Owner: The other side of the river URL:http://neilbeynon.wordpress.com Join Date: Sun, 12 Aug 2007 07:12:43 -0500 Rating:0 Site Description: Mishaps, writing, comedy sprinkled with opinion. Site statistics:Click here
Happy Birthday E 2007-08-30 19:01:03 Apparently some famous bird died ten years today.
You and I know that today has a far more important significance than that. Today we celebrate E’s 24th year on this planet. E has had comedic dramas on three continents, impressive huh?
HappyBirthday
E!
PS - E is my sister - I have not embraced narcotics despite all evidence to the contrary.
Read more:Happy Birthday
Space sponsored by Jack Daniels 2007-08-30 16:31:55 Yesterday Nasa announced they were considering limited testing of employees, including astronauts, for alcohol. That’s right astronauts.
Who in their right mind straps themselves to a fuel tank containing 1.68 million pounds of highly explosive fuel in a vessel that’s only protection consists of foam tiles that will be by struck extremely sharp debris during lift off.
Why on earth would they want a drink?
Read more:Space
, sponsored
, Daniels
Happy Birthday Bro 2007-09-27 08:16:40 Today is my brother’s birthday.
It is twenty-seven years since he bounded onto the scene and it’s fair to say that life has never been quite the same since…in a good way obviously.
Whether it’s the two of us attempting to walk back home from East Africa, cracking up as we farted through floor boards (yes we are the height of culture) or terrorising our sisters where the Beynon brothers were/are chaos was/is never far away.
As we’re both in our own places on opposite sides of the UK - maximising the Beynon related chaos - I don’t get to see him as often as I’d like and in fact today I am no where near him. So:
HappyBirthday
Matey. Don’t drink all the beer.
Read more:Happy Birthday
Neil Gaiman Interview 2007-09-27 07:48:42 There’s a good Neil Gaiman interview over at The Guardian. For those who are interested.
I reckon there’ll be a lot more of these in the run up to the release of Stardust in the UK but I quite liked this one so I thought I’d share.
Cobalt Apes 2007-09-26 16:52:35 Ok just checked out my sources and found that Ape will be playing a gig on October 21st at:
21 Oct 2007, 19:15
289 Kilburn High Road, London, NW6 7JR
A fun way to spend a Sunday and will feature art from my friend Z.
Susanna Clarke PT 2 2007-09-25 17:58:12 I’m back in the house now after quite an unsuccessful attempt to liveblog; it did turn out in the end that the event was a phone no go zone which I was, truth be told, expecting.
I think I knew it was going to be an interesting evening when I, smelling of wet velvet courtesy of a downpour on route, entered the theatre bar to the strangest gathering of different people I’ve ever seen in one place. And I often drink in Camden so that’s no small feat.
The discussion began with Neil looking far more chirpy than I would have thought possible given he was in Japan only a few days ago and Susanna looking well (a relief given that she has been unwell). We were however advised that she wouldn’t be signing due to her health which although a shame everyone was very understanding about. In fact the biggest take away for me (a phrase I hate and cannot believe I just used) was how understanding and nice all the fans were all evening.
A short to and fro about the origins of th Read more:Clarke
Susanna Clarke 2007-09-25 11:48:21 Ok. At the theatre a bit early. Handset playing up so bear with me. Tickets just going out.
********
No phones allowed so this is it until i get in. Sorry. Really must go-being glared at.
********
Well i’m out now. Still in central london. The evening was not without mishap: a fire alarm nearly ended the whle thing. Anyway more later…
Read more:Clarke
Basking in the warmth 2007-09-24 15:10:15 I realise I promised not to talk about the house anymore but I have finally got heating!
Yes if my life gets anymore exciting I may pass out.
- It’s taken eight days (it’s meant to take five tops).
- We’ve gone through two boilers, two fans and two gas meters
- We’ve had a gas leak
- We’ve had cracked drains (they’re still cracked in fact but being fixed in a week)
Anyhow, today they finished and just in time as we’ve been lashed by icey winds since we got back yesterday - the hill on which my house is located is a bit of wind trap. But I’m toasty warm.
On the subject of things not going to plan and possibly the weakest segue in existence…
It’s only twenty-four hours until the Susanna Clarke event tomorrow, I’ve not had much luck getting hold of anyone at Bloomsbury to obtain permission to live blog so the plan is as follows:
- Assuming there are no notices around recording the event, copyright notices etc, I will liveb
New Traffic Rules 2007-09-23 17:41:55 Well I’m back in London town after quite a lengthy, wet, foggy drive along the M4.
