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Scary Internet Searches relating to parenting
2007-10-30 18:39:13
First of all never trust the internet for advice on the correct dosage for giving a kid medication. Today I was scanning hits on this website based on search engines and I was shocked that I found searches that hit RaisingEli for things like: How much triaminic cold formula do you give an infant? What is the correct dose for infant Tylenol? Do children really need carseats? Folks, if you are reading this post because you are looking for that information I wish I could crawl through your keyboard and smack you silly! You are the type of parent all of us responsible parents can’t stand. You know what they say, everyone has to take a test to drive a car but nobody needs anything to become a parent. Cold medicines have been recalled by the FDA almost a month ago. This has been all over the news for a long time. More importantly the internet is full of bad and incorrect information. You need to know how much medicine to give your kids? Call your doctor! What does your doctor say? They
Read more: Scary , Internet

TV Hipocrite
2007-10-29 07:52:21
Smack me around people. This weekend I went against everything I posted the last few days and purchased an in car DVD system. Two nine inch TV screens that attach to the head rest of my car and allow my son to watch Movies while we are driving. Pardon my language but what the FUCK am I thinking? Already I have caved in and allowed him to watch the wiggles on every drive, including this mornings 30 minute ride to daycare. I don’t know what I was thinking when I spent the money on it. I kept thinking about all the long drives we do and wouldn’t it be nice for Eli to be able to do something fun while stuck in his seat. What I forgot is the INTERACTION between us during these trips, we sing songs, we talk (well I talk, he answers). I am so ashamed. Not sure what I am going to do, return it or keep it and just take it out on long trips…what a state of horror I am in at my behavior.


Birthday Party Disaster
2007-10-28 13:51:48
Wow, what can I say. I just got Eli home from the birthday party I was discussing yesterday and all my fears about this event came true. First, just because I am going to bash the crap out of this establishment I thought it would be nice to at least put the link to their website up but as I look at the invite the link is incorrect and doesn’t come up to a real page. The idea of the party was simple. Take an adorable little girl who’s birthday is right around Halloween and turn it into a costume birthday party. When we got there, all the girls were in similar princess costumes (how original of mom and dad to dress their little girls in princess costumes). Actually it was kinda funny and cute and all of the girls looked adorable. There were two boys (including Eli) so he had his pick of all the cute girls in princess garb! Go son go! The first thing the “staff” did was put a single slick of pizza on a plate for each place setting. Along with the plate and slice o
Read more: Birthday , Party , Disaster , Birthday Party

Questions Women Should Never Ask
2007-11-04 06:39:54
After talking with my buddies and listening to their complaints I have decided to list the top 10 questions women should never ask their husbands. Guys out there, trust me when I say this simple fact: No matter how open and honest you are with your wife, NEVER answer these questions when she asks, there is no right answer and you will be punished no matter what you say (never roll your eyes either, that is a dead giveaway). 1. Do I look Fat in this outfit? 2. Which one of my friends do you think is pretty? 3. Is that woman prettier than me? 4. Do you love me more now or when we first met? 5. If you could change one thing about my body what would it be? 6. Do you think I am turning into my mother? 7. Do you think I am a good wife? 8. Do you like my cooking? 9. Are my boobs drooping? 10. Would you marry me again knowing what you know now?
Read more: Women

Live from MSG
2007-11-03 17:22:02
Hello folks, welcome to Madison Square Garden! Jodi and I are here, section 315 row B seats 1 and 2 for the NY Rangers vs. The New Jersey Devils. Call it our night out having fun while grandma and grandpa watch Eli. At the moment we are 25 minutes from the puck dropping and we are munching on under cooked hotdogs, french fries and chicken strips. Hopefully the Rangers will win and we will be able to sleep in before picking up Eli in the morning! Cheers Second period update. Game is tied 1-1. Unfortunately the refs are doing a horrible job officiating the game. The highlight of the game was a late period fight between Colton Orr and some loser named Ruff on the devils. It is really nice to be out on a date with my wife!


