Owner: Improving Relationships URL:http://improvingrelationships.blogspot.com/ Join Date: Sat, 28 Jul 2007 17:18:19 -0500 Rating:0 Site Description: Bridge Counseling Improving Relationships Blog. We offer thoughts, ponderings, advice and ideas for improving your relationships, including your relationship with your self - to help you bridge the gap from where you are to where you want to be. Site statistics:Click here
Relationship Renewal 2008-02-21 14:53:00 Relationship Renewal
In our counseling practice we are often asked to help people repair broken marriages. Often one partner wants to “win back” the love of their partner, who is adamant that they have fallen out of love. Sometime both parties want to find their way back to love. If you want to set your marriage back on track there are some things you will want to keep in mind. It can be very devastating to learn that your partner does not love you any more. Many people end up running in circles trying to discover the reason and find some way to convince their partner that they are still lovable.We have been programmed to think that there must be a pill or a quick fix for everything. People think, ‘If I can just figure out and do what it is my partner says they want from me then every Read more:Relationship
If S/he Loved Me . . . 2008-02-15 11:51:00 If S/he Loved Me . . . "Two men look out from the same prison bars. One sees mud and one the stars." UnknownA young friend recently shared her thirtieth birthday experience with me:To her turning thirty was a big deal and she wanted to celebrate. She knew that her husband was in the middle of mid-terms as well as a heavy assignment load and that he would not have the time to plan a party for her. Knowing that her husband loved her, but was too stressed to make her birthday what she wanted it to be, she decided that she was going to make this special for herself. She got her three small children involved and planned and decorated for her own party. She said that she had the greatest day as she decided to treat herself and have fun that day. Consequently she, her husband and her family have
Don’t Procrastinate the Day of Maintaining Your Relationship 2008-02-15 11:48:00 Don’t Procrastinate the Day of Maintaining
Your Relationship
"The secret of happiness is to make others believe they are the cause of it." Al BattAs a marriage counselor I’m often asked what to do when things aren’t quite the way they should be at home. I can and do offer some advice but often I wonder, “Why did you wait till now?” It seems that people will go to the doctor when they feel a flu coming on or take their child to the emergency because of the way their head feels and their eyes look, yet when it comes to a check up for their relationship they wait until it is almost time for the undertaker.It really doesn’t take as much energy to maintain a relationship as it does to repair one. And if you wait until the only way you can communicate is by the smoke signals coming ou
Grow Up or Grow Apart 2008-01-25 16:40:00 Grow Up or Grow ApartRecently a client came to an ah-ha realization. He commented that perhaps they got along better when they were dating because they recognized that they were two separate people but once they got married they started expecting the other to make them feel good. He explained that his thinking that had been, “if she loved me she would make me happy and because I love her I should be able to make her happy. I’m certainly not doing a very good job of that.”Often in relationships there is one person who get labeled as the “bad guy” or the “problem.” Sometimes each person is busy labeling the other as the “problem.” There is a break through moment when we realize that we need to give up blaming our partner and wishing that they would change in order for us to
Simplify Your Relationships 2008-01-14 17:51:00 Simplify Your Relationships
Simplifying our lives is an ongoing struggle in this fast paced technological world. We are encouraged to simplify and unclutter our lives to make more room for relationships. Is it possible or desirable to simplify our relationships?Do we make our relationships more complicated than they need to be? We make our lives more complicated than they need to be whenever we: Demand Others Be a Certain Way to Make Us ComfortableWe complicate our relationships by expecting others to behave as we would and make choices so that we can feel comfortable. We can simplify our relationships by accepting that everyone is entitled to their own opinions and preferences. We need to be clear about our own values and principles and become principle rather than preference based in our
Vacation Musing 2008-01-14 14:18:00 Vacation MusingRecently while on holiday in the Dominican Republic with my wife, I had the opportunity to meet a young family, a father, mother and two daughters. The oldest daughter might have been fifteen but probably was a little younger and her sister was maybe eleven or twelve. We had the opportunity to take a tour together and spend some time with them during that tour. Watching this family interact with each other and enjoy their vacation together was a blessing.I thought to myself that no matter what their life was like back at home, here they enjoyed each other’s company, they loved being together. Then as I continued to observe them I came to the realization that this vacation was just a continuation of their relationship at all times. This family was happy and well adjusted, i Read more:Vacation
Appreciation Habit 2008-03-14 13:11:00 Appreciation Habit
