Owner: Lights Camera Caption URL:http://lightscameracaption.wordpress.com Join Date: Fri, 12 Oct 2007 09:47:11 -0500 Rating:0 Site Description: Lights Camera Caption is dedicated to reporting the latest news and gossip from people who are larger than life, while completely making up our own version of the truth as well. Site statistics:Click here
Heroes Star vs X-Men 2007-10-12 08:32:47
Heroes star Hayden Panettiere dressed as a sexy cowgirl for an Early-Halloween Party. On the successful NBC program, Hayden has gain immense popularity because of her character Claire whose super power allows for her to regenerate quickly when hurt. When asked about the comparison between her character and the Marvel comic character Wolverine, a slightly intoxicated Panettiere said, “Wolverine? If he was here now, I’d beat that hairy bastard to the ground!” Moments later an unprepared Panettiere was decapitated by the stealthy Hugh Jackman.
Read more about super heroes: David Hasselhoff
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Ben Affleck’s Embarrassing Tattoos 2007-10-11 16:47:44
Ben Affleck recently revealed to People magazine that he covered an old tatoo of his high school sweetheart’s name with a dolphin. What he didn’t tell People was that he also got a large shamrock to cover up his Matt Damon ass tattoo.
Read more about: Ben Affleck wearing an ear of corn costume
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Read more:Embarrassing
, Tattoos
King of Music: Bobby Brown 2007-10-11 14:29:57 BobbyBrown
was admitted to a hospital yesterday after having a mild heart attack. Upon his release, Bobby told the press the following:
Bobby Brown
did not have a heart attack. The king of music cannot be attacked. Bobby Brown is the one who attacks the hearts–of the ladies. Nothing can stop my music career. Not even death. But I won’t die until I’m 127. And even then, Bobby Brown will live on in your hearts. Especially the hearts of your baby daughters who will grow up to be Bobby Brown’s sexy prerogative.
Read more about people who refer to themselves in the third person: Hugh Hefner
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Read more:Music
Britney’s Album Date Bumped Up! 2007-10-11 09:27:58
It has been confirmed by her record label that Britney
Spears’ album Blackout will be released October 29th instead of November 12th. Many are pointing out the irony behind the album title considering Britney’s questionable sobriety. However, many other albums have thrived with similar titles:
Read more about Britney: The new music video
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Read more:Album
Hasselhoff Poisoned By Awesomeness 2007-10-10 14:57:46
Last night, David Hasselhoff
checked himself into the hospital after a night of binge drinking and partying with large breasted women. By the end of the night, Hasselhoff had ripped his shirt off screaming, “I can save anybody from drowning! Where did I park the Delorian!?” Which was awkward because in Knight Rider he drove a Pontiac Trans-Am named ‘Kit.’ Friends suggested Hasselhoff see a doctor when he attempted to run through the bar in slow motion. Doctors later explained Hasselhoff had been poisoned by alcohol–not awesomeness.
Also read: Howard K. Stern’s Gay Love Affair
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Read more:Poisoned
Ugly People Not Liked By The Beautiful 2007-10-10 12:39:00
The men’s magazine Esquire has named Charlize Theron the sexiest woman alive. The South African beauty has been known for her stunning features since her film debut, but only recently has she garnered critical acclaim as well. Coming in at a distant last place was Jabba the Hutt:
Read more about really really not attractive people: Amy Winehouse
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Read more:Beautiful
Hugh Hefner’s Penis Surgery. 2007-10-10 08:02:24
Hugh Hefner
had experimental surgery last week to ensure his body could keep up with his world-record-setting libido. Doctors injected a special compound into Hefner’s penis which will allow for his member to remain erect constantly. Seen here, Paris Hilton is secretly being poked by the original Playboy. Hefner commented, “Who would have ever thought medicine would have come so far? When I was young, the only sexual enhancements for men were roofies.”
Read more about erect penises: Rick Solomon teaches ‘Sex Tapes 101′
Read more about people who have been slipped roofies: Jennifer Lopez knocked up!
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Read more:Surgery
, Penis
, Hugh Hefner
Shakira Disses Wyclef Jean 2007-10-09 13:40:20
An unreleased interview with Shakira
was released today, and considering her comments on Wyclef
Jean, we now understand the cover up:
“When we were recording the Hips Don’t Lie, I was very excite to have Wyclef involve. I’ve always considered his music beautiful and full of the viva. But I became angry when he tried to speak Spanish. ¿Como se llama? Bonita. Mi casa, su casa… What is your name? Pretty. My house, your house. What the fuck does that mean??”
