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Kids jokes-Two children 2007-09-25 23:51:00 Two children were sitting outside a clinic. One of them was crying very loudly.2nd Child: Why are you crying?1st Child: I came here for blood test.2nd Child: So? Are you afraid?1st Child: No. Not that. For the blood test, they cut my finger.At this, the second one started crying. The first one was astonished.1st Child: Why are you crying now?2nd Child: I have come for my urine test!
Humor jokes-Navigator 2007-09-25 23:50:00 The scene is sometime in the old era when cockpits had round dials plus flight engineers and navigators. The crusty old-timer captain is breaking in a brand new navigator.The captain opens his briefcase, pulls out a .38 and rests it on the glare panel. He asks the navigator, "Know what this is for?""No, sir," replies the newbie."I use it on navigators that get us lost," explains the captain, winking at his first officer.The navigator then opens his briefcase, pulls out a .45 and sets it on his chart table."What's THAT for?" queries the surprised captain."Well, sir," replies the navigator, "I'll know we're lost before you will." Read more:Humor
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Really Funny Jokes-Country club 2007-09-25 23:48:00 A member of the Country
Club asked the lifeguard how he might go about teaching a young lady to swim."It takes considerable time and technique." replied the guard. "First you must take her into the water, then place one arm about her waist, hold her tightly, then take her right arm and raise it very slowly...""This is certainly most helpful." said the member. "I know that my sister will appreciate it.""Your sister?" said the lifeguard. "In that case, just push her into the deep end of the pool. She'll learn in a hurry." Read more:Funny
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short humor jokes 2007-09-25 04:42:00 While reading a newspaper, Morty came across an article about a beautiful actress marrying a football player who was not noted for his IQ."I'll never understand," he said to his wife, "Why do the biggest jerks get the most attractive wives."His wife replied, "Why, thank you, dear."
Really Funny Jokes-Young marriage 2007-09-25 04:40:00 A six-year-old boy told his father he wanted to marry the little girl across the street. The father being modern and well-schooled in handling children, hid his smile behind his hand."That's a serious step," he said. "Have you thought it out completely?""Sure," his young son answered. "We can spend one week in my room and the next in hers. It's right across the street, so I can run home if I get lonely in the night.""How about transportation? " the father asked."I have my wagon, and we both have our tricycles," the little boy answered. The boy had an answer to every question the father raised.Finally, in exasperation, the man asked, "What about babies? When you're married, you're liable to have babies, you know.""We've thought about that, too," the little boy replied. "We're not going to have babies. Every time she lays an egg, I'm going to step on it!" Read more:Funny
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Funny jokes-Two lawyers 2007-09-25 04:39:00 Two lawyers had been life long friends: they were partners and shared everything , including their hot-blooded secretary.One day the secretary announced she was pregnant. They told her not to worry and assured her that they would pay all medical costs and would act as co-fathers when the child was born and provide all expenses thereafter.The day of delivery arrived. Both the lawyers were at the hospital pacing the floor in the waiting room. Finally one of them said, "I can't take this, I'm going down to sit in my car and wait there. Please come down and tell me as soon as the child is born!"The partner agreed to do that. About an hour later the partner approached the car with a very grave look on his face."What happened ?" asked the waiting car occupant.The other partner announced, "They were twins and mine died!" Read more:Funny
Sardar jokes-forgetful 2007-09-23 23:16:00 One day a sardarji was sitting in his office on The thirteenth floor building when a man came running in to his office and shouted "Santa singh your daughter Preeto just died in an accident" Sardar
ji was in panic. Not knowing what to do he jumped from his office window. While coming down when he was near the tenth floor he remembered he didn't have a daughter named Preeto. When he was near the fifth floor he remembered he was not married.When he was about to hit the ground he remembered he was not Santa Singh.
short humor jokes-the hand 2007-09-23 23:15:00 Q: How do the little boys at Michael Jackson's ranch know when it is bedtime?A: When the big hand touches the little hand...
