Owner: Old Dirty Blog URL:http://www.olddirtyblog.com Join Date: Mon, 23 Jul 2007 14:51:57 -0500 Rating:0 Site Description: A sarcastic yet honest male view on sex, women, dating, adult humor, and everything else that comes along with it. Site statistics:Click here
Do You Have The Gall To Bang Her In a Public Stall? 2007-07-23 00:14:48 Sometimes you are just so horny, so ready to rock and roll, that the car simply can't wait. Sometimes you are only presented with a brief opportunity to mangle some poor girl, and there's nowhere to go to do your business. It is circumstances like this that drive people to get it on in public restrooms. This act, while exciting and fun, must be done discreetly and quickly, or mall security will be all over you like Dr Phil at an all-you-can-eat Chinese buffet.
As a veteran of restroom quickies in 31 states and 5 foreign countries, I can safely say that entry and exit are the two most difficult components here. You need a well scouted location. Unisex single occupancy restrooms are best, but hard to come by. That being said, you must seize an opportunity when it presents itself. While it is exceedingly difficult to examine logistics while you have a boner the size of the Saturn V Rocket, you must force yourself to concentrate, and examine the restroom for any children, authority fi Read more:Public
, Stall
She Already Does Your Laundry, Why Not Give Her Your Full Load? 2007-07-22 22:44:23 Awesome juice. Rocket sauce. Cock mustard. All of these things are simply synonyms for the most powerful evolutionary force that mankind has ever known. While it is a well documented fact that sex sauce does, and oftentimes with disastrous results, create life, most of the time the last thing we want is to 'slip one past the goalie'.
But, when you release the hounds, they've gotta go somewhere. Where are the most convenient non-vaginal places to blow your load? That is a question that has plagued mankind for centuries.
The first rule of load blowing is to forget what's convenient for her. She has already lathered your sex staff full of weird, aquatic-smelling sludge, so don't be in a big hurry to do her any favors. You're already doing her one by not dropping a load of inseam invaders into her baby maker. But, as a rule, chicks do not like if when you blow it the sheets, on your old Mets t-shirt, or, especially, in your hand. There's a lot of protein in that stuff, and it Read more:Laundry
The Oops: Unexpected Anal and You 2007-07-20 04:33:57 I am of the mind that there is never a situations should settle for anything short of their full potential. Anything worth doing is worth doing right. That being said, why just do it doggy style when, if you slide Mr. happy about three inches upward, you could enjoy the unrelenting sex-charged ego trip that is anal sex?
The answer is simple: a lot of girls are repulsed by the idea of anal sex. It's something gay people do , No parking in rear etc etc. Some girls claim that they derive no pleasure from having a penis shoved into their anal cavity. Since I have often enjoyed the passtime of the butt, and also watched hundreds of hours of pornography- I know that chicks dig anal hardcore- some of them just aren't self actualized about it.
But, if your chick isn't into taking it up the poop-shoot, do not despair, for there is a way around this- the “Oops”. It's a pretty simple concept- all you have to do is, in the dark sweaty mess of dog style humping, remove your Read more:Unexpected
Stop The Presses! My Girl Won't Do Oral! 2007-07-19 06:35:25 In the game of life, you deal with tiny issues every day. Bills, acne and Dr. Phil are among the more annoying, yet trite problems one comes across, assesses, and manages on a daily basis. But, there are some problems so massive, so stupefying in nature that they command your undivided and relentless attention for a prolonged period of time.
A set of circumstances that requires the most immediate, swift and decisive action is if your girlfriend/sex-buddy/wife is not blowing you.
Oral sex is the lifeblood of all men. Despite the world's differences, conflicts and sporting rivalries- every man on earth can agree that blowjobs are awesome. Even a bad blowjob, involving a girl nibbling on your stick like corn on the cob is still amazing. Without a good hummer every now and again, we cannot walk confidently through life knowing that, if only for a few minutes (and preferably while watching a sporting event and drinking beer) a woman completely degraded herself by lapping up your awesome Read more:Presses
Confessions of an Anger Banger 2007-07-17 19:13:23 I think it's time I got something off my chest- and it's horrible. I feel like this blog is an outlet for me to really come clean about what, until recently, I thought to be a major personality flaw of mine.
