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Humor jokes-Ruff weekend! 2007-08-30 02:27:00 A man went to the doctor to get a double dose of Viagra but his request was denied. "Why can't I have a double dose?" the man asked."It's not safe," the doctor replied."But I need it really bad," the manexplained. "My girlfriend is coming into town on Friday, one of my exes will be here onSaturday, and my wife is coming home on Sunday.""Okay, I'll give it to you," the doctor relented."But you have to come in on Monday morning so that I can check to see ifthere are any side effects."On Monday the man dragged himself into the doctor's office with his right arm in a sling.The doctor asked, "What happened to you?"The man said, "No one showed up." Read more:Humor
Really funny jokes-Tit for Tat 2007-08-30 01:53:00 A very shy young man goes into a bar and sees a beautiful woman sitting alone.After an hour he gathers enough courage to go and ask her, "Er... Excuse me, but would you mind if I sat here beside you?"She responds in a loud voice : " NO, I DON'T WANT TO SPEND THE NIGHT WITH YOU!"Everyone in the bar turns to stare at them.The young man is surprised, shocked and embarrassed and goes back to his table. After a few minutes the woman walks over to him smiles, apologizes, and says, "You see, I'm a graduate student in psychology and I'm studying how people respond to embarrassing situations." The young man responds loudly with, "WHAT DO YOU MEAN FIVE THOUSAND RUPEES. THATS TOO MUCH !"
Humor jokes-Warm beer 2007-08-30 00:21:00 A man in the pub orders a beer. He gets it and begins to drink it and notices the beer is kind of warm. So he mentions something to the bartender, who tells him to shut up and just drink his beer.Then it is time to pay and instead of giving three $1 dollar bills to the bartender the guy throws 30 dimes behind the counter.The bartender is pissed and is on his hands and knees collecting change as the guy leaves.The next day the man is back and he comes in waiving a $3 dollar bill.The bartender thinks: "okay, business is business " and lets him in. Again, the beer is kind of warm, but the guy doesn't say anything.Comes time to pay, the man gives him the $5 note.The bartender goes to the register to get the change, but instead of taking out two $1 dollar bills, he takes out 20 dimes and throws them all around the entire pub. The bartender says: " there is your fu*king change!"The man looks around and remains quite calm. He takes out 10 dimes, throws them behind the counter and says: "Gimm Read more:Humor
Honesty is still the best policy 2007-08-29 23:56:00 Once a general manager wanted to test his people who had come from all over India, about their values of life.He announced that in their seminar folder, there is PVC pouch and in it there is a seed. When they return , they must put it in a good soil in a pot and look after it very well.He would hold a competition in the next year's seminar and that the best plants would be awarded suitably.Everyone did what was told to him. A year passed quickly. And next year in a big hall, there were hundreds of pots and a great variety of plants-a great scene. Except one pot in which the soil was there and no plant! The owner was standing quietly and seemingly ashamed of himself!The general manager called him on the stage. He asked him what happened and he told him the truth. He planted the seed which he was given – and did that was to be done- but nothing happened!The general manager declared him the winner!Everyone was shocked. It was announced, "Gentlemen! The seeds I gave you were boiled seed Read more:Honesty
School joke- Bubble in the bath 2007-08-29 01:27:00 A new lady teacher came to teach 8th standard students. As it was the first day, she gave her introduction, and asked all the students to introduce themselves with name and hobby.She said, "Let's start with the boys first".The boys start giving their introductionFirst boy: "My name is John, and my hobby is to see bubble in the bathtub".Teacher was confused to listen but said, "Interesting. Well, Ok. In fact we must be honest in telling the hobby. And after all there is essentially a child in each of us. So it's ok John. Yes next" .Second boy: "Myself Peter and my hobby is to see bubble in the bathtub".Teacher now got surprised and said, "Good. I like the spirit of supporting a friend. Ok next" .Third boy: "I'm Smith and my hobby is to see bubble in the bathtub".Teacher: "Guys are you joking or what? Please be sincere. Ok next".This continues, and the last boy stands up "I'm Harry and my hobby is to see bubble in the bathtub".Exhausted, the teacher said, "I don't think I will be ab Read more:School
, Bubble
short funny joke 2007-08-29 01:22:00 At a news conference, a journalist said to the politician running for the presidency, "Your secretary said publicly that you have a small penis. Would you please comment on this." "The truth is," replied the politician, "that she has a big mouth."
