Owner: My Wife Has Agoraphobia URL:http://mywifehasagoraphobia.blogspot.com/ Join Date: Fri, 07 Sep 2007 17:25:58 -0500 Rating:0 Site Description: This is the story of a woman (my wife) suffering from agoraphobia and might be of interest to fellow sufferers or those professionals or family members involved with helping them.
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Agoraphobia worsens and Depression returns 2008-03-03 20:46:00 Marie’s depression didn’t stay away. She’s not as bad as she was at the start of the year, but she’s not too good either. She’s living here, but it’s like she’s in her own world a lot of the time. When she's not sleeping, you can find her in cyberspace, either in a chat room or on MSN. Joseph has noticed that his mummy is behaving differently and has asked me why is mummy like that? Orla’s behaviour has deteriorated. She’s got chicken pox, so she’s confined to home. She’s uncomfortable and gets bored and has to create a fuss just to get noticed. Both kids are stuck to me like glue when I’m at home. Marie’s agoraphobia has got much worse too. We went out last Friday and she wasn’t able to walk more than 4m from the car. Even to look in a clothes s
The New Dog 2008-02-22 04:04:00 Collette & her fiancé Neil have just got a new dog. It's a Staffordshire Bull Terrier. She's called Dee and is 10 weeks old.Click on the pictures if you want to see her up close.The children were enthralled by the puppy.Marie, who has been pleading for a dog since Collette took her Border Collie away with her, renewed her pleas. I've had dogs since I was 16 and I don't miss the cleaning, feeding, grooming, walking, toilet breaks and expensive vet bills that dog ownership entails. However, I've told Marie that she can have any dog she wants (and her present favourite is an Irish Red Setter) as soon as she can walk it herself. I'm not being hard on her, am I?
The Sensitive Son and Agoraphobia 2008-02-18 05:51:00 My son Joseph is 6½. Blue is his favourite colour - hence the colour of the type in this post. In this blog, there is a lot about how agoraphobia affects Marie (of course) and, by association, me. There isn't so much about how Marie's agoraphobia impacts on our children - particularly Joseph. So this is a little anecdote about him.The weather being like a sunny spring day, albeit a little cold, Marie decided that she wanted to go out to the countryside. The children - particularly Joseph - were very enthusiastic about this idea. Now I knew that Marie wasn't going to venture more than a few metres away from the car, so I said to Joseph, "You know that your mum won't be able to go on a walk like we do when we're on our own. She'll have to stay close to the car and we won't be able to walk Read more:Sensitive
Agoraphobic Valentines Day 2008-02-16 04:01:00 Valentines Day was celebrated in different ways by my older daughters and their respective partners.One couple gave and received gifts, cards, flowers and went to the cinema. (They are supposed to be "broke" - one wonders what extravagances they would get up to if they were well off...)One couple exchanged cards and went out for a meal.One couple exchanged cards and went out to a Valentines Day supper dance.One couple (also "broke") gave cards and celebrated Valentines Day at home.My son Colm and his "girlfriend" (very loose definition of the word) exchanged cards and a couple of nights later had a night out bowling followed by a meal in the nearby pizza restaurant. (Since both of them have learning difficulties, they had to have a responsible person to keep an eye on them. That person Read more:Valentines
Sunday Outings 2008-02-10 16:48:00 Spring has arrived here! Wall to wall sunshine for the last two days and more forecast. The daffodils are flowering - below, the daffodils at Joseph's school. (Do all little boys look this untidy?)All this spring weather makes us want to get outdoors and catch a few rays. Marie decided to go out in her car and socialise. By herself. She continues to build on her recent progress. The rest of us decided to go for an energetic walk for a few hours up the hills near my home. Quite a lot of the family were here today - three of my grown-up daughters, one future son-in-law and three grandchildren. Below are my big girls (left to right, Colleen, Collette & Carla) - never separated from their mobile phones!Once we had got down from the hills, I took the children to the beach while the Read more:Sunday
Agoraphobia & Depression 2008-02-08 18:51:00 Marie had a really good weekend, and so did I. I went to Weymouth very late on Friday night – after completing necessary domestic chores - to Marie's parents' house. She was waiting for me & rushed out to the car to greet me. Not having seen her for a couple of weeks, I was briefly, pleasurably amazed by how attractive she is. We put the children to bed (they were fast asleep and only woke up briefly during the transfer from car to bed & cot), after which Marie & I settled down to some quality time on our own….. Last week, Marie contacted Emma Roberts to arrange some EFT sessions. Emma, currently fully occupied with other clients, referred her to one of her associates, Jane Bennett. It turned out that this lady is also a counsellor and CBT therapist, and combin
