Owner: Catpaw - Diary of an Angry Cat URL:http://catpawsblog.com/diary/ Join Date: Wed, 17 Oct 2007 19:46:04 -0500 Rating:0 Site Description: Catpaw lives in Toronto. When not blogging and annoying people, Catpaw fixes computers and helps people figure out what to do with them.
Traits:
Very cranky, aversion to noise, handy with paws, believes the world needs more dictionaries.
Political at Site statistics:Click here
The decline of the articulate insult - some random thoughts 2007-10-19 15:20:00 I’m at my usual place - my favourite cafe, eating and drinking cappuccinos and have begun to ponder the decline of the articulate insult. Insulting one’s opponents was an art form no so long ago. It took flair and certain amount of literary panache to come up with an intelligent insult. Today, alas, insulting someone has been watered down to foul language and nasty comments.
Why, you are asking, am I sitting here thinking such strange thoughts
? The answer could be, I’m bored and I have a low grade migraine. Or it could be I was sitting here enjoying myself when some clod with a cell phone intruded upon my peace of mind and threw a temper tantrum on the phone. Evidently his vocabulary is very limited to base bodily functions. All so terribly boring. Why not tell someone to go do rude things to their lower anatomy rather than F@ck themselves? It sounds so much more intelligent.
Canada’s own Sir John A. MacDonald (our first Prime Minister) was a legend when it came
Cardinal Wolsey - I need your insight - The Tudors on showcase 2007-10-16 15:37:52 I haven’t watched this new show, though it is hard to miss the ads for it. Huge posters pepper the streetcars and subway stations here in Toronto. It’s a Showcase tv miniseries about the life of young Henry VIII.
There is something unsettling about the posters. The title character - Henry of course - has been groomed and plucked until there isn’t a hair on his body. No chest hairs, no arm hairs - yuck! He is the quintessential metro sexual male. All smooth baby soft surfaces and not a hair out of place.
Now my question, perhaps best answered by Cardinal
Wolsey himself, is this:
Did Henry suffer from such a bad fashion? Did he have every hair on his body plucked off?
He looks terribly downtown in the photos. Have the series producers done another disservice to history and remade our hero with 21st century morals and styles? I was under the impression King Henry was the picture of viral manhood. I can’t remember ever reading his court was obsessed with body hair Read more:Tudors
, showcase
Still struggling with Nightwatching - the movie 2007-10-15 14:51:06 Believe it or not, I’m still struggling with the film Nightwatching. I saw it during the Sept. Toronto Film Festival and haven’t decided what I really think about it. Can’t quite make up my mind whether I liked it or loathed it. But after seeing the number of people who have landed on this site looking for a proper review of Nightwatching, I decided I had better write one up.
Its one of those odd films that stays with you, gnawing away.
Visually, the film was a smashing success. Each scene was framed like a Rembrandt painting. This was totally cool! I enjoyed the framing, the colours, the movement. It was an incredible hommage to his work.
But…. oh there is a big but …. I just can’t get past the incredible potty mouth on Rembrandt. Not just Rembrandt, but on all the principles. I am not one of those that believe past generations all spoke in high tones and Shakespearean verse. They spoke just like we do - swearing, slang and contractions. However & Read more:movie
The good corporate citizen - antidote to unending greed 2007-10-13 11:20:02 I often write about corporate
greed and irresponsible behaviour. Today I am happy to bring you a tale of a good corporate citizen. One single person who, using his power as a corporate leader, will make a difference in the lives of 1000’s of lives here in Toronto.
For those of you not familiar with the current fiscal battles taking place in Toronto this year, the politicians here, in a snit of financial irresponsibility were set to close all the outdoor skating rinks in the city. This may not seem important to people in warmer areas, but here in Toronto, outdoor rinks are part of the city’s fabric. Outdoor rinks are popular centres in over 40 spots in Toronto - the home of many impromptu shinny games and family skating outings. Shinny - for the uninitiated - is the great Canadian sport of outdoor hockey. The best hockey games in the country are not played in arenas, nor are the best figure skaters to be found there. Look to the local rink, lips chattering with cold, feet tu
Ridiculous body images mean huge bank accounts 2007-10-10 14:07:00 Dove soap has a new video out - a frightening and illuminating short that is the perfect companion piece to their earlier work, evolution.
