Owner: The Life of Ben, a Polymer Man URL:http://bencandance.blogspot.com/ Join Date: Tue, 17 Jul 2007 17:07:48 -0500 Rating:0 Site Description: Ben is a dancing, tuxedo wearing, hip clay dude made of polymer. He meets interesting women all the time, is athletic, multi-talented and a great catch for some lucky polymer girl. Follow the daily adventures of Ben and his fantastic Singles life. Site statistics:Click here
Jewelie came to the dance studio today 2007-09-12 02:54:00 Well, I was getting the class warmed up for Expressionist Dance this morning when Jewelie suddenly walked through the door! I was speechless for a moment or two and frankly, after my experience with Yasmine...I was scared! She announced that she was there to take the class and I think the other dance students really got a kick out of her unique 'look'. I heard quite a few muffled chuckles, seeing as everyone else was dressed in dance shorts or leggings and Jewelie was wearing a black leather skirt, blouse, some kind of winter hat on her head and these HUMONGOUS earrings hanging from her ears. When I managed to find my voice, I welcomed her to the class (as any good instructor would do) and asked if she wanted someone to show her where the locker room was. "Nope" she said "I'm all set!". That was the most interesting (OK, and funny!) dance class I think I've ever taught. As she tried hard to follow our routine her giant earrings kept swinging back and forth and knocki
Busy week! Yasmine arrested 2007-09-07 13:07:00 Wow. What a week! I drove up to S.F. to see my sis for the weekend and came back late Monday night. When I pulled up to my house it was almost midnight. I saw from the driveway that my bedroom light was on and I thought it was really strange because I never leave that light on.I opened the front door and immediately noticed my sliding back door was open. I freaked out and slowly backed out while I reached for the cell phone in my pocket. I walked out to the street and phoned the police to report that I could have an intruder in my house. They instructed me to wait outside until they arrived. Well, curiosity got the best of me and I tiptoed over to my bedroom window to peer in through the open section of mini-blinds. Sitting on my bed, surrounded by underwear and socks from my drawers, was Yasmine
! She had my pillow on her lap and it appeared that she was sniffing my underwear! I was truly creeped out. Right then the cops pulled up and went in to escort her out in handcuff Read more:arrested
A Whole lotta Stuff ! 2007-09-30 23:56:00 Tonight was going to be my second date with Betty. She gave me directions to where her apartment was and told me to wait in the parking lot and call her to let her know I was there and she would come out. She hadn't given me her apartment number but on our date the other night she had talked about having a pink dragon kite hanging near her front door. As I parked I saw the pink dragon kite. I thought I'd be a gentleman and go get her at the door (and I thought maybe she'd let me use her bathroom too, as it was a half hour drive!)Well, I knocked on her apartment door and what greeted me on the other side was not a pretty picture. There was one very angry Betty and a whole lot of STUFF. Boxes, baskets, furniture and magazines were piled high. There was more stuff crammed into that small apartment then would fit in my local thrift store. I didn't know what to say. But Betty did! She actually started yelling at me "See what you've done?! I told you I'd come out to the c Read more:Whole
Strange Cousin Sabby 2007-09-28 15:33:00 My very strange cousin Sabby sends me these emails about once a week and all they consist of is pictures of herself. "Self-portraits" I guess they are. She is often in different costumes, holding different props or food or sometimes it's a certain mood she's trying to get across. One time she even sent a photo of herself next to her grocery receipt with the total circled (Um, OK...... you eat a lot?)I don't really know why she sends them to me......She doesn't write a message to go with them, just pictures in a collage. Sometimes it's 6 or 7, one week she sent me 20! What makes a person want to take that many photos of themselves? I don't get it. I guess the real question is, how many different ways can you view the same face? Unless there has been a major change (haircut, weight loss, time going by), it's the SAME face. You don't need to see it 50 times in different accessories. It won't have changed from one hour to the next.She's always been a bit strange. Read more:Strange