Read more about angry “celebrities:” Chris Crocker Furious Now
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Read more:Wyclef Jean
Chris Crocker Slammed On Fox News 2007-10-09 09:52:00
Recently, Fox News played a portion of ChrisCrocker
’s eccentric defense of Britney Spears during which they questioned his gender and even compared him to Bin Laden. The station has consistently provided a conservative slant on the news, and this criticism of Crocker has only infuriated many gay rights supporters. Fox News anchor Chris Wallace said in response, “I don’t hate gay people. I am fine with gay people. In fact, as an apology I’m willing to send Mr. Crocker on vacation to a tropical island. An island far, far away.”
Read more about: Crazy Chris Crocker with Alexis Arquette
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Baby Dannielynn could owe $200K 2007-10-16 14:22:29
Richard Milstein, who represented Dannielynn
Hope Marshall Birkhead during the dispute over Anna Nicole’s corpse, has filed a lawsuite for nearly $200,000 against the infant. “I deserve that money. That baby needs to fork over the dough or get a job.” When asked how he felt about the lawsuit and how Dannielynn would come up with so much money with her inheritance kept in a trust fund, Larry Birkhead replied, “Damn. Two hundred grand? That’s a lot. What’s the youngest you can be to model for Playboy?”
Read more on the Anna Nicole circus: Howard K. Stern’s Gay Love Affair
Britney Spears Wants The Spice Girls 2007-10-16 11:37:25
The new SpiceGirls
album will not be available through traditional retail outlets. If you want to get your hands on their new release, you’ll have to go shopping at your local Vicoria’s Secret. This sends a clear message to the public about who the Spice Girls
’ target demographic is and is not. Clearly they aren’t expecting men or BritneySpears
to buy their album since neither wears women’s underwear. Ever.
Read more about: The Spice Girls’ New “Spice Nicknames“
Read more:Britney Spears
Charges Against Girls Gone Wild Dropped 2007-10-15 14:37:23
Joe Francis, of Girls
Gone Wild fame, was facing the firing range one month ago. Two girls sued Francis for using nude footage of them without their permission. Now, one month later, the two girls suing Francis have dropped all charges and issued an apology. Ironically, footage of the girls consenting to being on camera was released online refuting any prior claims that their participation was non-consensual. Their involvement was deemed entirely consensual since the video shows the two girls signing a Girls Gone Wild waiver with their vaginas.
Also read about: TI arrested for machine gun purchase.
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Read more:Dropped
Britney and Princess Diana: Kindred Spirits? 2007-10-15 11:13:32 Britney
Spears has recently expressed concern that she faces the same destiny as PrincessDiana
. She has filled one room of her house with photos, books, and other memorabilia of the late princess of Wales. Britney has been spotted carrying a doll bearing a resemblance to Diana, and, according to one source, talks to it and asks it for advice.
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Britney has many things in common with Princess Diana
. Both were philanthropists with hearts of gold, both were wonderful with children, and both Britney and the beloved princess had their kooch photo documented more than a porn star.
Read more about pink-eye: Pink Eye For Diddy
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Read more:Kindred
, Spirits
Look At Beyonce’s Boobs 2007-10-15 08:24:04
Which of these two boobs is the best? Is one bigger than the other? Is one more prone to cancer than the other? Which one does Jay-Z like better? If one slips out, will we have six more weeks of winter? Wait, that one doesn’t fit the ironic innuendo at all.
Read more about these two boobs: Kanye West and 50 Cent
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Read more:Beyonce
Nelly Furtado Has Blonde Hair (why) 2007-10-15 08:16:38
Alicia: I’ve always wanted to meet you, Paris Hilton.
Nelly
: I’m not Paris Hilton. Don’t you know me… maybe this will help. I’m like a biiird, I’ll only fly aw–
Alicia: Stop that, Paris Hilton! Damn. Maybe you should use that supercomputer on your wrist to time travel and rethink that song. And that wig.
Read more about another sexy blonde: Chris Crocker
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Read more:Furtado
, Blonde
, Nelly Furtado
TI Arrested. No Machine Guns For You. 2007-10-14 12:13:16
Rapper TI was arrested yesterday after authorities traced a large purchase of machine guns back to the previously convicted felon. The middle man in the picture, TI’s bodyguard, turned on his boss and cooperated with the police which led to yesterday’s arrest. That bodyguard is expected to be dead within 48 hours.
