Owner: La Bella Noire's Ramblings URL:http://labellanoire.blogspot.com Join Date: Fri, 03 Nov 2006 09:50:12 -0600 Rating:0 Site Description: I'm a twentysomething black female navigating through life after college--aka adulthood. I grew up between Albany, NY and NYC, and decided to transplant myself to the DC Metro in January 2006. I'm enjoying my journey, missteps and all. I think hard, play Site statistics:Click here
Not Quite Right 1970-01-01 00:59:59 I know it's only Monday, but already this week I've been seeing some stuff that's just not quite right.1)Subway shouldn't sell breakfast-- I work near several Subway Sandwich spots and I've never seen that place as anything more than a place to get lunch or maybe a quick dinner. I was just in there picking up lunch, when I saw a sign advertising that breakfast is now being sold there I caught the nastiest image in my head. Say you want a ham, egg, and cheese sandwich or something, is the clerk going to ask you if you want that six inch or foot long and on what kind of bread?! Imagine, your sandwich being created on six-inch italian herbs and cheese bread. Something doesn't sound quite right about that.2)My boss has had the munchies all day--I'm not going to touch this one with a ten foot pole. But his eyes look funny. Pleading total ignorance. *Backs away slowly*3)The nail tech lady--She's been watching too much BET and hasn't been paying enough attention to her ESL classes la Read more:Right
Renegade Telemarketers 1970-01-01 00:59:59 When I moved here, I immediately signed myself up for the National Do Not Call list. I don't know why I even bothered with that, because the telemarketers keep calling. Everytime another one calls, I politely inform them that I am on the list and they need to not call me again. I can't even lie, a few times I've come at them really sideways and thrown some four letter pleasantries at them. Alright alright, so it's really the other way around…a few times I've been polite, but usually they catch me while I'm eating dinner or when I don't want to be bothered so I can't help but be stank.I worked for a few days as a telemarketer in college, so I know just how hard their jobs are. You notice I said a few days? Yeah, umm…I got tired of people hanging up in my ear. However, I know that the telemarketing firms know which numbers are blacklisted, so there is no excuse for this shit. These telemarketers have gotten way gangsta for my liking. Last night, my phone rang and inst Read more:Renegade
, Telemarketers
Young, Superfly, and Broke 1970-01-01 00:59:59 I'm a self-proclaimed financial nerd. I keep serious track of what I spend and I manage my debt very wisely. I keep up with the latest trends in investing and I watch my credit score like a hawk. And no, that doesn't mean you can borrow a few dollars till next week! With that having been said, I'm a bit of a rarity among my contemporaries.I read somewhere that last year, more people declared bankruptcy than graduated from college. More and more people age 25 and under are being forced to declare bankruptcy and are starting their post-college lives buried under a mountain of personal debt, not including student loans. Speaking of student loans, Sallie Mae and I are NOT friends! Every time I see a damn student loan bill with the Sallie Mae logo on it, I want to curse my degrees. Anyway, I completely understand why so many of my peers are suffocating under their bills. When I was in college, almost every time I went to the dining hall or the student center, there was a table staffed
