Owner: Mescaline Visions 4.0 URL:http://m-visions.blogspot.com Join Date: Wed, 20 Sep 2006 16:40:16 -0500 Rating:1 Site Description: Today my self-esteem hit an all time low when my logic professor proved that I didn’t exist. I’m quite distressed. Perhaps this explains why my jeans are so loose-fitting. Site statistics:Click here
Happy New Year! (2007) 2007-01-01 17:09:00 Hi Y'all,This is the Nerd coming to you from Britain's own third-world country, Scotland. (Yes, I've finally lived here long enough where I've gotten past the initial novelty inspired "ooh, ahhh' phase, and I've settled into the calm cynicism that comes from living in any country for a lengthy period of time.) Anyway, as promised I am coming out of reitirement just in time to post my annual New Years greeting (can you believe this is my fourth year carrying out this great tradition?) For all of you first-timers, it goes something like this: the US president has the State of the Union, and the Queen mum has her Christmas address, and I have my New Years message. It's that simple. And as always, I have a list of lessons I've learned from the year gone by, which I offer to you now free of charge (though generous donations are encouraged).
But first, I have to announce that Diane and I are over! It was more a difference of opinion really; I thought it was okay to sleep with he Read more:Happy
, Happy New Year
Let's Get Re-acquainted 2007-01-08 10:31:00 I do tend to leave a distinct impression on people, mostly because I'm a bit weird. (Unfortunately, I don't belong to the right tax bracket to warrant the appellation 'eccentric'). But since I've been away for a while, I thought this was a good time for us to get re-acquainted. Actually, the truth is that a week ago a 'friend' sent me this bloody tag and kept hounding me to fill it in (its amazing just how annoying the persistence of a single person could be) and so here are my answers to her questions:1. Your first name? Shut up (or at least that's what I thought the first ten years of my life)2. Were you named after anyone? 'Avery'. Hmmm, let me think. A brand of stationary?3. What is the weather like right now? I live in Scotland. Enough said.4. What are your favourite colours? Purple and Indigo. But my arch nemesis is Orange. I hate Orange!5. What is your favourite type of food? East Indian (those people taste great!)6. What was your favourite toy
I'm Afraid There's Someone Else 2007-01-22 08:52:00 Okay, I have a confession to make. There is another blog! She's one of those New Blogger blogs. She's sleek, sexy, and she treats me well. That explains why I'm never around anymore. I'm sorry.
Currently, I'm in the process of slowly transferring posts from this blog to the new one, so there isn't anything there yet that you haven't seen. The blog would have a slightly different tone to this one, particularly since it's linked to my academic blog network (yes, there is even a nerdier side to me than what you see here!) However, there are certain "special" needs that only my darling Mescaline could meet. (This is where I can truly be myself, in all of my curmudgeonly, sexually-preoccupied yet coitally-challenged glory!) Consequently, I plan to keep her running as well. However, things will continue to be slow-going here until I fully get the other blog off the ground.
In the mean time, I invite you to check out my Expat Interview, which Lizza so graciously invited me to take par
Why God Hates Me 2007-02-02 20:33:00 My Reply to L>T's Tag
My Christian friends assure me that God loves me. I really want to believe them, but then I look in the mirror. Sigh. So here are the top five reasons I think God hates me.
Number 5: Because I'm black. So I've tried to put the whole "curse of Ham" thing behind me. But now, God has resorted to stealing my socks from the dryer. I didn't think anything of it, until I learned that my white flat-mate still has all of his. Now I'm furious!
Update: Since then God has assured me that He thinks "I'm articulate, bright and clean…heck, I'm like a walking storybook!" I feel much better now.
