feverish pace-when I can't "get it all together" , when I feel so overwhelmed by the challenges, or even just the daily responsibilities and doings. Like a tornado of rush, rush, do , do, or just busy, busy with whatever is going on.That is the time when I need to reconnect with Hashem, My Higher Power, in order to recharge my spiritual batteries. Yes, I pray daily, most of the time. But f Read more:Charger
Being open to new Experiences 2008-02-24 13:06:00 From The Promise of a New Day, Feb. 24: "True wisdom includes the humility to acknowledge what we don't know.... New experiences, new relations and connections can reveal more and more, if we are open to them".Yeah. There is a good way to look at this, and program helps me to do this: If my Higher Power sends something or someone my way, then there is a reason for it- I'm supposed to learn or gain something from this meeting - if it's people we are talking about- or from this situation, if events are what is happening to me. In fact , the other person involved is also supposed to get something from me or from the situation.That makes everything in life "an opportunity"- for growth, for change, for knowledge. But if I close myself against it, then I am actually cheating myself out of whate
Self Seeking Will Slip Away 2008-02-22 06:54:00 From : Easy Does it, Feb. 22" In the big book it says that one of the Promises is: self seeking will slip away. With abstinence, we began to practice understanding, humility, gratitude, caring and sharing with others, openmindedness, faith in our Program's recovery Steps, love of others, and belonging in a world of positiveness and action".I can surely vouch for this one. When in active addiction, I didn't care much about other people, or rather, I cared first about what I 'needed'- needing of course, meaning- 'wanted'. Most, or I think- all- addicts are like this. When they are ready for the next "hit, fix, drink, bite," whatever it is that is pertinent to their "drug of choice", even the most wonderful parent, spouse, boss, worker - will quickly put aside all others in order to get tha Read more:Seeking
Sticks And Stones Really Do Hurt 2008-02-17 23:12:00 From A Day at A Time, Feb. 18 :"If I am angry, may I try to assign my anger to what someonde DID instead of what someone IS. May I refrain from downgrading, lashing out at character flaws, or mindless abuse. May I count on my Higher Power to show me the way ".Either everything in these books relates directly to me, or else I have a knack for being able to pick out the relevant writings :)Okay, okay, yes, this one is something that I have to work on a lot. Well, not as much as I had to BP (before program) but "labeling " was once a big defect of mine.If I would use ME (and what I just discussed) as an example of the problem discussed here, I would say - that this made me a "horrible name-calling creature". See!- that just changed the situation from a defect in my actions (labeling) to a def Read more:Stones
Egypt and the 12 Steps 2008-02-16 23:42:00 From Easy Does It, Feb. 16:In the Promises, (Big Book of AA) we read- "We will know a new freedom and happiness " This is an almost unbelievable promise. Before recovery, we had little choice and less freedom. Everything we did had to be set up to meet the demands of our compulsion. Try as hard as we possibly could, we could never prevent the consuming urge of our addiction..We were slaves, like it or not. When freeedom came with abstinence, so came joy, gratitude, and love for others and ourselves. "As we approach this time of year, I remember my first Pesach (Passover) in the 12 step Program. I sat at the Pesach Seder, and tears began streaming down my face, as I read about freedom from being enslaved in Egypt
, and how we are supposed to imagine ourselves as being freed. For the first ti
Update On Apologies 2008-02-13 03:46:00 Although I am veering from my usual style of writing on "meditations" from "official meditation books", I am still using this blog as a chance to meditate.In this case, I am meditating on the whole idea of taking responsibility for ones actions, and apologizing when wrong. In our 12 step program, we learn to face our faults head-on, and apologize when we are wrong. In fact, we learn to do this "promptly" instead of ruminating and worrying about what we did, how "they" took it, why we were "really justified" in what we did, how it was "actually the other person's fault, anyhow".... etc....etc.... etc.So, to recap this episode in my life, I'll refer you to my last post " shoot down the critic" , (-down-critic.html) where I was dealing with someone who told me that they no longer wanted to wo Read more:Update
Shoot Down The Critic 2008-02-10 23:46:00 Criticism never changed anyone.I haven't written for these last two days because I've been mulling over something that someone said to me- "I can't work with you anymore because you are too critical". Whupps. Because I am a "twelve-stepper" and have been working The Program for many years, instead of just brushing off this comment, I've been doing a lot of soul- searching. Could she be right? Or is she calling my "instructions" to her - "criticism"?, I believe that there is an element of this "mislabling" but that does not explain the whole situation. I cannot simply shrug this all off as "her stuff", because much of it is sitting right here on "my side of the street".I have been thinking and thinking, and aside from owing her an apology, I have been asking myself where and when this "laps Read more:Critic
