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short humor jokes-airfare 2007-09-28 01:51:00 This guy couldn't decide whether to go to Salt Lake City or Denver for vacation, so he called the airlines to get prices. "Airfare to Denver is $300," said a cheery salesperson."And what about Salt Lake City?""We have a really great rate to Salt Lake--$99.00, but there is a stopover.""Where?""Denver." Read more:airfare
Humor jokes-Directions 2007-10-12 23:36:00 A Girl is giving directions to her new boyfriend to get to her apartment.She says: "You come to the front door of the apartment complex where I live and look for apartment 14A, and with your elbow push button 14A. Come inside and you'll find the elevator on the right. With your elbow hit 14. When you get out of the elevator you'll find my apartment on the left. With your elbow, hit my doorbell and I'll open the door for you"The boyfriend says: "Dear, that sounds very easy to find, but why am I hitting all these buttons with my elbow ?""Oh my God!! You're not coming empty-handed, are you?" Read more:Humor
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Kids jokes-Bank 2007-10-12 23:35:00 A fourth-grade teacher was giving her pupils a lesson in logic."Here is the situation," she said. "A man is standing up in a boat in the middle of a river, fishing. He loses his balance, falls in, and begins splashing and yelling for help. His wife hears the commotion, knows he can't swim, and runs down to the bank. Why do you think she ran to the bank?"A girl raised her hand and asked, "To draw out all his savings?"
Short Humor jokes- Last request 2007-10-12 23:33:00 The warden, turning to the first man, solemnly asked, "Son, do you have a last request?"To which the man replied, "Yes sir, I do. I love dance music. Could you please play the Macarena for me one last time?""Certainly," replied the warden.He turned to the other man and asked, "Well, what about you, son? What is your final request?""Please," said the condemned man, "kill me first." Read more:Short
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Really Funny Jokes-Blonde horseback riding 2007-10-12 23:32:00 A blonde tries to go horseback riding even though she has had no lessons or prior experience she mounts the horse unassisted and the horse immediately springs into action.It gallops along at a steady rhythmic pace, but the blonde begins to lose her grip and starts to slide in the saddle.In terror, she grabs for the mane but can't seem to get a firm grip.She tries to throw her arms around the horses neck, but she slides down the side of the horse anyway. The horse gallops along, seemingly impervious to it's slipping rider.Unfortunately, the blondes foot has become entangled in the stirrup.She is now at the mercy of the hooves as her head is struck against the ground over and over again.As her head is battered against the ground she is moments away from losing consciousness when, to her great fortune.The Woolworth's Manager sees her and unplugs the horse. Read more:Funny
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, Blonde
Kids jokes-The Census Taker 2007-10-11 23:28:00 Five year old Becky answered the door when the Census taker came by.She told the Census taker that her daddy was a doctor and wasn't home, because he was performing an appendectomy."My," said the census taker, "that sure is a big word for such a little girl. Do you know what it means?""Sure! Fifteen hundred bucks, and that doesn't even include the anesthesiologist! "
Really funny jokes-The motorist 2007-10-11 23:11:00 A motorist, driving by a Texas ranch, hit and killed a calf that was crossing the road. The driver went to the owner of the calf and explained what had happened. He then asked what the animal was worth."Oh, about $200 today," said the rancher. "But in six years it would have been worth $900, so $900 is what I'm out."The motorist sat down and wrote out a check and handed it to the farmer."Here," he said, "is the check for $900. It's postdated six years from now."
Humor jokes-Home late 2007-10-11 23:03:00 A teenage girl had just been given family-car privileges. One Friday night she returned home very late from a party.The next morning her father went out to the driveway to get the newspaper and came back into the house frowning.At 11:30am the girl sleepily walked into the kitchen, and her father asked her, "What time did you get in last night?""Not too late, Dad." she replied nervously.Dead-panned, her father said, "Then I'll have to talk with the paperboy about putting my paper under the front tire of the car". Read more:Humor
Office jokes-The executive 2007-10-10 23:32:00 A young executive was leaving the office at 6 pm when he found the CEO standing in front of a shredder with a piece of paper in hand."Listen," said the CEO, "this is important, and my secretary has left. Can you make this thing work?""Certainly," said the young executive. He turned the machine on, inserted the paper, and pressed the start button."Excellent, excellent!" said the CEO as his paper disappeared inside the machine. "I just need one copy."
