Owner: Psycho No Deal Zone URL:http://www.devastationstudios.com/blog/ Join Date: Fri, 10 Aug 2007 05:54:21 -0500 Rating:0 Site Description: The Psycho No Deal Zone is primarily an comedic archive of deranged bird "photographs" with their intriguing accompanying stories. Meet sculptor birds, Elvis impersonating birds, lobotomized birds, and more. Site statistics:Click here
Sheriff versus Astronaut pt. 1 2007-08-07 05:01:41
This is a cowboy. This cowboy lived in the old west, where he was the sheriff of a small town. He routinely used a lasso to round up ne’er-do-wells and used his revolver to shoot horses. He hog tied dogs and chickens and left them in the road, so they could get run over by carriages. He jumped up and down on a trampoline. These compose the responsibilities of a sheriff back in those days.
In one instance he was contacted by a man from space via telephone, who needed some jobs done from him. This man, an astronaut, had left his sandwich out on a table in his back yard, exposed to the elements. He knew that this sandwich would not last long before becoming inedible. It was critical that the sheriff, in a timely fashion, loaded the sandwich into a slingshot and shot it into space, so as to be received by the astronaut, who would proceed to eat it.
Unfortunately, this proved to be a difficult task as the astronaut refused to give the exact location of the sandwich for “security reason Read more:Sheriff
, versus
, Astronaut
Mariachi Band 2007-07-30 22:16:23
This bird, unsurprisingly, is a member of a mariachi band. The maraca is the instrument of choice for this bird, as he lacks the mobility to play a trumpet or guitar. The band is not a particularly successful one as they only play military funerals and booze-fueled parties for high school students.
He lives in a small one bedroom apartment that he shares with a horse. Despite the lack of success of the band, The two of them are able to pay their rent as they have a reality television show modeled after the odd couple, in which the two of them struggle to live with each other. The horse will bring home a female horse, but the bird is practicing his maracas. The horse will ask him to leave, but the bird needs to practice for his gig the next day. Needless to say, hilarity ensues.
In his free time, this awesome bird spends his time on the local lake in a canoe, rowing only one the left side, thus going in circles for hours, going nowhere. In one instance, he was stranded on the lake for
Secret Agent 2007-07-28 01:28:16 As I was chasing a pigeon in my car, I began to think about secret agents. My goal in life is to be a pre-production artist for films, so naturally, I’m always having ideas for movies. This time, I pictured a really cool secret agent with mask, so he looks kind of like a ninja. So, to be a pre-production artist, you gotta be really good at drawing, which I am. So I started sketching and came up with this:
This was my first pass at the character design but I was pretty happy with it. I wanted him to be really muscular, like he works out and trains all the time. Since I wanted him to look really awesome, I gave him gloves. He’s supposed to look futuristic also, so I gaves him suspenders. I didn’t want to give him a big utility belt or nothing because his only weapons are his gun and his knife. So he comes up behind you, and slices your brain out. I also wanted him to be really good at sneaking around, so that’s why he’s got a knife – to slice your head off.
I took it a step Read more:Agent
, Secret Agent
Lion Tamer 2007-07-28 00:49:44 Welcome to the Psycho No Deal Zone’s grand opening. Myself and Yashar, the creator of “Bird… Or No Deal” have come to an agreement and have decided to launch this fantastic fusion of our blogs. To read more about the origins of this agreement, check out the History section.
The Psycho No Deal Zone will certainly not be limited to Birds, as this new blog offers us the opportunity to bring you even more than just birds. I do feel it’s important, however, to clarify that those of you that crave birds will still get your fix here at the Psycho No Deal Zone. However, in the interest of demonstrating the incredible power of the new blog, I will start with a non-bird introduction.
This gentleman is the former mayor of Albuquerque and a part-time lion tamer. His time as mayor was characterized by his incredible incompetence and refusal to appoint anyone with any expertise in anything as advisors. His advisors were mostly snowmen and steel folding chairs. During his time as mayor, su
Uncle Bird 2007-08-11 03:59:23
This bird has 300 brothers and sisters, and all of those brothers and sisters each have at least 300 children. Essentially, this bird is the "fun uncle" to 90,000 nieces and nephews. What I mean by "fun uncle" is that this bird is always telling funny stories from its childhood, giving generous gifts to children, and getting drunk and telling embarrassing stories about people.