If you have ever had the stomach flu for a few days running and have been unable to eat, you know how incredible that first piece of buttered toast tastes. The toast has not changed, it is your awareness that has changed; your attention if focused on the experience of eating the toast and you savor it, enjoy it and are grateful to be able to eat. Think about the things that you regularly do each day with little or no attention. Anything that has become a habit falls into this category. You probably have your morning ritual, shower, dress, eat, brush teeth, most of which you could almost do in your sleep. In a way you sort of are sleeping. You are not really awake, aware and paying attention to what you are doing. How many of the things that are essential to our survival d
The Power of Acceptance 2008-03-14 13:06:00 The Power of Acceptance
In the course of counseling couples we find that even when they come for help they don’t always want to fix their relationship. The obvious reasons could be thinking things like, we don’t need a stranger knowing our private stuff, it is too embarrassing to talk about, we can do this on our own, it’s not that bad, I’m only here because s/he dragged me. But there are also less obvious reasons as well.For some counseling is a last ditch “effort” before they cut out and run, so they can say, “I tried everything, I even went counseling and now I’m done.” This attitude has its root in selfishness and the main reason for divorce and relationship break-ups is selfishness. However, there are those who don’t really want to come because they are unsure abou
Healing Your Relationships With Your Parents 2008-03-19 16:22:00 Healing Your Relationships
With Your Parents
If you had a perfect childhood, you may not feel that you need to heal your relationship with your parents. But since most of us grew up in less than perfect some healing may be welcome.What is the thing that you have tried for years to get from your mother or from your father? Is it approval, unconditional love, or acceptance? If you are now an adult, I would like to extend a challenge to take hold of yourself. Stop feeling sorry for yourself that your parents have been or are unable to give you what you want and need. As long as you remain where you are, waiting for them to change so that you can be happy, you will continue to experience disappointment and frustration. If on the other hand you want to take charge of your life and heal your rela Read more:Healing
Marriage: Now Is the Time 2008-04-15 11:36:00 Marriage: Now Is the TimeIn today’s fast paced world we quite often forget to take care of ourselves, not only physically but emotionally and spiritually as well. All three of these areas have a huge impact on our relationships with our spouse. The tried and true answer to resolving these issues is time.Time can be our friend or our enemy. If we ignore the passage of time thinking that we’ll get to those issues later we will find that later, like tomorrow, never comes. Our health, physical, emotional, and spiritual health needs to be a priority. If we think about the time we spend preparing for a career and in performing in that career we can be astounded by how much effort we put into it.Now just think about your physical health. How much time and effort do you put into that? For some
Marriage: Wake Up from the Trance 2008-04-15 11:33:00 Marriage: Wake Up from the Trance
Have you ever felt that you were just going through the motions in your relationship? The days pass, you get up, you do the same things, you have the same conversations, you have the same arguments. Maybe you have begun to feel that you are two ships passing in the night. There is so much to get done and so much going on that you have lost track of the “us.” You may be in kind of a “marriage trance” where you are going through the motions of being married, but you have lost the concern and closeness that you once felt for each other.A Princeton Theological Seminary did a study on compassion. A group of Divinity Students, were given an assignment to prepare a sermon. Half of the students were assigned to prepare a sermon on the topic of the Good Sama
Hidden Dimensions of Relationships 2008-04-23 14:09:00 Hidden Dimensions
of Relationships
What can we learn about relationships from physics? The super string theory has proposed that inside of the tiny quarks that are inside protons and neutrons are vibrating strings, minuscule filaments vibrating at different frequencies. This theory supports the idea that there are more dimensions of space than the three of which we are aware. A fascinating theory that may help explain why the universe operates the way it does.I started wondering if this idea of unseen dimensions might also be applied to relationships. In any relationship there is the outward behavior of each partner and the words they speak. This dimension is visible to both partners. Then there is the dimension of each person’s thoughts, which though not visible, but both partner know ex Read more:Hidden
Relationship Course Corrections 2008-05-15 13:14:00 Relationship Course CorrectionsAre your choices giving the results that you want? Take a look at your relationship. Are you on course? Is your relationship meeting your needs, it is meeting your partner’s needs? Does it feel good to you or are you struggling along?In 1979, a sightseeing flight from New Zealand to Antarctica, with 257 passengers onboard ended in tragedy. Unknown to the pilots, th Read more:Relationship
Relationships: Don't Do That 2008-05-15 11:43:00 Relationships: Don't Do That"If you don't like something, change it. If you can't change it, change your attitude. Don't complain." Maya AngelouFrequently when receiving marriage counsel you are asked to do something. Maybe you are told to talk more about your feelings or to listen more empathetically to your spouse, or perhaps to set goals and create a vision. These are good and important activit Read more:Relationships
