Owner: Me, Myself An Eye URL:http://thebeautifulstruggler.blogspot.com Join Date: Fri, 03 Nov 2006 00:48:41 -0600 Rating:0 Site Description: This is the ranting space of a single Black female artist warrior trying to survive her early twenties/ the crazy things that happen to her each day/the gentrification that forced her to live outside the city/the GRE and grad school applications/ the sorr Site statistics:Click here
Each Day, An Adventure.... 1970-01-01 00:59:59 Guess where I went to-daaaay? Yup. National Wholesale Liquidators. And if you saw the pictures from the the last time I went to NWL, you know that some sort of craziness ensued.Again, for those who don't know (and who are missing out on what I think is my funniest post ever by not clicking the link above), NWL is like a hood Wal-Mart. Some of the stuff is great, other items are complete and utter garbage. The store often smells like the meat section of a ghetto grocery. Don't act like you've never been in one. You know what I'm talking about: not the major chains, like Safeway/Dominicks, but the grimy little ones that get shut down by the city and the Rainbow Coalition. Anyway, imagine that smell with major bargains. You'll forgive the smell. And the second worst site on the internet (the first will be discussed very soon).I went to get two items: a new Brita picture ( I somehow lost mine) and a blender ( I need to add variety to my functional alkie repitoire). I found a decent Read more:Adventure
Poor Design! 1970-01-01 00:59:59 Do you ever feel like you are the only smart person in the world? Maybe not the only one, but perhaps one of the few? I do. A lot. People just have a way of doing incredibly stupid shit. It blows my mind. Now, before you start to think I'm some sort of intellectual elitist snob, let me say that I, too have done fair share of fuckery. Here are five of my least proud moments:1) Choosing an apartment on the "terrace" level. Yes, the rent is cheaper, but the windows are glued shut. Which is a good thing, as the bottom of the windows is level with the grass outside, meaning even a three year-old could literally jump in my apartment without injury. Lowkey, that might be kinda funny to watch.....2) Purchasing a 1989 Jeep Grand Cherokee for $300, riding dirty with fake tags for two months and being surprised when the car died, despite the fact that I was explicitly warned by a friend that if I bought the car, I would officially be "the dumbest Negro on the face of the earth". Abandoning said
On My Way To Crazy 1970-01-01 00:59:59 Today I took a trip to Target with my good homegirl, Sister Spottieopiedopalicous (hey girl!). Surprisingly enough, it was an afternoon without incident. As I tend to do during our longer car rides, I shared a few childhood stories with her. She really likes hearing them, so I thought I'd share a couple with y'all. The Slap Heard 'Cross The World- Look at this little girl: What a sweet little child! Who could ever mistreat such a cutie? What sort of monster?A monster of a little boy we shall call "That Bitch".When I was in first grade and That Bitch was in the third, we rode same school bus. Each and every day, That Bitch found a way to rob me of my youthful joy. I was deathly afraid of worms; how That Bitch found this out, I do not know. Probably because whenever I saw one, I would cry and squeal like.....well, like a six-year-old girl. Armed with this information, That Bitch would make sure I saw every single worm on the ground as we walked to and from the bus and would even pick Read more:Crazy
Causing Trouble In The House of L. Ron Hubbard 1970-01-01 00:59:59 Hello. I don't have anything for you today. I just got back from Tom and Katie's wedding and I am WHUPPED! I thought I would re-post this piece from the vaults. This summer, a friend (Brother Target) and I went to the DC home of the Church of Scientology. Madness ensued. Luckily, the Cruises have forgiven me and I am sure God has too. Enjoy! Today my buddy and I decided to stop in a local Church of Scientology. I guess this would be the flagship location for the Church (notice respectful use of capitalization). We just wanted to look around, but we were strongly encouraged to join a tour of the building that was already in progress. There were pictures of L. Ron everywhere, following him from his childhood as a Boy Scout to his sucessful career as a science fiction writer, to his creation of a church based on science. Ahem.The tour group consisted of three Black women in their early 30s, a white yuppie type, my homeboy and myself. We visited the office of the late Mr. Hubbard
which h Read more:House
, Trouble