I love to have angry sex.
Seriously, I need to be absolutely repulsed by a woman in order to enjoy shagging her. I need a chick to be lying, repugnant filth, like the kind that contributes to this website, to even get slightly chubbed up in the 'nether regions.'
Now I'm not into being smacked around or anything- don’t take me from some leather-bound 'Machine' look-alike, but it is an unequivocal truth that I can't sleep with a chick unless she is being rude, insensitive, and bull headed.
Angry sex is better than any kind of lovey-dovey ultra mushy act of affection that has ever been attempted. Cuddling and caressing are replaced with spitting swearing, and maneuvering that more closely resembles an Islander-Ranger game than a cozy satin sheets love fest. Read more:Banger
The Art of the "Peek-A-Boo" 2007-07-17 04:38:33 At the very top of the list of zany sex antics that I have pulled off in my long storied history is the peek a boo , which is known in some kinkier circles as the Kansas City doggy style shuffle. I don't know how the second name came about. It's origin, like many weird nicknames will probably be shrouded in mystery forever.
But alas, the Peek-a-boo began one night long ago when I bought a young starlet home to my room. She was quite drunk and ready to rumble. Now, I would not suggest doing this to just anyone. She has to be a girl that you don't particularly like- maybe an ex girlfriend or someone who parks illegally in handicapped spots. Also, this girl should also not be terribly bright, and should not have wealthy parents or a good attorney.
This girl fit every one of these requirements, plus she was a butter face , you know, slammin’ body, monstrous breasts, and a face that got clobbered by the ugly stick.
That being said, this is how it worked. You need a groun
Salad Tossing: Is it for me? 2007-07-16 04:17:10 So really, when is it a good time to ask your girlfriend, boyfriend, partner, etc if it's a good time to stick your face in their buttocks in efforts of getting sexual pleasure?
Truly, that is a question for the ages.
Broaching the subject of ass-to-mouth relations is something that should be done extremely delicately. It is altogether common that this idea will be met with fear, or trepidation- and in some cases, mind-numbing amounts of rage and fury.
It's understandable to be a little bit leery of getting your salad tossed, as the saying goes. The anus and the mouth really have nothing to do with each other. Some people are a little squeamish about putting something in an orifice that is usually reserved for things exiting the body, not the other way around.
It may be prudent to pretend like everyone is into the whole salad tossing thing. Why not make it sound like it's something perfectly natural for couples to engage in? Example I did that whole ass to mouth thing w Read more:Salad
, Tossing
A Muff Dive That Will Live in Infamy 2007-07-25 08:27:45 There was a girl I once knew that we used to affectionately call Double D Denise - for obvious reasons. This girl had it all- jugs the size of the Uganda, a great body, and a relentless desire to party. The Gods of casual slams really broke the mold when they made her.
One night, DD and I were getting cozy at a local watering hole and I was able to politely ask her if she wanted to come back to my apartment for a little post-bar fondling. She warmed to the idea, and I took her back to the house that I shared with many jealous roommates. They are overawed when they saw DD lead me into my room by my sex hose, looking like she was already as saturated as the rainforest in the afternoon.
After several minutes of heavy petting and over-the pants groping, I decided it was time to move downstairs. I should take this time to mention that I am a certifiable muff diving master. I can perform cunnigulus with the best of them, having studied Peter North videos for countless hours, selflessl
Road Head Ethics for You and Me 2007-07-24 10:37:56 While it has been established that there is no greater feeling on earth than receiving a hummer, this feeling of conquest and contentment is only amplified when you can get your girl to suck on your sex sword while you're driving somewhere. Truly it is an awe-inspiring feeling to be master of the road, and get the twig and berries licked at the same time.