Coming out of Depression 2008-01-27 13:45:00 Marie's depression eased significantly as soon as she went to her parent's house. I expected this. She's left a place with responsibilities and demands she couldn't deal with and has gone to a place without them. She doesn't sleep or go online as much as she did. She doesn't need the escape so much.She has decided to use this time at her parents' house to work on her agoraphobia. She's also renewing her relationship with her bike, riding around her parents' garden and a short distance down the road (albeit accompanied by her father). With no fixed routine and no children in tow, Marie can now go out when she feels like it and try going into shops, cafés etc. She doesn't have to worry about anyone else's agenda. With this in mind, she's decided to stay in Weymouth for a few weeks -
DEPRESSION & agoraphobia 2008-01-24 17:49:00 Marie has depression.She rarely has it, but she's got it now.It started on New Year's Day and has got progressively worse.She thought about how crap her life was and started crying.Now she has cries easily and often.She withdrew from her "normal" life.Her sleeping time increased dramatically & the rest of her day was spent online.She wasn't interested in her kids, her family or her home.She decided to stay with her parents for a while.The good news is - she's not so scared of her parents' house.But the children & I miss her.Meanwhile....I am working (for 2 weeks) at a branch of my business in North Devon.This is the sort of scenery in this area, a few minutes' walk from where I work.These pictures were taken at 890' (22.61m) above sea level.Isn't it the scenery wonderful?How can li
Ghosts - a new anxiety 2008-01-09 05:21:00 Mid-morning, on a quiet residential street. Maureen is opening the gate to her driveway and her next-door neighbour Fred is walking past."Hello Maureen," says Fred, flashing her a friendly smile."Oh hello Fred," replies Maureen who has just noticed him and is securing the gates in the open position. "Did you have a nice Christmas? Lots of family around?""Yes, very nice time indeed. My daughter Jane and her family came to stay with us for a few days over the holiday period." Fred's house, like Maureen's is capacious and seldom fully used."We had Karen staying with us and then Kim and Gary her family and his family all came here for Christmas dinner, so we had quite a full house," says Maureen."Yes, we noticed that you were having a fancy dress party on Christmas night. We thought it w Read more:anxiety
Current level of Agoraphobia & OCD 2008-01-03 18:01:00 Marie's current level
of agoraphobia is a little bit better than at the start of 2007, and has changed in some ways since I first went out with her in 2000. Her attitude to her condition is better too - and better than in 2000, so I'm predicting further improvements this year (yes, I know this is risky!). Her ocd hasn't changed much.Marie cannot in 2008 and could not in 2000, where that has changed -Be alone anywhere if I am more than 20 miles awayBe alone at any timeWalk outside our building except to get into a carWalk more than 2 metres from a car in an open areaGo anywhere, except by car and accompanied by a safe personGo into any large building - e.g. supermarkets, the doctors' surgery, hospital, office blocksMarie can and could/couldn't in 2000, where that is different -Stay at hom Read more:Current
Pleasant deceit... 2008-01-02 19:53:00 Marie has an agoraphobic friend in Scotland called Lyn.It was 17th December, and the phone rang. Marie answered and then asked me to take the call. It was Lyn. We had spoken a few times before."Hi Robert, I hope you don't mind me taking up your time, but I need some help with a present for my dad. I want to get him a bicycle, but I don't know anything about them. I can't get to any bike shops with my agoraphobia for advice, but Marie says that you know a bit about them. Could you advise me what to get?"Well, I had got a bike for Marie a few years ago (which agoraphobia has prevented her from using) and did some research on the subject then. So I asked Lyn the pertinent questions --Was her dad a keen cyclist?-No-Was he going to ride it mostly on roads, or off-road?-Mostly on roads but
A Happy Agoraphobic Christmas 2008-01-02 19:03:00 For Marie, Christmas
is not much affected by agoraphobia. Especially this year, when due to Marie being able to stay at home on her own most of the time, I could get out to buy those last-minute items without having to drag Marie & all the kids with me.Christmas Eve is wonderful here in our little town. The Town Brass Band plays carols & Christmas music in the streets during the afternoon (part of the time right beside our home), The Choral Singers sing, and the Town Crier rings his bell and (very loudly) wishes everyone a merry Christmas and a happy New Year. In the evening, Father Christmas performs his annual tour of the town in a sleigh (towed behind a car, because the reindeer would be frightened on the streets), listens to the children's wish-lists and gives small gifts to Read more:Happy
