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Adult jokes - Five bucks 2007-10-22 04:38:00 Little Johnny is delivering newspapers. He knocks on a door, a lady answers, and he says, "Collect... thatll be five dollars." She says, "I'm a little short on cash, but if you want, I'll give you sex instead."Johnny says, "All right."He walks in, she undoes his pants, pulls them down, and there's the biggest wanker she's ever seen...it's huge for such a small kid. Johnny reaches into his shirt pocket, pulls out a handful of huge washers, and starts sliding them onto his wanker.She says, "You don't have to do that...I can take all of it." Johnny says, "Not for five bucks you can't." Read more:Adult
Adult jokes - Business man and an Escort 2007-10-22 03:20:00 A prosperous and somewhat amorous businessman propositioned a beautiful chorus girl of well-proportioned figure to spend the night with him for $500. When he was ready to leave the next morning, certain things having transpired, he told her he didn't have that much money with him, but would have his secretary mail her a check for it, made out with a memo of RENT FOR APARTMENT, to avoid any embarrassment. On the way to the office, however, after thinking the matter over carefully, he decided the night hadn't been worth what he’d agreed to pay. As a result, he had his secretary send a check for $250 instead, and enclosed the following explanatory note: Dear Madam: "Enclosed is a cheque for the amount of $250 for rent on your apartment. I am sending this amount instead of the amount originally agreed upon, because when I rented this apartment, I was under the impression that... 1. It had never been occupied2. There was plenty of heat3. It was small Last night, I found that it Read more:Adult
, Business
Really Funny jokes - The dishes 2007-10-22 00:29:00 Joe wanted to buy a motorbike. He doesn't have much luck until, one day, he comes across a Harley with a 'for sale' sign on it. The bike seems even better than a new one, although it is 10 years old. It is shiny and in absolute mint condition. He immediately buys it, and asks the seller how he kept it in such great condition for 10 years. "Well, it's quite simple, really," says the seller, "whenever the bike is outside and it's going to rain, rub Vaseline on the chrome. It protects it from the rain." And he hands Joe a jar of Vaseline. That night, his girlfriend, Sandra, invites him over to meet her parents. Naturally, they take the bike there. But just before they enter the house, Sandra stops him and says, "I have to tell you something about my family before we go in." "When we eat dinner, we don't talk. In fact, the first person who says anything during dinner has to do the dishes
." "No problem," he says. And in they go. Joe is shocked. Right smack in the middle of the l Read more:Funny
Blonde Jokes - Driving test 2007-10-22 00:18:00 A blonde is taking the driving portion of her driver's license exam. She handles most of the maneuvers quite well. She has a little trouble parallel parking, however, and winds up a couple of feet from the curb. "Could you get a little closer?" the examiner asks. The blonde then unbuckles her seat belt and slides over toward the examiner. She asks, "Now what?" Read more:Blonde
, Jokes
, Driving
Review - Ezine blog 2007-10-21 04:16:00 While surfing the internet I can across Ezine
Blog.org. Ezine is a fun site that talks about everything from science to sports. Also currently a offer of review their blog is going on , if you review the blog , they’ll link to your blog and help increase your page rank! Ohh, and while you’re at it you can browse through the 100% ad-free postings about current events, commentary from posters, and more.There are differnt categories like Business , entertainment , education , gaming ,science ,sports etc. I found this blog interesting.
Really funny joke - Birth registration 2007-10-20 08:59:00 George goes to the Birth Registration Office to register his newborn son. The man behind the counter asks the name he wants to give to the boy, and the father replies: "Euro". The man says that such a name is not acceptable, because it's a currency. Says George: "What? There weren't any objections when I called my first two sons Mark and Frank."
short funny jokes - cheese 2007-10-20 08:55:00 One day, at lunch at an elementary school, the cafeteria was serving swiss cheese. A little girl received her meal and was disgusted by it. "Miss lunch lady," she said at the end of the line, "I don't like the holes in my cheese." "That's okay," she said. "Just eat around them and leave them on your plate."