Even though this selfless act is oftentimes enjoyable, there are many rules that must be adhered to in order to ensure a safe, clean environment for both involved parties. Here are some examples.
-Road head cannot realistically given to a person who drives a car with a stick shift- while it is true that many nice cars (that help attract dong huffing females) only come in standard packages, it is unfeasible to have a girl place her mouth upon little captain awesome while your constantly jabbing her in the throat with your knuckles while changing gears.
-The road head giver must be ready for sudden stops and starts. Do not be u Read more:Ethics
Massage Parlors: Don't Let Them Rub You the Wrong Way 2007-07-26 08:16:07 We've all seen them before- the dingy little place with the closed curtains that's open all hours of the night. It's probably centrally located by a stretch of bars and strip clubs, and almost definitely named after a city in Japan- like 'Osaka' or 'Tokyo'. The sign out front says they offer 'spa services'- but do not be fooled. In reality, they are selling something far more enticing- young, sultry, illegal sex acts straight from the Far East.
The decision to enter a often a move veiled in secrecy, and fuelled by a lot of booze- and I mean, like a serious surplus of sake bombs. I recommend going in with only one friend- a man that you trust, and, more importantly, has just as much to lose by his wife/girlfriend/sister finding out about his late night excursion into the mysterious world of oriental rubdowns.
I highly recommend a fast, and nondescript entrance. Make sure you are not being followed by law enforcement, or a minivan being driven by an angry woman in a nightg Read more:Massage
, Wrong
Threesomes: A Six-Holed Sloshfest for Everyone 2007-07-30 08:44:14 No matter what our individual goals in life may be we all share the desire to have not only one, but two girls jousting back and forth with your humping lance. This is America, afer all. We are all endowed with the unalienable rights to life liberty, and three way sex. That being said, if you follow these steps I took you will exponentially improve your odds of drawing double coverage next time you go deep
Anyway, I had been dating a girl Shannon for a while and I knew she was at least open to the idea. She would kiss her girlfriends when she was drunk, so I figured there would be a chance that she would be into a special guest star the next time I gave her the piledriver. It is key to make sure that she is at least somewhat open to the idea, even if not completely willing. If you get the vibe that she would never even kiss a girl (or if she tells you this outright) then move on to someone else- like her sister or roommate. That will teach her not to be into the six-holed
It's Always a Slobber-Knocker When You Use the Pile Driver! 2007-07-29 11:52:39 There are about as many sex positions that have been conjured by the imagination of man as there are fish in the ocean. Truly, penetration junkies are always looking for new ways to mangle each other. When young, flexible and adventurous there are many things you're willing to try. Some things work, and some things end up with her filing federal charges (see The Oops or The Kansas City Doggy Style Shuffle ).
I am here to tell you of the most effective sex position that exists in the world today- the Pile Driver
.
The Pile Driver is named after a now-outlawed pro wrestling maneuver used to great effectiveness by one of my heroes, Jerry the King Lawler. The Pile Driver was used to drive a dude's head into the mat while holding it in place with your things.
The real Pile Driver involved your man piston used at an elevated angle, thusly driving it into your target like a patriot missile.
From start to finish, you can begin to employ the Pile Driver from standard mission
Blackout Sex: Does it Count? 2007-08-02 10:12:22 A wise philosopher once asked If a tree falls in a forest, and no one is around to hear it, does it make a noise? Well, I think we can all agree that the greater question is as follows: if you slam some madam, and you are so intoxicated while doing it that you don't even remember, does it still count?
Take, for instance, the case of a certain trip to Oneonta in upstate New York for the purpose of competing in a case race. (For those of you who don't know, a case race is where you and two teammates compete against other teams of three in a race to finish your case of beer first. It always ends well.). After a night of raucous drinking and unprotected sex at SUNY New Paltz the night before, we headed north to Oneonta. After enjoying a little pre-game celebration it was time to start the competition. Despite my MVP effort, my team took the loss, after which we decided that some beer pong was in order. The next thing I remember is waking up the next day in a sitting position
The Glory of Backroom Restaraunt Sex 2007-08-02 03:52:09 Working in the restaurant business is one of the best industries to in which to proliferate sorted acts having sex in public- second only to maybe working as a jizz mopper at a dildo factory- and at that job, they encourage the kind of brazen acts of discretion-free humping that one can enjoy when working as a waiter, busboy, line cook, bartender, etc.
