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Toddler story time - or god save me as I am a crap story teller 2007-10-25 09:47:56 Wife has started telling Little Miss a bed time story
she has made up for her. It is all about a Princess who dances in her fairy costume, putting on a show for the whole extended circle of family and friends (who all have to be named individually). Of course everyone things this is the greatest most magical show they have ever seen etc. etc.
It is all extremely cute and adorable as Little Miss laps this up - as all toddler would. Each night the story gets a little more elaborate, with tonights addition being that of a rain dance as it is raining here. I will be honest that it is quite the production and Wife should be proud of her efforts.
But here is the rub. I tell absolutely crap stories. It has taken me two years to get to the point where I don’t read even simple children’s books in a bleak monotone, so the odds of me getting this story correct are next to nil.
And you all know how toddlers can be - one variation from a theme and it is like you have just run over the f
higher higher, faster faster! 2007-10-31 08:37:06 I am not sure if I have mentioned this before but our toddler Little Miss takes after Wife in that she is a little ‘high strung’. Small things can really push her over the edge and lead to a real crying jag - especially if something is spilled.
Another thing that used to freak her out completely was swings. When she was on them she only wanted to go really slowly. Then if some bigger kids got on them and swung normally she would literally have a major freak out and start bawling and screaming.
Well I remember a couple of weeks ago when my father ‘Pa’ was up for the weekend. I dropped him and Little Miss at the park and went to the shops to grab the paper. I came back 30mins later to find Little Miss eating her banana between sobs and ‘Pa’ with a ‘I don’t know what happened but she really freaked out, but it’s not my fault - honest’ look on his face. My poor father, while he is a excellent father and good man he is a bit of a
Ratty - bad boy for toddler love 2007-10-30 08:20:02 Ok, so we took Little Miss the toddler
to Banana’s in Pyjamas yesterday and it absolutely rocked! Well it rocked about a much as 7 people in big furry costumes dancing around miming to a backing track can rock, but you know what I mean.
Sure as predicted we were running late, leading to short tempers and frayed nerves. Wife and I speaking to each other through gritted teeth in an attempt to hide our frustration at each others obvious shortcomings. We did manage to make it before the show started and even had time to hit the merchandise stand for the latest DVD and some finger puppets - both of which were pretty well priced for stuff from a merchandise stand.
The best bit was this was the first show we had been too where Little Miss actually got excited beforehand. Her anticipation built up all the day before to the point she was the one screaming at us all to hurry to get there in the morning. So all bodes well for the Christmas Santa frenzy from the toddler this year.
Another bi
come here …. now go away 2007-11-04 07:13:09 Little Miss the toddler made my heart jump today and swell with all kinds of love and good feelings. I was in the kitchen putting on the dinner (a lovely roast - thanks for asking). When I heard Little Miss start screaming for Daddy to come back to the lounge room.
‘Daddy come here….. Daddy in the lounge room ….. Daddy you have to stay with me!!!!! ….’ I thought that she had twigged that it was Sunday afternoon and the time was limited between now and when I head off to work on Monday morning, barely to be sighted between then and next Saturday morning.
So while placating her I rushed to get the roast on then went and sat in my lounge chair as instructed. Sipping on my coffee and pretending to really care about Dora the Explorer and the Chocolate Tree or whatever Dora happened to be on. I was in such a good move that I even joined in the ‘We did it!’ dance at the end (although I didn’t go as far as to have a fairy costume on like my da
When your kids are friends do you have to be as well? 2007-11-10 00:50:11 What do you do when your toddler is friends with another toddler who’s parents are annoying?
Are you obliged to grin and pretend that everything is wonderful and that you are so happy that your kids are friends as it has brought both families together or do you just smile at each other politely across the play ground and let your kids get on with playing while you by and large ignore each other?
And what happens if this benign neglect is not something they are interested in and you get the feeling that they are extremely keen to actually be as good a friends as your kids?
Do you have to spend the next 15 years going to concerts, sporting events, the park, etc. as a dual (or multi) family unit always seen and acting as one?
Will you one day end up on the most dreaded of things and go on a combined holiday sharing some crappy caravan down the coast for a fortnight so all the kids can be together?
I must admit that the whole concept of letting my kids dictate who my future friends
Demented Baby 2007-11-08 07:27:25 We have a Jolly Jumper that used to belong to Little Miss and has since been passed down to Usurper, who had her first go at it today.