The World's Oldest Webpage!!!! 1970-01-01 00:59:59 Note: I did two posts today, so when you finish this one, keep reading. By now, you've probaby noticed how much I love the 1990s.In fact, if I could go back in time and live in any decade, it would be the 90's. Or the 1970's. I've always wondered what living through the 70's would be like. I actually did live through the 90's, so I can honestly say I liked it and would like to experience it at the age I am now. It's not like I really need to choose, as if someone's gonna call me and let me know that the 1970s has an opening.Me: Yeah, I'm sorry it took me so long to decide. My answer is yes, I'd love to move to the 1970's!70's Guy: Ouch. I'm sorry Sister Toldja. You see, when we didn't hear back from you right away, we just figured you weren't interested. Actually, as soon as she heard about the drugs and free loving, Paris Hilton signed up.Me: Drugs and free love? I always associated those things more with the 60's.70's Guy: Yeah, that broad is stupid. Don't tell her Read more:World
Cry For You:A Requiem for Jodeci 1970-01-01 00:59:59 PrologueWhen I was a young girl, I isolated a member of damn near every male singing group that I wanted to get with: Shai-GarfieldBell Biv Devoe-BivNew Kids On The Block-JonathanAnother Bad Creation- The one who was about 5 years older than everyone elseTony Toni Tone-Raphael (braces, blouses, cartwheels and all)Mint Condition- The one who married Toni Braxton instead of meBoyz II Men- Mike (in the words of Cash Money artist Teena Marie: "And he got a cane!")My pick from Jodeci was always Devante, the one who never really sang. He was weird, and I liked that shit. I think all the other girls liked Mr. Dalvin (how the fuck did he get to be "Mr."? Nobody else had that title. I wonder if he ever felt silly as they were announced: "Presenting Jodeci: K-Ci, Jojo. Devante and....the fuck? Uh, Mr. Dalvin?"). He never did it for me. The ShowI bought every Jodeci tape (yes, tape, until the last record) and loved the hell out of them. Not as much as my homegirl who recently schlepped to Vegas f Read more:Requiem
Looks Like Another Love T.K.O...... 1970-01-01 00:59:59 Tonight, I watched the Bears game at a sports bar with some of my homegirls. Oh yeah, we beasted the Giants at the end. We on top of the NFC, just like we supposed to be. Come on homie, we Chicago!Anyway, the conversation inevitably turned to boys. Boos, to be exact. I briefly lamented my need to find one, as the Textin'n Bandit has yet to put in a satisfactory application (and yes, he is still textin' me). So you can imagine my excitement when I came home to find this message from a stranger in my Myspace inbox: hi you doing hit me when you get this message Oh my goodness! He says I'm "doing", whatever that means. Maybe that's some Maryland slang for "you are a beautiful Black queen". Who is this unknown poet, this secret Ja Rule-ian scribe who found his way to me? Heart racing and palms sweating, I rushed to to his page to find out more.My potental paramour- let's call him Leroy- had this to say in his "About Me" section: What it do it's your boy (Leroy) on here laid back yo Read more:Looks
I Come Bearing Gifts 1970-01-01 00:59:59 Yo. Today, I am in a cranky mood for a number of reasons. Mainly, this damn toothache. That said, this post is gonna be a) brief and b) somewhat unfocused. But I've got a few cool things to share. It's like when Oprah gives out thousands of dollars worth of freebies to her studio audience. Only better, because it is me.1) Sacha Baron Cohen for Premier!!!- Borat fever has swept the nation, but those of us who are truly cool have been hip to Cohen's humor for a while. I'm not gonna lie, my dad put me on to "Da Ali G. Show" and the first time I saw it, I didn't realize this was satire. Luckily, I gave it another chance. Here is one of my favorite clips:Personally, I think the Ali G. character is way funnier than Borat. But I understand why the Kazak was a better choice for a full length film. I hear he's making a straight FOOL out of ignorant Americans of all creeds and colors in the film and I can't wait to see it! Apparently, some of his "victims" are pissed. I would be too had Read more:Gifts