A couple of observations:
a) Apparently indicating is no longer part of British road rules and instead a new system has been employed called telepathy. It uses less electricity and is thus greener but does have unfortunate side effects that may include: death, disfigurement and/or high insurance premiums.
b) Strange light like idols are now common place on the dashboards of cars. This new and disturbing cult can be seen all along the roadways and highways of the UK, adherents can be indentified even on foot by the confused way they will stand at all junctions looking confused until given further instructions by the voice of the light.
Something to hold in your mind when out and about.
Read more:Rules
Ursula K Le Guin 2007-09-22 18:18:05 Ursula has a review of Jeanette Winterson’s book Stone Gods up at the Guardian.
It’s an interesting, well balanced review that has a cheeky jab at generalist fiction writers who decide to use SF in their stories to get their point across then deny - in the face of all reason - that they have written SF because they’re afraid of being tarred with the genre brush.
I’m with her on this, it’s dishonest and kind of silly. When it comes to fiction, any kind of fiction, I am confirmed worshipper at the alter of Story, within that you use anything you can at your disposal (including the fantastic or the speculative) to make it real for the reader, to make them connect emotionally with the story. Bumbling amateur that I am this is what I believe but I’m not on my own.
This doesn’t mean that genre has no place but merely that obsessing about it or denying it is probably quite a dangerous thing for any writer to do and most of the talented writers that sp
Mobile test 2007-09-22 11:46:37 Well this is a wee test as i’m on the move a lot for the nxt 8 wks. I spent today in Cardiff dock for the centenary celebrations. A beautiful clear day meant you could see all the way to bristol and both severn bridges. I took some pics i’ll put up later
********
That kind of worked and kind of didn’t. I’m not going to correct it as I was on my Sony W810i but think I’ll need to use my PDA if I’m going to type correctly and have people understand me.
The view from the bay really was very special. Here is a grainy picture of some boats:
And here is a grainy picture of the Severn estuary - the bridges didn’t really come out as anything more than white smudges but that’s the way it goes:
Read more:Mobile
The green green grass of home 2007-09-21 19:29:34 I’m home. Not my home London, my home Wales. Well my parent’s home in Wales.
It’s still home to me and periodically I must return, vampire like, to my lair to recharge the Taffro. It’s late…this entry may not make sense.
After the debacle of the last few days it’s a bloody relief to be in a warm, clean house looking out at grass
rather than rubble. Tomorrow I may venture into Cardiff and if I’m feeling really daring get my hair cut.
Yes ladies and gentlemen I am the original wild child. Anyway after tons of whiny posts exciting things are happening:
- My tickets to Washington are booked
- My tickets to Hong Kong are also booked
- I am going to see Neil Gaiman not once but twice in the next week (I’m going to see if I can liveblog -copyright permitting)
- I am also going to see Susanna Clarke (ditto on the liveblog - it’s the same event in one case)
- I am going to see G’s friend get married in Staffordshire (G’s friends
Rambling along the digital highway with no particular place to be 2007-10-01 15:28:52 So I’ve been trawling the web for something interesting to say, something other than the obvious gloating that I’m-going-to-see-Neil-Gaiman-tomorrow-and- wouldn’t-it-be-a-giggle-if-I-went-in-my-casual-gear (he’s not the only Neil with a penchant for black and an aversion to brushing his hair).
First I went over to Joey Moggie for inspiration but alas my digital friend has been strangely quiet of late, come back soon Joey, then I went to Mister Peace who has been taking some R and R, from thence I went to…well I talked about him already so lets move on. Next stop was Mr Fry and one of the most interesting takes on fame I’ve read in a long old while along
with a valuable lesson on how to take a compliment.
Joe (Hill) has been quiet and Abbi has been mainly eating ribs whilst GLP has been busy getting another story published: a darker tale but cool none the less. In the end I succumbed to the fate that awaits all bloggers at some point and went skimmin Read more:Rambling
, particular
Stig of the Dump and Queen of the Night 2007-09-30 10:53:57 So I’m back from Staffordshire.
I didn’t get to Lichfield in the end, after a six hour journey through some of the worst traffic known to man we just about had enough energy to drag ourselves to a guest house in Stafford and then to the curry house before flumping into bed.
The next day I had planned to spend some time writing but somewhere along the line instructions had been issued and we had to be at the hamlet that was hosting the wedding by 1. At the point we got there L’s partner M and myself were pretty much surplus to requirements and so there was a lot of standing around looking like security.
The wedding had a fantastic amount of effort and attention to detail put into it. The Bride and Groom seemed to have a good time before leaving at speed on a tandem bicycle…it was an interesting event not least because the Vicar appeared to be Hugh Dennis and the MC Michael Rapaport.