Short Humor jokes-English Leather 2007-10-10 23:31:00 For years one gift I could count on when my kids were young was a bottle or two of "EnglishLeather
" after-shave lotion.I thought for a while they liked the smell.Then it dawned on me... the stuff had an aroma just like my wallet. Read more:Short
, Humor
Humor jokes-Money down the toilet 2007-10-10 23:25:00 Two friends, a Scotsman and a Jew, are out drinking one night. Eventually Nature calls, and so they head for the head. The Scotsman takes the lone urinal, and the Jew says that he has to take a dump anyway so he enters the stall.The usual noises are heard for a minute, and then the Jew says "Damn!""What's the matter?" inquires the Scotsman."Well, when I was pulling my pants up, I dropped a dime into the toilet."The Scotsman joins the Jew in the stall to look at the sad sight. They both shake their heads in despair. Then the Scotsman reaches into his pocket and drops a quarter into the toilet."What did you do that for?!?" cries the Jew.And the Scotsman says, "Och, Ya donna think I'll stick my hand in there for a mere dime?" Read more:Humor
, Money
Funny jokes-Husband & Wife 2007-10-10 23:24:00 Wife: You always carry my photo in your handbag to the office. Why?Hubby: When there is a problem, no matter how impossible, I look at your picture and the problem disappears.Wife: You see,how miraculous and powerful I am for you?Hubby: Yes, I see your picture and say to myself, "What other problem can there be greater than this one?"------------------Wife to husband: "What's your excuse for coming home at this time of the night?"Husband
to wife: "Golfing with friends, my dear."Wife to husband: "What? At 2 am?"Husband to wife: "Yes, We used night clubs." Read more:Funny
Sardar jokes-Relaxing! 2007-10-09 23:45:00 Once Santa Singh sardarji was taking rest in a beach . . . An English man came 2 him and asked "Are u relaxing?"Sardar
replied : "NO! I'm Santa singh" :) . . .After sometime another English man came and asked "Are u relaxing?"Sardar replied :"NO! I'm Santa Singh" :) . . .After that he got fed up when again a English man asked that ... so he left that place in anger . . . After leaving the place, while he was walking, he saw one Englishman sitting aside alone .. He went near him and asked the man "Are u relaxing?".The Englishman replied "YES! I'm relaxing" . . .SARDARJI GAVE HIM 2 SLAPS AND SAID "All are searching for u there and u are sitting here alone! "
Really Funny Jokes-The worms 2007-10-09 23:42:00 A priest decided that a visual demonstration would add emphasis to his Sunday sermon.Four worms were placed into four separate jars.The first worm was put into a container of alcohol.The second worm was put into a container of cigarette smoke.The third worm was put into a container of chocolate syrup.The fourth worm was put into a container of good clean soil.At the conclusion of the sermon, the priest reported the following results:The first worm in alcohol - **Dead.**The second worm in cigarette smoke - **Dead**Third worm in chocolate syrup - **Dead**Fourth worm in good clean soil - **Alive.**So the priest asked the congregation - What can you learn from this demonstration?Malcolm was sitting in the back, quickly raised his hand and said, "As long as you drink, smoke and eat chocolate, you won't have worms!"That pretty much ended the service.... Read more:Funny
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Short Humor jokes-Discrimination 2007-10-09 23:40:00 In a small town in the US, there is a rather sizable factory that hires only married men. Concerned about this, a local woman called on the manager and asked him, "Why is it you limit your employees to married men? Is it because you think us women are weak, dumb, cantankerous. ..or what?""Not at all, Ma'am," the manager replied. "It is because our employees are used to obeying orders, are accustomed to being shoved around, know how to keep their mouths shut and don't pout when I yell at them." Read more:Short
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, Discrimination
Teacher jokes-The Nutty professor 2007-10-09 10:55:00 There was an old professor
who started every class with a vulgar joke.After one particularly nasty example, the women in the class decided to walk out the next time he started.The professor got wind of this plot, so the next morning he walked in and said: "Good morning, class. Did you hear the one about the shortage of whores in India?"With that, all the women stood up and headed for the door."Wait, ladies," cried the professor. "The boat doesn't leave until tomorrow!" Read more:Teacher