Really Funny Jokes-My Doctor 2007-09-23 23:12:00 Let me tell you about my doctor.He's very good.If you tell him you want a second opinion,he'll go out and come in again.~He treated one woman for yellow jaundice for three yearsbefore he realized she was Chinese.~Another time he gave a patient six months to live.At the end of the six months, the patient hadn't paid his bill,so the doctor gave him another six months.~While he was talking to me, his nurse came in and said,"Doctor
, there is a man here who thinks he's invisible."The doctor said, "Tell him I can't see him."~Another time, a man came running in the office and yelled,"Doctor, doctor!! -my son just swallowed a roll of film!!"The doctor calmly replied, "Let's just wait and see what develops."~One patient came in and said, "Doctor, I have a serious memory problem."The doctor asked, "When did it start?"The man replied, "When did what start?"~I remember one time I told my doctor Ihad a ringing in my ears. His advice: "Don't answer it."~My doctor sure has his share of nut cas Read more:Funny
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Humor jokes-The Vanilla Pudding Robbery 2007-09-22 03:26:00 This is just too funny not to share. Excerpted from an article which appeared in the Dublin Times about a bank robbery on March 2.Once inside the bank shortly after midnight, their efforts at disabling the security system got underway immediately. The robbers, who expected to find one or two large safes filled with cash & valuables, were surprised to See hundreds of smaller safes throughout the bank.The robbers cracked the first safe's combination, and inside they found only a small bowl of vanilla pudding.As recorded on the bank's audio tape system, one robber said, "At least we'll have a bit to eat."The robbers opened up a second safe, and it also contained nothing but vanilla pudding. The process continued until all safes were opened.They did not find one pound sterling, a diamond, or an ounce of gold.Instead, all the safes contained covered bowls of pudding.Disappointed, the robbers made a quiet exit, each leaving with nothing more than a queasy, uncomfortably full stomach. Read more:Humor
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Really Funny Jokes-Zoo 2007-09-22 03:23:00 It was a warm, sunny Sunday, so a man and his wife decided to take in the zoo. They spent the day and at closing time they walked past the gorilla cage and the man noticed the gorilla looking at his wife."That gorilla is getting excited just looking at your boobs," he said. "Why don't you take your blouse off and we'll see what he does?"At first she declined but finally persuaded by her husband, she took off her blouse and bra. The gorilla went nuts. He started grunting and jumping up and down."Hey," the husband said, "let's really blow his mind. Take off all your clothes and we'll see what he does." Again she said no and again he persuaded her.This time the ape really went bananas! He climbed up and down the bars, did flips, ran around in circles and tossed his food all over the cage.The husband went over to the cage, opened the door and pushed his wife in."Now," said the husband with an evil smile, "tell HIM, you have a headache!" Read more:Funny
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sardar jokes 2007-09-21 23:55:00 Santa and Banta were drawing money from ATMSANTA : i have seen your password - it's 4 stars( ****)BANTA : ha ha ha ha..... wrong, it's 1258
Funny jokes-The divorcee parents 2007-09-21 23:52:00 DIVORCED FATHER: "Daughter, when you go back to your Mom's house tonight, give her this envelope and tell her that since you are now 18, this is the last cheque she'll ever see from me for child support. Then, stand back and watch the expression on her face."Later...DAUGHTER: "Mom, Dad asked me to give you this envelope. He said to tell you that since I'm now 18, this is the last child support payment he'll ever have to make to you. Now I'm supposed to stand back and watch the expression on your face."Later...DIVORCED MOTHER: "Next time you visit your father, tell him that after 18 years I have decided to inform him that he's not your father...... then, stand back and watch the expression on his face!! Read more:Funny
Funny Jokes-at the bar 2007-09-21 23:48:00 A guy walks into a bar and sees a gorgeous woman nursing a drink.Walking up behind her he says, "Hi there good looking'. How's it going?"Having already downed a few power drinks, she turns around, faces him, looks him straight in the eye and says,"Listen up, buddy. I screw anybody, anytime, anywhere, your place, my place, in the car, front door, back door, on the ground, standing up, sitting down, naked or with clothes on, dirty, clean .. it doesn't matter to me,I've been doing it ever since I got out of college and I just flat love it."Eyes now wide with interest, he responds, "No kidding. I'm a lawyer too, What firm are you with?" Read more:Funny
