Owner: Life disguised in humor URL:http://miteshasher.blogspot.com Join Date: Thu, 30 Aug 2007 05:19:46 -0500 Rating:0 Site Description: Humor jokes,humor pictures,humor in life,funny pictures,india,poems Site statistics:Click here
Marriage jokes-Weeping bride 2007-11-02 23:19:00 The weeping bride poured out her heart to the eminent marriage counselor. "Isn't there some way, without turning into a nag, that I can keep my husband in line?" The counselor scowled. "Young lady," he said, "your husband shouldn't have to wait in line." Read more:Weeping
Short humor jokes-Dressing the children 2007-11-01 23:33:00 The mother of a large family was explaining why she dresses her children alike, right down to the youngest baby."When we had just four children, I dressed them alike so we wouldn't lose any of them.""Now," she added, looking around at her brood of nine, "I dress them alike so we won't pick up any that don't belong to us." Read more:Short
, Dressing
Really funny jokes-Peeing in the Refrigerator 2007-11-01 23:32:00 70-year-old George went for his annual physical. All of his tests came back with normal results. Dr. Smith said, "George, everything looks great physically. How are you doing mentally and emotionally? Are you at peace with yourself, and do you have a good relationship with your God?"George replied, "God and me are tight He knows I have poor eyesight, so he's fixed it so that when I get up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom (poof!) the light goes on when I pee, and then (poof!) the light goes off when I'm done.""Wow," commented Dr. Smith, "that's incredible!"A little later in the day Dr. Smith called George's wife. "Thelma," he said, "George is just fine. Physically he's great. But I had to call because I'm in awe of his relationship with God.Is it true that he gets up during the night and (poof!) the light goes on in the bathroom, and then (poof!) the light goes off?"Thelma exclaimed, "That old fool! He's peeing in the refrigerator again!" Read more:Refrigerator
Good jokes-the adopted boy 2007-11-01 23:32:00 Ted and Alice were thrilled when their long wait to adopt a baby finally came to an end. The adoption center called and told them they had an adorable German baby boy and the couple took him without hesitation.On the way home from the adoption center, they stopped at the local college so they could enroll in night classes. After they completed filling out the form, the registrar inquired, "What possessed you to study German?""We've just adopted a wonderful German baby boy and in a year or so, he'll begin to talk. We want to make sure we're able to understand him!" the couple proudly explained.
Really funny jokes-Glossary 2007-10-31 23:45:00 DATING:The process of spending enormous amounts of money, time, and energy to get better acquainted with a person whom you don't especially like in the present and will learn to like a lot less in the future.EASY:A term used to describe a woman who has the morals of a man.EYE CONTACT:A method utilized by a single woman to communicate to a man that she is interested in him. Despite being advised to do so, many women have difficulty looking a man directly in the eyes, not necessarily due to the shyness, but usually due to the fact that a woman's eyes are not located in her chest.FRIEND:A member of the opposite sex who has some flaw which makes sleeping with him/her totally unappealing.INDIFFERENCE:A woman's feeling toward a man that is interpreted by the man as "playing hard to get."IRRITATING HABIT:What the endearing little qualities that initially attract two people to each other turn into after a few months together.NYMPHOMANIAC:A man's term for a woman who wants to do it more of Read more:Glossary
Humor jokes- Three women i Mexico 2007-10-31 23:43:00 Three women go down to Mexico
one night to celebrate college graduation, get drunk, and wake up in jail, only to find that they are to be executed in the morning, though none of them can remember what they did the night before.The first one, a redhead, is strapped in the electric chair, and is asked if she has any last words.She says, "I just graduated from Brigham Young University, and believe in the almighty power of God to intervene on the behalf of the innocent."They throw the switch and nothing happens.They all immediately prostrate themselves; beg for her forgiveness, and release her.The second one, a brunette, is strapped in and gives her last words, "I just graduated from the Harvard School of Law and I believe in the power of justice to intervene on the part of the innocent."They throw the switch and again, nothing happens.Again, they all immediately prostrate themselves; beg for her forgiveness, and release her.The last one, a blond, is strapped in and says, "Well, I'm from Read more:Humor
, Three
Marriage jokes 2007-10-31 23:42:00 A woman confided to her girlfriend, "My ex-husband wants to marry me again."The friend said, "How flattering."The woman replied, "Not really. I think he's after the money I married him for."