I Done Been Taggedededd 1970-01-01 00:59:59 Gunfighter has tagged me, so I suppose I'm obligated to do this. And I can't imagine why you wouldn't want to know more about the oddball that is me. So here goes...Six Weird Things about La Bella Noire:1)I think in French. English, French, and Patois are my so-called "home languages". Most of the time I think in French and most of my dreams are in French. If you catch me counting something out loud to myself, more than likely it's in French. I'm more articulate in English, but you get the idea.2)I was supposed to be a twin. Apparently I had a fraternal twin in utero, but I was the superstar so I crowded him/her out and took over. Essentially, I prevented the twin from growing too much past embryo state. Sorry twin!3)I collect tap shoes. As most of you know, I've been tap dancing for 20 years so of course I have a fairly large collection of my own shoes. However, I collect other dancers' shoes as well. I have pairs from very famous dancers, and some from my competition over the
Broke Down! 1970-01-01 00:59:59 My back hurts today, and actually has me in tears which is a rarity for me. So I thought I'd share the story with you why my back sometimes treats me like a wayward step-child.Almost two years ago, I was hit by a car. I'd just gotten out of my car and was walking across the street when BAM I got hit on the side by a damn Lincoln Continental going about 25 MPH. I got launched 15-20 feet and landed on my back. All I heard was CRRAAAACCCKKK and SNAP. I wasn't in pain then, but was instead trying to stand myself back up and keep walking."Well damn, aint this some shit" I thought to myself when I couldn't will myself to stand upAlong came the ambulances and all the EMTs. As much as I wanted to tell them I was fine, they stuck me in one of those neck braces that you see people wearing on The People's Court when they try to juice money out of the offending party. At that point, the adrenaline started to wear off and I knew something was way out of whack.Once at the hospital, I was immedi
I'm Dreaming of a Black Christmas 1970-01-01 00:59:59 I've been thinking a lot about Christmas
gifts over the last few weeks, which would make sense because between my step family and my "real" family (I don't like calling them that as my step family is every bit of real) I have nearly 80 nieces and nephews. If you think I buy gifts for all of them, please have your sanity level checked. The aunts and uncles usually draw 2-3 names out of a hat and focus on those few people. Anyway, this has nothing to do with them, but I thought I'd share for the fun of it all. A few days ago, I asked one of my good friends who happens to have a 6 year old daughter what I could get the child for Christmas. I was honestly expecting to hear something like "Bratz, Barbie, Disney MP3 player..." but my ears deceived me. Instead she told me that if I wanted to get her any toys, that they had to be afrocentric in nature and that she would only allow black dolls in her house.This sista is really on her Militant Pro-Black
shit this yeear, and that's something Read more:Dreaming
, Black Christmas
Carry out Trauma 1970-01-01 00:59:59 The cafeteria at my job is nothing more than a glorified carry out. They sell everything from cigarettes to greeting cards to cough drops, and oh yeah you can get your breakfast and lunch there too. All that's missing is the mumbo sauce. Not being a DC native, I still don't understand the concept of that stuff, but it's okay. Some things we're just not meant to understand. It seems like in every carry out I've been to in this daggone city, none of the employees speak coherent english--and the carryout right downstairs from my plantation (da job) is no exception. This morning, I was in desperate need of breakfast, and a Dunkin Donut was not on my radar screen, so I went to the cafeteria carry out to get a simple egg and cheese omelette. Follow me on this one now...Me: "Can I get an egg and cheese omelette please?"Carry
Out Lady: "You want a dee om-uh-let wit uh dee cheese-uh?"Me: "Yes please"COL: "Ehhh. You want dat with deeee egg-uhs?"Me: "Pardon me ma'am?"COL: (with a stank atti
Friday Flashback! 1970-01-01 00:59:59 This week, it's "Teenage Love" by Slick RickHappy Friday
, Enjoy!
