Owner: Hammer Uncut URL:http://www.hammeruncut.com Join Date: Mon, 13 Nov 2006 16:19:13 -0600 Rating:0 Site Description: Hammer Uncut is both a blog and a podcast, and why not, you're entitled to my opinion. Listen to my semi-socially acceptable podcast for an uncut and unbelievably entertaining hour of interviews, reviews, new music, social commentary, rants, raves, and wh Site statistics:Click here
God Talks to Porn Star, Crissy Moran 2006-11-12 17:25:26 Unfortunately for us horny guys (and lesbians), he told her to get out of the porn business. “I made great money and more than I ever have in the time I have been in the business. It’s not about the money people … it’s about God convicting my heart.”
God convicted her heart? I guess the trial didn’t go well, but I always thought that according to her religion, judgment day wasn’t until the end of time. Fuck, it’s not here already is it?
As you can see, Crissy Moran
is a stunning beauty with an amazing body and she made a pile of money showing it to everyone. Then, a few weeks ago, she announced on her MySpace page that she had a new man in her life and well… the old bastard wants her all for himself. No offense Crissy, but when someone tells me that God talks to them, I say it’s time to cue up the Twilight Zone music, and may I suggest a tin foil hat? Everyone knows that tin foil is impervious to Martian thought waves, so I&#
Now Where Did I Put That? 2006-11-09 15:06:21 John Sheehan, 33, of Pittsburg was minding his own business jerking off near a nature path last week, when he was rudely interrupted by some cops who then arrested him for indecent exposure. When the officers asked if he was carrying anything they should know about (even though he was completely nude), he admitted that he had a ‘tool’ and not the one he’d just been yanking on.
Now, ask yourself where a completely naked man would carry a ‘tool’ and never mind the fact that he was masturbating in a public area and had taken all of his clothes off. I can only think of three possible places, but since we’re talking about a tool here, we can rule out the nostrils and the mouth — and since my mother taught me never to stick anything in my ears smaller than my elbow, I’m not considering the ears — which leaves only one logical place.
Now that you know where he put it, I’m sure you’re wondering what the hell kind of tool a guy w
Iran, a Great Tourist Destination 2006-11-01 18:17:23 Iran is offering cash to those that can convince any American or European tourists to visit their country. I haven’t figured out where to sign up for this cool affiliate program yet and I may have to find a way to pass myself off as a tour agency, but I figured I’d get a jump start on getting the word out. I’m sure I’ll be rich in no time. I mean, how hard could it be to convince a rational person to visit Iran?
Just because they’re working on a nuclear weapons program and have called for Israel’s destruction doesn’t make them all bad and who says public hangings can’t be fun? I hear the food over there is nearly edible and goat really isn’t that bad. It actually makes a great snack while you’re watching the public hangings. Oh, and for you horny guys, just imagine the thrill of having sex with an Iranian woman. The fact that it’s taboo makes it just that much more exciting and the adrenaline rush you’ll get attemp Read more:Great
, Destination
The Illegal Immigration Solution 2006-10-26 19:16:53 A lot of people in this country — especially the ones that live near borders — have a problem with illegal immigrants. I can’t say that I like the idea of giving them free medical care when I have to pay thousands for health insurance, but I wonder how much oranges would cost if we had to pay Americans to pick them.
Here’s a video explaining one solution to the problem.
Do you have an opinion about illegal immigration? Leave a comment or email me at hammeruncut.com or call my message line at 407-745-1840.
Read more:Solution
What's Wrong with Sexy Halloween Costumes? 2006-10-19 15:29:21 I was watching The O’Reilly Factor last night — don’t ask me why — and Bill was slamming Target for selling sexy Halloween
costumes to children. He said it was highly inappropriate for young girls of 8 to 9 years of age to be wearing sexy costumes.
I agree with his general statement, but here are two things that were driving me nuts while I was listening to him ‘bloviate’ about the issue.
One: The women in the photos on the packages appeared to be at least 18 and the costumes were obviously intended to be worn by adults or older teens.