Humor jokes-Shrink 2007-11-08 09:06:00 A man goes to a shrink and says, "Doctor, my wife in unfaithful to me. Every evening, she goes to Larry's bar and picks up men. In fact, she sleeps with anybody who asks her! I'm going crazy. What do you think I should do?""Relax," says the Doctor, "take a deep breath and calm down. Now, tell me, where exactly is Larry's bar?" Read more:Humor
Life-Different views on sex 2007-11-08 09:04:00 The reason there are so many problems between men and women is that hey have such different views
of sex and relationships.Women want a relationship without the complication of unnecessary sex; Men want sex without the complication of an unnecessary relationship.
Really funny jokes-Building contractor 2007-11-07 22:46:00 A building contractor was being paid by the week for a job that was likely to stretch over several months.He approached the owner of the property and held up the check he'd been given. "This is two hundred dollars less than we agreed on," he said."I know," the owner said, "But last week I overpaid you two hundred dollars, and you never complained."The contractor said, "Well, I don't mind an occasional mistake. But when it gets to be a habit, I feel I have to call it to your attention." Read more:Building
Life-Girls are like.... 2007-11-07 22:44:00 Girls are likeapples on trees. The bestones are at the top of the tree.The boys don't want to reach forthe good ones because they are afraidof falling and getting hurt. Instead, theyjust get the rotten apples from the groundthat aren't as good, but easy. So the applesat the top think something is wrong withthem, when in reality, they're amazing.They just have to wait for the rightboy to come along, the onewho's brave enoughto climb all the wayto the topof the tree. Read more:Girls
Short jokes-Unremunerative outlay of Capital 2007-11-07 05:04:00 The professor of an economics class asked for an example of unremunerative outlay of capital.One student replied, "Taking one's sister out to dinner and the movies." Read more:Short
Humor jokes-Profound President: Some classic Bush-isms!!! 2007-11-07 05:02:00 1.The vast majority of our imports come from outside the country.2.If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure.3.I have made good judgments in the past. I have made good judgments in the future.4.We're going to have the best educated American people in the world.5.We have a firm commitment to NATO; we are a part of NATO. We have a firm commitment to Europe; we are a part of Europe .6.A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls.7.We are ready for any unforeseen event that may or may not occur.8.Quite frankly, teachers are the only profession that teach our children. Read more:Humor
, President
Really funny jokes-"I've Lost My Luggage" 2007-11-06 22:47:00 An Irishman arrived at J.F.K. Airport and wandered around the terminal with tears streaming down his cheeks. An airline employee asked him if he was already homesick."No," replied the Irishman "I've lost all me luggage!""How'd that happen?""The cork fell out!" said the Irishman. Read more:Luggage
Humor jokes-Last Request 2007-11-06 22:46:00 Mary Clancy goes up to Father O'Grady's after his Sunday morning service, and she's in tears.He says, "So what's bothering you, Mary my dear?"She says, "Oh, Father, I've got terrible news. My husband passed away last night."The priest says, "Oh, Mary, that's terrible. Tell me, did he have any last requests?"She says, "That he did, Father..."The priest says, "What did he ask, Mary?"She says, "He said, 'Please Mary, put down that damn gun!' Read more:Humor
Adult jokes-Gay men 2007-11-06 06:15:00 Two gay men decide that they want to have a baby, but they don't want to adopt because they want the baby to be as close to their own as possible. So they both masturbate into a cup and have a doctor use their sperm to impregnate a female friend of theirs.Nine months later, the two gay men are looking at their baby in the hospital nursery. All of the babies are crying and screaming except for theirs."Wow," one of the gay men says, "Our baby is the most well behaved one in here."A nurse who happens to be walking by says, "Now he's quiet, but wait till we take the pacifier out of his ass." Read more:Adult
Marriage jokes-The Italian job 2007-11-06 06:13:00 A woman goes to Italy to attend a 2-week, company training session.Her husband drives her to the airport and wishes her to have a good trip.The wife answers: " Thank you honey, what would you like me to bring for you?"The husband laughs and says: " An Italian
girl!!!"The woman kept quiet and left.Two weeks later he picks her up at the airport and asks:"So, honey, how was the trip?""Very good, thank you.""And, what happened to my present?""Which present?" She asked."The one I asked for - an Italian girl !!""Oh, that" she said "Well, I did what I could; now we have to wait for nine months to see if it is a girl!!!"Moral of the story: Don't tempt a woman, they are dangerous !