Tame the Emotional Monsters 2008-05-23 15:34:00 Tame the Emotional
MonstersHave you ever felt overwhelmed with anger, frustration, or guilt? Has the flood of emotion been so great that it has distorted your judgment and hampered your ability to behave appropriately? If you have ever been overtaken by emotional monsters, then you may appreciate knowing how to tame the beast.The first important thing to remember is not to resist and not to act (j
Be Generous in Your Relationships 2008-05-29 13:59:00 Be Generous in Your Relationships
Begin each day with a question, “What can I do today to make my relationships better?” and then do something. Some small thing done each day, will cumulatively make a huge difference in your relationships.Like the Rolling Stones song, Can’t Get No Satisfaction, the more we run around trying to satisfy ourselves the more elusive satisfaction becomes. Stopping
Face Up to Relationship Problems 2008-06-06 14:54:00 Face Up to Relationship
ProblemsThere are two ways to cope with any problem, you can ignore it or run from it; or you can face up to it. Ironically if you chose the first option, you may experience temporary relief, but you will end up worse in the long run; where if you choose to face up to the problem you will experience temporary pain and end up with relief. Most people can understand this conc
Dream Relationship or Nightmare 2008-07-12 17:31:00 Dream Relationship
or Nightmare
Have you created the relationship of your dreams or is your relationship a bit of a nightmare?It may help to stop and consider what you have brought to your relationship in terms of expectation, attitudes and scripts. What was your parent’s marriage like? What about the relationships of other significant people in your life? Are those marriages examples of relation Read more:Dream
Marriage: 5 Steps to Creating What You Want 2008-07-09 12:52:00 Marriage: 5 Steps to Creating
What You WantTommy Smothers of Smothers Brothers and Laugh-In fame, only for you baby boomers, said that the problem with not knowing what you are talking about and that is how to know when you’re finished. Or what about when you are driving some place you’ve never been before, do you know how to get there? How do you find out? Well if getting there in timely unst
Are We Falling Out of Love? 2008-07-09 12:43:00 Are We Falling Out of Love?Many couples start to have doubts when the fur starts to fly. They start to wonder if they were “meant to be together” or if they ever loved each other. The reality is that every relationship goes through rough times. It is not the fact that you have disagreements or fights; it is the meaning that you attach to those experiences that decides whether it strengthens or
20 Essential Elements of a Healthy Relationship 2008-08-28 12:30:00 20 Essential
Elements of a Healthy Relationship
1. Like and accept yourself and your partner. Acceptance is a powerful relationship strengthener.2. Be honest with yourself and with each other. Broken trust, although not irreparable, does contribute a lot of relationship struggles.3. Allow yourself to be vulnerable. As difficult as it may be to take down the walls, your relationship will be healthie
Differences? No Problem 2008-09-13 14:17:00 Differences? No Problem
As in any relationship, marriages are subject to differences in opinions, ideas, style and just about anything else that is not DNA based. These differences will happen, discussions will arise over them, even heated arguments, but they are inevitable. They can make or break your relationship. Which it is, make or break, is up to you.As we have stated before in this forum, co
Why You Need A Spine 2008-10-03 17:38:00 Why You Need A Spine
Having a spine means respecting and honoring yourself. When you have a spine you know what you stand for, or what values are important to you and you don’t compromise your values or give up your self in order to please or pacify others. You need to develop a spine, because no one else can do it for you. Others may at times stand up for you, but that doesn’t give you a spine
Why Don't You Just Leave? 2008-09-26 14:54:00 Why Don't You Just Leave
?It seems a puzzle and so easy to judge from the outside looking in, why would someone stay in an abusive relationship? Often abused women cannot see a way out. They know and understand that staying is dangerous and that there is a possibility they could end up dead. But they also feel that leaving is dangerous and that by leaving they could also end up dead. They feel trap
Using Emotional Intelligence To Strengthen Your Relationships 2008-11-01 14:02:00 Using Emotional
Intelligence To Strengthen Your Relationships
According to Daniel Goleman, author of Emotional Intelligence, there are five aspects of emotional intelligence. • Self-Awareness or knowing your emotions• Self-control or managing your emotions• Self-direction or motivating yourself.• Empathy or recognizing and understanding the emotions of others• Interpersonal skills or mana
Who Says Life Has To Be Hard? 2008-10-24 13:45:00 Who Says Life Has To Be Hard?Having a sense of humor and playfulness are vital to the health of any relationship. The ability to see the lighter side of life, helps us to cope with difficulties and keep things in perspective. In your relationship, how often do you smile? Does your smile reach all the way to your eyes?If your relationship lacks joy, humor, laughing and play, then it is time for som
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