When sober, he tended to tell stories you might hear from your own uncle. For example, he once told a story about how he used to go buy ice cream after school for only 10 cents!
When plastered however, he told a story in which his brother stole $10,000 from his father and spent it on roulette, losing it all. While some might find this funny, it was quite embarrassing to his brother, and his wife and children, who apparently knew nothing about it.
Another embarrassing story involved his sister, who after a big football game in high school, gave her virginity to the school quarterback, who after that night Read more:Uncle
Flynn 2007-08-16 16:06:52
Flynn is an old friend of mine. Every year, the two of us road trip to a different state. This year it was Missouri. Flynn is a racist jerk.
-’Shar Kassai
The Boxing Rooster 2007-08-22 02:32:57
This rooster is ready to fight you. You might think you could take him on, but you don’t know about his training and experience. This rooster has been in several high-profile boxing matches. He fought (and beat) Muhammad Ali, Evander Holyfield, Mike Tyson, and Lennox Lewis. His only losing fight was against Bob Saget (who was piloting a large robot with chainsaw arms). He has had incredible matches against hurricanes, depression, terrorism, racism, and the Microsoft Corporation.
He has been hosting a television show for the past six years in which he tries to test his boxing skills on deadly animals such as bears, cougars, and sharks (there was an epic underwater boxing match that will go down as one of the best in history). He was employed for a short time by the United States government to go find, and box to death, Osama Bin Laden, but he was recalled after a month due to emerging reports claiming that bullets had been fired in his general direction from genetically mutated owl Read more:Rooster
The Super Guard 2007-08-27 16:38:45 Back in March, I posted back at PBZ about Charles and Bessie Lou, who had been in an internment camp and had an epic battle with a “SuperGuard
” that worked there. The following is the description of the super guard and his incident with Charles and Bessie Lou from the aforementioned post.
The ultimate guard featured 2 inch thick body armor, a helmet reminiscent of “Shredder” of Ninja Turtles fame, a long red cape, and huge cowboy boots. The ultimate guard revealed his tomahawks that he juggled in a display of arrogance and skill. Charles was taken aback, and he dropped his trusty sword. Seeing that Charles was unable to defend himself, the ultimate guard threw his tomahawks. Just as the tomahawks were about to collide with Charles, Bessie Lou jumped between them and him, and used her telekinetic powers to turn the tables, throwing the tomahawks back at the guard. Once the tomahawks collided with the guard, he immediately exploded.
You can read more here: http://flickr.
Ant Farms and McDonalds 2007-09-16 22:54:12
This man works part time at McDonalds
, but his true passion is ant farms. In his bedroom alone, he has more than 300 ant farms, but no precise number is known as no one has dared count them – some are stacked on top of others, and it is feared that one might be dropped and unleash the ants everywhere. This did happen on at least one occasion in which he brought an ant farm to work at McDonalds to show everyone, but accidentally dropped it in with the French fries. Most of the customers that day were rather disappointed, and he was shocked to learn that he had not gained any respect from his co-workers.
When he’s not nourishing his ant farm addiction or spending his time at McDonalds, he is wagering his meager earnings from McDonalds on televised poker tournaments. He generally bets at least ¾ of his earnings any given week on poker (and keep in mind, he’s not actually playing, but betting on which professional player will win), and he often loses, as he bets on celebrities over Read more:Farms
Ahmed the Club Owner 2007-09-10 01:05:58 Ahmed
is a Palestinian business man that owns a famous club in Los Angeles. The club is very exclusive. He only lets in A-list movie stars and celebrities, cats that have been featured in “Cat Fancy” magazine, leprechauns, and 56k modems. I was only let in because I wore a manacle, football shoulder pads and a fake mustache, and was mistaken for a leprechaun.
The music in the club is generally the top 3 most popular songs in America being played simultaneously from the same location. This does make dancing difficult, and the blinding white light doesn’t help. The whole club is illuminated with extremely powerful fluorescent white lights, and all the walls and floors are white. In order to leave the club with your eyesight in tact, you must wear sunglasses for the duration of your stay. One of the reasons for this is, had you been able to see clearly, you would see how few people were in the club.