Humor jokes-Jury duty 2007-08-27 23:46:00 A man was chosen for jury duty who very much wanted to be dismissed from serving. He tried every excuse he could think of but none of them worked. On the day of the trial he decided to give it one more shot. As the trial was about to begin he asked if he could approach the bench."Your Honour," he said, " I must be excused from this trial because I am prejudiced against the defendant. I took one look at the man in the blue suit with those beady eyes and that dishonest face and I said 'He's a crook! He's guilty, guilty, guilty' So your Honor, Icould not possibly stay on this jury!"With a tired annoyance the judge replied,"Get back in the jury box.That man is his lawyer." Read more:Humor
Really funny joke 2007-08-27 23:41:00 A very elderly couple is having an elegant dinner to celebrate their 75th wedding anniversary. The old man leans forward and says softly to his wife, "Dear, there is something that I must ask you. It has always bothered me that our tenth child never quite looked like the rest of our children. Now I want to assure you that these 75 years have been the most wonderful experience I could have ever hoped for, and your answer cannot take that all that away. But, I must know, did he have a different father?"The wife drops her head, unable to look her husband in the eye, she paused for a moment and then confessed. "Yes. Yes he did."The old man is very shaken, the reality of what his wife was admitting hit him harder than he had expected. With a tear in his eye he asks "Who? Who was he? Who was the father?"Again the old woman drops her head, saying nothing at first as she tried to muster the courage to tell the truth to her husband.Then, finally, she says, "You."
Really funny jokes-The test 2007-08-27 01:49:00 A wealthy old woman had 3 daughters. One day she decided to test her Sons-in-law.One day she was walking along a lakeshore with the first son-in-law. Purposefully, she fell down in the lake and started yelling for help.The first son-in-law jumped into the water and dragged her out into the shore.The next day he found a brand new E Class Mercedes in his door steps with the wordings "Thank you!!!-Your Mother-in-law who loves you very much!!!"Another day she was walking along a lakeshore with the second son-in-law. Purposefully, she fell down in the lake and started yelling for help.The second son-in-law jumped into the water and dragged her out into the shore.The next day he found a brand new E Class Mercedes in his door steps with the wordings "Thank you!!!-Your Mother-in-law who loves you very much!!!"The third time she was walking with the third son-in-law and she repeated the same. But that guy didn't respond to her cries for help and didn't move a single step to save her.The poor
Humor jokes-Who needs prayers ? 2007-08-26 23:58:00 A lady approaches a priest and tells him, "Father, I have a problem . I have these two talking female parrots, but they only know how to say one thing. They keep saying "Hi, we're hot. Do you want a date?""That's terrible!" the priest exclaimed. "But I do have a solution to your problem. Bring your two parrots over to my house and I will put them with my two male talking parrots to whom I have taught to pray and read the bible.My parrots will then teach your parrots to stop saying that terrible phrase, and your female parrots will learn to pray and worship."So the next day, the lady brings her female parrots to the priest's house. The priest's two male parrots are holding rosary beads and praying in their cage. The lady puts her female talking parrots in with the male alking Parrots, and the female parrots say, " Hi, we're hot. Do you want a date?"One male parrot looks over at the other male parrot and screams, " Put your Bible away Idiot, our prayers
have been answered!!!!!!!" Read more:Humor
Short funny jokes 2007-08-26 23:52:00 Sex is like PizzaWhen its hot, yum.. it's VERY GOOD.But then when it's cold, its still goo....d. Read more:Short
Short funny jokes 2007-08-24 23:33:00 Suspecting her husband of infidelity, the woman attempted to put anend to it by arousing his jealousy. "What would yousay if I told you that I've been sleeping with your best friend?" sheasked provocatively."Well," he mused, "I'd have to say that you're a lesbian!" Read more:Short
Short funny jokes 2007-08-24 23:31:00 An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a curse hehas been living with for the last 40 years.The Wizard says, "Maybe, but you will have to tell me the exact wordsthat were used to put the curse on you."The old man says without hesitation - "I now pronounce you man andwife." Read more:Short