In other news, TI took home two awards at the 2007 BET Awards! One for best rap album and one for most likely to shoot up your m— f—- block.
Read more about criminals: Miley Cyrus?
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Read more:Machine
Pink Eye For Diddy 2007-10-13 22:46:56
Unfortunately, a pink eye epidemic starting with the Spears family has spread throughout Hollywood. Diddy
’s clan, seen here hiding their pussing eyes with especially hip aviators, were all on the pink-eye train except for Kim Porter because she is only famous for making Diddy babies and pink eye did not care about her at all.
Read more about infectious diseases: Kevin Federline
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Miley Cyrus: My Show Is Stinksorz 2007-10-13 14:07:53
The 14 year old Disney Channel sensation has suffered at the hands of ticket scalpers selling her concert tickets for upwards of $2,500. She told Ellen DeGenerez on her show Thursday, “It’s going to be a good show, but I don’t think it’s worth what it’s going for.” The humble teenage continued with her self-deprecating attitude by saying, “No seriously, my show is going to blow nuts. I love the money, but my dad is forcing me to do a duet with him of Achey Breaky Heart.”
Read more on Miley Cyrus: First Preggers, Now This?
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Rowling says Harry Potter’s Dumbledore is gay (and not like happy gay) 2007-10-20 10:33:20
Her readers were shocked. Can wizards be gay?
J.K. Rowling
has let loose one of the biggest secrets in literary history: Dumbledore is gay. Amidst the gasps (and even applause), Rowling seemed surprised herself. “You all didn’t know? I thought I made it quite clear,” she told the group of loyal readers. She then grabbed a copy of the latest HarryPotter
book, flipped to the middle, and said, “You’re telling me, when Dumbledore says, ‘Harry, young wizards are naturally curious. If it’s all right with you, I’d like for you to ride my old quidditch broom. It’s not what it used to be, but it can still get the job done. Now unzip my pants,’ that you all didn’t know what I was talking about?!”
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Read more about gay things:
Ellen Degeneres is gay. Should she own a dog?
Copperfield investigation, arrest and child porn? 2007-10-19 15:00:49 These two girls were not to his taste, so he used his sorcery against them.
Authorities are are investigating David Copperfield
for sexual misconduct. No one will verify that these charges are just a masked term for child
molestation, but many have already jumped to that conclusion. An anonymous source tells us that Copperfield used his cunning magician skills to entice children to come with him to his Las Vegas warehouse where he would captivate them with his magic and his flying. Lights Camera Caption has learned from the source that Copperfield will secretly undergo surgery to alter his appearance and escape the country before any child molestation or pornography charges can be made. See below the doctor’s sketch for Copperfield’s facial augmentation:
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Read more about sexual misconduct:
Girls Gone Wild sued, appologized to, keep filming breasts
Chris Crocker Isn’t Crying
Read more:investigation
Winehouse busted for drugs, world shocked to its core 2007-10-19 09:04:24
Amy Winehouse
was busted yesterday for possession of a quarter of an ounce of pot. The rest of the world was floored when they found out the singer was a pot smoker. While the singer has recently lost a dramatic amount of weight, family and friends chalked it up to a simple case of bulimia and gave her laxatives to help her cut pounds. “In Hollywood, you have to be thin,” said Winehouse’s mother. “But marijuana? That’s just unacceptable.” Head of the DEA, Doug Smith also commented on the situation, “Thank God we busted Winehouse for this quarter of pot. We really feel like we’ve made a difference out there. Every drug cartel should feel the rippling effects of this take down.”
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Read more about Amy Winehouse and her breasts
Read more:shocked
David Copperfield: magically arrested! 2007-10-18 21:11:54 Real handcuffs make escape more difficult
DavidCopperfield
is being investigated by authorities for what was at first an unknown crime. Officer Mike McClure and his team raided a warehouse in Las Vegas owned by Copperfield. There they confiscated a computer hard drive, a digital camera system, and $2 million in cash. The press was not allowed on the scene, however, we have for you a transcribed version of the recording from the police radio:
Officer McClure: This has gone on long enough. We should have known better than to trust a musician!