Take for instance an incident that took place when I was tending bar at a local seafood eatery. They had hired this busty young lass with no talent for serving people and marginal people skills- and asked me to train her. So, I showed her how to order mussels marinara while all the while sending out the vibe that I would really enjoy a good hard stroking of my man mussels in cock sauce. I could tell she was into it. When you attain a certain level of man-whoreishness, you can just tell. It's like zen, or something.
I told her to come in early one morning when it was just me and some line cooks hanging out. If you want to pull of a
Thaaar She Blows! Harpooning a Fat Chick: Is It Tons of Fun? 2007-08-01 16:04:16 Captain Ahab lives in literary history as the man who slew the white whale- why can't that be you? With all the hoopla surrounding banging chicks with 26 waists and 36 inches of jugs, one realizes that there is a far more plentiful supply of questionable looking, obese, and downright homely pieces of tail out there- many of which are something suitable to at least be solicited to suck on your yogurt squirter. I like to refer to them as many men refer to them…Fat Chicks.
While society sometimes frowns upon bringing a mastodon home for a casual slam, it's important to know that sometimes the act of banging a fat chick is condonable. I like to affectionately call this going whaling. Although the practice of slaying ocean-going mammals has long been outlawed, the act of seducing rotund slam bags is a practice that is becoming very common- especially given America's disgusting obsession with saturated fat and jelly donuts dipped in strawberry mystery sauce.
I am here to te
Escort Negotiations: Getting the Most Bang for your Buck 2007-07-31 14:50:04 It's 4 am, you've been drinking all night with your buddies, the girls have already left and there are only two options left: take turns wearing a blindfold and dishing out handies, or open the phone book and find a single mom who needs cash now. Calling an escort is a right of passage for all young American males and it's important to know how to make the most of the experience. Hey, if you're going to play STD Russian roulette you may as well go all out. The following is pretty much every experience I've ever had with a cum-catcher for hire.
When she arrives you should offer her a drink, but nothing good of course. You wouldn't enter a donkey in the Kentucky Derby, so why would you pour Hennessey into some desperate, disease ridden slam pig? Grab her Popov rocks, or a warm can of Genesee (drugging her isn't mandatory, but it certainly can't hurt) and make some small talk with her. Use this time to develop a strategy for implementing some kind of depraved sex act on th
How To Win the Club Girl from the Metro Sexual 2007-07-31 07:45:18 We've all seen the metro sexual before. Usually mere eye contact is enough to educe nausea, heartburn, and many other things that only Pepto-Bismol can cure. Out at bars and clubs, he will prance around like a peacock in his pink polo shirt, nautical themed belt and bleached jeans purchased from a Quiet Riot yard sale.
Metro sexual men who do not enjoy the being throttled in the buttocks by other metro sexual men are certifiable snatch hounds who usually consume club girls in the same manner as Rosie O'Donnell at a buffet. They use their false charm, trendy floral body spray and horrific pick up lines to convince club girls that it is not only the right idea, but the socially acceptable move to allow them into their sex sanctum. As horrific as it may sound, you usually can find fake tanner smudged all over the mattress of a respectable club girls bed the next morning.
Defeating a metro sexual man for the honor of who gets to take come any woman in a complex and booze-filled soci Read more:Sexual
Lights, Camera, Handjob! 2007-08-06 05:10:19 We've all been in this situation before. Sitting in a movie theatre, watching a movie that just isn't all you thought it would be, next to a hot little piece of ass who is jonesing to drink a pint of your screw goo later on that evening. Sometimes, especially if you're sitting in the newest Harry Potter flick, for example, a man's mind begins to wander. A man begins to think to himself, wow, wouldn't it be great get my Johnson tugged violently during this film?