Agoraphobia - outdoor coping skills test postponed 2007-12-18 18:25:00 Marie wanted to go out and check out some shops, get some Christmas presents, see if her outdoor
coping skills are also improving. We had everything organised to go on Monday when Joseph was at school, extra staff were working so that we wouldn't be needed and Orla was booked into a nursery for the day; but alas! it wasn't to be.First of all, Orla went sick on Saturday. Puked all over me, so that was good fun (lol). Next, late on Sunday night, Joseph vomited over his bedroom floor. Perhaps he liked the feel of this, for he repeated it in the hall, and finally at the entrance to the bathroom.There are nicer things to do at 2.30 am than clean vomit from carpets...Marie has been enjoying working for the past few months, so I took on the childcare duties. Orla hasn't been physically sick
More steps away from agoraphobia 2007-12-12 14:32:00 It is 12 days since Marie’s EMDR appointment and there have been significant changes. For the better! In fact, there has been a major improvement in one area – staying home alone. Marie has not been able to stay anywhere on her own - for more than a few minutes - since she was 16. Over the past couple of weeks, that has changed dramatically. She has been staying at home without a safe person for increasing amounts of time. Here are the steps
she took – * 1 hour with just the children while I went to a meeting ½ mile away. Marie rang two different friends who live close by to check that they would be in “in case of emergency”. I had my mobile phone with me, of course. * 1½ hours on her own while Orla and I went to Joseph’s nativity play at his school, ½ mile away
Panic Attack near Posh Shops 2007-11-27 08:05:00 We went to Clifton yesterday. Clifton is a THE posh suburb of Bristol with the some absolutely gorgeous Georgian and Victorian architecture, including the world's largest crescent of houses (there are 46 of them in the crescent). And, of course, the world's first suspension bridge over the impressive Avon gorge. And a lovely, large, interesting park. Want to live here? In the best streets, you can pay around £1,000,000 for a pad, and that's for a sixth-floor one bedroom apartment suitable for a non-claustrophobic, easy-to-please midget with the bathroom in the basement!!! There are also lots of hotels, posh or nouveau riche natives and rich American tourists (poor Americans go elsewhere).Enough of the travel writing. Marie likes Clifton village very much. It has small, interesting shops Read more:Panic
, Panic Attack
Agoraphobia - potential progress 2007-11-20 16:49:00 I'm quite friendly with a psychologist who lives nearby; but I have never asked her for her advice regarding treatment for Marie. Mainly, this is because when I see her she is "off duty" and I imagine she wouldn't welcome enquiries about mental health issues when she should be relaxing and following other pursuits. Marie and I are pretty well known (or possibly notorious?) in our local community, so I assumed that she knew about Marie's condition. One day, she asked me how Marie was doing. "Much the same as usual" is my stock reply, since most people simply ask this out of politeness, and any further information is usually met with a bored expression. This occasion was different."I know a lady who has quite a lot of success in treating people with Marie's problem," I was told. "She's a Read more:progress
Carer or Enabler (Part 2)? 2007-11-09 05:39:00 When I published my post "Carer or Enabler?" I expected a comment or two...But I was blown away by the depth of feelings and unexpected insights contained in those comments; and the time and trouble that the correspondents had taken to post their comments. There is a community of sufferers of anxiety and/or panic attacks who blog or read blogs. Most of them are among the nicest people I could ever hope to meet.So what have I learned from those comments? Well, I believe that I now know the answer to the question I have been asking myself for several years - am I a carer or an enabler? And the answer is......Both.Very simply - I need to care for Marie by providing for her needs; and I need to provide an environment which enables her to expand to her full potential.Thank you HSP woman. Y
Carer or Enabler (Part 1)? 2007-11-06 18:36:00 Dirty Butter wrote this in the last paragraph of her comment on my last post -"I wonder, is there ever a time when you feel like you are an enabler (to Marie), rather than a helpmate?"How many times have I felt like an enabler? Often. But if I really am an enabler, it's not deliberate. And there's more - by accommodating Marie's agoraphobia, am I hindering her recovery? Am I making her life as good as possible...or removing the incentive to fight her agoraphobia? Worse than that - perhaps I am creating an environment which allows her agoraphobia to get worse?My ex-family doctor (retired) told me that if I really wanted to help Marie, I should leave her. (See the whole story here.) Marie didn't agree - but was he right?Fact - Marie is not showing much enthusiasm for getting better.Fa