I met Ahmed last month when I was visiting his club, looking for a hidden pearl cov Read more:Owner
Muscle Philosophy 2007-09-03 17:23:42
Have you ever wondered what your muscles look like? You see pictures of red stringy stuff that doctors claim represents that looks like under your skin, but is that really the case? Should you really trust a doctor about something like that? Me? I don’t. I decided to find out for myself. I closed my eyes and thought REALLY HARD about muscles, for like, ten minutes. And you know what? I saw them. I saw what real muscles look like. And this is it. That’s really all it takes – determination. Determination to learn the truth about things. Determination to know with your heart and soul what is and what isn’t. determination to BE. It’s all a part of the tangled web we weave. The tangled web of justice and barricades, moons and elevators, tyranny and hopscotch.
Just stop for a minute and look up at the stars. Not night time? It’s a little known fact that the sun IS a star, so look up at that. Concentrate. Believe. In time, you will have an epiphany. You will come to the profound Read more:Philosophy
Dolphin Corp. Supervisor 2007-09-24 01:42:17
A few years ago I worked for a dolphin manufacturing company where we spent a good deal of time researching different methodologies and technologies to create more sophisticated and efficient dolphins. This bird was my supervisor, and he did nothing but hinder the progress of our project, constantly assigning menial tasks to me and cutting down on my time to work on a new specialized dolphin brain-busting technology.
I was forced to perform intern-like tasks, such as fetching coffee and using Legos to build fake sunglasses for squirrels. I had a real problem working under this bird – he seemed to have it out for me for some reason. Eventually, after completing the tasks I was assigned without complaint, he grew frustrated. Apparently, he wanted me to grow frustrated and quit. Left with no other choices, he challenged me to a bear victim contest, in which we would each be mauled by bears, and the survivor would be declared the winner, assuming there is one. When I declined, he became Read more:Dolphin
, Supervisor
The Great Oil War 2007-10-01 22:26:17
As indicated in the image, this bird is relatively large. This bird lived underground for nearly 2000 years before being awoken by an oil rig drilling into the sea floor in Alaska. It caused an earthquake that shook the bird from its slumber and made it furious. The ensuing battle was one for the ages. The workers on the oil rig used their trademark oil cannons (cartoony cannons that fire globs of oil instead of cannon balls), oilthrowers (flamethrowers but with oil instead of fire) and oil grenades (grenades that instead of exploding, leaked oil for about 10 minutes). All of these special oil weapons did injure the bird creature, but one must remember that this bird was no stranger to oil. It ate oil not just for sustenance, but also for a living.
You see, this bird was employed as an official oil taster for the “Tavern on the Green” restaurant in New York before his 2000 year slumber. Unfortunately for the oil workers, having been sleeping underground with a belly full of oil fo Read more:Great
Disappointed Bird 2007-10-14 18:10:08
This bird is very disappointed in you. He put all of his faith in you and what do you do? You drop the ball. You let the whole team down. You made your grandmother cry.
This bird has never been especially eloquent, nor has he been adept in psychological effects of harsh criticism of children, but he’s doing his best. He knows you are a disappointment, and he is doing his damndest to let you know it, and make you feel guilty and bad about yourself. It’s how he was brought up, and he turned out okay, are you saying you are less a man than he is? You can’t take a little friendly criticism?
Okay, so maybe he was a little harsh. He didn’t have to call you a useless coward that will never amount to anything, and he certainly didn’t have to bring your family into it. The comment about your mother being a whore was particularly out of line. But, as I said before, he is just doing what he thinks is right. And hey, stop turning this around on him, this is about you. You blew it. You w
The Bird-stache 2007-10-08 23:28:10
This bird was never a particularly confident gentleman. Born a bird, he was always ashamed of his heritage. Though surrounded by fellow birds, he always felt inadequate. Because of his feelings of inadequacy, he felt he had to compensate by constantly proving himself. He would constantly pick fights with classmates in school, sometimes beating them with lead pipes, and other times eating their eyes. This made him feel good about himself, and the eyes he digested gave him super vision.