La Bella Noire Babysits 1970-01-01 00:59:59 How I got roped into this, I have no stinkin clue. When I got asked, I figured it would be a piece of cake…play with the kids for a while, do the pizza thing, and call it a night. After all, I teach tap to 4 and 5 year olds and I've babysat plenty of times in the past. How hard could this be?Parents, I give you all the props in the world. You all need to be paid to do this job. I've seen my friend's kids before and they always acted like they had some sense when they were around their mother and I. Well, when the door closed, these bammas (yup, I sure did call children bammas) turned right into the Children of the Corn, on some Omen type mess. Bebe's Kids wouldn't have been able to keep up.As soon as I bid my friend a good night and closed her front door, a hulking load of five year old came flying off the banister and landed dead on the telephone table. I expected the table to break, but instead the boy actually bounced like some human superball and knocked me down. His si
I Need Your Help!! Oh No He Didn't *Special Almost Sketchball Edition* 1970-01-01 00:59:59 Someone PUHLEEZE help me! I'm caught up in some fraganackle bullshit. There's this emotionally challenged/potentially developmentally delayed guy who works in the same building I do who insists upon talking to me every single time I see him. I've always been cordial, but have never really had anything of substance to say to him. I guess he's had a crush on all things Tasha related, and figured today would be the day that he would let me know what's been on his mind. I was on my way back in the building from lunch, and he shoved a card in my face. He gave me the most embarrassed, red faced look then kind shuffled off with the quickness. I thought it was another Christmas card, so I smiled and got in the elevator. Once I got back to my office and had a chance to open this card I was horrified. Straight up disgusted and confooosed.He wrote me a love (lust??) note, and I didn't know whether to be flattered or to make an appointment with the Porcelain Toiletbowl Gods to upchuck my lun Read more:Special
, Almost
, Edition
Not a Good Look, Vol. 1 1970-01-01 00:59:59 It's been a pretty busy weekend, but I've still managed to notice people practicing life faux pas all over the place and I've decided to call them out. If one of these people is you, I'm so sorry--well actually I'm not because you should know better. If you're not one of these people, take note, because I don't want you to make the same mistakes. 1)The misplaced jogging shorts- I was driving up a busy street and saw some greasy looking man jogging--nothing abnormal about that. But I noticed he was wearing a lime green t-shirt and that's ALL! Well, that's all it looked like he had on. I stopped at the red light and he slowed down to cross the street, when the wind blew and uncovered some lime green jogging shorts that looked more like his 12-year old son's Speedos. I'm not mad at the all lime green (but please note--if you are darker than a locomotive like this man was, you have NO business wearing neon colors), I'm mad at the fact that this man had the gall to step outside
15 Things I Want to Know 1970-01-01 00:59:59 Most things in life I don't have a problem understanding, however there are some things that I really haven't been able to wrap my mind around, so today La Bella Noire Asks...1)Why is I-495 called the Capital Beltway? Shouldn't it be called the Capital Parking Lot?- I'm on the Beltway every single workday as I commute from Laurel to Vienna. If you're not familiar with those locations, just know it's far as hell, and I'd rather drive because I'd have to be up at 4:30AM in order to catch the train to be at work by 7:30AM and my body doesn't do early morning like that. Anyway, traffic is always thick as sin, and it seems on Fridays there is no such thing as rush hour--it's just rush day.2)Why are there so many bad drivers from Maryland?- Again, I drive somewhere in this fair state every stankin day, and no matter where I go I run into at least three shitty shittay sheeety drivers. Before I moved here, I knew that the drivers here are the stuff of legend NATIONWIDE (no lie--googl
Well Damn 1970-01-01 00:59:59 It seems like every day I get caught up in something I probably would have been better off never hearing about, and today was no different. I went to Einstein to get a bagel on the way to work this morning, and before I could even get out of the car I saw her and I caught that "my-experience-in-here-is-not-going-to-be-pleasant" vibe.Her = some big behemoth of a woman, just looking like she smelled like 5 week old Newports, Heineken, turnip greens, and corn beef hash or Alpo dog food. Bad attitude scrawled all over her face, improperly sagging maroon sweatpants (I call it assy-saggy...not baggy anywhere else but the ass), dirty flattened out Jordan XIII's, a leather jacket, and a Louis Vuitton knock-off scarf on her hair.This rhinoceros-looking piece of work shot me the absolute worst mean mug and I knew that it was maybe bout to be on and poppin, and I can't be involved in such buffonery before the sun rises all the way. So I tried to get into the store before she did, but my still-