Jewelie comes to Stretch & Groove 2007-10-12 15:06:00 Well, Jewelie was there today. First one in the class and wearing what I presume was exercise gear. ? To my relief, she staked out a spot near the back which I thought would prevent her from being too much of a distraction. I couldn't have been more wrong. Once the class was full of students I put on "What's Going On" by Marvin Gaye for our warm up dance. I was startled when all of a sudden I heard a loud clanking and ringing from the back of the room. I peered back and it was Jewelie with a tambourine and a big brass bell! She was dancing wildly in a gyrating fashion with her eyes closed and shaking her instruments excitedly. The class had stopped dancing and was glaring back at her but she was oblivious and went right on convulsing....uh, dancing with her instruments. I left the music on and walked back to talk to her. I whispered "You really can't bring instruments in here. It kind of distracts from my teaching dance steps." She froze, gave me a chilling star Read more:comes
, Stretch
, Groove
Hello? 2007-10-11 11:14:00 I don't get it, I just don't get it. Betty and I connected on Sunday on such a deep level. I've called her every day this week and she doesn't return my calls. I left her a message on Sunday night telling her what a great day I had with her and told her I'd be up late if she wanted to call when she got in. Nothing. Then I left a message on Monday asking her to give me a call. Nothing. Then I called on Tuesday morning-ish to see if she wanted to come over to my house that evening and get a pizza and watch a video. Nothing. Yesterday, I was wondering if maybe she didn't pay her cell bill or something and wrote her an email telling her what a great time I had and asking her to give me a call. Nothing yet. No call ....no email. What is this? I don't understand women. She kisses me and touches my cheek in a tender way and tells me personal things about her childhood but then doesn't call me back?!And, speaking of things that are bizarre, tomorrow is the start of my Read more:Hello
Love From Sabby 2007-10-09 00:38:00 "To my cous, Ben. xoxoxox Sab" Yep, that's all she wrote and I got the above attachment with it. Uh-huh. Sabby, Sabby, Sabby. (I am shaking my head in wonder and astonishment).
Matinee with Betty 2007-10-07 19:56:00 I was awoken about 9:00 am this morning by the ringing of the phone. It was Betty
, finally calling me back! I was so happy to hear her voice I didn't even care that I'd planned to sleep until noon. We talked for about 20 minutes and she apologized many times for not calling me back sooner but said she was embarrassed that I had seen the inside of her apartment. I told her it wasn't important right now and that I just wanted to see her again (soon!). She told me that she had plans this evening with a few girlfriends but that if I was up for it she'd love to go to a movie and spend the afternoon together.We met at The Spectrum an hour later and decided to see "The Bourne Ultimatum" since neither of us had seen it yet. It's been out for a while now, so we had almost the entire theater to ourselves. There was only a few teens in the front row. It was a great movie but it was hard to focus on it as I spent most of the time stealing glances at Betty. She is so beautiful.After t Read more:Matinee
Hatred 2007-10-06 16:58:00 Last night I went out with a couple of buddies for some beers and chicken wings. When I got home, there were 10 messages from Yasmine (who got out of jail after someone posted her bail). It kind of sounded like she might have been drinking. She was slurring her words in a couple of messages, crying in a 3 or 4, got very belligerent and sarcastic in one (saying "Carry on." "Awesome." "Sweet of you to care." "Oh please. Let's all ignore me now, shall we?" "It's all my fault. Got it. Got it." "Right, right, I only 'think' you care about me. Interesting, really.") and, in the very last message, was singing loudly and out of key: "Breathe out so I can breathe you in.... hold you inAnd now, I know youve always been out of your head, out of my head I sangAnd I wonder when I sing along with you if everything could ever feel this real foreverIf anything could ever be this good againThe only thing Ill ever ask of youYouve got to promise not to stop when I say when" then she burst into