Really funny joke - Dressed Chicken 2007-10-20 00:29:00 A salesman is talking to a farmer when he looks over and sees a rooster wearing pants, a shirt, and suspenders. He says, "What on earth is that all about?" The farmer says, "We had a fire in the chicken coop two months ago and all his feathers got singed off, so the wife made him some clothes to keep him warm." "Okay, but that was two months ago. Why does he still wear them?" The farmer replied, "There ain't nothing funnier than watching him try to hold down a hen with one foot and get his pants down with the other." Read more:Dressed
, Chicken
Short funny jokes - The foreman 2007-10-20 00:28:00 One day, Uncle Joe got fired from his construction job. His nephew asked him what happened. "You know what a foreman is?" he asked. "The one who stands around and watches the other men work?" "What's that got to do with it?" he asked. "Well, he just got jealous of me," Uncle Joe explained. "Everyone thought I was the foreman." Read more:Short
Humor jokes 2007-10-20 00:27:00 A pious man, who had reached the age of 105, suddenly stopped going to synagogue. Alarmed by the old fellow's absence after so many years of faithful attendance, the rabbi went to see him. He found him in excellent health, so the rabbi asked; "How come after all these years we don't see you at services any more?" The old man lowered his voice. "I'll tell you, Rabbi," he whispered. "When I got to be 90, I expected God to take me any day. But then I got to be 95, then 100, then 105, so I figured that God is very busy and must've forgotten about me, and I don't want to remind Him!" Read more:Humor
School teacher jokes - Father 2007-10-19 00:26:00 Teacher: Ted, if your father has $10 and you ask him for $6, how much would your father still have? Ted: $10. Teacher: You don't know maths. Ted: You don't know my father! Read more:School
, Father
Really funny jokes - Ol' Mrs. Pierpoint 2007-10-19 00:23:00 A woman is worried about an older woman, a widow, who lives in the apartment next door. She hasn't heard anything from her for a few days. So she tells her son, "I want you to go next door and see how ol' Mrs. Pierpoint is." A few minutes later, the boy returns. "Well, is she all right?" the mother asks. "She's fine, but she's annoyed with you," he says. "At me? Whatever for?" "Well," says her son, "Mrs. Pierpoint told me it's none of your business how old she is."
Short humor jokes-copies of everything 2007-10-30 23:36:00 The prime Minister of China called President Bush to console him after the attack on the Pentagon:"I'm sorry to hear about the attack.It is a very big tragedy. But in case you are missing any documents from the Pentagon, we have copies of everything." Read more:Short
Really funny jokes-Footprints 2007-10-30 23:35:00 One day a man having conversation with god when his whole life flashed before his eyes as a series of footsteps on the sands of time.He saw that there were two pairs of footprints, but during the most difficult periods of his life there were only one set of footprints.He asked god "You said you will be with me throughout this journey, but why have you deserted me during the most critical times of my life??"To which god answered "Son, I did not desert you, I was always with you...you see only one set of footprints because during those difficult times in your life, I was carrying you"*******Another day I was having a similar conversation with my Project Manager (PM) when my whole project flashed before my eyes as a series of footsteps on the sands of time.I saw that there were two pairs of footprints, but during the most difficult times in the project there were only one set of footprints.I asked my PM, "You said you will be with me throughout the project, but why have you deserted me Read more:Footprints
Sardar jokes 2007-10-29 23:29:00 Santa: My wife is still scared of waterBanta: how come?Santa: yesterday when i went home, she was in the bath tub with the security guard!!----------Santa to his wife: darling, years ago u had a figure like coke bottle.Jeeto: yes darling i still do, only differnece is earlier it was 300mlnow it's 1.5 ltr.-----------Nurse: congrats santa, you are a father.Santa: don't tell my wife, i want to surprise her! Read more:Sardar
Kids jokes-active baby 2007-10-29 23:28:00 When Mary was pregnant, her 5 year old, Billy, was utterly amazed, and a little bit disbelieving, that his sister was growing in his mom's tummy. So one day when the baby was especially active, she asked Billy to place his tiny hands on her tummy to feel the baby kick. But when he did, the baby was suddenly still. "Oh, Billy, she must have decided to take a nap," shrugged Mary."A nap?" Billy marveled. "You mean there's a bed in there too?"