Almost Sketchball Edition Update And a Slice of Humble Pie 1970-01-01 00:59:59 Well I finally saw the kid who gave me the raunchy Christmas card. I told him I wanted to speak to him and he got all red in the face again, so I figured that he knew what this conversation was going to be about. Not so much. I sat him down in one of the quiet spots in the seating area of the cafeteria and explained to him that what he wrote was extremely inappropriate, but he wasn't trying to hear that at first. I could look in his eyes and see that comprehension wasn't clicking as fast as it does other times. "But that's how I feel. I want to make you cookies on Valentines and do what I writed at you with you. I want you to be my girlfriend friend. Not friend, but girlfriend"I had to explain to him why you can't just write or say something like that to someone you don't know and if you really like someone you have to handle things with more tact. I think he thought I was telling him that I hated him or something because he started boo-hoo crying. "You don't like me ever at all Read more:Update
, Edition
, Almost
, Slice
, Humble
, Humble Pie
The Gift That Won't Stop Giving 1970-01-01 00:59:59 On my way out of the door this morning, I almost tripped over this thing that was sitting in the doorway:Actually I kicked it first then I saw it. I thought it was a brick because it was so hard--I think I jacked up my toe on that thing. I looked down and saw all the gummi colors and the red cellophane wrap and simply said to myself, "Fruitcake. No. I. Can't." I picked it up, looked at the tag and saw 'To: Tasha From: Mrs. Upstairs Neighbor' There was a similar looking brick o' fruitcakey goodness in front of everyone's door. I don't know if she baked all of them, or if she got them from the Christmas clearance sale at the food pawn shop. Either way, it's a nice gesture, but I don't know how to return the favor nor do I know how to get rid of this thing.I hate fruitcake. No ifs ands or buts about it. My grandmother, God rest her soul, used to force me to eat two pieces every Christmas morning, so my hatred is real. Some people say they hate the stuff, yet have never tasted it.. Read more:Giving
On the Road Again 1970-01-01 00:59:59 I'm headed up to see the fam in NY today. I'll probably be posting about the mass dysfunction of the holidays from there. So no Friday Flashback today, just flashing brake lights and traffic. FUN! *Rolls Eyes* Read more:Again
Merry Christmas 1970-01-01 00:59:59 I've escaped the family festivities long enough to say I hope you all have a wonderful, safe, and blessed Christmas
. Whether you do it big with your family or quiet at home, enjoy the spirit of this wonderful holiday!Wishing you a very Merry
Christmas,Tasha Read more:Merry Christmas
Another Legend Gone 1970-01-01 00:59:59 James Brown, better known as the Godfather of Soul, passed away on Monday morning. It was very sad to wake up on Christmas morning to this news. Along with the popular music of the day, my musical diet growing up included lots of James Brown and other soul and funk acts of that era.This man for some reason seemed invincible to death to me, I thought that he and many others including Barry White and Gerald Levert would live forever. I remember the first time I heard the refrain "Say it Loud, I'm Black and I'm Proud" I asked my mom if they actually allowed that on mainstream radio because I knew that was something revolutionary to be saying. In one of my very first tap competitions I danced to "I Got You" (most of us know the song as "I Feel Good")--and won a trophy.I'm sad to see another legend gone. The way our current music landscape looks, there are few poised to take the place of these voices, and that truly makes me worry about the future of our music. So much creativity has bee Read more:Legend
Sam's Club is Da Debil!!! 1970-01-01 00:59:59 I don't think I can go in Sam's Club alone ever again. Make that Sam's Club, Costco, BJ's, or whatever Gigantic Wholesale Club that happens to be nearby. I was way early for work, so I stopped in Sam's near my job. My intended purpose for going in there was to buy the industrial sized package of paper towels and napkins and leave. That was not my final purpose though. I left the store with a new 42" TV, DVD Player, two bottles of Pinot Noir, and HUGE package of paper towels and napkins that I think is taller than me. I had no business with any electronics, nevermind enough paper products to last me until the fourteenth coming of the Messiah. But they were soo cheap! Therein lies the problem. They know I'm in there to buy one thing, but they set up these fabulous great deals in the middle of the aisles like booby traps. The unsuspecting shopper stumbles upon said booby trap deal and thinks to his or herself, "Well, I was thinking about getting a new TV. And it's SO CHEAP! I migh
Baby baby baby.... 1970-01-01 00:59:59 Ring ring. Ring ring."Hello?""Oh, my darling Tasha, how are you?!""Aunt Deb?""Yes honey, how was Christmas? What are you doing for New Years? How is the boyfriend?""Fine. Don't know yet. Boyfriend? Nope. Auntie, it's 3 in the morning, is something wrong?""Yes! I need to discuss something with you""OK, that's fine. But it's 3AM, you know that right?""Babygirl, this is real serious."*Braced myself for some terrible news*"You're not getting any younger, sweetie. When are you going to have a baby and start giving your mama some grandbabies? You don't want your uterus to go to waste"*DIALTONE* (Yeah I hung up on her, and what?!)Record scratch, flag on the play, fifteen yard penalty! What. the. hell? My aunt woke me up this morning, demanding to know why I haven't yet spat out some offspring. That was her dire emergency. I can barely remember my name at that time of the morning, let alone give a coherent answer to that question. In her own eyes, it's disrespectful to my mother that I
Friday Flashback 1970-01-01 00:59:59 This week it's Kurtis Blow "If I Ruled the World":Happy Friday
, Enjoy!