Two: His supposition was that by wearing sexy costumes young girls are making themselves even more attractive to sexual predators. Bill, you’re wrong. Pedophiles like young girls, not mature women, so if you take an 8 year old girl and make her look like a sexy grownup woman, she is no longer attractive to him on the sick and twisted level he’s interested in. Why do you think porn sites take 18 year olds an Read more:Wrong
, Costumes
Rebates Are a Scam 2006-10-18 02:44:40 I recently purchased a Sirius radio at Radio Shack. Sirius was offering a rebate, so I filled out the form properly and mailed in the appropriate copies of the receipt and the UPC code from the box as it was clearly stated to do on the instructions. Well, today I got a postcard from Sirius telling me that they couldn’t send me my rebate check because I’d failed to include the original UPC code.
I have a copy of the instructions and it clearly states that I can send in a copy.
When you buy a camera, television or anything from a store and there is a rebate so they can claim the item is being sold for $50 less than the retail price, why don’t they just give you the discount at the register?
The answer. Because rebates are a scam. They are counting on the fact that most of us will forget to send in the rebate in the first place, or if we do remember, we’ll fail to follow the intructions and they won’t actually be selling us the product at a discount and will Read more:Rebates
Hammer Uncut is a Blog Too 2006-10-16 13:56:03 When I first put this website up my plan was to just add links to each of the shows, but upon reflection, the idea of manually updating the html for multiple pages just didn’t make sense. The good thing about making this website a blog is that I can add an entry for every show with a description and links to the things I talked about during the show, plus it gives me a place to post things in between shows.
Right now I’m working on writing my bio for the About Hammer
page and I’m going to be adding a photos page where I can post pics and vids.
Read more:Uncut
Show #1 10-09-06 2006-10-11 15:13:41 Show #1 direct link
Download audio file (hammeruncut-001-10-09-06.mp3)
Welcome to the very first episode of Hammer Uncut. I’ve been working hard getting the studio set up, looking for some cool bands and stuff, but the first one is finally in the can…. well, in your ear.
» Interview with Jim Manley from Cash Titans, the company that was recently busted for racketeering in Florida.
» Now That’s Fucked Up News
» Music from the Amphibians
» Anthem from FCCFU.com
» Carlos Mencia says “Fuck You”.
Hammer Is On The Air 2006-10-09 03:38:02 Well, I’ve been working long and hard on this project and finally got the new show ready to go. I wanted to come out of the gate as professional as possible so spent a lot of time researching and buying equipment for the new studio. Jack Josey over at Audio Bag did a kick ass intro and outro for me.
I had done an interview with Jim Manley from the beleagured Cash Titans while I was at the Internext convention in Miami in August, but unfortunately due to circumstances beyond my control, the results were not good. I recently redid the interview with Jim over the phone.
Read more:Hammer
Election Tampering, But No Dangling 2006-11-15 15:11:26 Fortunately this didn’t happen in Florida, or we’d never hear the end of it, and thankfully no dangling chad’s were involved, but once again, we have proof of election tampering.
Randy Wooten lost his bid for Mayor of Waldenburg, Arkansas in this past election and he lost by a very large margin. The fact that the race wasn’t even close might make you wonder how allegations of tampering could be valid, but the fact that he got ZERO votes — even though he voted for himself — does make things smell a bit fishy.
Wooten’s wife, Roxanne had gone to City Hall on Wednesday and reported the results to her husband. “She saw my name with zero votes by it. She came home and asked me if I had voted for myself or not. I told her I did,” said Wooten, owner of a local bar.
However, the official results showed the incumbent, William H. Wood with 18 votes, challenger Ronnie Chatman with 18 votes, and Wooten with zero.
Oh, did I forget to mention that Read more:Election
O.J. Simpson Tells How He Did It 2006-11-15 17:08:44 Or should I say, he tells how he would have done it if he did it in a two-part interview on FOX TV and in his new book If I Did It, Here’s How It Happend, which will go on sale at the end of this month.
Why do we need O.J. Simpson
telling us hypothetically how the murders would have been committed when we already know how he did it, thanks to his televised trial? We all know he did it and how he did it, the only thing we don’t know is what food he ate that caused his hands to swell in an allergic reaction so the glove didn’t fit.
There are still people out there that believe that he didn’t commit the crime (idiots), so what I’m interested in hearing is what excuse they’ll concoct that would explain why a man that swears he did not commit the crime would write a book telling us how he would have done it, IF he did it. For that matter, how many pages would it actually take to explain it?