With this new confidence and super vision, he was finally able to go out and reach for the stars, and achieve his dreams. His business idea - “Bearns” - was a huge success. This invention was basically a standard bean, but contained within the bean, was a tiny bear. In other words it was a miniaturized adult bear contained in a hollow bean that functioned as an egg for the bear. When ingested, the bears would hatch in the mouth of the person eating them, and they would go wild, attacking the inside o
A Flock of Awesome 2007-10-24 00:52:34
I was digging in my backyard, searching for gold, when I noticed the dirt moving. I stood up quickly, shocked. The moving dirt twitched around a bit before revealing itself to be…
A Flock of Awesome
As it happens, this “Flock of Awesome” had been hibernating in an underground beehive. They had been having some difficulty living with the bees, as each of them were no less than 40 pounds, making it difficult to fit in the traditional hive. I’m still not sure what the bees were doing underground.
In any event, these birds swarmed me, and I ended up with my hands tied behind my back in a matter of minutes. I don’t know where the rope came from, nor how they tied me up without arms or hands, but it most definitely occurred.
I was locked up in a cage on wheels (the sort of cage you might see at a circus) that was dragged by the birds to a large house. The birds donned ski masks, and proceeded to break into the house. I couldn’t see all of what they did inside, but after about 10
Risking my Life for Birds 2007-11-08 17:30:55 After some extensive soul searching, I have finally decided that my readers need to know the truth. As it happens, a few months ago, I received an anonymous threat in the form of my peep beast being covered in goat’s blood. Below is a photo of the beast prior to the blood incident, as I was too heartbroken to photograph it afterwards.
There was a piece of paper warning me to “cease and desist all bird related activities”. I was shaken, but neither stirred, nor deterred. This is important information that needs to be told. The second threat occurred a week later, when I woke one morning to see a severed horse head in my mailbox (I have an abnormally large mailbox). This really got me on edge, and I decided to keep watch for intruders. I finally caught sight of one of the stalkers, and got a decent photo. I developed it in my lab, (which if I may say, is quite elaborate), but a couple of weeks ago, my lab was burned to the ground, with said evidence in it. I was tol Read more:Birds
2002’s Coolest Teacher 2007-11-17 20:55:49
This bird was voted “coolest teacher” by Claymore High School’s 2002 graduating class. A “gargoyle” instructor, this bird spent his time helping students learn about various gargoyles in various time periods by using analogies that his students could relate to, such as rap music and sawmill operation. It was these analogies that allowed this teacher, Kevin Whitmore, to become so cool. He was so cool, that he would wear sunglasses while teaching. A great deal of this coolness had to do with his incredible confidence which allowed him to see past the fact that his students frequently skipped his class, insulted him during lectures, and threw rotten eggs and meats at him during class. He knew that these were just manifestations of respect and admiration.
Unfortunately, the principal of the school did not see things his way. She informed Kevin that several of his students’ parents had approached her with complaints that their children were not interested in gargoyles, and fe Read more:Teacher
The Football Star 2007-11-29 01:56:53
Chad’s life peaked earlier than he would have liked. He was on his high school football team as a quarterback. He had a large degree of success – his team, while never winning “the big one”, often went the whole season with only a few losses. After graduation, he went to Texas A&M and became their star quarterback. Unfortunately, he eventually started to take his skills for granted, and instead of working out before games, he would hang out with friends and drink drano.
Near his graduation, he got so wrecked the night before a game, he was not fit to play when he got there. He played anyway, and his coach allowed it because the stakes were so high. As is the case with many drano drinkers, the drano had soaked into his bones and made them brittle, so he was in a risky situation. At one point during the game, he went for a field goal, but he kicked so hard, his entire leg broke off (thanks in part to the brittle bones, and his lifelong condition of “explosive blood”). Read more:Football
Solid Bird 2007-12-05 23:06:36
It’s time for a special guest bird entry today – Germany will be inducting this next bird… Solid
Bird.