Caring for the Carer of an Agoraphobia Sufferer 2007-10-30 04:39:00 Imagine this... Take a foot-shaped balloon and fill it full of water. Now overfill it, until it becomes deformed. Colour it angry red with purple and dark red blotches, and give the surface a scaly appearance.Not a pleasant image? That was the reality of the appearance of my foot last week. It was worse than this. I had a quite severe case of cellulitis. It started with a fever and within 12 hours, I was unable to walk too. Yesterday was the first day that I was able to walk better than a pathetic hobble; and I'm quite a lot better today. But never mind me...Marie's anxiety increases when I'm unwell. I'm sure that she hopes that (a) it's nothing serious and (b) I'll get better soon; but it comes out as "Will you have to go to hospital?" (she would have to stay with someone else w Read more:Caring
A New Home for Colm, another Wedding and another Baby 2007-10-22 19:17:00 Last weekend was really busy.On Friday evening, we went to Exeter hospital (psychiatric ward) to see Colm. He was in good enough form, but anxious about his forthcoming move to his new home. That was the week's best news. Colm is to move out of the hospital in the next couple of weeks, when his new accommodation is ready. It's not the home we had looked at a month ago - he is to live in a 3-bedroom detached house with 2 others (with 24-hour care). He's got his own bathroom and satellite tv. He's going to be working, part-time and fully supervised, at the nearby Riding for the Disabled centre where he will be able to resume his equestrian pursuits. The house is situated in friendly residential cul-de-sac in a village about 30 minutes' drive from here. He will be a 10 minute drive fr Read more:New Home
Our Beach 2007-10-12 15:41:00 We live in a small, ancient, sleepy coastal town with narrow, quaint, irregularly shaped streets. We’re surrounded by beautiful scenery and loads of history. In the height of summer, an influx of tourists makes our population quadruple. At this time of year we get older tourists and walkers – people without children. Most of these ignore our beach, so when I took Orla there this afternoon (Joseph was at a friend’s house), we had it to ourselves.After expending her initial, frenzied, just-got-free energy, Orla settled down to play in the sand.It was quite late in the afternoon and the sun was getting low in the sky. It was bright, warm and calm. Cotton-wool clouds moved at a snail’s pace. The sea was softly lapping the sand and rocks while sea birds drifted effortlessly overhead (f Read more:Beach
Agoraphobia and Random Events 2007-10-10 11:44:00 Marie has been more anxious than usual for the last week, and this is why. Yes, the road outside our home was closed on Monday to have work carried out by our local water company. Despite the sign, the road was closed for three days – only opening this afternoon. Marie can’t tolerate being confined. It causes exactly the same panicky feelings as being in a wide open space. So having the road outside our home closed was cause for concern. Even before the road closed, we had a few days of anticipatory anxiety. Actually, Marie’s anxiety level was better this time than the last time the road was closed. Anyhow, it made me philosophise on the way that random events totally outside our control can affect our lives. And how, if we’re having a Read more:Random
Less Anxiety - More Indicators 2007-10-07 20:40:00 As well as the common symptoms of agoraphobia, Marie has other issues.I have mentioned before that she has a very large handbag (purse, I believe, is the US term) with a shoulder strap. She keeps it fairly full and quite weighty and it only leaves her shoulder at home, in our car and in other rare occasions when she has little anxiety. This is, of course, a symptom of obsessive compulsive disorder and Marie also has other, less extreme symptoms of this. But in addition, there are other more bizarre things which make Marie anxious. One of these is hair shampoo/conditioner. At its most extreme , I have to administer these to Marie or she cannot wash/condition her hair properly. Another is going to the optician's. When she tried to do this some years ago, she had to leave before the ex Read more:Indicators
Dental Treatment, Agoraphobia & the NHS 2007-10-04 07:41:00 Since I've known Marie, she has always had trouble with getting dental work done. For example, she would have benefitted from having a dental brace, but couldn't deal with having a permanent structure fitted inside her mouth.However, having a caring, sympathetic dentist, and knowing that her diet was about as good for her teeth as heat was for ice cream, I eventually persuaded Marie to have a checkup.One of the Marie's first symptoms of heightened anxiety is the "dry mouth". Next comes the feeling that she won't be able to swallow. To obviate this, she carries a bottle of soft drink, sometimes just water. For years, Coca Cola was the drink of choice, to the extent that she began to believe that only Coke would be able to help her when her "dry mouth" was starting. What is the best thi Read more:Treatment