Funny Movie of the Month
2007-11-02 09:31:24
Ok, here is a new feature on RaisingEli.com: The funny movie of the month. I love funny movies and nothing is better after a hard week of work than relaxing on a Saturday night in front of the television with your wife watching a movie. Since anyone reading this has kids, we all know that going to the theater on a regular basis is just not logical, but using netflix or blockbuster to get some quality laughing time together is just the right thing to do. So without further conversation. The Funny Movie for November is: Black Sheep Movie Trailer Clip from movie If you are not laughing after watching these two videos, then your not alive!
Read more: Month

I bonked Eli’s Noodle
2007-11-01 08:43:38
Last night after successful trick or treating I accidentally bonked Eli’s head really hard. The situation was quite innocent and fun until you heard his head crack against the solid wood headboard of his captains bed. He immediately started wailing and my first thought was a concussion, he hit that hard. So how did it happen? Eli was bouncing on the bed, I was supporting him under his arms and he was getting really high (I was launching him up and helping him down). After four or five bounces we always crash. Well we crashed but Eli bounced forward and wham! I have never felt so guilty and ashamed of myself. I hurt my son and was not only allowing him to jump on his bed but encouraging it and participating. It took the M&M’s, the Elmo Owie pad and lots of hugs and kisses to calm him down. I checked for signs of a concussion and eventually let him go to sleep. How could I be so careless and reckless. It was an accident, but not one that was easy to swallow.
Read more: Noodle

Eli goes Trick-o-Treating
2007-10-31 20:41:42
This was Eli’s second Halloween, but the first real experience where he participated actively. He was such a brave character, dressed as a Kung Fu master with his hair spiked up like a character from Mortal Combat. Eli knocked on doors, was scared out of his beans by a guy giving out candy in a scary mask and overall was a real champ. What I found most shocking was his endurance. He marched around the complex for over 80 minutes before declaring that he was tired, hungry and wanted to watch Mickey Mouse and Dora. I only had to carry him for the last 100 yards, the rest, all by Eli Power. I put a video together tonight and embedded it, but the quality was so crappy after compressing it to a .mov that I got discouraged. I tried again and made it a MPEG2 but the video was 57MB! That took too long to load for most people so I tried a few more options. I guess I just have to trim the video down from the 4 minutes and 17 seconds to a more user friendly size. Quicktime made it 17
Read more: Trick

Happy Birthday Katelyn
2007-11-09 21:44:22
I went to a very nice birthday party today for a 3 year old little girl named Katelyn. She has the cutest curls and such a smile. The kid is going to grow up to be an extraordinarily gorgeous girl and she is going to break hearts. The party was really nice and I learned some lessons from it. What went well: Kid’s parties are definitely just as much fun for the parents as the adults. The party was for family and friends and included just the right mix of kids and adults. The kids played nicely together, the adults kept a watchful eye and there was plenty of food and drink for everyone. No gimmicks were needed to keep the kids happy. Just some toys to share, a Television with a good kids movie and some freedom for them to have fun without a lot of structure. Kids were laughing and giggling together. When it came time for cake and goodies, the kids were ready and willing. It is funny because it makes me think back to the disaster birthday party from a few weeks ago. That one didn
Read more: Happy , Birthday , Happy Birthday

Cigarettes & Community Ashtray
2007-11-08 12:19:47
Nothing steams me more than when I am riding my motorcycle or driving my car and some ass in front of me flicks their lit cigarette out their window and makes the road their personal ashtray. It is bad enough that smoking is a disgusting and dirty habit that causes cancer and countless other medical problems but to be so selfish and self absorbed to think that using the environment as your personal trash can is just over the line. This woman in front of me today was puffing away in her car, you could see that the entire cab of the car was hazy and full of smoke lowers her window and flicks her death stick out. It nicely rolled into a pile of dead grass on the side of the road and she sped away. No care to the world, no concern for the fact that it was a fire hazard or just littering. How can people be this self absorbed? We only have one environment, and so be it if you want to destroy your lungs and suffer the affects of your habit, but leave the rest of us out of it. Don’t thro