Being the recipient of the coveted Charlie Sheen theatre handie is not as easy as many people think. Unless you're dealing with a complete slam pig, it takes accuracy, precision, and above all things- planning. Moreover, if you are in fact out for a night on the town with a girl who you know is giving it up, it's unbelievably dumb to even spend money on the movie tickets when you could spend that hard- earned cash on prophylactics and booze.
But, if you're going to have to work for it, here's what you do. Firs Read more:Lights
, Camera
It's Hard To Be an Ace Without a Good Wingman 2007-08-08 05:30:06 Even the most seasoned babe slayer would be nothing without his supporting cast. Without Goose, Maverick would have been spanking it in his barracks every night. Remember how lost he was flying with that black guy after Goose's skull was caved in?
Every time a man brings home a woman for a casual slam or three, she doesn't realize that he had a hard working and often unappreciated wingman in his corner. This guy works just as hard, if not harder as he was to receive a piece of tail that will never be his. While in a perfect world it would be his sex fluid liberally squirted into this girl, the wingman plays the role of co-pilot for his friend because he is simply a selfless individual, or very often, he has self-esteem problems.
The work of a wingman is truly multi-faceted. A solid wingman will be the first to infiltrate a potentially complex dance floor situation, and assess which female commodities are ripe for his buddies to mangle later on in the evening. Wingmen are usuall
Bubbles, Booty and Glory: Who Said No Sex In the Champagne Room? 2007-08-13 16:38:36 Chris Rock, while a very funny dude who really changed my life with his whole Robitussin standup routine, is a liar. It's possible he didn't know this, but I am here to tell you that it is all together possible to have sex in the champagne room. Yes, friends, stop the presses, call your friends and send out press releases to local media outlets. I accomplished this feat last weekend during a 72 hour bender with my buddies in Atlantic City. I did, in fact, slam my chubbed, booze-fueled baby batter bomber into the sultry slam hole of an exotic dancer, without getting arrested, or having my clavicle broken by a linebacker-sized goon.
Heed my warning, friends and fans alike. This maneuver is not for the faint of heart, or the sexually un-skilled. If, for example, you have not already achieved 8/10ths of the depraved, sadistic, lewd acts that are described on this illustrious website, then maybe this one is not for you. But if you're daring, read on, and I will show you how I defied Read more:Bubbles
, Champagne
Whiskey Dick: When Jim Beam Owns Your Rod 2007-08-16 07:22:33 Whiskey dick is a term for two different horrific afflictions that are all together too common among men, both old and young alike. Whiskey dick is an equal opportunity syndrome, striking anyone who has drank too much brown, hard liquor and has aspirations of letting loose some cock fuel.
More often than not, this takes place when you bring a young slam pig home from the bar after a long night of sucking down Jack Daniels, or Yukon Gold. That fire water makes you horny enough to stick it in an electric pencil sharpener, and your body is experiencing a desire to get yourself a face full of puss the likes of which cannot be properly explained in sobriety.
But, your man piston is nothing more than a flaccid, limp man sprout. No matter what you do, or how long she licks your balls, it won't get up. Your mind is thinking that you should have a woody large enough to hang a flag from, but it just isn't happening. The cure for this is simple- don't drink so much next time, moron.
H Read more:Whiskey
Cock Blocks: Mankind's Greatest Enemy 2007-08-15 10:05:16 We've all been there. The night's going well; things are looking up and that hot little sex kitten that's 8 cosmos and 2 shots deep is ready to get slammed harder than an Onyx reunion tour. But just when you're about to take her to your place it happens: the sex equivalent of Dikembe Motumbo shows up waving the finger at you.
The cock block comes in two main forms: the fat friend who is angry at all men because they always go for her hot friend and never her because even the biggest Star Wars fan does not fantasize about porking Jabba the Hut.