I had forgotten just how demented a baby looks as it bounces around in an inverted bungy jump type arrangement, a huge grin on their faces and gurgling noises emanating from deep within them.
The only issue I have with them is that they won’t support the weight of a daddy like me, and a jolly jumper can be quite a temptation to resist. Particularly after a couple of beers in the summer sun.
Maybe I should build one for myself out of old rubber bands, inner tubes and some coat hangers - I’m sure it couldn’t be that hard…..
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A baby poo dilemma 2007-11-06 06:14:13 I am facing a bit of a dilemma
when it comes to our baby ‘Usurper’, it goes something like this….
It is 11:00pm here and the almost 5 month old is asleep, blissed out on booby juice or something.
Wife is also asleep although she is far from blissed out - she is all cranky at the moment (probably something I said or perhaps didn’t say - hard to keep track of these days).
I was heading into the bedroom myself when I got a distinct wiff of something that may be bay poo.
Now here is the dilemma part:
Do I get Usurper up to change her nappy (which might not even be dirty for all I know) and risk waking her, leading to 30 minutes of crying, which will wake Wife leading to more crankiness etc etc.
Or do I leave the sleeping baby lie there in a potentially dirty nappy for the night or until she wakes with a rash or something.
This is too difficult - maybe I should just sleep on the couch, pretending I fell asleep there early in the night and therefore wasn’t in t
can’t work out the toddler rules? 2007-11-14 07:19:09 Our toddler
Little Miss has invented a game or charade or play or something, not sure exactly what it is but it involves train noises like choo-choo etc.
I think I am meant to get on the train and follow behind here (a born leader I tell you), while she makes train noises. When she stops I think I am meant to get off, or get on, or do the hokey pokey….
See for the life of me I can’t work out the rules to the train game. Every time I think I know what I am meant to do it turns out that I am hopelessly incompetent in some way and a screaming hissy fit ensues.
It got so bad this evening when I got home that it ended with the toddler on all fours sobbing about how daddy did it all wrong or words to that effect and for the life of me I couldn’t work out how I had it wrong. I was doing exactly the same things as Wife and Nanna and apparently they had it perfectly correct.
I must be missing some subtle nuance or something. The only thing that saved me from being excommunica
Living in the Land of Poo and Wee 2007-11-12 07:01:19 We are in that strange twilight toilet training period where the toddler hasn’t quite got the hang of it and therefore never makes it to the potty on time. Of course what Little Miss has become pretty good at is announcing that she has ‘had an accident’ but it is Ok because Elmo says everyone has accidents (at least he does on the Sesame Street website in the toilet training bit that our toddler is now obsessed with).
So we are spending our days cleaning up little puddles and constantly changing cloths. The good bit is that at least we haven’t had to clean up any poos just yet.
This isn’t because Little Miss has mastered the concept of doing that in a potty or something, oh no, it is because the minute she thinks she has to do one she starts crying and getting hysterical screaming for a nappy. Now that is a lot of fun!
So not wanting to push her, and to be honest not having the energy at the moment to enter into the battle, we decided that she could go ba Read more:Living
nervous nelly time - is it genetic? 2007-11-19 23:10:18 Little Miss the toddler has had another round of tonsillitis last night and has just been taken to the doctors for confirmation.
Reports back from Wife is that the doctor has confirmed the diagnosis and is now prescribing penicillin to fight the good fight. This I will admit is making me a touch nervous due to my own allergy to penicillin and the fear (irrational as it probably is) that this allergy has been passed on.
I have made Wife promise not to give her the first dose for a couple of hours by which time I will be home myself and that will make all the difference. Well possibly….
Actually I am not exactly sure what difference it will make at all. I have no medical experience, no first aid knowledge at all and wouldn’t even know what to look for in way of a reaction to the drugs. I think it is just the irrational belief that by being there I ensure that all will be good with the world and my kids will be safe. Obviously this is completely wrong and if anything my own Read more:genetic
Nanny - look at me!! 2007-11-18 06:25:14 Little Miss the toddler has all of a sudden developed into a bit of a show pony. Her Nanny
came from interstate to spend a bit over a week with us, arriving yesterday, as I will hardly been seen around the place for the next 7 days due to work and other commitments.
Anyway, since she arrived Little Miss has been showing off, singing and dancing, going ‘Nanny, nanny, nanny come with me!!’ - all the time.
Even at a bbq yesterday she stunned me by not sitting solely in the background and actually speaking quite a bit around strangers!