Paula Barbieri broke up with me and I got real mad and decided if
Free Viagra Is The Spice of Life 2006-11-20 23:21:35 The mayor of a small town in Brazil recently began giving out free Viagra to dozens of elderly men to spice up their sex lives. Why is the mayor concerned with the sex lives of his town’s senior citizens? Beats me, but apparently they’re much happier now. “Since we started the free distribution of sexual stimulants, our elderly population changed. They’re much happier,” says Joao de Souza Luz, the mayor of Novo Santo Antonio.
The mayor says that so far 68 men over the age of 60 have signed up for the program, which has been dubbed “Pinto Alegre”, which means “Happy Penis” in Portuguese.
There has been one unforeseen side effect though. Apparently the men have started some romances on the side which isn’t going over too well with the wives. But, the city council came up with a solution. They decided to distribute the Viagra pills to the wives of the men and now it’s up to them to give the pills to their husbands when the Read more:Spice
Global Orgasm a Weapon of Mass Peace 2006-11-21 14:49:01 Leave it to some folks from San Francisco to come up with this idea, but two peace activists are planning an anti-war demonstration for the first day of winter. Don’t worry though, you won’t have to march in the streets, they want you to stay home.
Their idea? The Global
Orgasm for Peace
. Donna Sheehan, 76, and Paul Reffle, 55, want everyone in the world to have an orgasm on Dec. 22. They’d like you to be concentrating on world peace at the time, which is cool, because the guys will be able to last longer that way, and baseball’s over now anyway.
“The orgasm gives out an incredible feeling of peace during it and after it,” says Reffell. “Your mind is like a blank. It’s like a meditative state. And mass meditations have been shown to make a change.” Don’t forget. You’re supposed to be concentrating on world peace during your orgasm, or else this won’t work.
The couple have studied evolutionary psychology and believe Read more:Weapon
The Amazing Peace Plant 2006-11-22 16:53:09 For centuries, the people of the world have been controlled by religion and the majority of the world is still religious in some way. But what’s the point?
When you come right down to it, religion is simply a tool that was created by man to control people. Karl Marx called religion the ‘opiate of the masses’.
Every religion has rules that are written down in a book with the intent of keeping people in line. The problem is that for the thousands of years that religion has been used as a form of mind control, there have been hundreds of wars and millions of people have died in the name of religion.
I think if we really want such a thing as World Peace
, we don’t need organized religion, we need legalized marijuana.
Think about it. Pot has three universal side effects. It makes people mellow, hungry, and horny. What is the one thing no one wants to do when they’re laughing, hungry, and horny? Fight.
The way to end violence in the world is to encourage violent Read more:Amazing
, Plant
President Bush Has a New, errr Lady? 2006-11-22 20:06:31
You wanna go to a show and a romantic dinner, or go up to my room for some jello shots and watch some porn?
bush porn president prince abdullah saudi
Read more:President
, President Bush
President Bush Has a New, errr Lady? 2006-11-22 20:06:31
You wanna go to a show and a romantic dinner, or go up to my room for some jello shots and watch some porn?
bush porn president prince abdullah saudi
Read more:President
, President Bush
Burglar Turns in Man with Child Porn 2006-11-28 15:31:11 A Canadian man has been jailed after a man that was burglarizing his home turned him in to police.
Police received a tip from the burglar who said that he had a video camera with images of child pornography that he would leave on the steps of a church. When the police viewed the video they realized that the burglar had videotaped a computer monitor displaying the pornographic images.
The police followed the address that was printed on the burglar’s note and seized computer equipment containing 13,315 pornographic images. How many of those images were of children is unknown, but that’s a buttload of porn for sure.
William Mitchell of Red Deer City plead guilty after being charged with having child porn on his computer and remains in prison until he is sentenced on December 1. I’m not familiar with Canadian law, but let’s hope that the sentence involves castration.
The burglary remains unsolved, but it’s good to know that even burglars have morals.
So, do yo Read more:Burglar
How to Deal with a Telemarketer 2006-11-28 18:44:38 I don’t think anyone has too much sympathy for telemarketers (get a real job) and most of us have ways of dealing with them. Some people just hang up on them, but unfortunately, others actually talk to them and that’s the reason they exist. If telemarketing wasn’t an effective sales tool we wouldn’t have to deal with the problem in the first place.
My favorite technique is to ask them to hold on and then put down the phone and wait until they get tired of waiting and hang up, but this guy came up with the best one I’ve heard yet.