Paranoia! Paranoia! Paranoia! 2007-10-04 00:19:00 On the way to work this morning I stopped for a Tall Latte and grabbed one of those long biscotti to go with it. I bit into it and a searing pain shot through my head. One of my back teeth had broken in half! No joke.I managed to get an appointment right away with a new dentist on my health plan, Dr. Shrub. After an examination, he told me I would need an extensive roter root cleaning and Swedish-inlay that would take about two hours under nitrous oxide ("laughing gas").Well, that didn't sound too bad. Anything with the word 'laughing' in it has to be fun, right? WRONG! A couple of seconds after giving me the laughing gas I saw Shrub's eyes glowing red and horns popped right out of his head. Then this tiny instrument he held grew into a screwdriver of torture, right before my eyes. I tried to get out of the chair but Beelzebub held me down with one hand as his assistant started pointing at me and laughing in a loud cackle like a witch. She ran around and around my chair Read more:Paranoia
Betty is a lying, double-crossing STRUMPET! 2007-10-18 12:14:00 It's true. I had everything ready for dinner Tuesday night. The grill was hot, the music was on and I was was looking forward to seeing her. 7:00 (the time she told me she'd come over) came, then 8:00. No call from her. I tried calling her cell and got her voice-mail, as always. 9:00 came and I called her again. No answer. By this time I was a little worried and very annoyed. By 9:45 still no call from her, so I decided to go over to her apartment. At that point I didn't care if she was angry at me for coming over, I was ticked off at her.Well, I got to her apartment about 10:05 and rang the doorbell 6 times in a row (did I mention I was slightly ticked off?). A guy in sweatpants and a Coors tshirt answered the door. He said "What?". I asked to see Betty
then asked who he was. He laughed at me. "I'm her husband, Dipwad" he told me. I was speechless. Just then, from behind one of the boxes, I saw Betty peer around tentatively. "Let me guess" he said turning tow Read more:double
I'm cooking for Betty tonight! 2007-10-16 12:56:00 She finally called me last night. She sounded apologetic that she hadn't gotten in touch with me sooner and said that she's had a friend staying with her for the past week (now where she put this friend in that junk filled apartment...I have no idea). Anyway, she's coming over tonight for dinner. She told me she loves to eat healthy, so I've hidden my Doritos, Ding-Dongs and candy stash away. I went to Trader Joe's this morning and bought a huge bag of rice, some fresh vegetables and salad ingredients. I'm going to grill the vegetables outside and lay them over a bed of rice. I will have salad on the side and I bought 4 different kinds of healthy dressing. I put out a 'Healthy Eating' magazine to give her the illusion that I eat this way all the time! I also bought her a rose and for dessert a box of European chocolates. I cleaned the bathroom, while simultaneously burning out my nasal hairs with the bleach fumes, and even put clean sheets on my bed (in case she want Read more:Betty
, cooking
CA Fires in hills around me! 2007-10-22 12:55:00 There is a fire raging in Malibu, a fire raging in San Diego, a fire that just broke out up in Lake Arrowhead and a fire raging about 10 miles from my house in Irvine. We are surrounded by a ring of fires from hell.The Dance Studio is closed today because the air quality is too bad for people to be dancing and breathing. Ash is falling from the sky like a gray snow and coating my car. So far, the fire remains a safe distance from my house, but I have a few precious valuables ready to go in case of evacuation (all my dance awards, my blue studio uniform, my lap top and photos of me with all my various girl friends). I did decide, however, to leave the photos of Yasmine, Jewelie and Betty, that they had given me. I have put them on the kitchen table right next to the can of lighter fluid and matches I use for barbequing. (And yes, I've looked up all their houses and they are safely away from the path of fires). Although, in Betty's case, a nice cleansing fire to rid her