So maybe our little wall flower has turned a corner and has decided to take after Wife and not me - Wife definitely being the life of the party while myself generally to be found sitting at home alone on the couch complaining about never even getting an invite to the party.
It is all very cute and adorable and makes me smile too myself as we sit through the Little Teapot song again - I just wonder how long it will be before I find it obnoxious an
bung eye toddler 2007-11-22 17:26:51 Isn’t conjunctivitis just the yuckiest looking of the toddler
ailments? Little Miss currently has it and it is horribly gross. I am used to runny noses, dirty nappies, even the odd toddler vomit, but this is just yucky.
Of course being daddy means never showing your repulsion at your toddlers appearance. You constantly have to gaze into those gunky eyes and never blink no matter how much your stomach turns.
It does remind me of just how blind parental love is. No matter what flaws your children may have you see nothing but the best in them, bordering on perfection.
If they are uncoordinated and can’t so much as kick a ball, you wonder at their determination and never give up attitude to things.
If they are a bit slow in picking up speech, then it is not a learning problem, but an adorable affectation in the Cindy Brady lisp vein.
Their tantrums aren’t a sign that they are horrible little vermin, but merely an expression of their frustrations in trying to come to gri
Mission Accomplished - for now 2007-12-01 18:18:44 Well mission 2 for this Christmas season has been accomplished - the Christmas tree and associated decorations have been assembled.
We started last night with chief toddler Little Miss overseeing the project before quickly recognising that this was possible a bad idea. It turns out that toddlers, while naturally bossy, make for very bad bosses.
So the tree project was quickly abandoned once the tree was assembled and the first set of flashing lights had been set up. This was more than enough to satisfy a quickly tiring and increasingly bored toddler.
So there it sat, a half completed Christmas tree, like some bad sculpture sitting there as some bad social commentary on the commercialisation of the western world and religion in general.
After everyone went to bed it was left to me to finish putting up all the decorations - the tree, the flashing lights, the flashing santa for the window, the various hanging ornaments for around the place.
It took until 1:00am but it is now all done and Read more:Mission
, Mission Accomplished
Smell the fear 2007-11-30 07:12:19 Can you smell that? That is the smell of fear wafting it’s way around the world slowly as midnight strikes in various parts of these great lands.
And why the fear at midnight you may ask? Does it have something to do with the witching hour? With the supernatural entities that can this Earth?
Oh if only it was that easy my fellow travelers. Were it but a demonic being that had come forth with the twelfth strike of the chimes, but noooo, the reality is the current reason for my fear is far greater than anything that the ‘other side’ could throw at me.
You see midnight signifies the changing of the calender, and that makes it the FIRST OF DECEMBER!!!
Dear lord, less that 4 weeks until Christmas! There is no hiding from it now my good friends. The decorations are up in the stores around the world. Kids everywhere are trying to behave and pretending that it their usual approach to life.
As for me I know that tomorrow being the first means risking life and limb to climb the Read more:Smell
Wisdom of the toddler 2007-11-29 05:15:18 One of the best things about toddler
s is the way they constantly remind us that life isn’t as difficult as us adults tend to make it out to be.
For example yesterday I turned on the hot water tap to run a bath for the baby and the toddler only to discover that cold water was coming out. The hot water service wasn’t functioning in the manner in which one would expect it too - namely making the water hot.
So not one to panic I dashed outside to the fuse box to make sure that it wasn’t something simple that even I could fix. Sadly I discovered that no matter how simple it was, I was even simpler when it came to mechanical things. There is a very good reason I have a desk job, I am mechanically incompetent it turns out, as I couldn’t even work out exactly what I was looking at in the fuse box.
But panic not, time for plan ‘B’ thought I. Plan B when you are someone like me consists of logging on the the internet, grabbing the mobile phone and dialing a pr Read more:Wisdom
Hiding from your kids 2007-11-27 05:05:17 I have spent most of today hiding from Wife, Little Miss and Usurper. Not because I don’t love them or anything like that, quite the opposite, I would argue that I am trying to avoid them because I DO love them.
You see the three of them have been passing illnesses back and forth between each other for the last week or so. The minute one gets better the next one develops the same illness that is everyone else is trying to recover from.
Up until now I have been largely immune from this cycle of disease. This is not die to any super human like abilities or due to a radioactive spider bite or anything. It has simply been the only upside of my absence from the home front die to work for these last few months.
