Owner: Life disguised in humor URL:http://miteshasher.blogspot.com Join Date: Thu, 30 Aug 2007 05:19:46 -0500 Rating:0 Site Description: Humor jokes,humor pictures,humor in life,funny pictures,india,poems Site statistics:Click here
India calling-The 20-20 World cup is ours! 2007-09-25 23:29:00 India won the 20-20 cricket World
cup! What a great joy for the Indians! India clinched the inaugural Twenty20 cricket World Cup after a thrilling five-run victory over arch-rivals Pakistan in the final in Johannesburg on Monday.In a match that saw fortunes fluctuate till the dying moments, the young Indian team held its nerve to dismiss Pakistan. Earlier, India beat England, South Africa and Australia in the super 8 and semi-finals to enter the finals with Pakistan in what is said to be the mother of all finals! Read more:India
Humor jokes-Big John 2007-09-25 04:35:00 A puny bus driver pulled up at a stop, and a giant of a man got in, "Big John does not pay", he thundered, the bus driven did not want to argue with a man of that size, so he kept quiet.Next day, the same thing happened, the giant got in "Big John does not pay" he thundered.This went on for about 7 days. The bus driver by now was starting to resent this, and he did not want to take it lying down, so he joined a Gym, and started an intensive course in body building, after 3 weeks, and with big bulging muscles, he pulled up at the stop, the giant got in " Big John does not pay" said, the driver rose up and showing his muscles said " OH yeah " and why does Big JOhn does not pay " he shouted.The giant reached inside his pocket, the driver feared for the worsethe giant said " because Big John has bus pass" showing his bus pass to the driver. Read more:Humor
Humor jokes-The lawyer 2007-09-25 04:33:00 A lawyer was riding in the back of his limousine when he saw a man eating grass by the roadside. He ordered his driver to stop and he got out to investigate."Why are you eating grass?" he asked the man."I don't have any money for food," the poor man replied."Oh, please come to my house!""But sir, I have a wife and four children...""Bring them along!" the lawyer said.They all climbed into the limo. Once underway, the poor fellow said, "Sir, you are too kind. Thank you for taking all of us in."The lawyer replied, "No, you don't understand. The grass at my house is over three feet tall!" Read more:Humor
Humor jokes-The cure 2007-09-23 23:07:00 There was a man who had a wife and she had a problem responding to his desires. This continued for about 6 months. As frustration was welling up within him he decided to see a doctor about his wife's lack of attention toward him.The doctor, being of the wise kind, gave this man a bottle of pills and said to him, "Now, just before your wife retires give her a cup of milk and slip a couple of these pills in and before you know it she will be more than obliging."So he goes home very excited and when night comes he offers his wife a cup of milk and slips in a couple of those pills.He then says to himself, "Now why should she have all the fun?"So he pours himself a cup and puts the whole bottle into his cup. He takes both cups to his wife in bed and they talk for a bit and drink the milk.After a half hour, both fall asleep.Then, the wife suddenly sits up straight in bed, pounds her husband and says, "Darling, Darling! Wake up! Wake up! I need a man now!"The husband sits up straight and sho Read more:Humor
Really Funny Jokes-Successful businessman 2007-09-23 23:05:00 A successful businessman flew to Vegas for the weekend to gamble.He lost the shirt off his back, and had nothing left but a quarter and the second half of his round trip ticket. If he could just get to the airport he could get himself home.So he went out to the front of the casino where there was a cab waiting. He got in and explained his situation to the cabbie. He promised to send the driver money from home, he offered him his credit card numbers, his drivers license number, his address, etc, but to no avail.The cabbie said "If you don't have fifteen dollars, get the hell out of my cab!"So the businessman was forced to hitch-hike to the airport and was barely in time to catch his flight.One year later the businessman, having worked long and hard to regain his financial success, returned to Vegas and this time he won big. Feeling pretty good about himself, he went out to the front of the casino to get a cab ride back to the airport.Well who should he see out there, at the end of a lo Read more:Funny
, Jokes
short humor jokes-Aspirin 2007-09-22 03:22:00 A man walks into the pharmacy and asks the pharmacist, "Do you have any acetylsalicylic acid?""Do you mean aspirin?" asks the pharmacist."That's it ! . . . I can never remember that word!" Read more:Aspirin
Humor jokes-Communication strategy 2007-09-22 03:21:00 Ahmed and Hamid are both beggars at several motorway services.Ahmed drives a Mercedes, lives in a mortgage free house and has a lot of money to spend .Hamid only brings in 2 to 3 pounds a day.Hamid asks Ahmed how he manages to bring home a suitcase full of £10 notes every day.Ahmed says, "Look at your sign - It says, 'I have no work, a wife and six kids to support.'Britons who see that, do not feel as if they have accomplished anything by giving you money. You will still have no job and a large family. Now look at my sign."So Hamid looks and Ahmed's sign reads, 'I only need another £10 to move back to Pakistan.' Read more:Humor
short humor jokes-The Silent Fart 2007-09-22 02:30:00 An elderly couple was attending church services.About halfway through she leans over and says to her husband,"I just let out a silent fart, what do you think I should do?"He replies " Put a new battery in your hearing aid." Read more:Silent
short humor jokes-God is watching 2007-09-20 23:40:00 In the cafeteria of a Catholic school, the children were lined up for lunch. At the head of the line was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note and she had placed it in front of the apples. The note read: "Take only one, God is watching."Further down the cafeteria line was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies...One of the boys had written a note of his own. The note he placed in front of the cookies read: "Take all you want, God is watching the apples."