October 14th 1991, the incident known as “Flock of chickens” took place in the south part, but not too far south portion of Abraham North Dakota. It was here that the “migrating feathers” took control of the “nest” and threatened to shift all patterns of flight everywhere. It was at the “nest” that a giant secret egg was being incubated. This egg, if hatched would through the species into turmoil and discommevolution. The powers at hand brought an old forgotten scavenger out of the cage for one final roost. His real name long forgotten, Solid Bird was sent in a last ditch effort to abort the “egg.” This exothermic image was taken moments before the hatching on that fateful day and is the last known reconnaissance of the famed Solid Bird. The fallout from the “nest” forever would change the hearts and minds of all sentient flyers everywher
The Bird on the Mountain 2007-12-14 02:16:46 You've almost finished scaling one of the highest mountains in the world. It has been a long and arduous journey, but once you reach the peak, you know it will have all been worthwhile. This trek was planned years in advance, and you had been going through rigorous training every day prior to the climb. Many times during the climb, you feared for your life. There have been many tests of your resolve. Frostbite, broken limbs, near starvation… but now you're here. It's all over, and you're about to receive the glory. You have just accomplished what very few can claim to have done. You are one of the elite - a master of your chosen craft. You will be envied long after your life has come and gone, and your children's children will speak often of you with great reverence.
But wait… you're not alone at the peak… There is someone else…
Your mouth is gaping open, your eyes as big as saucers. What is it? How did it get here? Why is it not frozen, as it lacks clothes? How Read more:Mountain
Sturgis Filbourne 2007-12-24 04:48:41 Sturgis Filbourne is a full-time singer/songwriter who spends most of his time performing publicly. His venue of choice is sidewalks and street corners. During performances, Filbourne likes to take requests from his audience, and therefore must memorize a vast library of popular classics. It goes without saying, that Filbourne is a talented singer. His knack for song writing is admired by legends like Elton John, Tennesse Ernie Ford, Dale Earnhardt, and Miguel Jackson.
Below is a picture taken of Filbourne while performing. To hear an audio clip of one of his performances, click here: Sturgis Filbourne Performance
- ‘Shar Kassai
Arbis Logan vs JFK 2008-03-02 22:22:45 Arbis Logan
may not be the most handsome bird in the world, but he’s got heart. Okay, so he may not technically have an actual heart, but he’s certainly full of slime. And that slime has heart.
Arbis straddles on the borderline between sentient and non-sentient being. he can move, but he lacks internal organs, including [...]
Bernard the Vampire Scientist 2008-02-25 02:30:06 Bernard is one of the rare breed of scientists that possesses the charisma to get people really excited about his projects, even if they really are ridiculous. As a matter of fact, he actually secured a $50,000 grant for a vampire research project.
If you are able to get over the fact that vampires are not [...] Read more:Bernard
, Vampire
Ivan Cusack 2008-02-13 23:34:23 My apologies for the delay, but I have been very busy writing a new Constitution for the United Arab Emirates that I had been commissioned to do by George Carlin. Anyway, that’s another story for another day, let’s get down to business.
Ivan Cusack
is the father of the actors John and Joan Cusack. He was [...]
Earth-Core Rodent-Decapitating Dentist 2008-01-29 00:40:00 Many people have an irrational fear of dentists that is difficult to explain. I understand; when you walk into a dentist’s office, you just get a sinking feeling in your stomach. You feel threatened, but you see no reason to feel this way, so you try to push it out of your mind. It doesn’t [...] Read more:Earth
, Rodent
The Tractor Racing Icon 2008-01-21 02:35:03 Devin was born with a very unusual quality for a bird – a lack of arms. Instead, he has what some refer to as “wings”, appendages with no fingers, but rather “feathers”, which are apparently used to “fly”. This made his victories in the tractor riding competitions that much more inspiring.
Most people don’t think much [...] Read more:Racing
Andre 2008-01-11 03:07:23 Andre is a very special bouncer, employed by Ahmed at his exclusive Los Angeles club (an article on Ahmed can be found here: -the-club-owner/). By special, I mean it in the same sense that the Special Olympics are special. Andre has always been a little slow. He started Kindergarten 2 years later than his peers, [...] Read more:Andre
Earl Ganglia 2008-01-01 19:15:34 Earl Ganglia is a retired construction worker who spent most of his life stacking bricks on top of one another. He worked alone, not using any fancy equipment or cement, or working from a plan. He was a master improviser. Unfortunately, while his constructions were often considered to be masterpieces by himself, his clients were [...] Read more:Earl
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