Today of course not only was I not flat out at work, I was not in fact even at work and spent the day at home. I had planned to hide by filling in the days cutting grass or weeding the garden - something that kept me in view and therefore gave the impression of interaction even
Remember Me - I’m your daddy 2007-11-26 06:53:22 You know you have been putting in long days and working hard at the expense of your family when you come home from early one day and your toddler looks are you and says, ‘Oh, Daddy you are home - what’s wrong?’, instead of something with a bit of enthusiasm involved.
But that is about to become the past. After six weeks of a Federal election campaign, and the 6 months of ‘faux campaign’ prior to that on Saturday it all came to an end. Finally that part of my life and it’s time sucking capacity has come to an end. Now I can focus on things that are more entertaining and fun - like Little Miss and Usurper.
Of course with all such things timing is everything and the timing at the moment is pretty poor, the baby, the toddler and Wife are all sick with various viruses and tonsillitis at the moment. As for me I can feel a slight tickle in the throat and some blocked ears so it is my turn next.
But who cares? I have tomorrow off work and apart from root can Read more:Remember
Toddler Phobia 2007-12-04 08:46:48 It would appear that our toddler Little Miss has developed a series of phobias and fears already in he short, but ever so eventful life.
They range from the endearingly cute ones, such as her current thing about doggie poo.
After a recent incident where toddler and Wife went out to explore the area around the house (complete with backpack, explorer hat and torch) and managed to stand in some dog poo on the nature strip out the front a phobia has been born. Now whenever Little Miss is wandering around grassland, the front lawn, or a park, she will occasionally stop, drink in her surrounds and exclaim as a warning to the unseen others around her - “Watch out for the doggiieeee pooooooo!!’
Wow that last attempt at putting the spoken language onto paper displays just how hard it can be to adequately translate toddler into a written format while still maintaining the inflection, the subtext, and the adorable cuteness.
Digression over.
So that is one of the cute phobias - an alm
Surviving the season - almost 2007-12-17 22:35:22 Well we survived the season’s torture that is Carols by Candlelight, and it was actually a pretty good night. There was face painting, juggling ball making, balloon animals and a myriad of other things to keep the kids entertained with before the actual singing began.
Once the singing was underway Little Miss seemed to really get into it. She sung and danced along, of course the words were completely wrong and the dancing was awkward and out of time, but she seemed to be loving it. It was made all the more special by the glow stick belt, necklace, bracelets and crown with which she insisted on adorning herself.
She looked like a she was at a toddler rave or house party or something like that, but it sure made her easy to spot and there was no risk we were going to lose her in the crowd.
So put one in the win column - even if I was told not to sing as I was spoiling it!
Of course after the success of Saturday night’s carols adventure we decided to chance our arm and hit the Read more:Surviving
Silent night - awful night 2007-12-15 00:13:04 Tonight marks another one of those Christmas traditions that we all claim to really enjoy, but if we are honest with ourselves that enjoyment generally only sets in when there is some distance involved and some of the horror has been forgotten.
Tonight marks the night when we head to the local primary school to ‘enjoy’ the Christmas Carols and fair. Sure it is something we will think fondly of into the future when we look back at the photos and marvel and just how cute the toddler was and how previous the six month old appears.
But the truth is slightly different if we are honest with ourselves. Generally an outing such as this results in tantrums, getting overly tired, lots of pouting and the purchasing of garbage that would not normally be considered but because it has Santa on it then it must be good.
And that is just the parents!
We will back the kids into the car for the 5 minute drive up the road shortly after a quick dinner. At the other end we will indulge in lollie Read more:awful
, Silent
drowning out the voices 2007-12-11 06:32:04 We have long known that our toddler Little Miss has been frightened by sudden or loud sounds. A car backfires, the car alarm goes off, something is dropped that clangs, even her own talking stuffed toys have been known to cause her to burst into tears if they have gone off suddenly.
It’s not all that uncommon for these type of reactions, toddlers are often easily startled by loud or sudden noises, so it’s no big deal - as long as I remember not to hit the car alarm button when one of the doors is open
But we have discovered of late that the other end of the spectrum is just as upsetting to the toddler.
Anyone who is foolish enough to read this blog on a semi regular basis would know that Little Miss is prone to nightmares, and waking up in tears in the middle of the night. For the last couple of months we have been struggling to get Little Miss to actually tell us what has been going on. But every time we have asked she has just clammed up and withdrawn into herself so we Read more:drowning
Santa photo trauma 2007-12-10 06:41:37 Today was one of those momentous days that rolls around every year at about this time - Santa
photo time!