Did I Get the Job? 1970-01-01 00:59:59 In my position at the plantation, I do a lot of job interviews. Most people come in there like they have some sense, but some don't. I've pretty much seen the best and the worst, so I've decided to write an open letter to those who don't seem like they know better.:Dear Potential Employees,I'm so glad you decided to interview with our company. Myself and the other managers were impressed with your resume, but we do have some concerns. Some of this may come off a bit harsh, but it's really for your own good.I know that snake-print halter dress was expensive and you want to get as much wear out of it as you can, but it's best left for the club. Our company encourages individual expression, but you shouldn't express everything all the time. It's great that you shaved your chocha for today's meeting with us, and I'm very happy that you feel fresh now. But I shouldn't have been able to see for myself that you had your bikini waxer trim the bush into the shape of the Gucci symbol
Happy New Year 1970-01-01 00:59:59 This has been a big year of growth and transition for me. One year ago yesterday, I made the big move to the DC area and things haven't been the same since. I've made new friends, had some VERY interesting dating experiences, outgrown friendships and ex-boyfriends. I've made some incredible career strides, had another really jacked up car accident, got into my blogging groove, laughed, cried, screamed, yelled, and all of that. While this year has been good to me, I'm looking forward to a new year and the promise of better things, more fun, and more new experiences.Whatever you do to celebrate tonight, be safe, have fun, and get durty if ya gotta!Happy
2007 to my Blogfam! Read more:Happy New Year
Back Down $%^&*, You shouldn't have gotten the job 1970-01-01 00:59:59 Well, I hope everyone had a safe and happy New Years. I got all kinds of lit up, acted a damn fool, and got back all in one piece--yay for the train system and a bunch of crazy ass, great friends!Anyway, enough of that.I'm back on the plantation, and you'd think that with a new year, people would act like they had a shred of human decency, at least for the first week of the year. But no. Heeeell no. As you can tell from a recent post, we interviewed a bunch of potential new hires and hired a new person. Well you would think that on your very first day of work you wouldn't be on the offensive and try to run shit, especially if you're a regular staff member. No management duties. None of that. Nope, just coming up in to a new job tombout (yup, I said tombout) "Yall aint gotta train me on that computer program and how to do this job. I already know that stuff. You aint gotta teach me nuffin'. You can't teach me what I already know". Shit changes after the interview and the job offer Read more:Back Down
More Isht I Wanna Know 1970-01-01 00:59:59 As usual, my mind's been working overtime trying to figure out some of the not-so-pressing mysteries of life, so here's some more of the isht I wanna know:1)Call the check-cashing place baby, cuz we got a big one. We done won da Sweepstakes!!-Why do the winners of the Publisher's Clearinghouse thing that comes on during the Superbowl always live in Tennessee or Arkansas or some podunk-ass town in Nebraska? And the people never live in a house or apartment, it's always a gotdamned double wide trailer. Note to Publisher's Clearinghouse: I have no problem being on camera, so yall can feel free to bring that giant check to my place. I know I live in Murrland, but I'll fake a country accent if I have to.2)Got a new pistol with a trigger like a hairpin-The twelve year old and his dad who live above from me stopped me the other day talking about they were going to the shooting range. Some shit is wrong here. Why does this child know how to shoot a semi-automatic weapon but has NO idea w Read more:Wanna Know
Friday Flashback 1970-01-01 00:59:59 This week it's U.N.I.T.Y. by Queen Latifah. It's also my 100th post on this blog!Happy Friday
!
