Owner: Our Crazy Marriage URL:http://ourcrazymarriage.wordpress.com/ Join Date: Tue, 07 Aug 2007 18:03:54 -0500 Rating:0 Site Description: Living with a mentally ill spouse. Site statistics:Click here
Socialite Fashion Queen 2007-08-02 17:25:36 Wife is now in her socialite fashion queen mode. It’s like a subset of her liberal mode. She spends hours each day at the mall and various stores. She comes home every day with a new selection of beauty supply samples and new clothes, earrings, etc. She returns about half of them the next day and exchanges them for yet more. She only wears makeup a few times a year normally, but in her fashion queen mode she wears full makeup every day, tries new lipstick colors, puts on lots of perfume, and fishes constantly for compliments on how pretty she is. She become quite gregarious and interacts with a lot more people that she normally would. She seems very happy during this phase, and it’s one of the more pleasant phases relative to her others.
Read more:Fashion
, Queen
Wife Becomes Liberal In Her Ways 2007-07-27 15:21:40 For the past 2 weeks Wife has been in her “liberal” stage. I call it that because she because very lax about things that she is normally strict about. She watches TV for hours and hours every day. When she’s not watching TV she is out shopping, buying all kinds of crap and usually returning it the next day. Every day she’ll come home and want me to smell a new perfume or lotion or see a new color of lipstick or some new earrings. During this phase she is also very social, making play dates for the children, talking to neighbors and what not. She lets the kids play all day or watch TV or go to Fifth Sisters for sleep-overs or whatever. Later, in another phase, she won’t go outside for days at a time, won’t watch TV at all, won’t eat anything but weird health foods. But for now, she buys candy all the time, goes out to restaurants almost daily, and wants to go “window shopping” almost constantly.
It’s weird because she thinks sh Read more:Liberal
We Almost Buy a House 2007-07-12 14:59:55 Before we left for Foreign Country, Wife and I were looking at mobile homes to buy, not because we particularly like them, but because some of them were so cheap that it would be cheaper than rent even if we only lived in it for a year and weren’t able to sell it. But I didn’t want to do anything about it until I got another job. Wife got excited about the idea and started what became a small obsession. She spent most of each day calling about mobile homes for sale and applying for loans, etc. I didn’t know it until I started getting several loan rejection notices in the mail. She must have applied for a dozen loans in my name, each one resulting in a credit check, and they were all rejected. That’s exactly why I didn’t want to apply for a loan yet. I knew that working part-time as I do I would never be able to get one.
Anyway, right before we left for Foreign Country, Wife took me to look at a nice little home. It was very well cared for and actually had Read more:Almost
, House
Wife Is Suddenly Sweet 2007-07-08 14:56:10 Wife loves me again. I hate this on/off kind of stuff she does. Yesterday I was Satan and today she want to be all cuddly and she acts hurt that I don’t respond. She gave me a love note today. It mentioned how much she loves me and how glad she is to have married me and then at the end she writes how she hopes we can “clear up our past with each other”, which is her way of saying, “I love you but why don’t you just confess your past misdeeds (affairs, children by other women, etc.) and get it over with so I can forgive you?” Wow. I would love to know what it feels like to be her, just for a little while, to get an idea of what is going on in there.
Read more:Suddenly
, Sweet
Demon Woman 2007-07-05 14:46:57 About a week ago Wife started taking those strong sleeping pills every night. They work, as far as making her sleep goes, but she has just been the devil to live with. I used to think that getting her to sleep was the key to breaking the cycle but even after she starts sleeping again, the delusions, paranoia, hyper-religiosity, etc. are all still there. In the first few days or weeks after she starts sleeping she can be particularly bad to be around. She becomes toxic and I can’t stand to be around her.
She becomes obsessed with the whereabouts and safety of the children, especially Daughter. This becomes very troublesome. Wife knows that the kids are with my Fifth Sister but she will still call every few hours and demand to know where they are and what they are doing and who they are playing with and are any of them boys and are they touching Daughter where they shouldn’t be and so on, ad nauseum.
I have no place to belong during this phase. I can’t stay at home very
Sleeping Pill 2007-06-28 20:57:15 Wife finally consented to take one of those sleeping pills that I got from a psychiatrist last year. She took one then but she said it made her feel like her heart was going to stop, like she was going to die. So I was surprised when she agreed to take it. It worked, but the next day she was particularly caustic towards me. I don’t like it one bit.
Read more:Sleeping
The Expected Breakdown Arrives 2007-06-26 11:40:58 It’s here. I can tell by Wife’s behaviorisms that her episode is starting. When she picked me up from work I could tell by her driving alone that it had started. She blinks more than normal, constantly checks the turn signal lever to make sure it’s in the middle (off) position, and can’t drive at a steady speed, but instead presses and releases the gas pedal in a way that makes the car surge ahead, then lag, surge ahead, then lag. Very annoying. I can’t believe she doesn’t have accidents all the time.