Ikea: My Vietnam 1970-01-01 00:59:59 Why is it that no other company has tried to rival Ikea? Why is this abhorrent Swedish meatball of Hell the only mega-retailer of cheap-ass D.I.Y. furniture in the whole 'effin world? Why must I continue to go there when I hate, hate, hate it???Now, some of y'all are probably offended by my stance, as Ikea lovers tend to rival European Michael Jackson fans in enthusiasm. Before you get your Skaaagenflagen curtains in a bunch, please understand that I, too am a loyal Ikea customer. But that's only because there's no competiton! If there was a better retailer of cheap furniture of marginal quality, I bet you'd join me there in a heartbeat. The Top Five Reasons I Hate Ikea:5) It's Too Damn Big. There is no reason for anyplace in the world, short of an airport or college campus, to be that large. It's overwhelming. Every section manages to look exactly the same, though the products may be totally different. There aren't enough signs, arrows, guide dogs in the world to make Ikea ea Read more:Vietnam
Two Occasions 1970-01-01 00:59:59 Yesterday was the 40th anniversary of the Black Panther Party, which my father was a member of. It was also my mother's 58th birthday. Those two occasions ultimately led to the creation of one of the world's greatest treasures: me. Today is Thanksgiving, a day that children are foolishly led to believe that the Native Americans and the Pilgrims had a fantabulous turkey and maize dinner. I guess the part about the Natives catching "the itis" after dinner and curling up under smallpox blankets to go to sleep ruins the Hallmarketability of the holiday. This is the first Thanksgiving I am spending away from Chicago. Instead, I'm in Brooklyn chilling with friends. Thanksgiving is kinda wack with my family anyway. My dad's other two daughters will be with their mom's family. My dad will be with his wife and her kids and he has no siblings. My mom has a large family, most of whom became Jehovah's Witnesses as adults. So I've never had a big Thanksgiving with my own brood. We usually go
My First Revolution 1970-01-01 00:59:59 Hey kids. Don't think I forgot about "cha. Today wasn't a particularly eventful day, so I am forced once again to dredge up more absurd childhood memories. One night, when I was about five, I asked my mother to take me to Pizza Hut for dinner. She told me no and I was very, VERY upset. They used real cheese back then. I couldn't understand why she said no: there was a Pizza Hut in my neighborhood, we knew how to get there and I wanted some pizza. Never mind that it was after dark and raining. And we didn't have car. In my mind, there was no reason I should be denied my Pizza Hut. To add insult to injury, dinner was something particularly crummy: baked chicken, mashed potatoes and corn. Toys and warm bed be damned, I wasn't trying to live in a house where I couldn't have Pizza Hut on demand. I grabbed a plastic grocery bag and filled it with some Matt's cookies (the bomb-ass fake Oreos they stopped making), a blanket, a baby doll and my life savings. Hopefully, five doll Read more:First
Club Flub b/w The $300 Car 1970-01-01 00:59:59 I'm not enjoying clubbing like I used to. No, I'm not growing out of it, 'cause I just grew IN to it! But I have been consistently disappointed by my last few excursions, including three nights in NYC last week. DJs are really starting to suck. They all use CDs now, which I think is LAME. But even if you are cutting on the F1s and F2s, you can still rock the house. Matter of fact, it should be easier, cause you can download any damn song in the world for FREE! It's not right....but it's okay with me, as long as you don't keep playing that Hip-Pop, top 40 crap. Friday night, we took a journey in to a different side of da club. The homies, Sister Wingman and Sister Spottieottiedopalicious, and I went to two seemingly different clubs:one Black and one White. They had something in common- they both sucked. The Black club, which I will be kind and call "Boulevard" as undoubtebly one of y'all likes it, is my second-most hated night spot in DC. The venue is big, nicely decorated and pr
Sister Toldja Says Just Say No! 1970-01-01 00:59:59 Hello kids. I hope the weekend treated you well. Mine was mostly uneventful, albeit in a plesant way. And I did get further confirmation that my team can kick your team's ass. I'm practicing the Super Bowl Shuffle as we speak. I thought I would offer a little advice for the coming week. There are a few things out there that you may be dying to try, and I want to save you from making any bad choices. Think of it as a Consumer Reports meets public service announcement type of thing.1) Domino's "Oven Baked" Brownie Squares AKA "Warm Brownies"I had heard one too many advertisments for these things, and my curiosity was piqued. How I thought Domino's, which can't even get pizza right, would be able to master baked goods, I don't know. But those "Warm Brownies" were calling my name. I went to my local store and copped an order. When I got home, excited over the pending brownie goodness, I was disturbed to see ten crusty-looking cubes looking up at me. I bit in to one, still optimistic.