Humor jokes-Crazy Kid 2007-09-20 23:37:00 A boss wondered why one of his most valued employees had not phoned in sick one day.Having an urgent problem with one of the main computers, he dialed the employee's home phone number and was greeted with a child's whisper."Hello?""Is your daddy home?" he asked."Yes," whispered the small voice.May I talk with him?"The child whispered, "No."Surprised and wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked, "Is your Mummy there?""Yes.""May I talk with her?"Again the small voice whispered, "No."Hoping there was somebody with whom he could leave a message, the boss asked, "Is anybody else there?""Yes," whispered the child, "a policeman."Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee's home, the boss asked, "May I speak with the policeman?""No, he's busy", whispered the child."Busy doing what?""Talking to Mummy and Daddy and the Fireman,"came the whispered answer.Growing more worried as he heard what sounded like a helicopter through the earpiece on the phone, the boss asked, "What is th Read more:Humor
, Crazy
Celebrity news 2007-09-19 23:44:00 Pics of Shakira's Hamburg tourPics from Shakira's Hamburg tour Read more:Celebrity
Humor-List of very short books 2007-09-19 22:52:00 ----> Different Ways to Spell "Bob"----> A Guide to Arab Democracies----> Career Opportunities for History Majors----> Dr. Kevorkian's Collection of Motivational Speeches----> French Hospitality----> Popular Lawyers----> The Amish Phone Book----> Everything Men Know About Women Read more:Humor
Life-About Winners and Losers 2007-09-19 22:49:00 The Winner is always part of the answer;The Loser is always part of the problem.The Winner always has a program;The Loser always has an excuse.The Winner says, "Let me do it for you";The Loser says, "That is not my job."The Winner sees an answer for every problem;The Loser sees a problem for every answer.The Winner says, " It may be difficult but it is possible";The Loser says, "It may be possible but i t is too difficult."When a Winner makes a mistake, he says, "I was wrong";When a Loser makes a mistake, he says, "It wasn't my fault."A Winner makes commitments;A Loser makes promises.Winners
have dreams;Losers
have schemes.Winners say, "I must do something";Losers say, "Something must be done."Winners see the gain;Losers see the pain.Winners see possibilities;Losers see problems.Winners see the potential;Losers see the past.Winners choose what they say;Losers say what they choose.Winners use hard arguments but soft words;Losers use soft arguments but hard words.Winners stand firm on v
Humor jokes-Never lie to your mother 2007-09-19 04:44:00 A young man called Paul invited his mother
for dinner, during the course of the meal, his mother couldn't help but notice how handsome Paul's flatmate, Simon, was. She had long been suspicious of a relationship between the two, and this only made her more curious.Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact,she started to wonder if there was more between Paul and his flatmate than met the eye.Reading his mums thoughts, Paul volunteered, 'I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, Simon & I are just flatmates'.About a week later, Simon came to Paul saying, 'Ever since your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the frying pan, you don't suppose she took it do you?' 'Well I doubt it, but I'll email her just to be sure' said Paul.So he sat down and wrote: DEAR MOTHER, I'M NOT SAYING THAT YOU 'DID' TAKE THE FRYING PAN FROM MY HOUSE, I'M NOT SAYING THAT YOU 'DID NOT' TAKE THE FRYING PAN, BUT THE FACT REMAINS THAT IT HAS BEEN MISSING Read more:Humor
short humor jokes-Attractive 2007-09-19 04:42:00 "Darling," seductively sighed the fashion model, "if I didn't wear all these beautiful clothes, would you still think me attractive?"He smiled and replied, "Test me."