, Nutty
Funny jokes-Stepping on ducks 2007-10-09 00:06:00 Stepping on ducksThree women die together in an accident and go to heaven. When they get there, St. Peter says, We only have one rule here in heaven: don't step on the ducks!So they enter heaven, and sure enough, there are ducks all over the place. It is almost impossible not to step on a duck, and although they try their best to avoid them, the first woman accidentally steps on one. Along comes St. Peter with the ugliest old man she ever saw. St. Peter chains them together and says, Your punishment for stepping on a duck is to spend eternity chained to this ugly man!The next day, the second woman steps accidentally on a duck and along comes St. Peter, who doesn't miss a thing. With him is another extremely ugly man. He chains them together with the same admonishment as for the first woman.The third woman has observed all this and, not wanting to be chained for all eternity to an ugly man, is very, VERY careful where she steps.She manages to go months without stepping on any ducks, b Read more:Funny
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Really funny jokes-Cyanide 2007-10-09 00:04:00 A nice, calm and respectable lady went into the pharmacy, walked up to the pharmacist, looked straight into his eyes, and said, "I would like to buy some cyanide."The pharmacist asked, "Why in the world do you need cyanide?"The lady replied, "I need it to poison my husband."The pharmacist's eye got big and he exclaimed, "Lord have mercy! I can't give you cyanide to kill your husband. That's against the law! I'll lose my license!They'll throw both of us in jail! All kinds of bad things will happen. Absolutely not! You CANNOT have any cyanide!"The lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her husband in bed with the pharmacist's wife.The pharmacist looked at the picture and replied, "Well now, that's different. You didn't tell me you had a prescription. "
Humor jokes-Realizing a dream 2007-10-09 00:03:00 A schoolteacher was given a ticket for driving through a red light.When she appeared in traffic court, she asked the judge for immediate attention to her case as she was due to be back in class.The judge looked at her sternly and said:"So that's you my schoolteacher Ms. Enigma. I am about to realize my childhood dream. Ma'am You sit down at that table over there and write 'I went through a stop sign.' FIVE HUNDRED TIMES' then show me." Read more:Humor
Short Humor jokes-Mirror, Mirror on the Wall ... 2007-10-07 23:49:00 A woman tells the doctor: "I looked in the mirror and my hair was all frazzled,my skin was wrinkled, my eyes werebloodshot and my face looked corpse-like. What's wrong?"The doctor looks at her for a minute, then says: "Well there's nothing wrong with your eyesight." Read more:Short
, Humor
Really Funny Jokes-Collision 2007-10-07 23:48:00 This is an actual radio conversation released by the Chief of Naval Operations, 10-10-95,MSG#H0000115020ecb5 2EMHS#1: "Please divert your course 15 degrees to the north to avoid a collision."#2: "Recommend that you change YOUR course 15 degrees to the south to avoid a collision."#1: "This is the captain of a U.S. navy ship. I say again, divert YOUR course."#2: "No, I say again divert YOUR course."#1: "This is the aircraft carrier Enterprise, we are a large warship of the U.S. navy. Divert your course NOW!"#2: "This is a lighthouse. Your call?" Read more:Funny
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Humor jokes- The Ghost Car 2007-10-07 23:46:00 A man stood on the side of the road hitch hiking on a very dark night in the middle of a storm. The night was rolling and no cars passed. The storm was so strong, he could hardly see a few feet ahead of him. Suddenly he saw a car come towards him and stop.The guy, without thinking about it, got in the car and closed the door to realize that nobody was behind the wheel. The car started slowly . The guy looked at the road and saw a curve coming his way. Scared, he started praying, and begged for his life. He hadn't come out of shock, when just before he hit the curve, a hand appeared through the window and moved the wheel. The guy, paralyzed in terror, watched how the hand appeared every time before a curve.The guy gathered strength, got out of the car and ran to the nearest town. Wet and in shock, he ran into a cantina and asked for two shots of tequila, and started telling everybody about the horrible experience he went through. A silence envelopedeverybody when they realized the guy Read more:Humor