Download audio file (tom-mabe-telemarketer.mp3)
How do you deal with telemarketers? If you’ve got some good techniques, post a comment.
Direct link to audio file
prank call telemarketers telemarketing tom mabe
Read more:Telemarketer
Burglar Turns in Pedophile 2006-11-28 15:31:11 A Canadian man has been jailed after a man that was burglarizing his home turned him in to police.
Police received a tip from the burglar that he had a video camera with images of child porn he would leave on the steps of a church. When the police viewed the tape they realized that the burglar had videotaped a computer monitor displaying the images.
The police followed the address that was printed on the burglar’s note and seized computer equipment containing 13,315 pornographic images. How many of those images were of children is unknown, but that’s a buttload of porn for sure.
William Mitchell of Red Deer City plead guilty after being charged with having child porn on his computer and remains in prison until he is sentenced on December 1. I’m not familiar with Canadian law, but let’s hope that the sentence involves castration.
The burglary remains unsolved, but it’s good to know that even burglars have morals. I guess ‘honor amongst thieves’ Read more:Burglar
Soldiers Show Iraqui Civilians Who's Boss 2006-11-29 14:43:59 I’m sure there are plenty of good men and women fighting in Iraq, but watch this video and ask yourself why it seems so strange for people in the Middle East to hate the U.S.
One of the soldiers calls the men ‘looters’. I wonder what wood goes for on the black market over there. Or do you think that just like the ‘looters’ who were ’stealing’ food in New Orleans after Katrina, that these men were just trying to get wood for a stove to feed their families or build a shelter?
“That’s what you get when you loot.” What the fuck? Is destroying someone’s property the penalty for looting in the U.S.?
It’s easy to feel like a big man when you’re carrying a rifle or driving a tank. I bet that taxi driver would love the chance to have a little chat with one of these tough guys sometime when they aren’t packing heat.
When U.S. soldiers destroy a car, we call it justice, but when Iraquis retaliate against assholes Read more:Soldiers
, Civilians
Soldiers Show Iraqi Civilians Who's Boss 2006-11-29 14:43:59 I’m sure there are plenty of good men and women fighting in Iraq, but watch this video and ask yourself why it seems so strange for people in the Middle East to hate the U.S.
One of the soldiers calls the men ‘looters’. I wonder what wood goes for on the black market over there. Or do you think that just like the ‘looters’ who were ’stealing’ food in New Orleans after Katrina, that these men were just trying to get wood for a stove to feed their families or to build a shelter?
“That’s what you get when you loot.” What the fuck? Is destroying someone’s property the penalty for looting in the U.S.?
It’s easy to feel like a big man when you’re carrying a rifle or driving a tank. I bet that taxi driver would love the chance to have a little chat with one of these tough guys sometime when they aren’t packing heat.
When U.S. soldiers destroy a car, they call it justice, but if Iraqi
s retaliate against asshol Read more:Soldiers
, Civilians
Amazing New Harley Davidson Ads 2006-11-30 15:05:26 Once you realize that these images were created with actual HarleyDavidson
motorcycle parts, the scope and effort will become apparent. Not to mention the pure creativity.
These print ads for Harley Davidson
were created by their advertising agency, Carmichael Lynch who also do spectacular work for companies like Porsche, A.G. Edwards and Northwest Airlines.
ad advertisement harley davidson motorcycle
Read more:Amazing
Use Your Head and Wear a Condom 2006-11-30 17:51:19 You might forget your head if it wasn’t attached, but if you don’t wear a condom, it might not matter anyway.
Shocking and innovative advertisements for safe sex.
Read more:Condom
No More Online Gambling for U.S. Citizens 2006-11-30 23:54:19 O say, does that star-spangled banner yet wave. O'er the land of the free and the home of the brave.
Those are the last two lines of America’s national anthem. Our children learn the song very early on in school and we sing it at just about every sporting event, but are the words really true? Oh, I’m sure we’re still plenty brave, but how free are we, really? Just how did the men that signed the Declaration of Independence interpret ‘life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness’?