Humor jokes 2007-08-24 23:17:00 A young lawyer was defending a wealthy businessman in a complicated lawsuit.Unfortunately, the evidence was against his client, and he feared the worst.So the lawyer asked the senior partner of the law firm if it would be appropriate to send the judge a box of Havana cigars.The partner was horrified. "The judge is an honorable man," the partner exclaimed."If you do that, I can guarantee you will lose the case!"Weeks later the judge ruled in favor of the lawyer's client.The partner took him to lunch to congratulate him. "Aren't you glad you didn't send those cigars to the judge?",The partner asked. " But I did send them,"Replied the lawyer. "I just enclosed the complainant's lawyer's business card !" Read more:Humor
Really funny jokes--Sniffer 2007-08-23 23:57:00 A man had just settled into his seat next to the window on the plane when another man sat down in the aisle seat and put his black Labrador Retriever in the middle seat next to the man.The first man looks very quizzically at the dog and asks why the dog is allowed on the plane.The second man explained that he is a DEA agent and the dog is a "sniffing dog". His name is Sniffer and he's the best there is. I'll show you once we get airborne, when I put him to work."The plane takes off, and once it has leveled out, the agent says "Watch this. He tells Sniffer to "search". Sniffer jumps down, walks along the aisle, and finally sits very purposefully next to a woman for a several seconds. Sniffer then returns to its seat and puts one paw on the agent's arm. The agent says, "Good boy", and he turns to the man and says: That woman is in possession of marijuana, so I 'm making a note of her seat number and the authorities will apprehend her when we land.""Say, that's pretty neat" replies
Really funny jokes-dinner with girlfriend!! 2007-08-23 23:51:00 A young man goes into a pharmacy and says to the pharmacist,"Hello, could you give me condom. I'm going to my girlfriends for dinner and I think I may be in with a chance!"The pharmacist gives him the condom and as the young man is going out, he returns and says, "Give me another condom because my girlfriend's sister is very cute too.She always crosses her legs in a provocative manner when she sees me and I think I might strike it lucky there too."The pharmacist gives him a second condom and as the boy is leaving he turns back and says,"Go on, give me one more condom because my girlfriend's mum is still pretty cute andwhen she sees me she always makes eyes, and since she invited me for dinner, I think she is expecting me to make a move!During dinner, the young man is sitting with his girlfriend on his left, the sister on his right and the mum facing him.When the dad gets there, the boy lowers his head and starts praying, "Dear Lord, bless this dinner and thank you for all you give u
Really funny jokes-Management lesson 2007-08-23 23:41:00 Eddie wanted desperately to have sex with this really cute, really hot girl in his office... But she was dating someone else.One day Eddie got so frustrated that he went to her and said, "I'll give you $100 if you let me have sex with you..."The girl looked at him, and then said, "NO!"Eddie said, "I'll be real fast. I'll throw the money on the floor, you bend down and I'll finish by the time you've picked it up."She thought for a moment and said that she would consult with her boy friend... So she called him and explained the situation.Her boyfriend says, "Ask him for $200, and pick up the money really fast. He won't even be able to get his pants down." She agreed and accepts the proposal.Over half an hour goes by and the boyfriend is still waiting for his girlfriend's call. Finally, after 45 minutes the boyfriend calls and asks what happened...?Still breathing hard, she managed to reply, "The bastard had all quarters!"Managementlesson
: Always consider a business proposition i
Humor jokes-Therapy Session 2007-08-23 12:21:00 A man and a woman go to a sexologist for a therapy session. The man says to the doctor, "I want you to observe us while we make love." The sexologist accepts.After having sex, the doctor charges them $50, and tells them that there is nothing wrong in their relationship.A week later, the same couple shows up at the sexologist's office, they make love, and the doctor charges them $50 and tells them again that there is still nothing wrong in their relationship.This continues for another month. The sexologist is baffled why they keep coming back. He finally asks them, "What exactly are you looking for?"The man replies, "We are actually looking for nothing. There is nothing wrong with our sex life. She's married, so we can't go to her place. I'm also married, so we can't go to my house. The Holiday Inn charges $90 for one night, and the Hilton Hotel charges $110. We do it here for $50, and my insurance reimburses me $43." Read more:Humor
, Therapy