A Fawked Up Friday 1970-01-01 00:59:59 Damn, I think I need to go home. Ever since I left my place this morning, shit just hasn't been going right. This morning I overslept all kinds of bad. Normally I wake up a few minutes before my alarm at 5AM, then hit the snooze button until I decide to throw myself in the shower. That didn't happen this morning. I guess last night in my sleepiness, I set the alarm for PM rather than AM. I remember getting a feeling..."I'm sleeping too long" and finally woke myself up only to see that it was almost 7AM. Mind you, I have to be at the plantation at 7:30 and have a 30 mile one way trip to work. Soo not a good way to start my morning.Once I got to work, I somehow closed my shoelace in the car door as I was stepping out of the vehicle. So as I got ready to take a step forward, I got all caught up and laded smack on my face. In. A. Puddle. Lemme tell you, getting a face full of puddle water just made me want to slather all the hand santitizer in the world all over my face. Maybe I'll use Read more:Friday
Love and Pain 1970-01-01 00:59:59 "But Tash, I know he loves me. He just gets a lil crazy sometimes"When I heard her say that to me, as much as I wanted to shake some sense into her, I completely understood what she was saying and why she was saying it.You never truly know how you will handle a situation until you are forced into it. And once you've been on that side of the fence, things make sense that previously were nonsensical. The advice you'd give before you were ever in that situation yourself now seems trival and cold.Seeing the world through a black eye inflicted by your manfriend/husband is already hard enough, but when you have everyone and their mother telling you what a jerk he is, life gets infitely more difficult. My friend came to me in tears looking for a different kind of solace when it was her black eyes, dislocated joints, and bruised ego. She came to lean on me because she knows I've been there and luckily made it through without losing myself.I know some of you are probably thinking that I'm t
Foolywang Du Jour 1970-01-01 00:59:59 Ok, I like most every damn body watched "I Love New York" on VH1 last night. It's a hot ass mess in the making, and I have no problem admitting that it's a not-so-guilty-pleasure watching grown people make fun of themselves. I'm not even going to comment on the show, since the rest of the blogosphere can handle that for me.I'm talking about the other hot ass mess in the making that was on right after New York's debauchery went off. Ego Trip's The White Rapper Show is in search of the next great white rapper. They bring a whole bunch of white kids to the South Bronx (that's my HOME! *sniff, I miss the days on 143rd & Willis*)and challenge their rhyme skills, hip-hop knowledge, and their ideas about race. The premise of the show seems ok enough, but just watching this made me wanna throw up. Foolywang done completely wrong.For VH1, the channel that didn't allow hip hop until just a few years ago is commercializing what made my hood famous and turning it into a joke. I could get
Learning About La Bella Part 2 1970-01-01 00:59:59 I know it's unusual for me to post such personal stuff, but it's been on my mind and since you all read my stuff, you may as well know a little more about me. So don't worry, I haven't fallen off the emotional deep end, lol.At some point in a woman's life she learns what a real man is, but some learn that by seeing what a real man isn't.I could and probably should be angry at him, but my heart won't let me. Many days, I'm caught between feeling sorry for him and thanking him for contributing half of my DNA. Twenty-one years ago he divorced not only my mom, but all of us, and walked away leaving my mom to raise a four year old and a twelve year old. My life with this man has been a continuous lesson in forgiveness. At four years old, I shouldn't have been learning how to vacillate between feigning giddiness, happiness, and confusion. My first trip to a gynecologist shouldn't have been for at least ten more years, but I was there getting poked and prodded and violated because Read more:Learning
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