Owner: Life disguised in humor URL:http://miteshasher.blogspot.com Join Date: Thu, 30 Aug 2007 05:19:46 -0500 Rating:0 Site Description: Humor jokes,humor pictures,humor in life,funny pictures,india,poems Site statistics:Click here
Short humor jokes-Synagogue 2007-10-12 23:27:00 An usher at the entrance to the synagogue stopped Sadie. The usher asked, "Are you a friend of the bride?"Sadie quickly relied, "No, of course not. I am the groom's mother." Read more:Short
Children jokes-Closed fist 2007-10-12 23:26:00 A little boy asked his teacher if he could go to the bathroom, so she said yes.When he went to wipe his fanny there was no toilet paper, so he used his hand.In his haste to get back to class he forgot to wash, so he made a closed fist to hide it.When he got back to class, his teacher asked, "What do you have in your hand?"The boy said, "A little leprechaun, and if I open my hand he'll get scared away."He was then sent to the principal's office and the principal asked him, "What do you have inyour hand?"So the little boy said, "A little leprechaun, and if I open my hand he'll get scared away."He was then sent home and his Mom asked him, "What do you have in your hand?"So again the little boy said, "A little leprechaun and if I open my hand he will get scared away."Then his Mom got really mad and yelled, "Open your hand NOW!"So he did and the little boy said, "Oh great Mom, now look what you did, you scared the shit out of him!" Read more:Children
, Closed
Good jokes-God created Heaven and Earth 2007-10-11 23:34:00 In the Beginning, God created Heaven
and Earth
and then He created man.God said, "Adam, I want you to do something for me."Adam said, "OK, what do You want me to do?""Go down into that valley.""What's a valley?"And God explained it to him. Then God said, "Cross the river.""What's a river?"And God explained to him, and then said, "Go over to the hill.""What is a hill?"And God explained that to him. Then He told Adam, "On the other side of the hill you will find a cave.""What's a cave?"And God explained that to him, then said, "In the cave you will find a Woman.""What's a woman?"So God explained that to him, and said, "I want you to reproduce.""How do I do that?"So God explained to him.So off went Adam, down into the valley, across the river, and over the hill, and into the cave and found the woman, and in about fifteen minutes, Adam was back. "What's a headache?"
Short Humor jokes- Sister's Date ... 2007-10-11 23:32:00 I was trying to get my seventh-grade history class to understand how the Indians must have felt when they first encountered the Spanish explorers."How would you feel," I asked, "if someone showed up on your doorstep who looked very different, spoke a strange language and wore unusual clothes? Wouldn't you be a bit scared?""Nah," one boy answered, "I'd just figure it was my sister's date." Read more:Short
, Humor
Really Funny Jokes-Taking the final exam 2007-10-11 23:30:00 Two college basketball players were taking an important final exam. If they failed, they would be on academic probation and not allowed to play in the big game the following week. The exam was fill-in-the- blank.The last question read, "Old MacDonald had a ________."Bubba was stumped. He had no idea what to answer. But he knew he needed to get this one right to be sure he passed.Making sure the professor wasn't watching, he tapped Tiny on the shoulder. "Pssst. Tiny. What's the answer to the last question?"Tiny laughed. He looked around to make sure the professor hadn't noticed then he turned to Bubba. "Bubba, you're so stupid. Everyone knows Old MacDonald had a FARM.""Oh yeah," said Bubba. "I remember now."He picked up his No. 2 pencil and started to write the answer in the blank. He stopped. Tapping Tiny's shoulder again, he whispered, "Tiny, how do you spell farm?""You are really dumb, Bubba. That's so easy. Farm is spelled E-I-E-I-O." Read more:Funny
, Jokes
, Taking
Short Humor jokes-Adam & Eve 2007-10-10 23:22:00 ADAM AND EVESherlock Holmes was sent to heaven to find Adam and Eve. He came back within a day and said he had found them.Watson: "How did you find them so quickly?"Sherlock: "Elementary, my dear Watson, they were the only ones that didn't have belly buttons!" Read more:Short
, Humor