Copperfield:Musician!? I’m no musician. I’m David Copperfield
, Las Vegas’ most famous drug dealer–No! Magician! I’m a magician!
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Read more about criminals:
Ellen Degeneres and her unthoughtful dog giving
Ti and the automatic weapons he uses for murder
Read more:arrested
Rick Solomon + poker = Pam Anderson! 2007-10-18 13:33:25 Pamela wears a 400 carat plastic ring on her head
Pamela Anderson
says that gambling had a heavy hand in her relationship with Rick Solomon. After losing $250,000 to Solomon in a poker game, Pamela was freed from her debt when her husband to be said he’d take a kiss instead. The rest is right out of a fairy tale. A very sexy fair tale. “I’ve been plotting and scheming for the past 15 years, and I finally got the girl,” Solomon tells OK! magazine. “I’ve always been trying to get Pam, even through my relationships with Shannon Doherty, Drew Barrymore, Paris Hilton, and that one time with the sheep. She’s always been the one.”
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Read more about Pam and Rick: Sex tapes 101
Tiger Woods loves Gatorade (because he’s paid to) 2007-10-18 09:23:45 Tiger Woods
is richer. And tastes great too!
Tiger woods has landed a $100 million endorsement deal with Gatorade. For the next five years, Tiger woods will be the face of Gatorade ‘Tiger.’ While no one is winning any awards for creativity as far as the name goes, the television spots are sure to garner attention. Continuing with the “Is It In You?” campaign, Tiger will be sweating and bleeding the color of his namesake Gatorade. When asked what color his blood is going to be, Tiger responded angrily, “God! What is it with you people? I’m multi-racial! …Oh. Wait. Uh, blue I think.”
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Also read about Paris Hilton’s new TV show
Read more:Tiger Woods
Degeneres’ dog is safe (away from her) 2007-10-17 19:42:30
Ellen shoud never own animals. Not even hermit crabs.
The dispute over Ellen Degeneres’ estranged dog, Iggy, is finally over. After Ellen gave the dog away to her hair dresser and 12 year old daughter, the animal adoption agency has striped the dog from them and placed it into another home. When asked for a comment on why they would object to Ellen’s choice of placement for her former dog, the animal shelter replied, “We felt that Iggy was in peril in the hands of lesbians and the friends of lesbians. Lesbians are known for being an aggressive breed, so we did what we had to do.”
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Read more about animal abuse: Paris Hilton love wildlife
J. Lo’s “Brave” album tanks 2007-10-17 10:50:02 America realizes she can’t sing
Maybe it was the time away from the limelight, maybe it was her Star Trek themed album cover, or maybe it was just her voice. But the Jennifer Lopez of the past is now officially just that. Her new album Brave
won’t even debut in the top 10 when the numbers are released later this week. Even her Spanish language album debuted higher than Brave. So it’s official, J. Lo is no longer the out of sight starlet we once knew. Perhaps she can be a wedding planner or a maid in Manhattan because Selena is for sure rolling over in her grave. Clearly everyone’s had enough. Even Sir Mix A Lot’s anaconda don’t want none despite her buns… hun.
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Now read about J. Lo’s babies. Maybe they’ll be able to sing.
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, rdquo
Paris Hilton’s New Show: “The Philanthropist” 2007-10-17 09:56:12 She has much to offer starving children
In November, ParisHilton
will be leaving the country. But don’t get your celebrity-obsessed panties in a wad just yet, the camera crews are following her around. Again. Paris tells the press that she is a new woman after her life changing stint in jail and wants to give back by spending time in Rwanda. The reality show chronicling her journey through Africa is tentatively titled &rdquo
;The Philanthropist.” In other news, God is laughing from on high.
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Read more about irony: Girls Gone Wild is sexist
Read more:ldquo
, Paris Hilton
Discoverer of DNA injects self with extra potent racist gene 2007-10-25 14:03:14 James Watson’s DNA
Geneticist James Watson, who discovered the structure of DNA, caused controversy after an interview when he said he was, “inherently gloomy about the prospect of Africa [because] all our social policies are based on the fact that their intelligence is the same as ours — whereas all the testing says not really.” To add insult to injury, he continued by saying that he hoped people were all equal but “people who have to deal with black employees find this not true… But then again, the people who work with me hope that I’m not a bigot but find this also not true.”
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Read more about racists:
Halle Berry: Discrimination keeps me from getting the roles I want
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