Number 4: Because my milkshake is better than His. So God and I were at this club and in walks this sista with the kind of hind quarters that inspires rap albums. (You know the big guy loves the ladies with a little junk in da trunk!) I'll spear you the details of what transpired next, but suffice it to say that at the end of the night I got th Read more:Hates
A Day in the Life of a Philosopher 1970-01-01 00:59:59 Today my self-esteem hit an all time low when my logic professor proved that I didn't exist. I'm quite distressed. Perhaps this explains why my jeans are so loose-fitting. What's equally upsetting is that I learned that non-existence does not exempt one from local and federal taxes. But if anything could be said for my new status, it is that I now belong to same category as many famous non-entities—such as unicorns, Bigfoot and US military intelligence. Read more:Philosopher
That Girl, Diane 1970-01-01 00:59:59 Today I met a toothsome Scottish lass by the name of Diane
. She had hair the colour of glazed almonds, skin as pale as lily petals, and the kind of hips that would make you deliquesce right out of your kilt. We were both waiting in line to use the loo, when in a moment of mind-numbing randomness she blurted out: "I believe that brevity is the soul of wit!" Caught off guard by her non sequitur, I thoughtlessly responded: "then you should find my performance in bed very amusing". She erupted in snortful laughter and simmultaneously we recognised in each other the same penchant for the random and absurd that resided in ourselves. It was one of those wonderful moments when mutually insane minds meet—a cosmic connection that laughs in the face of reason. Soon we were seated on the floor next to the toilet having a lengthy conversation about love, life and the silver paper used to make chewing gum wrappers. She went into detail about how she and her father fought constantly, partic
The Immoral Minority 1970-01-01 00:59:59 It's hard being the minority, especially since one often finds oneself outnumbered. This is no less true in the sphere of religion; and when it comes to the flock of God, atheists are clearly the black sheep. But I haven't always been a member of the god-hating atheist minority. On the contrary, I was actually quite religious as a child. When I was only six years old I decided to enter the priesthood. Of course my parents assumed that it was just a childish phase I was going through, especially when I began holding mass for my Lego blocks and G.I. Joe action figures. But I approached my ministerial aspirations with the determination of a wine stain on a silk blouse. At once I implemented a strict spiritual dietary regimen consisting of the Old and New Testament scriptures, the writings of the church fathers and Veggie Tale videos. My bedroom wall boasted a signed pin-up poster of Mother Theresa and next to my closet stood a life-size cut-out of the pope. Each morning the sun peeked Read more:Immoral
, Minority
Mike and Jamie: A Valentine's Day Lament 1970-01-01 00:59:59 This post is about two people that I find so annoying that the very thought of them makes me want to pay someone a large sum of money to beat my head in with the nearest blunt object. Mike and Jamie
(who happen to share the study cubicle right next to mine) are best friends, just short of having matching tattoos and BFF bracelets. But what makes me feel compelled to perform bodily harm on myself each time I hear their names is the fact that Jamie is positively in love with Mike. I realise I'm not making any sense so let me put things into perspective. Here is the crucial tid-bit you need to know about Jamie: She's HOT!! And I don't mean, oops, I burnt my finger on the toaster, hot. I mean janitor in chemistry lab mistakes bucket of nitroglycerine for industrial cleaner and then, once he's finished mopping the floor, proceeds to light his cigarette, hot!Anyway, like I said, Jamie is totally head over heals in love with Mike. In fact, she is regularly dropping hints that she would l Read more:Valentine
, Lament
I Was Just Rushing Out... 2007-03-28 08:59:00 I've been growing more agitated than a dog at a flea convention. A friend gave me a self-help book: "How to Become a Patient Person". I read the first three lines and then skipped to the last chapter. No time for inessentials. I have things to go, places to see, people to do...or something like that. Anyway, I would love to chit-chat, but like I said, I have sh*t to do... Read more:Rushing
The Easter Bill 2007-04-06 15:09:00 Remember that without capital punishment there would be no Easter
. So this Easter, go to the ballet box and show your support for the new binding referendum for the reinstatement of crucifixion. Let's face it, lethal injections and the electric chair are for pussies. What we need is capital punishment with testicles!Peter was crucified upside down for his lord and when the martyrs were burned at the stake, legend has it that they sang until their voices were no more. Sure, their songs were somewhat high pitched and along the lines of “oh Gawd, oh gawd make it stop!” But at least they sang, dammit!But take a look at the sorry state of capital punishment today. “Will you like to have a pedicure with that lethal injection?” Give me a break! Back in the day, criminals would often die just from the scourging that served as the warm-up for the main event. And once the nailing began all you had to look forward to was hours, sometimes days, of insane amounts of pain, asphyxiation, deh
Little Brother's Advice (A Wedding Toast) 2007-07-10 14:16:00 On July 6th, 2007, my big brother Andre tied the knot. What follows is a copy of the toast I delivered at the wedding reception:Statistics show that up to half of the marriages today end in divorce. And I know that sounds bad; but what they don't tell you is that the other half end in death. Kind of a no-win situation. And yet we find ourselves running headlong into the marital union like lemmings off a precipice. My elementary school English teacher taught me that marriage is a word. But now that I’m older, I’ve come to believe that it’s more like a sentence; life without parole! The worse part is that it is completely self-imposed. But some how, some way, some why, we find ourselves seeking, craving, longing for this imprisonment! Driven by some deep rooted masochistic desire for life-long suffering; we vow to never love another again. They say if life gives you lemons make lemonade, but isn’t getting married a bit like growing your own orchard? If you ask me, it a Read more:Brother
, Toast
, Little Brother
The Most Finalest Final Goodbye…Of Doom! 2007-08-22 03:51:00 Roughly two years ago—armed armed with nothing but a second-rate lap top, a hyperactive imagination and an unfulfilled sex-drive, I began this blog. Originally, it was supposed to chronicle my many (mis)adventures as a Nubian nerd living in Kilt-country. But it has turned out to be so much less more. Granted, my lap top remains second-rate and I’m more shag-deprived than ever. But I have been able to e-meet some really cool people (L>T and Warya come to mind), compose a number of morally uplifting posts, and significantly contribute to the overall wellbeing to the human species. But now I’m finally saying goodbye to Scotland! There is much I am going to miss about Great Britian’s very own third-world country; the short dark days, the long cold nights, the endless rain, the taste-less food. It pains me deeply to leave. On the upside, I will now be living on the same continent as Mist1. (And who knows, perhaps I will one day meet the body that houses the mind that s Read more:Goodbye
, Final
Recommend Site To A Friend