Really funny jokes--Witch doctor 2007-08-23 09:51:00 After a few years of married life, a man finds that he unable to perform sexually. He goes to his doctor, and his doctor tries a few things, but nothing works. Finally the doctor says to him: "This is all in your mind" and refers him to a psychiatrist.After a few visits, the shrink confesses: "I am at a loss as to how you could possibly be cured." Finally the psychiatrist refers him to a witch doctor.The witch doctor says: "I can cure this." He throws some powder on a flame, and there is a flash with billowing blue smoke. The witch doctor says: "This is powerful healing, but you can only use it once a year. All you have to do is say '1, 2, 3' and it shall rise for as long as you wish."The guy then asks the witch doctor: "What happens when it's over?"The witch doctor says: "All you or your partner has to say is '1, 2, 3, 4' and it will go down. But be warned; it will not work again for a year."The guy goes home and that night he is ready to surprise his wife with the good news. So, Read more:Witch
Really funny jokes-Child's play 2007-08-23 01:31:00 A young boy enters a barber shop and the barber whispers to his customer, "This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it to you."The barber puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the other, then calls the boy over and asks, " Which do you want, son?" The boy takes the quarters and leaves."What did I tell you?" said the barber. "That kid never learns!"Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming out of the ice cream store."Hey, son! May I ask you a question? Why did you take the quarters instead of the dollar bill?"The boy licked his cone and replied, "Because the day I take the dollar, the game's over!"
Really funny jokes 2007-08-22 23:51:00 An Arab was interviewed at the US Embassy for a VisaConsul: What is your name?Arab: Abdul AzizConsul: Sex?Arab: Six to ten times a weekConsul: I mean, male or female?Arab: both male and female and sometimes even camelsConsul: Holy cow!Arab: Yes, cows and dogs too!!!!Consul: Man,........ isn't it hostile?Arab: Horse style, dog style, any styleConsul: Oh.......... dear!Arab: Deer? No deer, they run too fast!Consul: Oh.......... God!Arab: Ya, I know it's Good ..for the healthConsul: Guards .take him outArab: Guard is ok.but sir, I always do in not outConsul: Get.. OutArab: ok..I will take it out .but sir you need here only...
Humor jokes-If programming languages were cars... 2007-08-22 22:02:00 * C is a racing car that goes incredibly fast but breaks down every fifty miles.* C++ is a souped-up racing car with dozens of extra features that only breaks down every 250 miles, but when it does, nobody can figure out what went wrong.* Java is a family station wagon. It's easy to drive, it's not too fast, and you can't hurt yourself.* C# is a competing model of family station wagons. Once you use this, you're never allowed to use the competitors' products again.* Lisp looks like a car, but with enough tweaking you can turn it into a pretty effective airplane or submarine.* Perl is supposed to be a pretty cool car, but the driver's manual is incomprehensible. Also, even if you can figure out how to drive a perl car, you won't be able to drive anyone else's.* Python is a great beginner's car; you can drive it without a license. Unless you want to drive really fast or on really treacherous terrain, you may never need another car.* Ruby is a car that was formed when the Perl, P Read more:Humor
Why Women are the Luckier Sex! 2007-08-22 22:00:00 1. We got off the Titanic first.2. We can scare male bosses with mysterious gynaecological disorder excuses.3. We never ejaculate prematurely.4. We get to flirt with systems support men who always return our calls and are nice to us when we blow up our computers.5. When we buy a vibrator it's glamorous. When men buy a blow-up doll, it's pathetic.6. Our boyfriend's clothes make us look elfin and gorgeous. Guys look like complete idiots in ours.7. We can be groupies. Male groupies are stalkers.8. We can cry and get off speeding fines.9. We've never lusted after a cartoon character or the central figure in a computer game.10. Taxis stop for us.11. Men die earlier, so we get to cash in on the life insurance.12. We don't look like a frog in a blender when dancing.13. Free drinks, free dinners, free moving (you get the point?).14. We can hug our friend without wondering if she thinks we're gay.15. We know the truth about whether size matters.16. New lipstick gives us a whole new lease Read more:Women
9 WORDS WOMEN USE 2007-08-22 21:46:00 1. Fine : This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.2. Five Minutes : If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.3. Nothing : This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.4. Go Ahead : This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It!5. Loud Sigh : This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement Often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to #3 for the meaning of nothing.)6. That's Okay : This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. That's okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.7.