The new video is a blitz on the senses, travelling at high speed through all the artificial images of beauty, society is assaulted with on a daily basis. In many ways, the new film is much more hard hitting - more difficult to sit through because it brings the attack on the female body down to a level that is much more visceral than before. It shows, very clearly the impact it is having on young girls. Just go to http://www.campaignforrealbeauty.com
Dove’s Campaign For Real Beauty is a great piece of marketing. I understand that. Dove is in the business of making money - don’t fool yourself about that. But they have opted for the high road - and I’m afraid, the long, difficult and lonely road. They are not stooping to using women who have been reshaped, bodies slashed apart until they resemble either young boys or little girls. W
Culture of tail wagging - if only we had cat tails 2007-10-05 09:18:00 I wonder what it would be like if humans had tails like cats.
Can you imagine the social repercussions? Seriously, we would have to come up with an entire social etiquette on tail behaviour.
Clothing manufacturers would have to create little flaps in pants so the tail can fit through … but what about skirts? Is it proper to have the hole in the back of a skirt? Or is it proper to just have it tucked in? Which would be more sensual? Which would be rude?
Would it be polite to comb your tail in public? You think the current paranoia about dandruff is bad, just think about the ads concerning tail dandruff!
With this mania for body modifications, how many people would opt for a tail bob, having their tails turned into a dog style tails or worse? Is it proper to pierce one’s tail? How about tattooing it? If you are a tabby, could you shave your tail and get calico tattoos as a statement of rebellion?
How about styles? Traditional still or some wild frightened cat frizzy look?
Must have been a boring night last night 2007-10-04 13:46:24 Not sure what was happening in the world last night, but looks like most of you were logging in here to read the old Catpaw rant. I was taken by surprise by the sheer volume of hits I received in a short period of time. From midnight until about 7pm yesterday I had 0 visitors.
That’s right - the big goose egg. I’ve been receiving between 10 to 17 hits a day - respectable, but greedy me wanted more. I have to admit I was a bit disappointed yesterday to see no visitors so at 7pm I tried something new. I logged onto my Stumble account and stumbled my own site to see if it would bring anyone in.
Well… spank my back side and colour me shocked! At 8:30pm I couldn’t log onto my own site for about 5 minutes because it was so busy. Stumble wasn’t the only place to bring in this bumper crop of visitors, but it sure brought in the bulk of them. By midnight I had 85 visits. That’s right - 85 individual hits in 5 hours. Considering 20 hits in a 24 hour perio Read more:boring
Pain gone for now - migraine receeding if only the idiots would go away 2007-10-02 14:37:28 I can’t explain how much I hate migraines. I’ve suffered through them since I was a child and know pretty much how bad a migraine is going to be early on. Some just feel different. Yesterday was one of them. I made it through the workday - not sure how, but I did. When I made it home I thought I was going to die. Of course I wasn’t going to. It turned into one of those excruciating episodes where you wish you could go to emergency and tell them make me better - but again, its a migraine, the meds I have eventually work. I’ve been to emerg for migraines before and I knew this wasn’t going to be that bad.
And ranking right up there, with the extreme pain, sensitivity to light, sound, smells, nausea, mind bending pressure on the temples and rather bizarre light show is people who say
“Oh I took two aspirin/whatever and my migraine went away.”
If you can say that, then you have never, ever suffered a migraine.
My next favourite saying,
“if y
Ohh… too much pain 2007-10-01 15:56:30 Migraine, no talk, no type … not happy … crabby … complaining … whining …. pain ….
If you liked that post, then try these...Charmin toilet paper - enough with the bears already by catpaw on July 14th, 2007Bloody hot weather and migraines by catpaw on June 26th, 2007Not much better in here either. by catpaw on July 12th, 2007
I laughed so hard I ended up crying 2007-09-27 23:07:41 According to US Senator Ken Salazar of Colorado, “There are more international terrorist organizations active in Canada than anywhere else in the world,” he maintains. I haven’t stopped laughing about this one.
The secret is out I guess - we, up here in Canada, are just one big group of happy terrorists … yup, along with our socialised medicine, proud history of Peace Keeping, and a tradition of compromise, we are are a group of subversive nasties. Canadians are just waiting to infiltrate the unsuspecting world … oh wait a minute … did I say Peace Keeping?
Canada, the nation that helped pioneer Peace Keeping, has been labeled a hotbed of terrorist activity by some nutcake in Colorado. Not just a hotbed, but the nation with the most international terrorist organizations than anywhere else. Where did he get his information? A lead laced fortune cookie? I suggest Mr. Salazar pick up a book and check his facts - that is if he knows how to read. We a Read more:laughed
, crying
A bit crabby but feeling much better 2007-10-23 07:22:23 I’ve been quite negligent in my writing the past few days. Blame it on the bizarre weather here in Toronto. We seem to ricochet from one extreme to another. It was a glorious weekend - sunshine and unseasonably warm. Where was I? In bed with a migraine that wouldn’t stop. Finally lifted yesterday. Today? Wet, chilly and miserable out there. You guessed it! No migraine. There is no justice in this world! I lost what might be the last good weekend before winter takes hold. I’m going to mutter about that all day.