I have a new roommate 2007-10-28 21:47:00 Mannon moved into my house on Saturday. Mannon works at the Studio part time and had a mobile home up in the hills that suffered some fire damage. We've never been that friendly, as I find him really obnoxious, but here he is, right this minute, in my home. Sitting in my spare room in his red speedos, shedding black fur like a poodle, and stinking up the place (he kind of has a B.O. problem).Friday night my boss called me telling me about the horrible "tragedy" that had befallen Mannon and hinting that she knew I had a two-bedroom house and wouldn't a "little company" be "wonderful". I gave in. I said he could rent the spare room for a couple of months until the repairs on his mobile home are done. But here it is, only day 2 of having Mannon here and I am sooooooo regretting it.What else (besides the B.O. and the shedding problem and the fact that he doesn't appear to like to wear clothes)? Well, there is the problem of him drinking all my beer and eating all my food and
Halloween Nightmare 2007-11-01 13:19:00 Every year on Halloween
the dance studio throws an afternoon Halloween party for kids. They come in their little costumes and dance to Halloween tunes and we load them up on all kinds of sugar. Well, most years I am home before the trick-or-treaters start coming and I always have a great stash of candy bars waiting (not the little itty bitty ones but HUGE ones from Costco). Anyway, this year we had a few problems... a few of the kids parents were late getting them, one kid had thrown-up in the hallway and a little princess had lost her glittery shoes. I stayed late to help and by the time I got home it was very dark and kids were roaming the neighborhood.As I walked up my driveway, I saw two little kids at my door and Mannon standing bare chested in his red speedos with a Santa cap on and a lit cigar! I was furious. "Dude!" he said to me when I got inside and that's when I saw it. He was holding a giant bowl of beer bottle caps and handing them out to the kids. "Where are t Read more:Nightmare
Mannon gets the smackdown! 2007-11-07 23:50:00 After the incident on Halloween night I tried to talk to Mannon, you know, man to man. He seemed to understand what I was saying and agreed to buy some groceries, help keep the house clean and to park his car down the street. That was Friday morning. By Friday evening the El Camino was back in the driveway and I walked in to see Mannon and 4 friends, half-baked, surrounded by empty pizza boxes and watching some kind of monster truck show at maximum volume. I also discovered that one of his friends had been too lazy to get up and walk to the bathroom and was instead peeing into an empty milk jug. I flipped out completely. I started shouting like a maniac and told Mannon to get out. He was so high I don't think he fully comprehended what I was saying but he left, laughing, with his friends. I didn't even bother to clean up. I picked up the phone and called Mrs. Pooches, my boss. I spent half an hour explaining what had been going on with Mannon over the past week and wh
Prank Phone Calls 2007-11-14 00:59:00 The most bizarre thing.... my phone has been ringing non-stop with prank phone calls. Mostly, they come late at night and sometimes even in the middle of the night. It sounds like a woman's voice; or possibly a feminine man. She says something funny or mildly rude and hangs up. I've been resorting to unplugging the phone so it doesn't wake me up. At first I was sure it must be some of Mannon's cohorts but on one of the phone calls she actually said 'Greetings Ben'. I've tried *69 but the call is blocked from that service. I've got a few ideas who it might be....I will not run hiding from my very own phone. I refuse to change my number. I have looked up some lawyers and found one that specializes in Phone harassment. His practice is called HELP (Harassment, Envy, Liars and Phonies). He says they will put a tap on my phone and be able to save my phone number that way. I'm so relieved! We are looking at a VERY long prison sentence for this particular pers Read more:Prank
Thanksgiving groceries ---- Mannon style 2007-11-17 18:09:00 Usually for the long Thanksgiving
weekend I make the drive up to Lompoc to be with my parents. This year, however, they let me know they wouldn't be available because they're going on a week-long Senior Thanksgiving Cruise. My boss, Mrs. Pooches, invited Mannon and I over for her formal, catered, Thanksgiving dinner (she usually has about 30 people over) but when I told Mannon about it, he was adamant that he didn't want to go. He said it would be "boring" and that instead he wanted to pay me back for allowing him to stay with me by letting his new girlfriend (of one week) cook Thanksgiving dinner for all of us. He said she is an "awesome" cook and would love to do it. He told me that her apartment is really small and that instead of having it there, they would buy all the groceries