First Hockey Game
2007-11-07 06:00:13
Yesterday I was lucky enough to score two tickets to the New York Rangers game against the Islanders at Nassau Coliseum. We tried to find a babysitter but in the end decided that maybe Eli was old enough to go see a game. To be honest, I was quite worried that he would not be able to handle it but with the help of my wife I knew we could handle anything. Getting to the game was easy and the seats were amazing. Five rows up from the glass right behind the net. I have sat closer at a few games, but the seats were amazing and the view of the game was so much different than being at center ice. Eli was a complete stud at the game, attracting the sexy Islander girls while waiting in the will call line. He was in Rangers gear and they still came up to him and spoke to him. These girls were way to sexy for their own good and Eli was getting high fives from the guys around us. Too funny! Because of the short notice we had to feed Eli stadium food. Of course, there are no knives anywhere (plast
Read more: First

Lasik - 45 days later
2007-11-06 08:41:02
If you have been following the Lasik posts you will know by now that I had the surgery a month and a half ago and have been experiencing mixed results. It is not that I can’t see and that my vision is negatively affected, it has been about the post surgery problems with the staff and the way my eyes feel. I just figured I would continue to post about it until I was happy about the surgery. As a reminder I had the surgery done at the Stahl Eye Center. My latest visit last night was again filled with mixed results. The first was the visit by the doctors assistant. This big burly guy who always seems upset about something. We went through the first test and he was ok even with him badgering me about whether or not I was focusing on the balloon (I was…but I guess he didn’t think I was). Next was the general cover your eye test. I flew through the right eye but the left is always difficult for me (I have an aiming problem). I couldn’t see the letters clearly and he
Read more: later

Giant Green Gooey Glob O-Snot
2007-11-05 10:13:11
My sweet, innocent little man decided to sneeze today on the way to daycare. This was no ordinary sneeze but one that caused me to jump in my seat and violently swing my head around in shock. I asked if he was Ok and he smiled as this giant green gooey glob o-snot dribbled down his lip towards his mouth. My immediate desire was to keep that snot out of his mouth and secondly to not crash my SUV. Reaching back I swiped at his nose with my fingers and saved the gross taste, unfortunately this gooey glob o-snot was now all over my fingers and I had nothing to wipe it on. I finally found a piece of paper in my glove box worthy of the wipe and got it off me. I never knew something so large and so disgustingly green and gooey could come from any small nose. When I pulled up to daycare and went to take him out I realized that I didn’t see all of it. I only saw what he didn’t expel from his nose. The rest, the real GIANT GREEN GOOEY GLOB O-snot was on the TV monitor. I could swear
Read more: Green

Whine (not the drink)
2007-11-13 17:42:40
I could use a glass of wine…because Eli is driving me to drink. Eli has begun a new campaign of whining to get his way. It is like a war of attrition…how many whine bombs can this nation take before surrendering? I actually asked my son if he wanted some cheese with his Whine today and he said yes….oh man….he said yes. I am being sarcastic as hell and he is answering me in a manner that frustrates me more. The answer was to tackle him and give him hugs and kisses. It ended the whining and made me smile and him giggle…but damn, he is a formidable opponent.


Holiday Bliss?
2007-11-12 21:49:50
I am sure everyone is happy to see the holidays come around again, but do we have to have x-mas decorations, x-mas songs and the such playing weeks before Turkey Day? Why can’t the spirit of Christmas wait until until after I have suffered the effects of Turkey Sleep Narcotic and Belly Busting Mashed Potatoes? There is a radio station here that around this time switches its format from the hits of the 70’s, 80’s and 90’s to solid non-stop x-mas songs. Talk about annoying! Although you would be shocked to know just how many different x-mas songs there are. Some good, some bad, but most are so bad that you just have to switch the channel or wish you were dead. I wonder how long it will be before x-mas starts in October. Ba-Hum-Fucking-Bug
Read more: Holiday , Bliss