Every year thousands of screaming toddlers and babies are dragged by their parents down to the local shopping centre and sat on some elderly stranger’s knee to be photographed. Today it was the turn of our toddler and baby, Little Miss and Usurper.
Of course Wife being Wife the local shopping centre Santa wasn’t up to scratch, something to do with his belly not being round and firm enough, or his ‘HO HO HO’ not quite being jolly enough, or some such thing, so the whole tribe had to go for a 45 minute drive to the shopping centre near the in-laws.
The Santa there was firm of belly, fluffy of whisker, with a lovely baritone laugh and just the right twinkle in his eye - more to Wifes liking when it comes to shopping centre Santa’s to be part of our Christmas photo tradition.
Patiently we waited our turn as we valiantly tried to keep Little Miss from mess Read more:trauma
Wiggles show. 2007-12-22 07:03:47 Today was a pretty big day for us - we went to our third Wiggles show in the last 12 months!
We are lucky living where we do because we always get the Wiggles Christmas Extravaganza as they live in the same city and want to be home at this time of the year. As usual the show was top notch and great fun. Even the usually overawed at such events toddler Little Miss declared she had a great time without having to be prompted.
If she said once today she said a hundred times, “We had a good day today” - high praise indeed!
The only one with a complaint was Wife who almost suffered a fatal injury today while breast feeding Usurper when Captain Feathersword squawked. Apparently Usurper shot her head around towards the source of said squawk and forgot to let let go of the nipple. Quiet painful apparently.
Toddler Christmas concert - survived (just) 2007-12-20 03:36:33 Well today was Little Miss’ first ever live performance of song and dance. It was a huge occasion so I even took the day off work so I could attend.
Sure I didn’t really want to attend a Christmas
pageant put on by the local day care centre with a bunch of 0-4 year olds butchering songs from the season, but Wife insisted I be there so there I was. Also I will admit the lure of cupcakes and fairy bread is pretty hard to ignore!
So off the four of us trundled to the childcare centre, myself, Usurper the baby, Wife and of course the toddler Little Miss.
I will admit to being a little cautious as to how Little Miss would react as she tends to be quite shy naturally and really isn’t into noise or crowds and today she was looking at being on stage in front of a crowd in a noisy environment. I don’t think the pressure was eased any when we received a phone call as we pulled into the car park enquiring as to our whereabouts - apparently we were running late and holding
Poo and Wee goes in the toilet. 2008-03-10 07:20:51 After the devastating emotional blow of being told by our toddler than I am perhaps the world’s ugliest dad, I finally feel emotionally strong enough to post again.
Of course the recovery was perhaps delayed slightly by Wife’s insistance on telling everyone who would listen the story in great and ever more vivid detail. I could [...]
Ugly Dad 2008-03-05 21:31:41 In a shocking blow to the ego our darling toddler Little Miss declared that dear old dad ‘isn’t pretty’.
As we often do we were running through the members of the family last night after bath time while drying off. We just run through asking questions like ‘What is your name?’, ‘What is your mum’s name’, [...]
Baby on the Move 2008-03-03 05:41:54 Usurper has thrown the shackles of the motionless world off and has started to ‘crawl’ in her own special way. It’s special because when I say crawl in the context of our youngest I really mean drag yourself around using nothing but upper body strength, dragging your legs behind you as if they were nothing [...]
You’re a good girl Daddy 2008-02-28 05:49:09 And there we go, gender issues are already raising their head in the life of our toddler.
Little Miss continually refers to all people as ’she’ or ‘her’ at least about 90% of the time. Occassionally she will get it right and refer to me as a he, although that is about as often as [...] Read more:Daddy
Toddler Daredevil = Injured Daddy 2008-02-26 05:03:51 How the heck do they do it? How do toddlers manage to throw themselves around with absolute gay abandon and not kill themselves - or at least do serious damage to their being?
Little Miss’ current favorite game involves doing backflips off the couch and onto the ground below. She does this with no regard for [...] Read more:Daddy
Baby is expensive 2008-02-22 20:17:17 Stupid (and let’s not forget evil) baby Usurper is the most expensive baby in the world to maintain. She is refusing any processed Heinz food or the like, no cheap, easy to prepare, easy to store stuff for our baby. Instead she is insisting only on fresh fruit and vegies (preferrably whatever isn’t in season), [...]
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