Humor jokes-The maid 2007-09-01 01:59:00 A guy dials his home and a strange woman answers.The guy says, "Who is this?""This is the maid," answers the woman."We don't have a maid," says the man.The woman says, "I was hired this morning by the woman of the house."The man says, "Well, this is her husband. Is she there?"The woman replies, "She is upstairs in the bed room with someone who I figured was her husband."The guy is fuming and says to the maid, "Listen, would you like to make 50,000?"The maid asks, "What will I have to do?"The man tells her, "I want you to get my gun from the desk, and shoot the Bitch and the jerk she's with."The maid puts the phone down; the man hears footsteps and then two gun shots.The maid comes back to the phone, "What do I do with the bodies?"The man says, "Throw them in the swimming pool."Puzzled, the maid answers, "But you don't have a pool."A long pause and the man asks, "Oops..! Is this 2261-1382?" Read more:Humor
adult jokes 2007-08-31 23:22:00 Man goes into a cocktail lounge and approaches Maxinesitting by herself :Man: "May I buy you a cocktail?"Maxine: "No thank you, alcohol is bad for my legs."Man: "Sorry to hear that. Do they swell?"Maxine: "No, they spread ."
Sardar Jokes 2007-08-30 08:05:00 Enjoy 13 short sardar jokes !Sardar
at an Art Gallery: I suppose this horrible looking thingis what you call modern art?Art dealer: I beg your pardon sir, that’s a mirror!************************************************************Sardar: I haven’t slept all night in the train.Friend: Why?Sardar: Got upper berth.Friend: Why didn’t u exchange?Sardar: Oye, there was nobody to exchange in the lower berth..************************************************************A Sardar invested 2 Lakhs in a business and suffered huge loss.Do you know what the business was?He opened a Hair Cutting Saloon in Punjab!*************************************************************Sardar had twins; he named them Tin & Martin.Again had twins & named Peter & Repeater.again had twins & named Max & Climax.Again the same! Disgusted Sardar named them TIRED & RETIRED!*************************************************************19 SARDARS WENT for A FILM.ON ASKING THEM WHY THEY CAME IN A BIGGROUP OF Read more:Jokes
Doctor jokes-The treatment 2007-09-26 23:31:00 A man goes to the doctor's office one day. The nurse, quite attractive, says, "The doctor is over at the hospital right now. He won't be back for about an hour. Could you tell me your symptoms, please?"He tells her.She looks at him appraisingly and decides he's just tense. She offers, "Well, um, for $50, I've got just the thing for you!"He agrees, and she takes him into an examining room and screws the daylights out of him.About a week later, he returns, only to find that the doctor is there. The doctor listens to the man's symptoms, examines him, and decides the man is just tense... he writes out a prescription for a sedative and says, "That'll be $150 for this visit."The man says, "If it's all the same to you, doctor, I'd rather have the $50 cure!" Read more:Doctor
Sardar jokes 2007-09-26 23:29:00 Santa : Why did the man put his radio in his refrigerator?Banta : I give up.Santa : Stupid, because he wanted to hear cool music-----------Jasmeet : "Your honor, I want to divorce my husband Santa."Judge : "But why ?"Jasmeet : "Because he is not faithful to me."Judge : "How do you know ?"Jasmeet : "My lord, not a single child resembles him." Read more:Sardar
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