Black People:This Is Your Conscience.... 1970-01-01 00:59:59 Hi blog readers! I am still in Brooklyn, and I really never want to leave! Unfortunately, I will be returning the Urrrea tommorrow AM. I'll share more about my trip, and the inevitable craziness, then. For now, I'm taking a break from the jokes and posting something I wrote a couple days ago when I was pissed. I didn't post it sooner because I didn't like it. But, oh well. If you want to read something funny, skip this one and read "Worst Date Ever". Peace!Hello brothers and sisters! This is your conscience speaking, manifested in the physical form of one 'Sister Toldja'. Yes, this is your actual collective conscience talking to you. What? Didn't know you had one? Well, a lot of people seem to disregard my existance. Black
, white and otherwise. But I am here, indeed.I'm not gonna lie to you- I'm not in the best of shape these days. The righteous indignation of slavery kept me strong for quite awhile. And Jim Crow laws, segregated schools, sufferage issues, etc. kept me clear f
Skillets and Tantrums 1970-01-01 00:59:59 This is the story I wrote yesterday, and had to re-write due to internet difficulties. Sorry if some of the usual subtleties and nuances are gone.As I mentioned before, I am on sabatical from being a member of the workforce. I like to think of myself as a single, childless housewife.....but, really I'm just a gal looking for a gig. Anyway, I've been using this time to cultivate my inner domestic goddess. Last week, I purchased a set of Martha Stewart Living cast iron skillets. Any cook will tell you that cast-iron skillets are the way to go....or not, because I just made that shit up. But I always thought they were better than non-stick ones. With my new cookware, I could promote myself from "okay cook" to "future trophy wife". Not that my pursuit of culinary excellence is soley for the purpose of landing a man, of course. Ahem.Yeah, I was gonna be unstoppable with my new skillets. I had dreams of making all sorts of delicasies, from goat-cheese omelets to candied yams. I was gonna b
Worst Date Ever. 1970-01-01 00:59:59 Hello all! Now, I am in the midst of writing a serious piece about some stuff that is bothering me right now. I'll just say, Black people, I am coming for that ass!!!! But I don't like to let a day go by without putting something up here, so I will dig into the mental archives a few months and share yet another tale of woe.So, there was this guy I met in a bar; let's call him Steve. Honestly, his name might be Steve. Damned if I remember. Anyway, Steve made eye contact with me a few times, despite the fact I was with a few male friends. Eventually, he caught me by himself and sparked a conversation. I wasn't instantly attracted, despite the fact that he was pretty cute. He seemed to be about 5'7, 5'8. I'm 5'9 and I stand 6'0 in heels. A shorter guy has to be dope as Hell to really impress me. I'm not even that shallow, it's just a matter of my comfort. I don't wanna feel like no giant!Well, we chatted for a few minutes and I found out that he had a degree, but was working
A Few Things. 1970-01-01 00:59:59 This month's issue of GQ:Yes, I am a loyal GQ reader. I love the men's clothes and the articles are damn good. Yes, sometimes there are pictures of women in panties, but it's not nearly as gratutitous as the amount of nekkid women in the Black men's mags, all of which are trashy as hell. What happened to Ebony Male? Why can't Essence make a brotherly rag?Anyway, Jay-Z was on the cover, as he is one of the "Men of The Year". I'm so beyond over Jay, it's not funny. My over-ness has nothing to do with his mainstream appeal. I loves me some Lupe Fiasco and damn, it feels good to see people up on it. I've written enough about Jay, so I'm not gonna say much else about him. I will mention that I heard Kingdom Come this weekend, and it was fucktastic.The thing that struck me in the interview/obligatory Jigga ball massage that GQ offered was a quote from Gweneth Paltrow. Apparently, Jay asked her to perform "Song Cry" with him in London. The fuck? I actually heard Paltrow's version of