, Shoot
Today Is A Gift 2008-02-07 14:11:00 From Easy Does It, Feb. 7:"The only thing that emerges from thinking about the negative parts of our past is guilt and shame. The only thing that emerges from thinking about our future is fear of the unknown. We can eliminate guilt, shame and fear from our present lives by dealing only with the present."I saw someone recently demonstrate how most of us spend our lives: First, he leaned forward- "this is what we do when we think about the future- we are always worried and fearful about what will be". Then he leaned backward- "this is what we do when we spend our time regretting the past and feeling upset about how we behaved and all the negative things that happened."Then he added" "Did you ever notice that we never spend much time right here and now? This is what THAT would look like", he Read more:Today
Choices To Choose From 2008-02-04 13:53:00 "How do I deal with the choices that people who are close to me are making in their lives? Do I accept their right to make these choices even if I don't agree with them? "This is something that I am struggling with right now. There are people who are close to me who are making choices that I don't approve of or agree with. But the truth is that my feelings about this are totally irrelevant to them.This leaves me with my own choice to make: do I accept them and their freedom to make these decisions, or do I become angry and frustrated by this? Do I try to make them change their minds, or just stay quiet and watch as they (in my opinion) make a mess of their lives?What can I gain by staying quiet? Or even more important, what do I stand to lose by speaking up? It is very clear to me th
A Win-Win Situation 2008-02-03 01:06:00 From : A Day At A Time, Feb. 3" May I overcome the need to be "always right" and know the cleaning feeling of release that comes with admitting, openly, a mistake."Oops. who likes to admit being wrong? If I am always right, then people will trust me, listen to my opinions, and rely on whatever I say....The only problem with that, is that it isn't always true. I make lots of mistakes, but before Program, I never liked to admit them. Come to think of it, even after years of working program, I still don't like to admit it, although these days, I do so more often.Why is that, do you think? - that I don't like to admit it? Well, that would mean that I am fallible, that I don't always have the answers, and that I don't always do everything correctly; hmmm. That would mean that I'm human, and may
Boredom - and how can life entertain me? 2008-01-31 22:54:00 From Easy Does It, Feb. 1 : "Boredom
is a form of conceit. When we are bored, we are saying,'Okay life, you are not doing your job of keeping me entertain
ed.' To think that life, or those around us, or the world itself is here primarily to keep us amused and entertained is stinking thinking'. This thinking can screw up our attitude and take us back to the point where our addiction seems like the only way out of that boredom".I remember a friend who used to describe her life as 'boring, boring'. She couldn't wait to move, in the hope that life somewhere else would be more interesting. For me, boredom is a slippery time. Just like it says in this quote above, boredom and lonliness were two of my triggers for acting out.I think of people who say "I'm killing time". What a very scary expressio
Does Happiness Breed Satisfaction? Fielding Life's Curve Balls- 2008-01-31 10:32:00 From Easy Does It, Jan. 31:"If it is happiness you want, change yourself, not other people. It is easier to protect your feet with shoes than to carpet the whole earth.... Happiness breeds satisfaction- with ourselves, our fellow travelers, and life as a whole. It is difficult to be successful without finding happiness ".I don't know how much I agree with this one- Well, the first part, for sure. If I keep trying to change other people, I might as well give up before I start- because that is something that is really impossible to do.It's the second part that I question. I think that satisfaction breeds a certain amount of happiness, or perhaps it is merely complacency. Or maybe serenity. But is it really happiness? Or is that just a word that we give to other things that really mean a lac Read more:Balls
, Curve
, Satisfaction
, Breed
Act, not Re-act 2008-01-29 14:32:00 From The Promise of a New Day, Jan. 29:" We have no power over the events of today, except our power over our own behavior. If we act from our knowledge of what is right for us, all will be well".How true this is! When today's events present themselves, I may be satisfied with them, or I may be frustrated and angry. But in either case, I really have no control over the events themselves. The only thing that I may have control over, are my own reactions to the events, and my own behavior. Sometimes I even wonder about those! In the old days, I would often be unable even to control this- I would scream and get angry if things didn't go my own way. I would try to push others into doing things the way I thought was right. I would attempt to maneuver things in the ways I thought were correct.