G as ever cut a gorgeous figure in a purple silk dress and I did my usual job Read more:Queen
, Night
Lichfield 2007-09-29 13:00:07 I’m convinced it is pretty much possible to link any post on any subject back to Neil Gaiman. This post was not meant to have anything to do with him whatsoever and was meant to be about the place I’m visiting right now.
Not sure where I’m going with this? Stick with me, we’ll get there in the end.
I’m in Lichfield (in Staffordshire) for G’s friend A’s wedding. Lichfield has had people settled in the region since the Romans roamed the British Isles and features in the Welsh poem The Lament of Cynddylan where its capture by pagans is recorded.
The Romano-British settlement in Lichfield was around three miles from the centre of town where a village called Wall now sits. That’s right, there really is a small village in the English countryside called Wall and it’s not just somewhere Neil G made up for Stardust.
Anyway, the pictures of the place look fantastic, I’m hoping to have a poke around the cathedral which looks like it&rsqu
Good Luck S 2007-09-29 06:00:27 Today I am demonstrating the power of the mind and blogging by telepathy from Staffordshire.
Not really, I am writing/wrote this yesterday in order to provide you with content whilst I am bereft of an Internet connection for the weekend.
Anyway this is a short one to say Good Luck
to S who is on her way to university today and making me feel very old to boot. Have fun and enjoy it. I’m really jealous - I’d love to go back to uni.
Friday Flash Fiction 2007-09-28 03:54:33 I wanted to do something with voice this week after reading some ace pieces by fellow FridayFlashFiction
eers Shaun C Green and Paul Raven at the same time as reading some very cool stuff by Ramsey Campbell, Ray Bradbury, Neil Gaiman and Susanna Clarke. As with all these things the results are not quite what I would have liked but I hope enough to entertain for a short while and perhaps raise a wry smile in places.
When I was bad
By Neil Beynon
On Saturday I went to the end of the garden because my mum was baking and she said that I was in the way and she didn’t want to listen to any of my nonsense and I should go play on my own or go and bother the fairies cuss I was away with them half the time anyway. I wanted to go call for Jess but I wasn’t allowed to as I’m not allowed to go further than the end of the road and mum was baking and Dad was on deadline, Dad is grumpy when he is on deadline and you have to go really quietly like this.
The sun was very high in the sky when I w
Friday Flash Fiction 2007-10-12 14:18:57 Regular readers: Sorry this is so late but I’m having a bit of a shocker. It’s also a bit raw as a result. I’ll post the pretty graphic image that illustrates my Bad Day later. You know to frame it: My Bad Day. Hope you enjoy, sorry if it sucks.
A Caller
By Neil Beynon
He sat staring at the small battered television whilst the phone trilled behind him. Bored of waiting for his brain his arm reached for the receiver. The newsreader droned on unheard in the background.
“Mike is that you?” came Charlie’s familiar voice over the phone. Still he did not speak, he couldn’t. “Mike?”
“Yes,” he answered. His voice was cracked like worn asphalt; his throat felt cached with dust and his tongue was an alien slithering thing he fought to control enough to speak.
“Mike, it’s…it’s…oh Christ - look there’s no easy way to say this…”
“I know,” Mike interrupted.
Two words. Two Read more:Friday
, Flash
, Fiction
Pan’s Labyrinth 2007-10-11 15:07:00
I finally got round to watching this after it sitting in a box in my house for months. It was well worth the wait.
Mark Kermode called it the best film of 2006, I rarely agree with Mark but on this one he was dead right - it wasn’t just the best film of 2006 but the best fantasy…the best faerie film I have ever seen.
Beautifully shot, deliciously dark and wonderfully ambiguous. Del Toro weaves established features of Faerie with a character driven story set in the post-civil war period in Spain, the result takes the genre in a new and enchanting manner.
The film tells the story of Ofelia, a ten-year-old girl at the end of the Spanish civil war of the 1930s, who is taken to the countryside where her mother is to give birth to her brother in the presence of her deeply disturbed fascist stepfather (Vidal). Arriving at her stepfather’s country house she befriends an insect that turns out to be more than it seems leading her to a strange creature that calls itself a faun Read more:Labyrinth
Columbo Villian of the Week 2007-10-10 15:08:54 This week’s villian is the often imitated and never forgotten Liza Minnelli: star of stage, screen and enough car crash weddings to form a film in its own right.