Really funny jokes-Ellen 2007-10-29 07:40:00 A man observed a woman in the grocery store with a three year old girl in her basket. As they passed the cookie section, the child asked for cookies and her mother told her "no." The little girl immediately began to whine and fuss, and the mother said quietly, "Now Ellen
, we just have half of the aisles left to go through; don't be upset. It won't be long."He passed the Mother again in the candy aisle. Of course, the little girl began to shout for candy. When she was told she couldn't have any, she began to cry. The mother said, "There, there, Ellen, don't cry. Only two more aisles to go, and then we'll be checking out."The man again happened to be behind the pair at the check-out, where the little girl immediately began to clamor for gum and burst into a terrible tantrum upon discovering there would be no gum purchased today. The mother patiently said, "Ellen, we'll be through this check out stand in five minutes, and then you can go home and have a nice nap."The man followed th
Teacher jokes 2007-10-29 07:39:00 Teacher: Simon, your composition on "My Dog" is exactly the same asyour brother's. Did u copy his?Simon: No, teacher, it's the same dog!-----------Father: Your teacher says she finds it impossible to teach youanything!Son: That's why I say she's no good!-----------Teacher: "Where were u born?"Student: " Singapore , Sir."Teacher: "Which part?"Student: "All of me, Sir." Read more:Teacher
Adult jokes-I can't hear you 2007-10-28 22:32:00 Charlie was responsible for taking up the offerings at a local church. One Sunday, after the service, the priest counted the money and found there was less than anticipated, given the size of the congregation. He took Charlie aside and questioned him.Charlie said that he did not take any of the offerings.The priest questioned him again and again and Charlie continued to insist that he did not take any of the offerings. So, the priest told Charlie to get into the confessional, which he did.The priest then asked him again, " Charlie, did you take any of the offering?" This time, Charlie replied, "I can't hear you."The priest asked Charlie the same question several times and Charlie would always reply, "I can't hear you."Finally, the priest yelled, "CHARLIE, DID YOU TAKE ANY OF THE OFFERING?"Again, the reply was, " I can't hear you."The priest was now beginning to get angry, so he came out of the confessional and said to Charlie, "Trade places with me and you can ask me a question."So, Read more:Adult
Kids jokes-Waking them up! 2007-10-28 22:31:00 Two mothers are having a conversation about their children."How do you get your Pauly up so early on school mornings?" asks one of them."Oh, that's easy," replies the other. "I just throw the cat on his bed.""Why does that wake him up?""He sleeps with the dog."