To make matters worse, there is all this construction going on in the neigbourhood. Endless jackhammers and trucks. They start, in theory, at 8am. In practice they sometimes start as early as 7am. Even on Saturday I can hear them banging away.
First it was road repairs, then one new condo just down the street. They did beautiful job on the building and it adds a nice element to the area. I like it a lot.
Then just as that condo development settled down, a new on Read more:better
Border identification 101 for the State Department 2007-10-29 22:46:27 To: The US StateDepartment
and Homeland Security
CC: Disney Corporation
Re: see my previous post concerning US film inclusion of Horseshoe Falls in American film
I’ve decided, in my quest to reassert Canada’s claim to the Horseshoe Falls for Canada, to supply the State Department
with a little map of the border between Canada and the USA.
I sincerely hope it helps identify where the border is.
I realise borders can be very pesky to you busy folks, but I can’t help but be terribly concerned you may miss a few errant Canadian beavers and other assorted other terrifying northern creatures that may be attempting to cross the border at the Falls, into the US.
I’ve included all pertinent information that may help the State Department in the future. Please feel free to download and print the handy map I have created for you. Seriously consider pinning the map to your cubicle walls if necessary. I know how hard it is to remember just where borders are. I mean, it&rsquo Read more:Border
Oh for pete’s sake buy the Bush administration a map! 2007-10-29 09:37:22 The brilliant minds down south in Washington, and further down in Disneyland have pulled a bone headed mistake. They have claimed the Canadian side of Niagara falls, the Horseshoe Falls, as part of the US in their new promotional film. One of Canada’s best know and loved landmarks is now appearing in a US government video as part of the magnificent US landscape.
Now get this, the Horseshoe Falls clip was filmed in Canada. Obviously whoever filmed it didn’t understand that when you cross the border - you know, the big demarcation between the US and Canada, the place with all the little booths set up to question you when you go back and forth - you are in a different country.
What scares me about this incident is the film was produced by the State Department and Homeland Security. These yahoos can’t even figure out where the American border is. How the hell are they going to defend it? Even more pointedly, isn’t it the job of the State Department to understand bor
A&E finally gets a clue - bye bye “Dog” 2007-11-08 00:10:00 A&E TV has finally put Dog the bounty hunter on hold. Finally!
The station, previously know as television that brought us interesting programs such as Tenko, thought provoking documentaries, original productions, has long slithered down the sewer of second rate, shock programming and rerun heaven.
A&E no longer stands for Arts and Entertainment TV, but Awful & Egregious. In the last few years, all originality has been sucked from its programming, to be replaced with such “reality” shows as:
Dog the Bounty Hunter - a self-righteous thug who thinks nothing of breaking foreign laws because “hey, I’m doing God’s work”
Growing Up Gotti - the noxious ode to criminal excess and horrid child rearing practices. Inflicting those wretched sons on the public should have been a criminal offense. And Gotti’s lionization of her father was sickening.
Sons of Hollywood - a lame attempt to employ the unemployed and talentless sons of Hollywood power
I was going to be nice today 2007-11-09 10:23:28 Seriously! I was! I had a nice little, amusing post for you and then Sympatico blew it. Sympatico is my internet provider. Normally I’m quite happy with them but this week I’ve been so steamed I can’t sit still for long.
I have no connection at home. None… bereft … I’m am without. Now how sad is that?
Very.
I have been internetless for over a day now with no relief in site until tomorrow afternoon. When I called to find out what was going on, I was told it may take 66 hours for the technicians to clear up the problem. 66 hours!?! Keep in mind these are business hours, not 24 hours. We are talking about sometime next week for resolution. I kept hearing the same line over and over about how valuable a customer I am, yada yada yada. When I asked why it will take so long, I was told my patience is important, I am valuable… you get the picture. I lost all patience after being down for 10 hours and said as much.
Now, I was very nice to the poor
Another journey along Canada’s Highway of Heroes 2007-11-17 09:49:59 Two Canadian soldiers and their interpretor were killed in the early hours of the morning today. While we slept soundly here in Canada
, Corp. Nicolas Raymond Beauchamp of the 5th Field Ambulance in Valcartier and Pte. Michel Levesque of the Royal 22nd were killed when their light armoured vehicle hit an IED. Three other soldiers were wounded, but thankfully they will recover.