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Really Funny Jokes-Taxi Driver 2007-09-21 07:08:00 A taxi passenger tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him a question. The driver screamed , lost control of the car, nearly hit a bus, went up on the footpath, and stopped centimeters from a shop window.For a second everything went quiet in the cab, then the driver said, "Look mate, don't ever do that again. You scared the daylights out of me!"The passenger apologized and said, "I didn't realize that a little tap would scare you so much. "The driver replied, "Sorry, it's not really your fault. Today is my first day as a cab driver. I've been driving a funeral van for the last 25 years." Read more:Funny
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Really Funny Jokes-Top 10 swimming pickup lines 2007-09-20 23:44:00 10."I noticed you thrashing around. Would you like to hold onto my floaties?"9. "You do know how to inflate your raft, don't you? Just put your lips together and blow."8. "I'm worried about you getting a sunburn. How about I cover you with my body?"7. "Don't save me! Let me go down three times."6. "Wanna go back to my place and do something about that shrinkage?"5. "Come on, I'm a wealthy neglected housewife, you're a pool boy. It's practically required by law that you do me."4. "Sorry, babe, did I make you all wet?"3. "Now how'd you manage to fit that great big thing into that little ol' Speedo?"2. "Wanna join the 9-foot-deep- end-of-the- pool club?" and the Number 1 Swimming Pool Pickup Line...1 "If everybody here accidentally drowned, the first bloated corpse I'd pull out would be yours, sweetheart." Read more:Funny
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Humor jokes-questions 2007-09-20 23:42:00 A father and his small son were out walking one afternoon when the youngster asked how the electricity went through the wires stretched between the telephone poles."Don't know," said the father. "Never knew much about electricity. " A few blocks farther on the boy asked what caused lightning and thunder."To tell the truth," said the father, "I never exactly understood that myself."The boy continued to ask questions
throughout the walk, none of which the father could explain. Finally, as they were nearing home, the boy asked,"Pop, I hope you don't mind my asking so many questions... ""Of course not", replied the father. "How else are you going to learn?" Read more:Humor
Really Funny Jokes-Instrument 2007-09-19 23:09:00 A very distinguished lady was on a plane arriving from Switzerland. She found herself seated next to a nice priest whom she asked: Excuse me Father, could I ask a favor?""Of course my child, What can I do for you?"Here is the problem, I bought myself a new sophisticated hair remover gadget for which I paid an enormous sum of money. I have really gone over the declaration limits and I am worried that they will confiscate it at customs. Do you think you could hide it under your cassock?"Of course I could, my child, but you must realize that I can not lie."You have such an honest face Father, I am sure they will not ask you any questions", and she gave him the hair remover.The aircraft arrived at its destination. When the priest presented himself to customs he was asked, "Father, do you have anything to declare?"From the top of my head to my sash, I have nothing to declare, my son, he replied.Finding this reply strange, the customs officer asked, "And from the sash down, what Read more:Funny
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short humor jokes-Honesty 2007-09-19 23:04:00 Boss (to the new employee): We are very keen on cleanliness. Did you wipe your feet on the mat as you came in?New employee: Yes, sir.Boss: We are also keen on truthfulness. There is no mat. Read more:Honesty
sardar jokes 2007-09-19 22:54:00 Santa Singh died and went to heaven. When he got to the pearly gate Saint Peter told him that new rules were in effect due to the advances in education on earth.In order to gain admittance a prospective heavenly soul must answer two questions:1. Name two days of the week that begin with "T".2. How many seconds are there in a year?Santa thought for a few minutes and answered...1. The two days of the week that begin with "T" are Today and Tomorrow.2. There are 12 seconds in a year.Saint Peter said, "OK, I'll buy the Today and Tomorrow, even though it's not the answer I expected, so your answer is correct.But how did you get only 12 seconds in a year?"Santa replied, "Well, January 2nd, February 2nd,March 2nd, etc...."Saint Peter lets him in without another word....
Really funny jokes-Someone under bed 2007-09-19 04:59:00 Mike goes to a psychiatrist. "Doc, he says, "I've got trouble. Every time I get into bed I think there is somebody under it. I get under the bed and I think there's somebody on top of it. Top, under, under top. I'm going crazy!! Can you help me?"Put yourself in my hands for two years, come to me three times a week and I'll cure you," says the shrink."OK, but how much do you charge for this?, asks Mike.""A hundred dollars per visit," says the psychiatrist.And Mike replies, "I'll think about it."He never went back. Some time later he met the doctor on the street. "Why didn't you come to see me again?," asks the psychiatrist."$100.00 a visit," Mike says. "Why should I want to pay a hundred bucks a visit? My bartender cured me 100% for just ten dollars.""Is that so! says the shrink. "Just how did he do that?"And Mike says, "He told me to cut the legs off my bed."