Read more:Expected
We Return From Foreign Country 2007-06-19 11:51:07 We got back tonight at about 22:00. We were all very tired so we went to sleep pretty quickly after arriving home.
Read more:Return
, Foreign
, Country
We Leave For Foreign Country Today 2007-05-31 11:52:44 We’re on our way to ForeignCountry
tonight. I really don’t want to go, for a number of reasons. I really regret not putting my foot down at the very beginning. I always feel like such a louse when I accept money from her family, even if it’s a semi-forced position. I hate it. Do NOT want to go.
Read more:Today
, Leave
New Obsession 2007-05-25 16:41:59 Wife’s current obsession is getting a loan to buy a house. I only work part time and Wife doesn’t have a paid job, so I doubt we can qualify for anything. I’m the one who started looking because I’m so tired of paying rent to live in a tiny apartment. I started thinking that even if we only bought a cheap mobile home it would be better than paying rent. The payments would work out to about the same monthly price. Wife wasn’t interested, but last week she suddenly started being interested after we looked at a place that was only $12,000. At that point she started writing down phone numbers for almost every house she saw for sale. Then she started applying for a few loans and kept calling me every hour or so asking for stuff so she could fill out applications: What’s your driver’s license number? Who’s your supervisor? How long have you been at your current job?That sort of enthusiasm would be welcome sometimes, but it becomes an obsession Read more:Obsession
Unhappy Marriage For First 10 Years 2007-08-12 23:00:56 Wife made an appointment to talk with Religious Leader at the chapel. I had already talked to him about a month ago when Wife was pretty paranoid, just to give him a heads up, and now I’m glad I did. Wife told me a few times today that “I’m fine. I just need to sleep.” Of course, that’s a big red flag that she is not all right.
I dropped Wife off at the church at 19:00, expecting her to be finished within an hour, but she didn’t call me to pick her up for almost 2 hours. I was dying to know what she had to talk to him about but she wouldn’t say. Of course, I knew the basics. She probably told him about me having affairs and children with other women, and she probably told him that my family blames her for my mom’s death. Just the normal ridiculous things. When Wife got in the car she ripped up her “checklist” of things to talk to Religious Leader about and threw it into the car garbage bag. Later I dug it out and taped it toge Read more:First
, Years
Touched 2007-08-11 02:50:34 Wife talked to me about her mom this morning and then starting crying, saying how much she missed her mom. I immediately knew that she didn’t sleep well last night and that she was in her “I feel touched” stage. In this stage she cries at the drop of a hat, constantly seeks confirmation for the simplest of decisions (she asked my permission to call my 2nd Sister on the phone), and calls and talks to whomever she thinks will listen to her (assuming they are on her good list).
She called my 2nd Sister, my 1st Sister-In-Law, and a Chinese person (I heard her speaking Mandarin when I came home). She probably spent a good 5 hours on the phone. I’m guessing because I was at the local rodeo with the kids. I only have an estimate because my sister and sister-in-law report back to my Fifth Sister when this happens, and Fifth Sister then informs me. It’s quite a runaround, but it’s the only way I find out about most of her conversations.
Read more:Touched
Remorse 2007-08-14 17:52:12 Remorse is kicking in for Wife. She now realizes that all the spending money and going shopping every day and looking for a job are all “wrong”. She just sits on her bed, or on the recliner, or on the toilet (sometimes for literally hours at a time) and squeezes her eyes shut like she’s in pain. I can’t stand to look at her so I only show up to make sure she eats something and then I leave. What a pointless, stupid life.
Wife Doesn’t Need Anybody 2007-08-23 23:06:55 Wife told me a couple of weeks ago that she wanted to change bedrooms. She sleeps in the big bedroom and the kids share the small one (with me too, of course). After 18 months it finally dawned on her that it might work out better if we traded. I jokingly suggested it several times, calling the big room “her” room. She would laugh and say “You can sleep on the big bed, I can use ear plugs.” No thanks.
Anyway, in preparation for this room trade, Wife arranged for the neighbors to give her a small twin mattress that they were going to give away or throw away anyway. So we traded rooms a couple of weekends ago, but Wife has been sleeping on the floor, waiting for the mattress. This afternoon when I came home, the mattress was leaning against the back porch barrier. When I asked if she wanted me to bring it in she said (in semi-zombie mode) that she didn’t want it. She didn’t anything from anybody. She wanted me to go tell the neighbors but I told her th
A Near Hit and Run 2007-08-23 13:38:06 Wife called me a couple of hours ago and started to tell me about someone almost hitting her in a ShopKo parking lot. I couldn’t really follow what she meant:
Wife: “I’m serving record yesterday in the ShopKo parking lot a lady, she almost hit me on purpose…”
Me: “What? Serving record? What is that?”