We have lost 73 soldiers in the past five years. Yes, it has been that long. Hard to believe that while we sit in our homes, with hardly a thought to what is going on a world away, the fight is continuing unabated. I have my own opinions about the wars and conflicts going on around the globe - and not all of these thoughts are polite or politically correct or will endure me to my readers. Today is not the time to debate the rights or wrongs of Iraq and other battles. But when it comes to the battle with the Taliban, I’m not torn at all. This vile group of misogynistic knuckle draggers have caused too much p Read more:along
, Highway
Ho, ho hoooo my god it’s snowing outside! 2007-11-22 07:36:50 I awoke this morning to see snow! Ice! YUCK… yes indeed folks, its the first official snow storm of the winter. Not much out there, but we got a lot of freezing rain during the night. Its guaranteed to make for a slippery, messy morning. Since the muck started sometime last night, the OPP (Ontario Provincial Police who patrol our highways here in Ontario) have responded to over 200 collisions. That’s a lot of dented fenders. The figure doesn’t take into account how many fender benders took place here in the city itself. According to the spokesperson for the OPP, 100 of the collisions occurred over night but as of the start of rush hour this morning, police were seeing about 1 collision a minute. Most of the bang ups will be fender dents and crunches and cars skidding into the ditch because drivers won’t slow down.
It’s always nasty on the roads during the first storm of the season. Canadian’s seem to suffer from collective amnesia - we forget how to
They are at it again! More noise, more migraines 2007-12-05 11:34:22 I’m sitting at my desk, trying to get some work done. I’m also working on a king sized migraine. I’m very annoyed with 2 things -
- the damned migraine bottle is child proofed. That translates into an unopenable bottle. It’s hard enough opening the bottle without a migraine. It’s impossible to figure out when you’re head is pounding. I took to smashing it with a cleaver in desperation. Got my pills.
Head still aches.
- second problem? The city is pretending to work on the huge trenches they made across the street just about a year ago. Under the pretense of repairing the subway, the city made two huge trenches and left them open, collecting water. The only activity we see going on over there is the pumping out of water periodically. The work was supposed to take about 2 months, and true to form, Toronto is still pissing around with it. I swear, this city spends more time on not working than finishing any assigned jobs.
This is the 3rd day the pumper
Another peculiar moment here at catpaw central 2007-12-04 09:37:14 There must be something in the air here in Toronto. No, I’m not talking about the cold, the snow, the wind we are having, I’m talking about something much less tangible. I can’t seem to travel along the subway without having ‘thoughts’. Oh get your mind out of the sewer! Not that kind of thoughts.
Everytime I use the Eglington Subway, this past month, I am greeted with a sign for one of those entertainment shows, highlighted with their beaming, gleaming denture work. I can’t remember what the show is - they all look the same - but I always stop and stare at the female host. For the longest time I couldn’t put my finger on what it was about her that made me stop. On Saturday it hit me … I realized what, about her, made me shake my head -
She looks like a bobble head figure! Yes! That’s it. Her body is so skinny, it makes her head look too large. She is proportionally incorrect now.
That single connection has led to an entire casca
I’m having a Monty Python Moment Here 2007-11-30 09:33:52
I’m having a real MontyPython
moment here in Toronto. I wander all over the city and see lots of signs - I tend to ignore most of them. But this one always gets to me. Take a look at it… it says “No Live Animals Allowed” and it shows a picture of a parrot on it. I see this in a variety of stores and coffee shops.
A couple of things about this sign give me the giggles:
Why is there a picture of a parrot on the sign? I don’t know about your city, but people here don’t tend to wander the streets with a parrot on their shoulder. You really don’t have to warn folks not to bring their parrots into any eating establishment - not even the pirates.
Is it necessary to say No LIVE Animals? Seriously, who is going to be dragging their dead pet about the city with them? Each time I see this sign, I have visions of John Cleese coming in with his very dead parrot demanding service. I asked the clerk at one coffee shop if it was okay to bring in my d Read more:Moment
, Monty Python
By popular demand - even more twisted fairy tale tabloids 2007-12-13 23:08:37 Fans of the British mag Hello will appreciate this one. I think I’ll have the Gingerbread Man as one of the covers soon. He’s heading into a downward spiral and its kind of fun to watch him take the path of evil. He’s so cute! I’m getting a bit concerned, I am starting to see Fairy Tale Tabloid headlines all the time now. Came up with this one while I was setting up someone’s letterhead. There is a connection there somewhere, but I can’t quite see it.