Really funny jokes-Little Johnny and Granny 2007-09-18 01:57:00 Little Johnny
was staying with his granny for a few days.He'd been playing outside with the other kids for a while when he came into the house and asked her, "Granny, what's that called when 2 people sleep in the same room and one is on top of the other?"She was a little taken, but she decided to just tell him the truth. "It's called sexual intercourse, darling".Little Johnny
just said, "Oh, OK," and went back outside to play with the other kids.A few minutes later he came back in and said angrily, "Granny, it isn't called sexual intercourse.It's called "Bunk Beds". And Jimmy's mom wants to talk to you."
Humor jokes-A Faithful Wife 2007-09-18 01:54:00 A woman's husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months, yet she had stayed by his bedside every single day.One day, when he came to, he motioned for her to come nearer. As she sat by him, he whispered, eyes full of tears, "You know what? You have been with me through all the bad times.When I got fired, you were there to support me.When my business failed, you were there.When I got shot, you were by my side.When we lost the house, you stayed right here.When my health started failing, you were still by my side...You know what?" "What dear?", she gently asked, smiling as her heart began to fill with warmth."I think you're bad luck." Read more:Humor
, Faithful
Good jokes-Australian Ways 2007-09-18 01:51:00 This Chinese man moved into his new home in Australia.His Aussie neighbour, Shane, being the nice Aussie bloke that he was,decided to make him feel welcome. So he went next door to wish him welcome.He was shocked to see the Chinese man in his nice backyard chasing ten chickens around like mad. "Must be a Chinese custom" he thought to himself.So he decided that he could put off the welcome until a later date and went back home.The next day, he decided he was going to welcome the Chinese man.When he looked through his window, he saw the Chinese man urinate into a cup and drink it. "Must be a Chinese custom" he thought to himself.Deciding he could put off the welcome till tomorrow, he went on with other stuff.The third day, he was determined he had to welcome the Chinese man.At his gate, he saw the Chinese man with his ear pressed against a cow's big fat butt.He became angry and went up to the Chinese man and yelled in his face,"I'm sorry mate, I want to wish you a welcome, but I cannot Read more:Australian
Really funny jokes-Bush considering 2007-09-17 02:59:00 Just hours after the release of al Qaeda leader Usama bin Laden’s latest video message inviting all Americans to convert to Islam, U.S. President George said he would “seriously consider the offer, because it sure would simplify the war in Iraq.”“If I convert to Islam and order all of our troops to do the same,” said Mr. Bush, “we can stay in Iraq indefinitely, drop the restrictive rules of engagement, save a lot of money by using cheap, unguided bombs, clear neighborhoods flat out, blow up mosques with impunity and still go to heaven — not to mention that I’d get more favorable coverage from the U.S. news media.”The president added that he might convert to Islam just to “find out what it’s like to be a man who wears a dress and a bonnet and dyes his hair like a girl.”
My fears 2007-09-16 23:13:00 I feared being alone - Until I learned to like myself .I feared failure - Until I realized that I only fail when I don't try .I feared success - Until I realized that I had to try in order to be happy with myself.I feared people's opinions- Until I learned that people would have opinions about me anyway.I feared rejection- Until I learned to have faith in myself.I feared pain- Until I learned that it's necessary for growth.I feared the truth- Until I saw the ugliness in lies.I feared life- Until I experienced is beauty .I feared death- Until I realized that it's not an end, but a beginning .I feared my destiny- Until I realized that I had the power to change my life.I feared hate- Until I saw that it was nothing more than ignorance.I feared love- Until it touched my heart, making the darkness fade into endless sunny days.I feared ridicule- Until I learned how to laugh at myself.I feared growing old- Until I realized that I gained wisdom every day.I feared the future- Until I rea
short humor jokes-Extinct 2007-09-16 23:12:00 A 6 year old was explaining to the other kids what "extinct" meant."Well," she said, in all seriousness, "It means that the dinosaurs are all dead and have been dead so long they don't stink anymore, and that's why they call them 'exstinkt'." Read more:Extinct
Funny Statements 2007-09-16 23:11:00 1. God is real, unless declared integer2. Before borrowing money from a friend, decide whether you need more.3. Death is hereditary.4. There are three sides to every argument: your side, my side and the right side.5. An expert is someone who takes a subject you understand and makes it sound confusing.6. Many things can be preserved in alcohol. Dignity is not one of them.7. Never argue with a fool. People might not know the difference.8. When you're right, no one remembers. When you're wrong, no one forgets.9. Cheer up, the worst is yet to come .10. Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else.11. Well done is better than well said .12. Everyone makes mistakes. The trick is to make them when nobody is looking.13. Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.14. If you can't see the bright side of life, polish the dull side.15. Where there's a will there are five hundred relatives.16. Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to di Read more:Funny
short humor jokes-Disappointed! 2007-09-30 22:55:00 A man and his wife are watching boxing on TV.The husband sighs and says, "I'm disappointed! It was all over in four minutes."The wife replies, "Good! Now you know how I feel."