The Hate List, Vol. 1 1970-01-01 00:59:59 As my health improves, my hate strength is returning. And as some of y'all know, my hate hand is STRONG. I don't hate ON people, I HATE people. Since I hate too many jive turkeys to fit in one entry, today I begin a hate list that I'm sure will grow for years to come. You will regale your grandchildren with tales of who I hated when you were young and y'all can eat cookies and they can share with you who I currently hate. The Hate List: Wanksta Edition Ice-T-My hate for this man goes back many years. What people don't know is that the first incarnation of Ice-T was that of a politically aware, social critic-type rapper. He once was known for condemning drugs, homophobia and the attack of Koreans during the 1992 LA riots. It should have been no surprise that he was cast as the Black Power cop in "New Jack City". But by 1994, Ice-T had completely converted over to the church of Gangsta Rap, as made evident by the controversial song "Cop Killer". Pure ignorant foolishnes
The Odd-esy 1970-01-01 00:59:59 Sane ain't my claim to fame.There are a number of things about me that have permanently barred me from the group of humans that are considered to be "normal". My passion for all things 90s would be one of them. My newly discovered crush on Lionel Ritchie may be another. Instead of attempting to change to fit the norm, or outcasting myself as "the other", I simply accept my uniqueness and ride. Because, at the end of the day, I AM fresher than your guy and flyer than your girl.But there are a few things about me that raise even MY eyebrows. I'll subject myself to your criticism, for fun.1) Lose My LunchI get nauseous VERY easily. Most people don't know this, because the few times I have mentioned it, I felt like I was giving drama for no reason. But the things that make me nauseous are kinda odd. The smell of thrift stores, holy moley! I would have so much more cool shit if I could put up with the smell of dead women's draws.Pork also gets me, every time. I was very poor not long ag
Life Is But A......Beach Chair? 1970-01-01 00:59:59 A day like most others......Today, my homegirl (who wishes to remain nameless today) and I chilled around my house and made tasty rum cakes for ______'s birthday (insert the name of my homegirl who I have yet to come with a good nickname for. After purchasing the goods, we headed to Checkers to grab brunch (or whatever your first meal of the day is called at four in the afternoon). Both drive-through lines were packed, so I have the dumb-ass idea to use the walk-up window. The woman nearest the register looked at me like I had a disease and made me wait 10 minutes until someone else noticed me and took my order. That shit was ridiculous. I wanted to beat that broad's tail. I know they were busy, but she kept giving me this evil-ass side eye glance. Like "You? Oh, I ain't giving you shit." I am a nice person, why do people do this to me? Last time I ordered a pizza for pick-up, the shit was all wrong. When I showed it to the gentleman at the counter, he told me it was my fault, becau Read more:Beach
, Chair
This and That 1970-01-01 00:59:59 I try not to criticize other people's food choices, with the exception of pork (eeeewwww). As a consumer of tofu, wheat protien, wheat gluten, textured vegetable protien and other products dressed up as meat, egg and cheese sammiches from 7-11 and other delicacies people may find abhorrent, I have learned to say 'to each his own'. But I seen some shit in Subway today that was just apalling. This couple each ordered foot-long subs, with chicken meat. The man got DOUBLE meat and didn't want the sub cut in half. They each had mayo, jalepeno peppers, lettuce, tomatoes, olives, cheese, pickles and chipotle sauce. And the chicken was marinated in some kind of sauce. It was sooo gross! The man's sub couldn't even close! The third lady with them had a tuna foot-long and the total came to $25!!!! They coulda went somewhere nice! Well, maybe not....but a few extra bucks coulda sent them to the Olive Garden. And wouldn't have made me gag.So, I'm starting this fast tommorrow. It's one of
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