Short humor jokes-Love 2007-11-05 22:11:00 Girl: Do you love me?Boy: Yes DearGirl: Would you die for me?Boy: No, mine is undying love Read more:Short
Adult jokes-Understanding English 2007-11-05 22:11:00 A Young Aussie was enjoying his first night in Rome drinking cappuccino at a pavement cafe when a pretty girl sat beside him."Hello," he said. "Do you understand English
?""Only a little," she answered."How much?" he asked."Fifty dollars," she replied. Read more:Adult
, Understanding
Blonde jokes-History 2007-11-05 22:08:00 A noted psychiatrist was a guest at a blonde gathering, and his hostess naturally broached the subject in which the doctor was most at ease. "Would you mind telling me, Doctor," she asked, "how you detect a mental deficiency in somebody who appears completely normal?""Nothing is easier," he replied. "You ask a simple question which anyone should answer with no trouble. If he hesitates, that puts you on the track.""What sort of question?""Well, you might ask him, 'Captain Cook made three trips around the world and died during one of them. Which one?'The blonde thought a moment, then said with a nervous laugh, "You wouldn't happen to have another example would you? I must confess I don't know much about history." Read more:Blonde
, History
Short humor jokes-Being a Priest 2007-11-05 03:36:00 Can you imagine giving up your sex life and then once a week people come in to tell you the details and highlights of theirs? Read more:Short
, Priest
Adult jokes-Getting married 2007-11-05 03:34:00 A senior citizen said to his eighty-year old buddy: "So I hear you're getting Married?""Yep!""Do I know her?""Nope!""This woman, is she good looking?""Not really.""Is she a good cook?""Naw, she can't cook too well.""Does she have lots of money?""Nope! Poor as a church mouse.""Well then, is she good in bed?""I don't know.""Why in the world do you want to marry her then?""Because she can still drive at night!" Read more:Adult
, married
Really funny jokes-Smoke while praying 2007-11-05 03:30:00 Jack and Max are walking from religious service. Jack wonders whether it would be all right to smoke while praying
.Max replies, "Why don't you ask the Priest?"So Jack goes up to the Priest and asks, " Father, may I smoke while I pray?"The Priest replies, "No, my son, you may not! That's utter disrespect to our religion."Jack goes back to his friend and tells him what the good Priest told him.Max says, "I'm not surprised. You asked the wrong question. Let me try."And so Max goes up to the Priest and asks, "Father, may I pray while I smoke ?"To which the Priest eagerly replies, "By all means, my son. By all means. You can always pray whenever you want to."Moral of the story is ... The reply you get depends on the question you ask. Read more:Smoke
Humor jokes-The woman driver 2007-11-05 03:22:00 A woman
who was driving down the highway pulled over to the side of the road when the policeman driving behind her turned on his lights and siren.She didn't have her seat belt on so as soon as she stopped, she quietly slipped it on before the officer got to her window.After talking to her about speeding, the officer said, "I see you are wearing your seat belt. Do you believe in wearing it at all times?""Yes, I do, officer," she politely replied."Interesting," said the officer. "Do you always loop it through your steering wheel like that?" Read more:Humor
Doctor jokes-Poker 2007-11-13 22:14:00 A well-respected surgeon was relaxing on his sofa one evening just after arriving home from work. As he was tuning into the evening news, the phone rang. The doctor calmly answered it and heard the familiar voice of a colleague on the other end of the line."We need a fourth for poker," said the friend."I'll be right over," whispered the doctor.As he was putting on his coat, his wife asked, "Is it serious?""Oh yes, quite serious," said the doctor gravely. "In fact, three doctors are there already!" Read more:Doctor
, Poker
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