Humor jokes-Aussie salesman 2007-09-30 22:53:00 An Aussie
salesman drove into a small town in the far south of New Zealand, where a small circus was playing.A sign read: "Don't Miss the Amazing Maori." The salesman bought a ticket and sat down.There, under the Big Top, in the centre ring, was a table with three walnuts on it.Standing next to it was a middle aged Maori.Suddenly, the Maori dropped his pants, whipped out his huge male member and smashed all the walnuts with three mighty swings!The crowd erupted in applause and the Maori was carried off on their shoulders.Fifteen years later the salesman visited the same little town, found the same circus, and saw the same faded sign that read, "Don't Miss the Amazing Maori."He couldn't believe the old guy was still alive, much less still doing his act!He bought a ticket.Again, the centre ring was illuminated. This time, however, instead of walnuts, three coconuts were placed on the table.The old Maori stood before them, then suddenly dropped his pants and smashed the coconuts with t Read more:Humor
Really funny jokes-New shiny watch 2007-09-30 22:51:00 Johnny was in the playground with his friend Jimmy when he noticed the brand new shiny watch
Jimmy was wearing."Did you get that for your birthday?" he asked."Nope," Jimmy replied."Well, did you get it for Christmas then?" Johnny asked."Nope.""You didn't steal it did you?""No," said Jimmy. "I went into Mom and Dad's bedroom the other night when they were on the job. Dad gave me his watch to get rid of me."Johnny was extremely impressed with this idea, and extremely jealous of Jimmy's new watch. He vowed to get one for himself.That night he waited outside his parents' room until he heard the unmistakable noises of lovemaking.Johnny swung the door wide open and boldly strode into the bedroom.His father, caught in mid stroke, turned and asked him angrily, "What do you want now?""I wanna watch," Johnny replied."Well, stand in the corner and keep quiet then," said his father
humor jokes-Liberal and conservative 2007-09-28 01:48:00 How do you tell the difference between a liberal and a conservative
?Easy. Watch a man drowning fifty feet offshore.The conservative will throw out 25 feet of rope and shout "swim for it!"The liberal will toss out 50 feet of rope, drop his own end, and go off to do another good deed. Read more:Liberal
Short humor jokes-Detective 2007-09-27 23:52:00 "So," Jane asked the detective she had hired. "Did you trail my husband?""Yes ma'am. I did. I followed him to a bar, to an out- of-the-way restaurant and then to an apartment."A big smile crossed Jane's face. "Aha! I've got him!" she said gloating, "Is there any doubt what he was doing?""No ma'am." replied the sleuth, "It's pretty clear that he was following you." Read more:Short
, Detective
Really Funny Jokes-Intellegent! 2007-10-12 23:30:00 A boy worked in the produce section of the supermarket.A man came in and asked to buy half a head of lettuce.The boy told him they only sold whole heads of lettuce, but the man was persistent. The boy said he'd go ask his manager what to do.The boy walked into the back room and said, "There's some jerk out there who wants to buy only half a head of lettuce."As he finished saying this he turned around to find the man standing right behind him, so he added, "And this gentleman wants to buy the other half."The manager okayed the deal. Later the manager said to the boy, "You almost got yourself in a lot of trouble earlier, but I must say I was impressed with the way you got yourself out of it. You think on your feet, and we like that around here. Where are you from, son?"The boy replied, "Minnesota, sir.""Oh really? Why did you leave Minnesota?" asked the manager.The boy replied, "They're all just prostitutes and hockey players up there.""My wife is from Minnesota," the manager s Read more:Funny
, Jokes
Life - Ice cream for the Soul 2007-10-12 23:28:00 Last week, I took my children to a restaurant My six-year-old son asked if he could say grace.As we bowed our heads he said, "God is good, God is great. Thank you for the food, and I would even thank you more if Mom gets us ice cream for dessert. And Liberty and justice for all! Amen!"Along with the laughter from the other customers nearby, I heard a woman remark, "That's what's wrong with this country. Kids today don't even know how to pray. Asking God for ice cream! Why, I never!"Hearing this, my son burst into tears and asked me, "Did I do it wrong? Is God mad at me?"As I held him and assured him that he had done a terrific job, and God was certainly not mad at him, an elderly gentleman approached the table.He winked at my son and said, "I happen to know that God thought that was a great prayer.""Really?" my son asked."Cross my heart," the man replied.Then, in a theatrical whisper, he added (indicating the woman whose remark had started this whole thing), "Too bad she never asks Read more:Ice cream
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