Sardar joke 2007-09-19 04:58:00 Jasmeet caught her husband Santa Singh searching high and low all around his living room.Jasmeet: 'What are you searching for?'Santa: 'Hidden cameras!'Jasmeet: 'And what makes you think that there are hidden cameras here?'Santa: 'That guy on TV knows exactly what I am doing.Why every few minutes he keeps saying 'You are watching MTV! How does he know that?' Read more:Sardar
Really funny jokes-The Cure 2007-09-18 06:59:00 There was a man who had a wife and she had a problem responding to his desires. This continued for about 6 months. As frustration was welling up within him he decided to see a doctor about his wife's lack of attention toward him.The doctor, being of the wise kind, gave this man a bottle of pills and said to him, "Now, just before your wife retires give her a cup of milk and slip a couple of these pills in and before you know it she will be more than obliging."So he goes home very excited and when night comes he offers his wife a cup of milk and slips in a couple of those pills.He then says to himself, "Now why should she have all the fun?"So he pours himself a cup and puts the whole bottle into his cup. He takes both cups to his wife in bed and they talk for a bit and drink the milk.After a half hour, both fall asleep.Then, the wife suddenly sits up straight in bed, pounds her husband and says, "Darling, Darling! Wake up! Wake up! I need a man now!"The husband sits up straight and sho
Funny joke - Programmer -Manager and Tunnel 2007-10-02 01:45:00 A young Programmer
and his Project Manager board a train headed throughthe mountains on its way to Wichita. They can find no place to sitexcept for two seats right across the aisle from a young woman and hergrandmother. After a while, it is obvious that the young woman and theyoung programmer are interested in each other, because they are giving each other looks. Soon the train passes into a tunnel and it is pitch black. There is a sound of a kiss followed by the sound of a slap. When the train emerges from the tunnel, the four sit there without saying a word. The grandmother is thinking to herself, “It was very brash for that young man to kiss my granddaughter, but I’m glad she slapped him.” The Project manager is sitting there thinking, “I didn’t know the young tech was brave enough to kiss the girl, but I sure wish she hadn’t missed him when she slapped me!” The young woman was sitting and thinking, “I’m glad the guy kissed me, but I wish my grandmother had no Read more:Funny
Short teacher jokes- Kids Jokes 2007-10-02 01:41:00 Enjoy 6 teacher-kids jokes !TEACHER : Maria, go to the map and find North America.MARIA : Here it is!TEACHER : Correct. Now class, who discovered America?CLASS : Maria!___________________________________________________________TEACHER : Why are you late, Frank?FRANK : Because of the sign.TEACHER : What sign?FRANK : The one that says, “School Ahead, Go Slow.”___________________________________________________________TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?JOHN : You told me to do it without using tables!___________________________________________________________TEACHER : Glenn, how do you spell “crocodile?”GLENN : K-R-O-K-O-D-A-I-L”TEACHER : No, that’s wrongGLENN : Maybe it s wrong, but you asked me how I spell it!___________________________________________________________TEACHER : Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?DONALD : H I J K L M N O!!TEACHER : What are you talking about?DONALD : Yesterday you said it’s H to O!_____________ Read more:Short
Kids jokes-Dollar for the lady 2007-09-30 23:00:00 A little girl asked her mother for a dollar to give to an old lady in the park. Her mother was touched by the child's kindness, and gave her the required sum."There you are, my dear," said the mother. "But, tell me, isn't the lady able to work any more?""Oh yes," came the reply. "She sells candy." Read more:Dollar
Really Funny Jokes-Sacrifice Love 2007-09-30 22:58:00 A man rushes into a Dentist's office accompanied with his wife.The man pleaded to the dentist, "Doc, I'm in one big of a hurry!I have two team partners sitting out in my car waiting for us to go play golf.I can't wait for anesthetic to work and loose my precious time.So doc, forget about the anesthetic and just pull the tooth and be done with it.The dentist pondered to himself, "This sure is a strange strong patient asking to have his tooth pulled without using anything to kill the pain for the love of game."So the dentist asks him, "Which tooth it is to pull?"The man turned to his wife and said, "Open your mouth, Honey, and show him your aching tooth." Read more:Funny
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Humor jokes-Birds and the bees 2007-09-30 22:57:00 A father asked his 10-year old son if he knew about the birds and the bees."I don't want to know," the child said, bursting into tears. "Promise me you won't tell me."Confused, the father asked what was wrong.The boy sobbed, "When I was six, I got the 'There's no Easter Bunny' speech.At seven, I got the 'There's no Tooth Fairy' speech.When I was eight, you hit me with the 'There's no Santa' speech.If you're going to tell me that grown-ups don't really get laid, I'll have nothing left to live for." Read more:Humor
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Really Funny Jokes-Mating Bulls 2007-09-28 01:54:00 A man takes his wife to the live stock show. They start heading down the alley that houses all the bulls. The sign on the first bull's stall states: "This bull mated 50 times last year." The wife turns to her husband and says, "He mated 50 times in a year, isn't that nice!"They proceed to the next bull and his sign stated: "This bull mated 65 times last year."The wife turns to her husband and says, "This one mated 65 times last year. That is over 5 times a month. You could learn from this one!" They proceeded to the last bull and his sign said: "This bull mated 365 times last year." the wife's mouth drops open and says, "WOW! He mated 365 times last year.That is ONCE A DAY!!! You could really learn from this one."The fed up man turns to his wife and says, "Go up and inquire if it was the same old cow every day." Read more:Funny
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Really Funny Jokes-3 Irishmen 2007-09-28 01:53:00 Three Irishmen, Paddy, Sean and Shamus, were stumbling home from the pub late one night and found themselves on the road which led past the old graveyard. "Come have a look over here," says Paddy, "it's Michael O'Grady's grave, God bless his soul. He lived to the ripe old age of 87." "That's nothing", says Sean, "here's one named Patrick O'Tool, it says here that he was 95 when he died." Just then, Shamus yells out, "Good God, here's a fella that got to be 145 years old!" "What was his name?" asks Paddy. Shamus stumbles around a bit, awkwardly lights a match to see what else is written on the stone marker, and exclaims, "Miles, from Dublin." Read more:Funny
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