The singer/actress was born to the stage. The daughter of cinematic legend Judy Garland she made her first film appearance at age three and let’s face it the combination of Garland’s personal life (she had Issues) with the crazy world of celebrity in the mid twentieth century meant that there was only one way Ms Minnelli was going to come out. And that’s a fruit cake. An entertaining one but a fruit cake none the less.
Anyone who doubts me can merely look at her marriage to David Gest (surely a future Columbo Villian of the week), her excessive use of plastic surgery (sweetheart you need to sue that surgeon) and her god awful appearances on Graham Norton.
On the subject of Gest this is one scenario when life really does imitate art and their marriage does read like a Columbo script:
The aging starlet,
Monday Musings 2007-10-08 16:36:18 Last week I tried to be organised and to write my Friday Flash Fiction before Friday. And I did.
I also then forgot it, having been none to impressed with it in the first place, and so I had to write a brand new one that became “A Bit of a Pickle”. Anyway I couldn’t really find anything that interesting to blog on today, I can’t see the original piece selling anywhere and having had a bit of a tinker with it to make it slightly less embarrassing than the first draft I thought I’d share it.
There are no prizes for guessing that the incident referred to here (I was also in attendance that night) inspired this.
How you doing?
By Neil Beynon
The lights on the thing’s optical sensors flared green in the faint neon light of the lab as it came online. The thing had willed the sensors on without conscious knowledge of what it did but realisation sunk in when, in shock from the data input and without meaning to, the sensors closed again.
The darkness, the black Read more:Monday
, Musings
NaNoWriMo 2007-10-07 12:48:03
After a week or so of deliberation I have decided to participate in National Novel Writing Month in November. Inspired by StrugglingWriter who is also participating and swung in no small way by the involvement of a certain fantasy writer I occasionally blog about.
The idea is simple, the best ones usually are, you have one month - November - to write a full first draft of no less than 50,000 words by midnight of 30th November in whatever time-zone you’re located. As I have a bit of time off work that month as well as two long flights I thought I’d give it a go.
This of course also puts pressure on me to finish Priest as soon as possible. Another good thing. And of course I also need to get G to read “This hard land” in a bid to help me decide if I can do anything with that particular turkey.
So that will be me, in November, drinking far too much coffee and pounding away at my keyboard - no change there then. I think I have an idea lined up…I hope I have Read more:NaNoWriMo
Ever feel like you’re in a sci-fi novel? 2007-10-07 04:15:53 I came across this link on an expected announcement by Craig Venter yesterday:
http://www.guardian.co.uk/science/2007/oct/06/genetics.climatechange
As he prepares to bring artificially designed life into the world, without any wider philisophical debate as to the ethics or wisdom of such an act other than his own ethial review, I can’t help but thinking that a) We are stuck in a 1950s horror movie and that b) it will all end in tears for Venter.
Given there is a lot of evidence to suggest life is genetically engineered by nature to change and mutate how will they control such mutations when they inevitably go off in strange directions? What if it becomes intelligent? What if it sees us as a threat? What if it creates even more reality television? What if it turns us all into Noel Edmunds?
Who is asking these important and vital questions?
I’ve watched enough of those films to know that the maverick scientist rarely comes out well but if it turns out Venter has a goatee and Read more:novel
New feature: Saturday Kitchen 2007-10-06 05:27:22 Ok it’s another new feature
. I have been asked a few times for some of my recipes and most recently by my brother; now he has his own place he likes having folks over for food. Anyway, I’ve decided to share a recipe a week. Hopefully this will also motivate me to finish the kitchen before I run out of recipes!
Autumn is drawing in and that means soup season. Soup is a fantastic comfort food whether it’s a wet autumn day or a crisp winter evening. Homemade soup is so much nicer than tinned or cartoned offerings, it takes hardly any time to put together and for some reason (not sure why given how easy it is) it impresses people.
Broccoli is a much maligned veg having been boiled to within an inch of its life for decades by British cooks but it’s fantastic if cooked well and a brilliant pick me up if you’re feeling run down (it’s packed full of iron). G loves this recipe.
Broccoli Soup (serves 2)
One of Neil’s recipes - I weigh/measure by hand in Read more:Saturday
, Kitchen
Friday Flash Fiction 2007-10-05 12:07:26 Really not sure about this one, hope it entertains, feedback - as always - is appreciated:
A Bit of a Pickle
By Neil Beynon
The Warrior’s biceps strained and writhed under his skin like fighting puppies, his fingers strained white against the hilt of his blade.
“Not too bright are you?” said the Mage leaning on his staff, an amused expression on his weather worn face.
“I have travelled across the Tundra to end your icy grip and free the Princess,” hissed the Warrior.