Wife: “I mean is, I’m serving record, just let you know, some lady try to hit me in ShopKo parking lot. So police will probably call me this afternoon.”
Me: “What? I don’t know what you’re talking about? What do you mean ’serving record’?”
Wife: “No, I’m at church so I can’t talk long. Talk to you later.”
Click. She hung up.
This is typical of her mild-paranoia phase. She experiences things almost every single day that she believes are intentional insults and slights and worse. At her most extreme she believes I’m trying to kill her. About 6 years ago, a few months
Wife Gives Me a Hug 2007-08-23 00:49:01 The children started school today. They woke up bright and early, excited for the first day of school. They were ready to go a full 45 minutes before school started. They wanted to walk so we all walked to school. Wife came too (in body, if not in spirit) but she had that paranoid over-protective mask face that makes her look aggressive and angry. When she’s paranoid she gets like that. She become very over-protective of the children and is always asking, or demanding rather, “Where are Daughter and Son?” She won’t take time to spend with them very often but she sure is quick to demand where they are and what they are doing and who is with them. The underlying worry is that someone is sexually molesting them or calling them “stupid” or some such thing. It’s tiring.
She walked in to Daughter’s class and practically demanded the volunteer sign-up sheet from the teacher. She signed up for reading help on Fridays, to Daughter’s mortific
Paranoia Begins 2007-08-20 20:15:21 Wife bought a new bike last week. She put it out back on the porch where the neighbor kids often come to knock on the back door. They always play with whatever is back there so I don’t know why Wife was surprised that they would play with the bike. She might not want them to, but knowing that’s what happens to things out there, you can’t really be surprised when it happens. I guess one of the neighbor kids was playing with the pedals or something and Wife has been rather vigilant the last day or two about keeping kids away from it.
This evening the kids were playing out back in the communal backyard we share with two other buildings. It’s fenced and enclosed and it’s actually a nice place to let them play. Since Daughter is 10 (11 next month) she is old enough to leave out there without an adult present every minute. I told her I was going shopping for school supplies and that Mom was in the house if she needed anything. About an hour later I got a call o Read more:Paranoia
Wife Exudes Anger 2007-08-19 22:38:07 Wife started out the day fine. Well, relatively fine. Although she has had almost nothing to do with the children lately, on Sunday mornings she is gung-ho about church. She cooks breakfast and calls the kids to eat literally every minute or two until I wake the kids up (just to make the calls to breakfast stop). After breakfast there are the incessant prods to “go brush teeth, wash your face, get dressed.” She says this in a cheery sing-song voice that would normally be pleasant but because of the frequency it becomes absolutely annoying. And she does it in English instead of her native language, which is something I simply can’t understand. Why on earth would you speak a second language to your children by choice? That’s how immigrants lose their language in a single generation. It’s beyond my comprehension.
After church, and for the rest of the day, Wife exuded anger. Her whole appearance was one of great anger, almost hatred. She looked vile. I sent th
Wife Wants to Be Cuddly 2007-08-18 23:57:49 Wife has been a zombie for the past few days, just sitting in her room on her bed (the floor) or in the living room rocking chair with an intensely pained expression on her face. Of course, she hasn’t been sleeping well. She keeps trying “natural” remedies for that, but what she really needs is something strong as a mule’s kick to get her to sleep. Unfortunately she won’t take them unless she’s absolutely desperate for sleep. I guess she hasn’t reached that stage because she hasn’t been taking them (I counted).
This evening Wife wanted to be all cuddly and act like everything is normal. I was lying on the floor, reading, and she came in and put her head on my shoulder and told me she loved me, etc. I was cold, didn’t respond to the head on the shoulder, said that she still believed that I was an unfaithful womanizer. She laughed it off as if I were talking about some minor pecadillo and did her famous sidestepping, saying “Tha
He Still Says “No” 2007-09-10 18:09:46 Wife is obviously angry with me again (or is that still?) today. When she went to practice piano (in another building in our complex) I peeked in her diary. She wrote mostly in her language but the English parts mentioned that she still can’t believe that I am still saying &ldquo
;no&rdquo
; about those women and children. I wonder why she writes in English at all. Does she want to to read those parts, or is she practicing? I don’t know. All her diaries since we’ve been married are like that, bits of English with lots of her native language. I wish I could read those parts.
We Talk With Religious Leader 2007-09-09 23:51:42 I got a call on my cell phone from Religious Leader
(RL) this afternoon. The kids and I were down at Fifth Sister’s house playing card games when he called. I knew that Wife had been calling around earlier in the day trying to find out RL’s schedule so I figured she was trying to set up another confession session for me. RL asked if I would be willing to meet with him and Wife at 19:30. RL knows about Wife’s condition to a certain extent so he realizes that it’s all nonsense, but he thought it would be a good idea to just go ahead and get it over with and maybe we could come around to getting Wife some help. I agreed, but I know it’ll just be the same as before. And it was.