MeMe? meme? Me me?
2007-11-11 20:38:37
Ok, well I have been tagged and I have no real idea what this means other than I guess I have to answer the same questions that were asked of the person who tagged me. First, I would like to say thanks to Working Mom @ Mommy Speak I am supposed to explain 7 things about myself that have not previously been explained in my writings so far. Here goes! 1) I started writing a book awhile back, and even though I am a computer engineer and understand the pitfalls of computers I failed to backup my book on a drive that I could trust. I lost every page, all my notes and chapter after chapter of the book. I have not started again because I still am in shock. 2) I lived in two of the most magnificent places in the United States. The first was Flagstaff, Arizona which I miss terribly. Mountain air, clean crisp cold winters and wonderful summers. Extinct volcanoes, the grand canyon and an old town lifestyle. The second would be Hermitage, TN. I used to live right next to a lake, green trees and so


Rejecting Dinner
2007-11-11 18:58:37
It is the same old thing night after night. The choice between Hot Dog, Chicken Tenders, or Fish Sticks. How did I let this happen? Now, after months and months of the same thing Eli decided that none of these choices are acceptable and he wanted something different. His choice? Grilled Cheese. I make a very good grilled cheese, it all has to do with the butter you use on the bread and the type of cheese. I can’t give away the secret but Eli gobbles it down. The question is, what the heck else can I start feeding him? He does not like pasta and sauce, occasionally will eat meatballs, has outgrown mac & cheese. He does not like hamburgers. I need to come up with healthier alternatives to the basic three things. Now that I think about it, Eli only eats French Toast for breakfast. He rarely eats or asks for pancakes, eggs or anything else. How boring and unhealthy is this. Jesus, just when I thought I was not being lazy when it came to Eli, I am when it comes to his meals. Advic
Read more: Dinner

Eli & Daddy
2007-11-10 11:38:17
I always cherish the new cool things Eli says and does and yesterday while playing with his toys he pulls out two male characters from his lego set. He looks at the little one and says Eli and then grabbed the bigger one and said daddy. Of course that brought a tear to my eye. He had never personified me as one of his toys and it made me really happy to know that I was “important” enough to him for that connection to be made. It probably sounds silly to you, but it made my day.
Read more: Daddy

T-day Parade
2007-11-19 17:12:22
Most people who live in New York don’t go to the Thanksgiving Day Parade instead opting for the night before the parade balloon blow-up festivities. It is the tourist that goes to the parade to freeze their tush off in the mass of people, pick pockets and vagrants. Can you tell I am not a parade person? I guess I just don’t see the fun in it. However, one of the things I do like to do is go to the night before activities and watch the professional balloon teams get everything ready. It makes for a spectacular night of photography, drinks and fun. Now that I am a parent, the things I find fun and exciting do not necessarily equal what my son might enjoy. My wife LOVES the parade and since being a kid wants to watch the parade in person or on TV. Now that Eli is old enough to visually enjoy the event she wants to take him with her. Of course, we have friends in high places and we are lucky enough to get off the street level and into a store to look down on the parade (full


Do you remember?
2007-11-18 19:53:40
I remember when I was better at everything (as compared to my wife). Now, I suck at everything and she is better at everything we do together. Some examples: Scuba Diving: When we started, she was afraid of going under the water. She cried during her training. Now, she uses less air, has better buoyancy control and better stamina. Backgammon: I never lose, now when we play, I have to work hard to win. Nintendo Wii: Guitar Hero (she rocks, I suck), Donky Kong (she rocks, I suck), Bowling (she is good, I am just a bit worse). I refuse to play Monopoly against her now because I fear that I will lose! I never lose, I have never lost, I am a mogul! I got old, slow, fat, worse looking and she just gets better. Life sucks. I am so depressed.