Help With Caring For An Agoraphobic 2007-10-03 15:03:00 Marie's agoraphobia requires a "safe" person to be with Marie at all times. She cannot stay anywhere on her own - even for a minute or two.When I started to go out with her, one of her "safe" persons was Emily. However, soon after we began to live together, Emily was removed from the safe" persons list because she can't drive. In the evenings and at weekends, we started to rely on my family to look after Marie on the occasions when I had to go somewhere that Marie couldn't. (During the day, I had members of staff who were on the "safe" persons list.)We started off with relying on Carla and my sister, both of whom had cars at that time. Usually Marie would go to their houses while I went elsewhere, or, less frequently, they came to our home.Here are my oldest daughters. From left to r Read more:Caring
After the weekend 2008-03-10 15:01:00 Here is my daughter Collette and her fiancé, Neil. They are to wed in just over 5 weeks time (which is, of course, causing anticipatory anxiety for Marie).On Friday evening, most of my family gathered at Collette's (and Neil's) new house for the dual purposes of having a look round the house and celebrating Colleen's birthday.The new houseThe house has a non traditional layout. The ground floor has a garage with a couple of rooms behind. The next floor houses the living and dining areas and the kitchen while the top floor has bedrooms. Bathrooms and closets are liberally sprinkled throughout. This will be a good house for Neil & Collette if they have a row; one can stay on the bottom floor and the other on the top, thus avoiding close contact until they make up. ;-)Marie coped wi
Agoraphobia & Depression (2) 2008-03-07 06:38:00 So it's not a major breakthrough. It's not like the anxiety problem has gone away. But there is a little chink of light becoming visible...possibly at the end of the tunnel of depression?Marie drove her car today. Just her and Orla. Not far. Just to the flower shop close to our home. Very close, actually. But even though she had some anticipatory anxiety, she did it.And...A little parcel from Amazon arrived this morning. There was a book inside - "Cognitive Behavioural Therapy Workbook for Dummies". Marie had ordered it. She wants me to help her to work her way through it. We've been here before - a new idea/scheme/therapy - and it has come to naught. But...underlying this is the desire to improve life and the belief that it can be improved.The depression isn't winning. ☺This
Panic attack - what should a carer do? 2008-03-15 18:26:00 This morning Marie took herself and the children out in her car around our town, calling at friends' houses and local shops. She hasn't done this for a while, so it was a good omen.In the afternoon, I had to drive about 25 miles away today on a family matter. As usual, the kids wanted to go "with daddy" too."Are you stopping on the way? What are you going to do with the kids?" asked Marie."I'm going to call in at a shopping centre on the way" I told her. "The weather is too bad to do anything else.""I'll come too." said Marie. Encouraqing. Even though I knew that the shopping centre I intended to stop at was the type where you could park outside each store. It was the first time in ages that she had wanted to go to shopping anywhere.So some time later, I pulled up outside a larg Read more:Panic
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Marie is jumping up & down with joy! 2008-03-17 19:35:00 Marie is pleased with herself today.Here is what she posted on the forum she frequents.**********************************************************************************As some of you might know, I suffer from agoraphobia big time. And since Christmas, I've been having a baaaaaaad time.Until today !!!!!!My doting hubby bought me a car some years ago, but the poor thing (the car, that is, not my hubby!) has hardly ever gone than ½ mile from our house!Until today...Today I drove....................................EIGHT MILES!What do you think of that???I've been depressed lately, thinking about how little independence I have in my life, and how much hubby has to do. So, when I found out that he was working 8 miles away, I decided to surprise him by going there. When I got there, I waited o Read more:Marie
Beating the Anxiety Bully 2008-03-19 19:24:00 Marie & I would like to thank everyone for their comments and messages of encouragement after the previous post. It's really boosting her self-esteem and inspiring her to continue to fight her agoraphobia.She has also spent some hours reading her CBT for Dummies books. Reading is not one of Marie's main activities (except for various celebrity gossip magazines), so there is something going on!Marie drove some more today. She's consolidating her territorial gain!It's not earth-shattering progress, but there's a breath of hope in the air. Actually, it's stronger than that - Marie is starting to believe that she can have a panic attack and not die. Here's a snippet of what she wrote on her post on the "No More Panic" forum (or you can read the whole post here, if you wish)..."[I am] Read more:Bully
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