Humor jokes-The grandfather 2007-10-10 23:21:00 A Mexican family was considering putting their grandfather in a nursing home. Unfortunately, all the Catholic facilities were completely full so they had to put him in a Jewish home. After a few weeks in the Jewish facility, they came to visit their abuelo."How do you like it here?" asks the grandson."It's wonderful. Everyone here is so courteous and respectful," says grandpa."We're so happy for you. We were worried that this was the wrong place for you. You know, since you are a little different from everyone.""Oh, no! Let me tell you about how wonderfully they treat the residents here," grandpa says with a big smile. "There's a musician here - he's 85 years old. He hasn't played the violin in 20 years and everyone still calls him 'Maestro'". There is a judge here - he's 95 years old. He hasn't been on the bench in 30 years and everyone still call him 'Your Honor'". And there's a physician here that is 90 years old. He hasn't practiced medicine for 25 yea Read more:Humor
Good jokes-Divorced Barbie 2007-10-09 23:57:00 A man was driving home one evening and realized that it was his daughter's birthday and he hadn't bought her a present.He drove to the mall and ran to the toy store and he asked the store manager, "How much is that new Barbie
in the window?"The Manager replied, "Which one? We have'Barbie goes to the gym' for $19.95,'Barbie goes to the Ball' for $19.95,'Barbie goes shopping' for $19.95,'Barbie goes to the beach' for $19.95,'Barbie goes to the Nightclub' for $19.95 and'Divorced
Barbie' for $375.00""Why is the Divorced Barbie $375.00 when all the others are $19.95?, the father asked.The store manager replied: "Divorced Barbie comes with Ken's car, Ken's house, Ken's boat, Ken's dog, Ken's cat, Ken's furniture and all of Ken's savings."
Really funny jokes-Dangerous off or on the Road 2007-10-09 23:55:00 On the road one day, a man and a woman smashed their cars together in a terrible car wreck. Both vehicles were totaled, but fortunately neither person was injured. The woman said to the man, "Thank goodness we're both okay! We should celebrate. I have a bottle of wine in my car, so let's open it and toast the fact that we survived this wreck."The man agreed and the woman opened the bottle of wine and handed it to him. He took a huge swallow and handed it back. The woman closed the bottled and set it down by his car. The man asked, "Aren't you going to take a drink?""No," the woman said. "I think I'll just wait for the cops to get here."
Short humor jokes-Dubyah's parrot 2007-10-09 23:53:00 Laura Bush bought "Dubyah" a parrot for his birthday.She told Dick Cheney, "The bird is so smart! George has already taught him to mispronounce over 200 words!"“Wow, that's pretty impressive," Cheney said. "But you realize that he just 'says' the words. He doesn't understand what they mean."“That's okay," Laura replied. "Neither does the parrot..... Read more:Short
Children jokes-Sweet revenge! 2007-10-09 00:01:00 When my three-year-old son opened a birthday gift from his grandmother, he discovered a water pistol. He squealed with delight and headed for the nearest sink. I was not so pleased.I turned to Mom and said, "I'm surprised at you. Don't you remember how we used to drive you crazy with water guns?"Mom smiled and then replied....."I remember." Read more:Children
, Sweet
Life-Old is when: 2007-10-08 23:55:00 1.Going bra-less pulls all the wrinkles out of your face.2.You don't care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don't have to go along.3.Getting a little action means I don't need fiber today.4.Getting lucky means you find your car in the parking lot.5.An all-nighter means not getting up to pee!
Humor jokes-Animal complaints! 2007-10-08 23:53:00 It seems that God received a delegation of animals complaining of their lot in life. There was an elephant, a giraffe, and a hen.The elephant complained, "Lord, I HATE THIS TRUNK YOU have given me. It gets in the way, and makes me look like a fool!"The Lord said, "Don't complain. It lets you pick up food, drink water, etc. without getting wet!"Next the giraffe complained, "Lord, I HATE THIS LONG NECK! It makes me top heavy, I get terrible neck pains, and people laugh at me!"The Lord said, "Don't complain. It lets you pick the best fruit and leaves from the high branches, and allows you to see a distance."The hen spoke up, "Lord, I don't want to complain, but either let me have a bigger ass or smaller eggs." Read more:Humor
, Animal