The other famous cock block is the friend who doesn't realize they're cock blocking you . There are certainly other cock blockers, such as the guy friend who wants to bang the girl but doesn't realize he's never going to, but we're going to deal with these two.
The fat friend is the most common, and sometimes to fiercest, of the cock blocks. We all know this is where a good wing man comes in handy but that's already been cove Read more:Blocks
, Greatest
, Enemy
She'll Ride You Harder If She Thinks You Know Nick Carter 2007-08-21 05:30:07 Whoever said honesty is always the best policy obviously never picked up sluts at a bar. Lying to drunken girls in the hopes that they'll show you a wider spread than a Colts - Raiders game is a right of passage for American males. But if you're going to attempt to get some hottie to spit on your man meat, then you need to know what you're doing.
My many years of not-so-honest interaction with women has taught me all the do's and don'ts of the lying game. First off, if you're going to lie go all out. Don't just say you're a lawyer; tell her you got Craig T. Nelson off for a double murder. There's a fundamental rule when it comes to lying to sluts: the bigger the lie the more they’ll put out. One of my favorite moves is to tell a few girls at a bar or a house party that I'm the assistant producer for Entourage (any popular show will do). After a couple of minutes of yapping to this slut, a friend of mine will come over and casually ask Hey Brian, how's Entoura Read more:Harder
, Carter
, Nick Carter
If You Took Her To Prom, Why Not Bang Her Mom? 2007-08-27 15:03:03 There are many accomplishments in life that deserve a great deal of celebration. Birthday's, graduations and the first time you hit the wall with your own rocket sauce are all reasons for great joy and mirth amongst you, and others. But all of these events pale in comparison to dumping a quart of child paste into your girl's loose mother.
Yes, its exceedingly dastardly to place your meat rocket into the trap that bore the girl you've been shagging- and yes, unless your girl takes kinky to a whole new level, she'll probably never speak to you again- but think of it this way- you will have a story that will one up any and all perverted sex tales your buddies can ever conjure up. I don't care if your cousin climbed Everest naked, you can easily put them in their place by mentioning that you banged your ex-girlfriends mom.
Now, how do you do this, you ask? It's not easy. First, you need to pick a target. Most of the time, girls will inevitably grow up to resemble their mothers,
Stuck Up Girls Piss Me Off 2007-08-31 09:38:39 Sadly, the worst epidemic so strike America since smallpox is not being dealt with by politicians, scientists, or Dr. Phil. In fact, it's being completely ignored by all of these similarly ass-backwards folk. They're spread about or urban and sub-urban centers like dick rash, and, just like dick rash, they spread very quickly when encouraged to do so.
I’m here to set the record straight. Stuck
up, prissy, annoying, glammed-out Nicole Riche wannabes are everywhere nowadays, and it’s usually a complete disaster running into whores like these. Especially after you’ve downed a bottle of Johnny Black, or as I like to call it, balls in a bottle. While it's kind of fun to poke fun at their Gucci bag sporting, tight, valour sweatpants wearing, gibbon physiqued ways, it's a down right horror when you encounter them in a social situation. Not only do they not socialize with anyone out of their own small gaggle fellow prissy princesses, but they partake in a bizarre ritua Read more:Girls
First 30 Days of Trash 2007-08-13 09:46:25 It's hard to believe, but today marks a huge milestone in the history of this fine blog. Today, OldDirtyBlog.com turns one month old- that's 30 days of polluting the world wide inter-web with some of lewd tales of Pile Driving, sex-pistoling and whore-chasing, all plucked from my lifetime of sin, booze, and objectification of women- especially Asian hookers.
In 30 days, thousands of you have spent your time drooling over this abject grammatical mess of slovenly prose dedicated to topics that are range from morally impure to certifiably heinous- and I appreciate every last one of you. Seriously, I do. I appreciate you so much that I'd probably apologize after I covered your sister in sex stucco and then moved onto getting into your mom's pants. That's just what kind of a guy I am.