Happiness is
2007-11-17 09:45:10
Watching my son count things Watching Eli read a book Watching Eli play with his dog Cooper Watching Eli color in his coloring book, on the table, rug, sofa, walls and doors Listening to Eli sing the Itsy Bitsy Spider, The wheels on the bus, Old McDonald or Twinkle Twinkle Little Star Happiness is the smile that crosses my face when I sit here typing this, watching him smile as he entertains himself by playing and using his imagination.


Child Proofing
2007-11-15 16:28:10
I think most people think of baby proofing their house but I have to admit, that will all the baby proofing we did in preparation for Eli nothing equates to what needs to be done now that he is a toddler. Most parents know to put locking mechanisms on all the medicine cabinets, kitchen cabinets, drawers, outlets etc. But there are a ton of other things that Eli has shown he can get into that require a different level of thinking: The Fridge and Freezer- Eli loves opening the doors and going for food that he wants like ice pops, ice cream, cheese and the occasional slice of cold pizza. Of course, disaster or just a big mess can be achieved by him simply grabbing the milk container and dumping it everywhere. It deserves a lock. Lamps- Eli has always loved to turn lights and lamps on. Now that he is extremely mobile and creative as all hell he wants to do all of these things without help or permission. So either you watch the devious fellow and educate (and re-educate ..and re-educate) or


Your Child is ….
2007-11-24 15:29:46
My wife and I were really excited about a scheduled visit to our daycare center. On the drive there we were laughing about how we expected to hear things like your child is so wonderful and he is one of our favorites. What we were not expecting to hear is news that they are concerned that Eli is regressing and showing signs of having issues with most of the major fundamental areas of measurement. Of course this sent me into tears and we immediately began to question everything we had been doing and wondering if what daycare had merit. Don’t get me wrong. We SEE what they are talking about. Not necessarily all the things and at the level they are talking about but Eli being with his parents is bound to be different than Eli being with teachers or classmates. The nice thing is we have family that are professional Early Intervention experts in speech and have so many friends in the field that we began calling around. Everyone who has met Eli that is an expert in the field say that
Read more: hellip

11 Secrets Men keep from Women
2007-11-22 18:24:33
I was searching on WebMD tonight for the cause of this extreme pain I have been having for a week in the area of my kidney on my right side. My search makes me think I have Kidney Stones which I fear would suck the life force out of me. Along with the horror story of Kidney Stones I came across a little article (written by Ty Wenger) about the 11 secrets men keep from their wives. I don’t necessarily agree with all of these but it is worth using the copy paste feature of Windows (more details on each secret can be obtained by visiting the link above). Secret #1: Yes, we fall in lust 10 times a day — but it doesn’t mean we want to leave you Secret #2: We actually do play golf to get away from you Secret #3: We’re unnerved by the notion of commitment, even after we’ve made one to you Secret #4: Earning money makes us feel important Secret #5: Though we often protest, we actually enjoy fixing things around the house Secret #6: We like it when you mother us, b
Read more: Secrets , Women

Black Friday Suckers
2007-11-22 03:52:55
While all of you suckers are running from store to store at 4am looking for incredible deals on stuff you really don’t need I will be warm, comfortable and half naked sleeping in my giant bed. I will be dreaming while you are complaining about parking spots, rude cashiers and items high in demand and low in stock. I will roll over a few times as dawn breaks the horizon. I will eventually wake up, make a hot cup of chocolate, fry up some eggs and relax reading the newspaper. Meanwhile you will be honking your horn and flipping the bird. I will take a shower, get dressed in something comfortable and hop online to check my email, blog an entry about the wonderful things my son has done and wonder if my wife is surviving the wreck called post Turkey day shopping bliss. All I have to say is thank god for Amazon.com!
Read more: Black , Friday , Black Friday