Short Humor jokes-Fortune Teller 2007-10-07 23:44:00 Goldie, a middle aged Jewish woman goes to see a fortune teller."Two men are madly in love with me!" Goldie says. "Who will be the lucky one?"The swami answers...." Morris will marry you, and Irving will be the lucky one. " Read more:Short
, Humor
, Fortune
, Teller
Humor jokes-Safety competition 2007-10-07 23:40:00 A police officer pulled over a driver and informed him that because he was wearing his seat belt, he had just won $5,000 in a safety competition
."What are you going to do with the prize money?" the officer asked.The man responded, "I guess I'll go to driving school and get my license."At that moment, his wife, who was seated next to him, chimed in, "Officer, don't listen to him. He's a smart aleck when he's drunk."This woke up the guy in the back seat, who, when he saw the cop, blurted out, "I knew we wouldn't get far in this stolen car."At that moment, there was a knock from the trunk and a voice asked, "Are we over the border yet?" Read more:Humor
, Safety
Really Funny Jokes-Texan in Chicago 2007-10-07 23:09:00 A Texan went to Chicago
and thought he would buy a new "city" outfit. He went into Marshall Fields and when asked by a sweet young woman if she could help him, he answered, "Yes ma'am. Ya see, I'm from Texas and I want to buy a complete city outfit."Her eyes lit up as she asked, "Where would you like to start?""Well, ma'am, how about a suit?""Yes sir. What size?""Size 53 tall, ma'am.""Wow, that's really big.""Yes ma'am, they really grow them big in Texas.""What's next?" she asked. He replied,"How about some shoes?""What size?""Size 15 double E.""Wow, that's really big!""Yes ma'am. They really grow them big in Texas.""What's next?""Well, I reckon I'll need a shirt.""Yes sir. What size?""Nineteen and a half neck, sleeves 38," he replied."Wow, that's really big! ""Yes ma'am. They really grow them big in Texas.""Will there be anything else?" she asked."Yes ma'am. I 'spect I'll need a hat.""Yes sir. What size? and style?""Eight and five-eighths. Stetson.""Wow, that's really Read more:Funny
, Jokes
Humor jokes- Conversations with GOD 2007-10-05 22:59:00 Billy was driving down the street in a sweat because he had an important meeting and couldn't find a parking space. Looking up toward heaven, he said "Lord, take pity on me. If you find me a parking space, I will go to Mass every Sunday for the rest of my life and give up booze."Miraculously, a parking place appeared. Billy looked up again and said "Never mind. I found one." Read more:Humor
Short humor jokes-Dentist 2007-10-05 22:57:00 A dentist, after completing work on a patient, came to him begging.Dentist: Could you help me? Could you give out a few of your loudest, most painful screams?Patient: Why? Doctor, it wasn't all that bad this time.Dentist: There are so many people in the waiting room right now, and I don't want to miss the four o'clock ball game. Read more:Short
Humor-Facts Underlined 2007-10-05 22:53:00 * Whenever I find the key to success, someone changes the lock.* To Err is human, to forgive is not a COMPANY policy.* The road to success??.. Is always under construction.* Alcohol doesn't solve any problems, but if you think again, neither does Milk.* In order to get a Loan, you first need to prove that you don't need it.* All the desirable things in life are either illegal, expensive or fattening.* Since Light travels faster than Sound, people appear brighter before you hear them speak.* Everyone has a scheme of getting rich.. Which never works.* If at first you don't succeed.. Destroy all evidence that you ever tried.* You can never determine which side of the bread to butter. If it falls down, it will always land on the buttered side.* Anything dropped on the floor will roll over to the most inaccessible corner.42.7% of all statistics are made on the spot.* If you have paper, you don't have a pen??. If you have a pen, you don't have paper?? If you have both, no one calls.* If Read more:Humor
Good jokes-Man of the House 2007-10-05 00:38:00 The husband had just finished his book "Man of the House
." He stormed into the house and walked directly up to his wife.Pointing a finger in her face, he said, "From now on, I want you to know that I am the man of this house, and my word is law!I want you to prepare me a gourmet meal tonight, and when I'm finished eating my meal, I expect a sumptuous dessert afterward. Then, after dinner, you're going to draw me my bath so I can relax. And when I'm finished with my bath, guess who's going to dress me and comb my hair?"His wife replied, "The funeral director ?"