Funny jokes-Dumb blonde 2007-10-28 22:28:00 A blonde phoned police to report that thieves had been in her car. "They've stolen the dashboard, the steering wheel, the brake pedal, even the accelerator," she cried out.However, before the police investigation could start, the phone rang a second time and the same voice came over the line. "Never mind, I got in the back seat by mistake." Read more:Funny
Humor jokes-Medical Distinctions 2007-10-26 23:43:00 We've all heard about people having guts or balls. But do you really know the difference between them?In an effort to keep you informed, the definition for each is listed below...GUTS - is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being met by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to ask: "Are you still cleaning, or are you flying somewhere?"BALLS - is coming home late after a night out with the guys, smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the butt and having the balls to say: "You're next."I hope this clears up any confusion on the definitions.Medically speaking, there is no difference in the outcome, since both ultimately result in death. Read more:Humor
Sardar jokes-The archery contest 2007-10-26 23:32:00 Once upon a time there was an archery
contest.The first archer, wearing a long cape covering his face, lines up in position...He takes a deep breath and fires an arrow, which finds the center of the target.Then he takes of his cape and screams: I AM...... ROBIN HOOD!!! The crowd cheers!The second archer with a cape lines up in position.He fires his arrow, which hits the center and cuts Robin Hood's arrow into two!!!He takes off his cape and screams: I AM...... WILLIAM TELL!!!!!! The crowd cheers!!Finally our Santa in cape lines up in position... He fires his arrow but it goes all wrong!It flies past the crowd and kills the king!!! Then the man takes off his cape and screams:I AM...... SORRY Read more:Sardar
Short funny jokes-Monica 2007-10-26 23:31:00 Q: Do you know why Monica
got a stain on her dress?A: She didn't keep her mouth shut! Read more:Short
Really funny jokes-The wife who would not shut up 2007-10-26 23:29:00 A police officer pulls over a speeding car. The officer says, 'I clocked you at 80 miles per hour, sir.'The driver says, 'Gee, officer I had it on cruise control at 60, perhaps your radar gun needs calibrating.'Not looking up from her knitting the wife says: 'Now don't be silly dear, you know that this car doesn't have cruise control.'As the officer writes out the ticket, the driver looks over at his wife and growls, 'Can't you please keep your mouth shut for once?'The wife smiles demurely and says, 'You should be thankful your radar detector went off when it did.'As the officer makes out the second ticket for the illegal radar detector unit, the man glowers at his wife and says through clenched teeth, 'Darn it, woman, can't you keep your mouth shut?'The officer frowns and says, 'And I notice that you're not wearing your seat belt, sir. That's an automatic $75 fine.'The driver says, 'Yeah, well, you see officer, I had it on, but took it off when you pulled me over
Humor jokes- trucker lingo 2007-10-26 23:21:00 A trucker came into a truck stop cafe and placed his order. He said, "I want three flat tires, a pair of headlights and a pair of running boards."The brand new blonde waitress, not wanting to appear stupid, went to the kitchen and said to the cook, "This guy out there just ordered three flat tires, a pair of headlights and a pair of running boards. What does he think this place is, an auto parts store?""No," the cook said. "Three flat tires mean three pancakes, a pair of headlights is two eggs sunny side up, and running boards are 2 slices of crisp bacon.""Oh, OK!" said the blonde. She thought about it for a moment and then spooned up a bowl of beans and gave it to the customer.The trucker asked, "What are the beans for, Blondie?"She replied, "I thought while you were waiting for the flat tires, headlights and running boards, you might as well gas up!" Read more:Humor
Short humor jokes-Pregnant 2007-11-02 23:30:00 Mom to her notorious girl: Tell me the name of the bastard, who made you pregnant.Girl: Hey mom, after eating a dozen bananas, can u tell which one made you fat? Read more:Short
Really funny jokes-The Robot 2007-11-02 23:28:00 One day Jack's dad bought a robot.The robot was special in that it could detect a lie and would slap the person who lied on the face.Jack returned late from school that day and his dad asked him, "Son why are you late from school?".Jack answered, "Dad we had extra classes today ".Much to his astonishment the Robot
jumped up and slapped Jack on his face.His dad told him, this robot is special in that he can detect a lie and will then slap the person who lied now come on tell me the truth, " Why are you late?""Dad I went for a movie","Which movie?""The Ten Commandments",Splatt... Jack got a tight slap on the face from the robot."No dad honest I went for the movie Sex Queen.""Shame on you son when I was your age I never used to do such shameful things."Splatt, the dad gets a tight slap on the face from the robot.Hearing all this, Jack's mother comes walking out of the kitchen saying,"After all he is your son, he will be like you"The robot steps up and gives a resounding slap on Jack's
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