They stood a few feet apart in a cave painted white by ice and snow, a tunnel either side leading to who knows where, granite ledges poked out from the ice above and somewhere daylight filtered through the roof of the chamber.
“Yes but you failed to realise that metal freezes at this temperature and whilst I am frankly impressed you managed to draw your blade you are, not to put to fine a point on it, In A Bit Of A Pickle.”
The Warrior looked up at the blade embedded in the top of the cave and tried to rele Read more:Friday
, Flash
, Fiction
Celebrity Views…Kind of 2007-10-04 08:12:34 So yesterday’s commute home was interesting.
My walk to Charing Cross station did take a small diversion via Leicester Square, this in no way had anything to do with the premiere of Stardust, oh no *shakes head in vigorous denial*
So I was expecting to see celebrities. I wasn’t expecting to see Peter Davison walking up the Charing Cross Road however, which I’m pretty sure I did - and he noticed me clocking him and he winced and I felt bad that I’d made him uncomfortable and shy all at the same time.
Leicester Square itself was rammed - the premiere turn out was one of the biggest I’ve seen in some time. They had turned the front of the cinema into an “enchanted forest” and as much as I would have liked to have hung around for ages to see who turned up I didn’t.
Michelle Pfeiffer rocked up while I was there and did some signing for the crowd but you really couldn’t get that near. All I saw of her was the back of her but it was Michel Read more:Celebrity
, hellip
New Feature: Columbo Villian of the Week 2007-10-03 16:13:33 Well that’s quite enough moping about.
It seems to me that a while back I promised some new regular features. Well I finally pulled my finger out and thought of one. So welcome one and all to the Columbo Villian of the Week.
What’s it all about then?
For many it’s Poirot, for some it’s Marple, for others Angela Lansbury and some weirdos even rate Ironside but for me the seminal TV detective will always be Peter Falk as Columbo. I have many a fond memory of, as a student, waking at the crack of noon with my head feeling like it had been sucked backwards through a blender, just in time to watch the dishevelled detective spar his way through a list of B list celebrity villians.
The thing I liked about it was that unlike a lot other police dramas it did not think it was cleverer than you and so didn’t try to keep you guessing as to who the villian was. You knew, Columbo knew, and only the villian was too dumb to know that Columbo knew. That was pretty cool fo
Farewell DC, it’s been fun 2007-10-17 16:24:02 My time in Washington is coming to an end; all that is left now is for me to skidaddle over to the airport to abuse the duty free and overpriced coffee. If I’m feeling flush I may purchase Joe Hill’s new collection a few days earlier than its release in the UK; if you’re wise you’ll buy it as well.
That’s an honest recommendation - I don’t know him personally (not that it would matter I only recommend what I like) - I’m just a reader that rates him. He’s awfully good. He’s going to be awfully big.
Washington has been lovely: the hotel was great, the people friendly (I can’t quite get used to the level of politeness vs London) and the weather has been up in the peachy eighties. All this is good but it does leave me a little wistful as I haven’t really been able to enjoy it because I’ve been so bloody ill - as I type this I am coughing like Doc Holiday in a Talc factory.
Still mustn’t grumble.
The conference wa Read more:Farewell
Columbo Villian of the Week 2007-10-17 06:30:35 This week’s Columbo villian of the week is the unsung star of Knight Rider, the voice of Kitt: William Daniels.
Knight Rider along with the A-Team, Street Hawk and Airwolf was part of the 80s explosion of all action, all Americana television. It also gave us The Hoff who on the face of it looks like a prime target for Columbo Villian of the week but let’s get real - the guy couldn’t stay sober long enough to kill someone let alone cross swords with our cigar chewing detective.
No the real story here is Kitt, it always was all about the car. Imagine how infuriating it must have been to have that drunken German soft rock star taking all the glory. I can see it now: the car did it, backed over him three times and it was only its failure to erase the tyre tracks - a car doesn’t have the opposable thumbs required to wipe things down - that led Columbo to the murderer.
But a car can’t kill him on its own. Who ever heard of a sentient car? That’s just sil
A Hobbit in the Land of Giants 2007-10-16 18:32:25 I always remembered the US as being big, I put this down to me being 14 the last time I was here but what I hadn’t factored in was that I haven’t actually grown since i was 14.
I was 5′6 then and I’m 5′6 now. I am the shortest person here. I have to climb up onto the bed, I need a stepladder to use the sink and I can swing my legs on most chairs.
I also have hairy toes and a wild tangle of hair. Ladies and gentleman: I am a hobbit.
I may have overdone the lemsip today. It’s hard to know I can’t see the shelf from down here.
Read more:Hobbit
, Giants
Recommend Site To A Friend