Really Funny jokes-American and Russian 2007-10-05 00:37:00 An American
and a Russian
were aruging about their freedom to talk in their countries.American : We have such a freedom that We can shout that George Bush is an idiot in front of our White House.Russian : This is nothing. We have some more advanced freedom than this. We can shout in front of our President himself that George Bush is an idiot and get a reward also. Do you have such freedom? Read more:Funny
Humor jokes- Bubba's exam 2007-10-04 23:57:00 Bubba applied for an engineering position at a Lake Charles refinery.A Yankee applied for the same job and both applicants having the same qualifications were asked to take a test by the manager.Upon completion of the test, both men only missed one of the questions.The manager went to Bubba and said: "Thank you for your interest but we've decided to give the Yankee the job."Bubba asked, "And why are you giving him the job? We both got nine questions correct. This being Louisiana, and me being a Southern boy I should get the job!"The manager said, "We have made our decision not on the correct answers, but rather on the one question that you both missed."Bubba then asked; "And just how would one incorrect answer be better than the other?"The manager replied, "Bubba, it's like this... on question #4, theYankee put down, "I don't know."And you put down, "Neither do I." Read more:Humor
, Bubba
Humor - Sentence with words 'Sex and Love' 2007-10-17 06:56:00 SENTENCE WITH WORDS 'SEX AND 'LOVE' At the retreat, Jane and Joe were told to individually write a sentence using the words 'sex' and 'love.' Jane wrote: 'When two mature people are passionately and deeply in love with one another to a high degree and that they respect each other very much, just like Joe and I, it is spiritually and morally acceptable for them to engage in the act of physical sex with one another.' And Joe wrote: 'I love sex.' Read more:Humor
, Sentence
Short humor jokes 2007-10-16 03:21:00 The mother of a large family was explaining why she dresses her children alike, right down to the youngest baby. "When we had just four children, I dressed them alike so we wouldn't lose any of them." "Now," she added, looking around at her brood of nine, "I dress them alike so we won't pick up any that don't belong to us." Read more:Short
Adult jokes - one way of having a men's night out 2007-10-22 03:25:00 A man was approached by co-worker at lunch who invited him out for a few beers after work. The man said that his wife would never go for it, that she does not allow him to go drinking with the guys after work. The co-worker suggested a way to overcome that problem: "When you get home tonight, sneak into the house, slide down under the sheets, gently pull down your wife's panties, and give her oral sex. Women love it, and believe me, she'll never mention that you were out late with the boys."So the man agreed to try it, and went out and enjoyed himself. Late that night, he sneaked into the house, slid down under the sheets, gently slid down his wife's panties, and gave her oral sex. She moaned and groaned with pleasure, but after a little while, he realized he had to take a leak, so he told he he'd be right back, got out of bed and walked down the hall to the bathroom. When he opened the door and went in, he was very surprised to see his wife sitting on the john."How did you get in Read more:Adult
Kids jokes - New York Cab Driver 2007-10-20 00:31:00 A woman and her son were taking a cab in New York
City. It was raining and all the hookers were standing under the awnings. "Mommy," said the little boy, "what are all those ladies doing?" "They're waiting for their husbands to get off of work," she replied. The cabbie turns around and says, "Geez lady, why don't you tell him the truth? Their hookers. They have sex with men for money." The little boy's eyes get wide and he says, "Is that true, mommy?" His mother, glaring at the cabbie, answers in the affirmative. After a few minutes, the kid asks, "Mommy what happens to the babies those ladies have?" She quickly replied, "They become cab drivers!" Read more:Driver
Humor jokes - Girls Night Out 2007-10-19 00:28:00 Jill was invited out for a night with the girls. She told her husband that she would be home by midnight, "I promise!" Well, the hours passed and the margaritas went down way too easy. Around 3 AM, a bit worse for wear, she headed for home. Just as she got in the door, the cuckoo clock in the hall started up and cuckooed 3 times. Quickly, realizing her husband would probably wake up, she "cuckooed" another 9 times. Jill was really proud of herself for coming up with such a quick-witted solution, in order to escape a possible conflict with him. (Even when totally smashed she knew 3 cuckoos plus 9 cuckoos totals 12 cuckoos = MIDNIGHT!) The next morning Jill's husband asked, "What time you got in?" Jill told him "midnight". He didn't seem concerned at all. Whew! Got away with that one! Then he said, "We need a new cuckoo clock." When she asked him why he said, "Well, last night our clock cuckooed three times, then it said, "Oh Shit." cuckooed 4 more times, Read more:Humor
, Girls
, Night
Adult jokes-Adult tongue twister 2007-10-25 23:34:00 If a bra is an upper topper titty flopper stopper,And a jock strap is a lower Decker pecker checker,And a roll of toilet tissue is a super duper doody pooper scooper,What do you call a Japanese drummer boy whose father has diarrhea?A slap happy Jappy with a crap happy pappy. Read more:Adult
, tongue
Short Humor jokes 2007-10-25 23:33:00 Q: What is a bee's favorite classical music composer?A: Bee-thoven! Read more:Short
, Humor
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