Dad = Scratch Dent Discount
2007-11-21 03:55:17
I am bruised, scratched, dented, scraped, bloodied and broken after my little boy attacked me last night before going to bed. Eli is great at playing rough, but holy crap he took it to the next level. I feel like I was thrown into the ring with Hulk Hogan in the 1980’s. I won’t go into details but I ended up with my eye killing me, a busted lip, scratches all over my head and my nose feeling as if someone hit me with a pot. Of course, Eli giggled the entire time and by the end was laughing so hard that I had to coax him into relaxing. We had fun, but as we approach the shopping days that lay ahead, I feel like I should be on the scratch and dent table offered at a major discount.
Read more: Scratch , Discount

Prison Theory
2007-11-20 04:02:09
I was watching the Rangers hockey game last night when I saw a commercial for a prison documentary that really made me think.The premise was the injustice we are doing to society with the modern day prison. Injustice you say? How so! Shouldn’t we feel sorry for our prisoner brothers and sisters? The answer is easy to understand if you think about what we are doing. We take criminals (most are career criminals) and put them in close quarters with other career criminals (drug dealing, rape, attempted murder, extortion etc). These people network with each other, gain information, build “friendships” and create resources that will help them advance their criminal ways once they are out. They pump iron, they physically get stronger. They are given 3 square meals per day, offered an education (some earn Masters degrees) and are taught skills like carpentry, metal working, construction etc. After serving their time, they are put back into society. Of course our society is no
Read more: Prison , Theory

Kidney Boulders
2007-11-30 08:51:32
Oh Lord, Please help me! Put me out of my misery! These stones, I mean Rocks, oh screw it Boulders that you have pushed from my Kidney to my ureter to my waiting “exit point” is causing my eyeballs to cross, and my legs to go weak. At one point I could swear the devil came right into my soul as I stood half bent over trying to urinate one of these meteorites out of my system while cussing in five different dialects, two of which have not been heard since biblical times. I looked up in the mirror to bloodshot eyes and saw the horns that had ripped through my skull. Lucifer would have been proud. Women claim that Child Birth is the most painful thing a person can go through, but I beg to differ. A woman’s body is designed to give birth to a baby. A penis may grow in size when excited and stimulated but tube does not open to a new size, there is no dilation or magical drug to make a one lane urine highway to enlarge to a three lane highway for the duration of the dri


Nutrisystem (day1)
2007-11-29 07:13:57
I am getting fat. Not just the normal storing of fat for the winter type of activity known to most squirrels and other furry rodents, but fat. If you had to go to a tire store to pick out a new spare tire that is being stored in the component nearest to my belly button you would need to pick out the Monster Truck tire that goes on the Grave Digger. I joke about it but the grave digger is right. I am diabetic and carrying this extra load is doing nothing but putting me closer to my grave. So what is a lazy fat man to do? I could exercise (I need to re-start the p90x again) and I could go on a diet. The problem with diets is the simple fact that they ALL FAIL eventually. I needed a diet that worked on a bunch of different fronts. I need one that understands that I am diabetic and need lots of fiber, low carbs but feel satisfied. I won’t substitute eating GROUND TURKEY or TOFU but I will eat some rabbit food and other smarter choices. This is where Nutrisystem came in which I starte


Daddy..you have a booger!
2007-11-27 21:40:50
I have always wondered when I would go from cool dad and friend to the embarrassment that causes Eli stress and anxiety. What I didn’t expect was for it to happen so soon. Tonight Eli and I were playing in his bed, reading stories and just goofing off when Eli stopped, pointed to my nose and started LAUGHING. I pointed back to him, told him he was silly and laughed back. He said No Daddy …Booger! I said, “What?” and he laughed, launched himself backwards on his pillow and errupted in laughter while saying Booger Booger…I reached up and pulled the green monster from my nose and said “eeeewwww” Of course, Eli returned the “eewwww” and told me I was funny. Do you know how many times I have sacrificed my fingers to grab, wrap, pull, yank and wipe boogers from his nose and never teased him! Man….I can’t wait to show the naked baby pictures to his High School Sweetie. Revenge is a dish best served….green!
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