While the span of 30 days may seem infinitesimal in the grand scheme of things, I have used this time to begin what I consider to be one of the paramount humping blogs in all the vast lexicon of cyb Read more:First
, Trash
Tag Team's Back Again 2007-09-25 05:34:21 Sure, there's no better feeling than dropping your awesome sauce on two chicks at a time, but who's to say that teaming up with a buddy to take some lucky lady to Paris can't be just as much fun? Some guys will try to tell you that any kind of sexual activity that involves another guy in the room is intrinsically gay. Well I say if two buddies can't cross swords with one another while tearing into some young cum queen then what the hell are we doing here in the first place? Seriously, you'd use a urinal after your buddy so why not a slam hole? It's just like a urinal, except smaller, tighter, wetter and you don't pee in it (unless you've got something going on that is beyond the limits of even this blog).
Whereas working a two girl three-way can require a great deal of cunning, doubling up on unsuspecting female prey can be quite simple. My most memorable tag team experience took place in the winter/spring of '04. Anyone who parties enough knows that the most ridiculo Read more:Again
Daring Diving-Board Disaster 2007-09-20 08:33:40 I was in Pennsylvania to see a Phish concert once. The venue was somewhere between a cow pasture and the edge of the freakin’ planet. I'm talking about a barren wasteland of pastures, rolling hills, and inbred people are far as the eye could see. For some reason, Phish had decided to invite thousands of horny, scantily clad people pumped full of psychedelics to this god-forsaken place to hold a concert. I was all over it like Dr. Phil in a room filled with under aged Thai schoolchildren.
My buddies and I camped out, and got horribly intoxicated before the show began. I'm talking 5-alarm Betty Ford blasted here. I don't much remember the concert, but I do remember meeting this absurdly busty girl named Star who liked looking at me. Star was evidently a local girl who had few life goals other than abusing substances and watching Phish. She ranged in age anywhere from 18 to 25, and the sheer girth of her fun bags ranged anywhere from ginormous to unbelievably colossal .
Read more:Daring
, Diving
, Board
, Disaster
Homemade Pornography: A True Art Form 2007-09-19 10:34:15 Of all the developments of the 20th century pornography has to be among the greatest. No matter what our individual beliefs or values may be, all red-blooded American males share an admiration for fornicating folk heroes like John Holmes, Peter North and Long Dong Silver. Sure, maybe I don't have a 13 inch dong that I look at in the mirror while muttering inspirational slogans to myself, but why shouldn't I be able to videotape some lucky girl slurping down a bowl of my man chowder?
With many of today's slutty stars already adhering to this trend (Paris, Pam Anderson, the chick from that reality show and soon to be Brittany ) it is much easier these days to get your woman to agree to this. A few years back I brought the idea up to my then girlfriend (from the threesome blog) and she loved it. We brought the camera over to my place, performed some of the worst acting this side of any Keaneau Reeves film, kissed, licked, sucked and hammered away at each other until I was re Read more:Pornography
The Hat Trick: 3 Chicks In 24 Hours 2007-09-14 04:52:06 As a youth, I remember idolizing guys like Gordie Howe, Wayne Gretzky and Mark Messier (even though my dad always told me Messier was a turtleneck wearing pole smoker). Above all things, one of the great spectacles that all three men accomplished fairly easily was the hat-trick, or scoring 3 goals in one game. People are so in love with the concept of hitting pay dirt three times in one night that when it happens, everyone throws their sweaty, dandruff filled hats onto the ice in celebration. I don't how that stupid tradition caught on, but it probably came from Canada. Go figure.
I'm here to tell you, however, that hat tricks are not simply reserved for hockey superstars to pull off. Guys like you and me can pull off our own special kind of hat trick, that is just as difficult probably requires more skill and precision that slipping three pucks past the goalie in one night. In the world the rest of us occupy, you can accomplish a hat trick by engaging in dirty, raunchy sex with t Read more:Trick
, Chicks
, Hours
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