, Ghost
Sardar Joke - Going to moon 2007-10-07 02:09:00 Two Sardar
jis, both student , were talking about the American astronauts.One said to the other, "What's the big deal about going to the moon-anybody can go to the moon. We are sardars we will go direct to the sun.""But if we get within 13 million miles from the sun, we'll melt."And the first answered, "So what, we'll go at night." Read more:Going
Short humor jokes-Large pill 2007-10-06 05:08:00 A man limped into a hospital to have his foot X-rayed, and was asked to wait for the results.Some time later an orderly appeared and handed the man a large pill. Just then a mother with a small child in need of immediate attention entered. After the orderly disappeared with the new patient, the man hobbled over to get a glass of water, swallow the pill, and sat down to wait. Some time later the orderly reappeared carrying a bucket of water. "Okay," he said, "Let's drop the pill in this bucket and soak your foot for a while." Read more:Short
Short humor jokes-Easy operation! 2007-10-05 23:03:00 A man was wheeling himself frantically down the hall of the hospital in his wheelchair, just before his operation.A nurse stopped him and asked, "What's the matter?"He said, "I heard the nurse say, It's a very simple operation, don't worry. I'm sure it will be all right.""She was just trying to comfort you. What's so frightening about that?""She wasn't talking to me. She was talking to the doctor!" Read more:Short
Humor Jokes-A real city slicker 2007-10-05 23:01:00 A young man from the city went to visit his farmer uncle. For the first few days, the uncle showed him the usual things ... chickens, cows, crops, etc. After three days, however, it was obvious that the nephew was getting bored, and the uncle was running out of things to amuse him with.Finally, the uncle had an idea. "Why don't you grab a gun, take the dogs, and go out shooting?" This seemed to cheer the nephew up, and with enthusiasm, off he went, dogs in trail.After a few hours, the nephew returned."How did you enjoy that?" asked the uncle."It was great!" exclaimed the nephew. "Got any more dogs" Read more:Jokes
, Humor
Funny teacher jokes - History 2007-10-18 04:09:00 Teacher jokes Teacher: History
is a very interesting subject. It tells you about what had happened in the past. Student: Please teacher, I don't think I want to study history. Teacher: Why? Student: There is no future in it. Read more:Funny
Teacher jokes - Black board 2007-10-18 00:51:00 One day, when the teacher walked to the black board, she noticed someone had written the word "penis" in tiny letters. She turned to the class, scanned the boys and girls, looking for the guilty face. Finding not a guilty face in the bunch, she quickly erased the blackboard and began her class.The next day, the teacher went into the classroom and noticed, in larger letters this time, the word "penis" scrolled on the blackboard. Again, she looked around the classroom in vain for the culprit, but found none. And so, the teacher erased the blackboard and proceeded with the day's lesson.Every morning, for about a week, the teacher went into the classroom and found the same word written on the blackboard, each day, scrolled larger than the previous day.Finally, one day, the teacher walked into the classroom expecting to be greeted by the same word on the board. Instead, she found scrolled on the blackboard: "The more you rub it, the bigger it gets!" Read more:Teacher
, Black
Shrt humor joke - Wedding Portrait 2007-10-18 00:47:00 WEDDING PORTRAITAny of you who have ever seen an old fashioned formal wedding portrait will notice that the man is seated, and the woman is standing alongside.While that may seem just the reverse of what it should be -- think about it.He was probably too damn tired to stand, and she was too damn sore to sit down. Read more:Portrait
Funny Adult Jokes - Nurse 2007-10-17 01:20:00 The nurse was walking down the hospital corridor when her supervisor spotted her. The supervisor couldn't believe it: The nurses hair was unkempt, her dress wrinkled, and to top off her overall dishevelment, one of her breasts was hanging out of the open front of her uniform! "MISS JENNINGS! How can you account for parading around the hospital not only looking like a derelict, but with your breast exposed!" "Oh," said the nurse, as she stuffed her breast into her uniform, "It's those darn interns! They NEVER put anything back when they're through using it!" Read more:Funny
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