Regret and Remorse 2008-01-27 04:17:00 From Easy Does It, January 27:"All of us have things we regret. But when regret takes possession of our thoughts and lives, we are in trouble.... To concentrate on lost opportunities or to wish the past was different opens the door to despair. All we can do is the best we can do at any given moment ".I think this is a great point. Regret
leads to despair, simply because it is a form of "worry" over things that can't be changed. What can possibly result from such worry?Everything about it simply leads to despair, sorrow, self- punishing, and most of all- aggravation.Why didn't? Why couldn't? Why isn't?These three short statements are the source of so much heartache in so many lives.But when we reach a place where we believe that everything happens for a reason- that everything is meant t
My Personal Map Designed Just For Me 2008-01-24 12:26:00 From Twenty Four Hours a Day, Jan.24:" I know that I cannot see the road ahead. I must go just one step at a time, because G-d does not grant me a longer view ".This could be potentially very scary. Picture someone in a submarine, looking through the periscope. It's view is blocked by a large rock, lying not far ahead in the water. How can the pilot know what is beyond it? How can he steer around it? How can he chart his course? Fortunately, he has sonar and maps. Even though his vision is very limited, he can trust the mapmakers who knew more than he, and who had the wisdom to draw and plan the maps.So too, with us. If I think that I am limited by my own abilities to see what is before me, I will certainly tiptoe very carefully, afraid to take any big steps. But when I know that G-d has Read more:Personal
Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again... 2008-01-23 08:23:00 From : Twenty Four Hours a Day, Jan. 23: "Alcoholics... are always making the same mistakes and suffering the same consequence over and over again...".Well, it's not only alcoholics who do this. In fact, in program, we often hear the slogan: Insanity is doing
the same thing over and over again, but expecting different results.How many of us are caught in this vicious trap, or cycle -of repeating our same mistakes over and over, but thinking that this time something different will happen?I know that I was stuck in that rut for a very long time. Over and over, I would react the very same way to the very same triggers, but had convinced myself that "next time" would be different. The truth is, (and here goes another program slogan) - If nothing changes, then nothing changes.That goes well wit
Wherever I go, there I am 2008-01-22 04:02:00 Some of us try to run away from ourselves and from the truth. Using a radio or an mp3 player or a cell phone whenever I am alone is merely a way to keep myself from thinking, and from spending "quality time" with myself. All the distractions are like a "busy box- activity toy" in a child's crib- preventing him from just playing and discovering his fingers and toes. What are WE afraid to find during that alone time?I used to be like that- and the self-soothing of addictive behaviors was just one more way to avoid being with "me".A problem with this type of avoidance is that you can never really get away from yourself; wherever you go, there you are....So eventually, if we keep this up, we finally realize that the whole idea is futile. Sooner or later, we have to look ourselves in the eye- u
Keep Folding 2008-01-18 07:19:00 From : 24 hours a day, Jan. 17:"Even after I have been working the Steps for many years, and this has certainly rebuilt my self esteem, there are still times when I doubt myself, and the old feelings of insecurity and fear of failure recur… Will I ever get rid of them? "Rabbi Twerski compares this to a piece of cardboard, which has been folded and unfolded; it retains its crease, and all it takes to slip back onto the old creases is a little pressure. So too with us- even with all the work we have done, a little stress can easily propel us back into those old doubts and feelings of failure-. But, he also points out, this can also be a point of growth.I think I understand this in a little different way- Although those old feelings can easily be retriggered in me, I am no longer the perso Read more:Folding
A Quiet Comparison 2008-01-12 15:39:00 From: A Day at a Time, Jan. 12: "When I sit quietly and compare my life today with the way it used to be, the difference is almost beyond belief ."I will start by saying that I find little resemblance to the BP (before program) me and the AP (after Program) me. Simply put, I live differently, react to life's challenges differently and care differently. I accept myself and others differently. My relationships with others and with Hashem (G-d) are totally different than they were before I began working the Program. If someone would have told me way back then that all this was possible, I don't think I would have believed them. I can honestly say that I bless the day when I was introduced to the 12 steps, and I am grateful that they have changed my life in such monumental ways.Perhaps it Read more:Quiet
G-d Reads All His Mail 2008-01-08 04:08:00 From Twenty Four Hours a Day, Jan.8:" I know that serenity is the result of faithful, trusting acceptance of G-d's will, even in the midst of difficulties ". I always think that it's easy to trust when things are moving along smoothly; the problem arises when life gets complicated and filled with glitches. That's when my faith is really tested. Will I get nervous, anxious, or even panic at all the things that are out of my control? Or will I stop myself long enough to remember that life is not a mess of haphazard events aimed at destroying me and my sense of calm- but instead, a planned out series of events overseen by my Creator- and that these are happening for a reason (even if it's a reason I don't know or understand)?The truth is, too often the first option happens, and I get over