Wife had a numbered list of concerns on a paper that she handed to RL. RL went through the list. It consisted of names of women and some of them were very vague. One simply read, woman from Mexico. Another read, a woman from Peru who lives in Our Town. Some were names that I didn&rsqu
Escaping 2007-09-02 17:33:44 The children spent the last few nights over at Fifth Sister’s house because cousins are in town and they basically had a 3-day play-a-thon. This morning Wife kept fretting about the fact that I wasn’t getting dressed for church as usual. I said that I was going to be ferrying kids around to church and back from my sister’s house (not enough seats in the available cars). Wife got frosty and didn’t talk to me until I dropped her off at church. She acted surprised that I wasn’t going in with her and I reminded her that I had just told her that I would be driving kids around. Her face instantly contorted into a very ugly look of inexpressive anger.
Wife: “It’s because you knew that we had an appointment with Religious Leader today!”
Me: “What appointment?”
Wife: “We have an appointment to talk with him today.”
Me: “Nobody told me about it.”
She slammed the door and stormed off into the church. I’m sur Read more:Escaping
Wife Seems To Like Me 2007-09-26 00:04:19 Wife had been rather pleasant the past few days. She even gave me a hug and kiss for the past two nights in a row. I can tell she would like me to reciprocate the feelings but I still pretty much ignore her. I know that she still doesn’t believe me. She still believes that I’ve had affairs and that I might possibly have children with other women. This makes it hard for me to want to warm up to her. It’s so hard, because I know this is something out of her control, but it still takes me a long time to be able to reciprocate the hugs and whatnot.
Wife Is Chipper 2007-11-08 23:58:40 Wife has been chipper for the past several weeks now. I enjoy it, but it always makes me uneasy because that’s the phase that precedes a crash. Let’s enjoy it while we can.
Wife Asks Her Family for Money 2007-11-04 01:00:07 Wife told me today that she asked her mom for the money to take her citizenship class. This was the first that I had heard about her taking the test. I guess she needs $650 to sign up to take the test. I wish she would have told me about it. I hate it when she asks her family for money. It’s like a partial emasculation every time she time she does that.
Read more:Family
, Money
Wife Watches TV Again 2007-10-26 00:26:58 Wife is watching TV again. She also spends time shopping (mostly window shopping). This is part of her “liberal” phase, but it’s one of the phases when she’s actually enjoyable to be around. Too bad it won’t last.
Read more:Again
Wife Maintains Mini Paranoia 2007-09-30 01:06:52 Wife is outwardly “normal” but she still hangs on the the mini paranoia. She spent 30 minutes telling me of several instances of “disrespect” that happened the last few weeks. She can take the most innocent of events and turn it into a rude/mean encounter. Amazing. I can hardly stand to listen to this nonsense but I was so tired of it that I just lay back on my bed (the floor) and listened. Wow. I can’t imagine what her life is like. She’s living a totally different life from what she seems to be living from the outside.
Read more:Paranoia
I Predict No Sleep Tonight 2007-12-01 01:25:11 I just went out of to the kitchen to get a drink of water and was surprised to seen Wife sitting in the living room. I thought she had gone to bed and was sleeping soundly. She still looked very miserable and now it seems she probably won’t sleep tonight. Damn. Double dog damn.
Read more:Sleep
, Tonight
Wife Still Looks Utterly Miserable 2007-11-30 23:17:59 This morning Wife was awake when I got up at 06:45. She told me that she slept all night last night, a full eight hours. I fixed us breakfast and went to work feeling pretty good. I just started a new full-time job less than two weeks ago and it still feels strange going a full day without being home. The children are staying with Fifth Sister (at Wife’s request for help) so I went to see them right after work for a few hours until Fifth Sister could come home to be with them. I didn’t get home to see Wife until 19:00 or so.
Wife was sitting on the living room floor next to the heater vents and looked very miserable. Even though she slept last night her mind is still very tormented. She looks like she is in constant pain. It won’t be long now before she is shooting daggers at me with her eyes because of my “affairs.”
Read more:Looks
, Miserable
It Begins 2007-11-27 21:46:34 The meltdown cometh. Wife is acting strange tonight, seeking confirmation on the simplest of things (e. g., asking me if I have turned off the stove two or three times within an hour). When I came home this evening she spent an hour telling me about how a store owner had been rude to her. It sounded like he really was rude, but Wife seemed overly bothered by it. I can tell she probably won’t sleep tonight.
Recommend Site To A Friend