If you liked that post, then try these...Another tabloid headline we'd like to read - more gossip on the Fairy Tale Kingdom by catpaw on December 11th, 2007Tabloid headlines we'd really like to see by catpaw on December 10th, 2007
Read more:popular
, demand
, fairy
Another tabloid headline we'd like to read - more gossip on the Fairy Tale Kingdom 2007-12-11 09:38:15 I was on a roll yesterday and did up another tabloid - this time for my British readers. I have more tabloids on the back burner. They will give me something to play with during the holidays. Of course you knew Puss in Boots had to land on the cover - he’s my favourite Fairy Tale character.
Click on the image to get the page full size. No cat should have this much fun before coffee, enjoy.
If you liked that post, then try these...By popular demand - even more twisted fairy tale tabloids by catpaw on December 14th, 2007Tabloid headlines we'd really like to see by catpaw on December 10th, 2007
Read more:Kingdom
Tabloid headlines we'd really like to see 2007-12-10 10:02:15 Tabloids I’d actually pay money to read! I should never fire up Photoshop before finishing my coffee, you never know where caffiene deprivation will lead the mind.
If you liked that post, then try these...By popular demand - even more twisted fairy tale tabloids by catpaw on December 14th, 2007Another tabloid headline we'd like to read - more gossip on the Fairy Tale Kingdom by catpaw on December 11th, 2007
Read more:Tabloid
, headlines
Facebook looses face - time for guerilla action 2007-12-07 12:59:56 Facebook has a big plate of eggs on its face after it came to light about their Beacon information collection. It has highlighted the current information gathering frenzy going on in the Internet.
It seems to be the vogue to collect streams of data and then claim it is part of a “technical checking process” as Facebook spokesman Matt Hicks claimed or that the information was not stored, used or sold. If this is the case, then why go to the bother of collecting all the data in the first place. Isn’t there a more efficient way of providing a “technical check” - that phrase is nothing more than marketing blather.
In this case the info gathering went far beyond gathering benign data - it was used to track purchases online. The data was then shared with other users and advertisers without consent. This flies in the face of Facebook’s claim the data was not used in any way. Sounds to me like what we used to call a bold faced lie. How Facebook can stand up Read more:Facebook
, guerilla
Catpaw leads a very sheltered life - more fun with the US postal service 2007-12-06 11:56:11 I’ve been scooting through Canada Post and United States Postal Service web sites, looking at what cannot be mailed to various countries. I’ve come to a rather sad conclusion - I must lead a very sheltered life. While many of the items that are prohibited are downright comical, some give me pause. Examples:
“Photographic films, including plates and paper intended for photography.” Cameras cause a problem in all sorts of countries. Can’t have the public making a visual record of the government’s jackboot behaviour.
Vietnam goes one better - “Invisible ink, codes, cyphers, symbols or other types of secret correspondence, and shorthand notes.” Can’t eavesdrop on the Prols if you can’t understand what they are saying, now can you. I just love the invisible ink part. It pops up in a few cases, but it is so James Bond, or primary school. I remember the fun we had making our own invisible ink way back in grade 4.
Phones, recorders an
Thanks for the silly moment recomendation! 2007-12-05 20:06:36 On the advice of a reader, I popped over to the US Postal Services site to peek at the list of no nos for mailing stuff. Blogger Roufa Tav Gosou & Mimi Lass were right! It looks like the Postal Service have experienced a few Monty Python moments of their own. The mind shutters at why USPS found it necessary to write this stuff down, but you and I both know they had to. Humanity worries me.
Here are my favourites:
To Canada:
Used or secondhand hives or bee supplies. - Damned, guess I can’t send those used bee hives. How the hell do you pack a bee hive? Are there special cone shaped boxes just for them?
Perishable infectious biological substances - oh how tragic it is that this even needs to be said, let alone put down on paper.
Reproductions of Canadian postage stamps unless printed in publications in black and white only and with a defacing line drawn across each reproduction. - Holy Cats! I never knew this one! This means the new stamp catalogues that are now in full colou Read more:Thanks
I know I asked for a white Christmas, but this is just silly 2007-12-17 08:50:33 To all you folks doing your little snow dances so we’ll have a white Christmas
- it’s okay, you can stop now. We have enough snow.
No seriously, stop, please.
Here’s the view from my balcony, during the fall
and during the storm.
So please stop all dancing motions. Anymore snow and you’ll be hearing from my lawyer!
If you liked that post, then try these...Hot ‘N Spicy fails to ignite by catpaw on August 23rd, 2007Cat + fresh laundry = furry clean clothes by catpaw on August 28th, 2007Update on my quest for millions by catpaw on August 31st, 2007
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