Grain by Grain 2008-01-06 14:36:00 From Twenty Four Hours a Day, Jan. 6, "No act of kindness is ever too small to serve a good purpose. Oceans are made possible by little drops of water. Beaches are formed by tiny grains of sand. Slowly but surely, small efforts combine to help, encourage, and lead others to an ocean of success".Many times I have thought to myself- "why bother?" of "what's the point?"- especially if I assumed that my own efforts would be minute or ineffectual. Recently I read about the boy who was tossing beached starfish back into the sea. Someone passed by and laughed at him, saying "look at the thousands of starfish lying there. Do you think you can really make a difference in saving them? The little boy tossed in another one and said " Made a difference to that one!".I think that is the point here- Who Read more:Grain
Denial Is A Trick I Play On Myself 2008-01-05 16:56:00 "Denial
of the truth leads to destruction. Only an honest admission to ourselves of the reality of our condition can save us from our destructive behavior".The word Denial has had a lot of jokes written about it. "Denial is not a river in Egypt", is one of my favorites. I know many people who live in the state of Denial, and believe me, it is larger than Texas.When we live in denial, we walk around with blinders on our eyes- but unfortunately we do not have "bumper guards" on our bodies. This denial doesn't protect us from the bumps of life. If anything, it is more like a magnet, almost attracting pitfalls and stumbling blocks into our path.Denial prevents me from seeing myself- from recognizing and acknowledging the things I need to work towards fixing. It's like looking onto one of t Read more:Trick
The Power Within 2008-03-14 08:52:00 From The Big Book, Pg. 275 : "A complete change takes place in our approach to life. Where we used to run from responsibility, we find ourselves accepting it with gratitude that we can successfully shoulder it. ... There is no more aloneness, with that awful ache so deep in the heart that nothing before could ever reach it. That ache is gone, and never need return again. Now there is a sense of belonging, of being wanted and needed and loved".I know that here this is really talking about making new friends in program who can understand me because they came from the same place that I did, and meet up with similar frustrations and challenges. But in addition, and certainly more important, is this new sense of not being alone, which comes more from my newfound awareness of Hashems' (my Hig
Faith and action are the ideal combination 2008-03-19 00:20:00 From Seek Sobriety, Find Serenity, March 19th:" Faith
and action are the ideal
combination. The psalmist says' Trust in G-d and do good' Total reliance on G-d, to the extent that we make no effort on our own behalf, will not succeed.....While our own efforts are essential, they are not always sufficient ". This is one of the questions that I've been hearing since I began working program, many years ago. Sometimes I hear 'program people' or others ask:, "how do we know when to make an effort and when to just leave it all up to G-d?" . And then there is the other confusing saying- "G-d helps those who help themselves." I was brought up with that one. And of course, we have the third question- "what about when I can't do anything, won't Hashem (G-d) still help me with that? or should I ju
An Attitude of Gratitude 2008-03-20 10:39:00 The other day (-within.html) I wrote about a long meditation session I was fortunate to have (do??) and I would like to continue writing about that experience now: After recognizing and acknowledging my HP (Hashem's) Presence, the next step for me, , was to realize that feeling this was not enough. If I could honestly see that He was in my life, then it stands to reason that I need to express my gratitude for this- and not only for this- but for every single gift which He grants me every single second that I am alive.What happened in actuality, was that I began to say to myself in my mind (i.e. to meditate)- Thank You, Hashem, for every breath that I take (and I thought of my friend who recently lost her mother due to lung problems),Thank You Hashem, for every step that I take (for there a
Dropping The Burdens 2008-03-31 22:56:00 From Seek Sobriety Find Serenity, April 1 : "Trust is an important concept, vital to recovery. But for many people trust is an unknown. They have found that each time they trusted, they were hurt. Too often trust has led to disappointment.People who feel unable to trust anyone have decided to do everything themselves...In AA you feel find people who can be trusted... As trust increases, you find people who can guide you to a new way of living".This is definitely something that I can identify with. I never trusted anyone much before Program, and that was because I had been let down too often. As a result, I began to depend on myself for most things- I guess that means I was the only one I trusted to carry through. But that also meant that there was an awful lot of pressure on me to solve al
Character is what you are in the dark 2008-04-06 01:13:00 From Easy Does It, April 6 :Character
is what you are in the Dark (D.L. Moody) We are not born with character. We have to build it through patience, self-esteem, and humility...Character is what we are underneath all the layers of our defenses that we show the world.... Character is an outer show of an inner glow.... It is a force that respects truth and develops will and spirit... ".For me, character, is first of all, a word that I always spell incorrectly. I have a tendency to stick an extra h in it, or misplace the one h that comes after the first "c".On a more serious note, though, I like the first quote, the one by Moody, which says that character is what you are in the dark. I assume this means when neither you , nor others, can see any external trappings you have added to fool yours
Recommend Site To A Friend