Lately, a minority of people in the U.S. who think they have the right to tell everyone else how to live have decided that grown adults just aren’t capable of making their own decisions and shouldn’t have the right to do certain things — even if they do them in the privacy of their own homes — and are making some alarming progress in dictating what we’re allowed to view or do on the Internet. If they don’t like it no one should be able to do it Read more:Gambling
, Citizens
Crying Baby Causes Auto Accident 2006-12-01 16:15:01 A 17-year old California girl slammed her car into a guardrail and was then hit by a Ford F-350 pickup truck when the baby in her car suddenly began to cry. Baby doll that is.
The girl had just picked up the doll, which was part of a class project on responsible parenting. The educational doll cries and wets itself and has a built in monitor that keeps a record of how long it takes the doll’s ‘parent’ to respond to it’s crying.
No one was seriously injured in the crash and apparently the girl took the project very seriously, because she was still caring for the baby when officers arrived.
On a side note, witnesses said they saw the doll’s head swivel 360 degrees on several occasions and heard the girl calling the doll, Chucky.
Okay, I made that last part up. It’s head only swiveled once.
baby doll car crash crying responsible parenting
New 360 Degree Airbag Being Tested 2006-12-01 15:31:09
Exclusive photo I obtained of internal airbag test. Early results have proven promising.
airbags auto crash safety
Who Says You Need a Big Budget? 2006-12-03 19:15:59 This is an awesome example of ‘pixilation’ which is similar to stop-motion animation, except that it involves people and real world objects instead of puppets, as in claymation.
This video was produced by Tony Fiandaca and Paul Cummings. They say it took them about two months to shoot and edit, which involved shooting every other weekend and editing in between. The music was written by their friend Chris Donovan, specifically for the video. Some editing was done to synch the video better with the music.
chris donovan paul cummings pixilation stop motion animation youtube
Anyone for a Pint of Santa's Butt? 2006-12-04 20:08:09 The Maine Bureau of Liquor Enforcement has been accused of censorship by a beer distributor for barring them from selling a new beer with a label that depicts Santa
holding a pint of brew. I’m thinking the fact that the beer is called Santa’s Butt might have something to do with it too, although that doesn’t seem to be part of the complaint.
The Maine Civil Liberties Union filed a lawsuit contending the state’s actions violate the First Amendment by censoring artistic expression.
The state says the label might appeal to children and an MCLU staff attorney says “There is no good reason for the state to censor art, even art found on a beer label.”
The label for the English-made Santa’s Butt Winter Porter depicts a rear view of a beer-drinking Santa sitting on a barrel. The beer’s name refers not only to Santa’s ample posterior, but also to the barrel he’s sitting on. In merry old England, the barrel that brewers used to store be Read more:Anyone
Maine Kicks Santa's Butt 2006-12-04 20:08:09 The Maine
Bureau of Liquor Enforcement has been accused of censorship by beer distributor, Shelton Brothers, for barring them from selling a new beer with a label that depicts Santa
holding a pint of brew. I’m thinking the fact that the beer is called Santa’s Butt might have something to do with it too, although that doesn’t seem to be part of the complaint.
The Maine Civil Liberties Union filed a lawsuit contending the state’s actions violate the First Amendment by censoring artistic expression. The state says the label might appeal to children and an MCLU staff attorney says “There is no good reason for the state to censor art, even art found on a beer label.”
The label illustration for the English-made Santa’s Butt Winter Porter was painted by Massachusetts artist, Gary A. Lippincott and depicts a rear view of a beer-drinking Santa sitting on a barrel. The beer’s name refers not only to Santa’s ample posterior, but also to the ba Read more:Kicks
Peace on Earth, but not Colorado 2006-12-05 18:52:39 A woman in southwestern Colorado
hung this wreath on the side of her house for the holidays. I’m sure we all recognize the peace symbol and considering the well-known holiday phrase, “Peace
on earth, good will to men”, one would think the message was quite clear.
But noooooooo. Not the homeowners association for her neighborhood. They’re fining her $25 a day until she takes it down. Why you ask? Some of her neighbors complained because they have children serving in Iraq and also believe the wreath is a symbol of Satan.
Once again the minority seems to be able to dictate what the majority does, because only three residents complained and it’s a 200 home subdivision.
Lisa Jensen said, “Peace is way bigger than not being at war. This is a spiritual thing.” She calculates that the fines will add up to about $1,000, but has no intentions of removing the wreath.
The homeowners association sent Ms. Jensen a letter stating that residents were offended Read more:Earth
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