, do all the cooking and cleaning-up and we would have it at my house (oh, and her roommate will be coming too). He assured me it would be a traditional dinner and not pizza or anything. He s
Public Displays of Affection 2007-11-24 03:25:00 I'm still trying to recover from the hours that made up my Thanksgiving day. Jen, (Mannon's girlfriend) is a Texas accented, sailor-swearing, exhibitionist LUSH. She and her roommate, Fawn, walked in to my house on Thanksgiving day looking like they were ready to dance at a bachelor party. Jen brought in a bottle of Tequila and Fawn brought a bag of Doritos. They called it the 'appetizer'. Upon being introduced they both kissed me hello on the mouth...which I found very strange and off-putting. Jen went straight into the kitchen to find glasses and Fawn started telling a very racist joke. When Jen returned she poured the tequila and started drinking it as if it were lemonade on a hot summer day. Then the REAL disturbing stuff began. She and Mannon (who she calls Manny) started making out. Tongues, hands and other sights so emblazoned onto my brain that I cannot talk about them for fear I'll be sick. Fawn didn't pay them any attention and drank her Tequila as she t Read more:Public
, Displays
, Affection
Las Vegas Wedding! 2007-12-05 01:13:00 Well, after knowing each other for a grand total of 3 weeks Jen found out last Friday that she was pregnant and on Saturday she and Mannon decided to drive to Vegas
and get "hitched". I do not know if the baby is Mannon's, I thought it might be rude to ask. Mannon asked me to go along to be a witness and since I really wasn't doing anything else and because I was thrilled to know he'd be moving out, I said yes. I have a suspicion that none of Mannon's friends could go with him because they never have any money and certainly couldn't afford gas, food or a hotel for the night (it could also be that their parole officer has advised them not to cross state lines). I drove my own car there. One, because I did not want to be in Mannon's noisy El Camino and two, because I did not want him stinking up my car. It would turn out like the Seinfeld episode where they couldn't get the B.O. stench out of Jerry's car.Once we got there, I let them go take care of their own hotel, get Read more:Las Vegas
Leaving for my Scottish Christmas in an hour! 2007-12-15 14:44:00 I am so stoked! I am packed and ready to go and the airport shuttle picks me up in an hour. I decided on Thanksgiving day that I didn't want to have another pitiful holiday, so I wrote to Cousin Sabby (who happens to live in Scotland) and booked my flight. Sabby works for Motorola and does something in the customer service field. Two years ago she had the chance to move over there and decided to take it. Sabby drives me nuts sometimes but it is a free place to stay and she is going to try and take me to all kinds of places while I'm there. I definitely want to see some cool old haunted castles!On Christmas
day she has a bunch of single friends coming over for a "Singles Christmas" party. Could be fun! I didn't want to arrive empty handed so my suitcase is full of little Christmas presents for Sabby. Some Sees chocolates, a bottle of brandy (her favorite), a handmade cashmere scarf that I found on this website called Etsy, and a photo frame for one of her self portraits. Read more:Leaving
, Scottish
Merry Christmas!!! 2007-12-24 13:14:00 Having a great time in Scotland! Sabby has been taking me all over the place and she has actually been a lot of fun. Saturday we went trekking through Glasgow by foot and even went to Glasgow University (pictured above) where they had a huge Choral and bagpipe Christmas
procession on the university grounds. It was a very cold day and we were both excited when a light snow started to fall. I bought a handmade Scottish wool scarf from a little shop on High Street and Sabby bought herself some handcrafted Scottish silver necklaces. We went to a pub for fish and chips and a pint of beer. Some Scottish students were sitting next to us and a cute Scottish girl came over to chat because she heard our American accents. We talked with them for about 20 minutes and they invited us to a big college party the day after Christmas! Her name was Tara and she was really cute but Sabby won't let us go. Sabby thinks the girl is too young for me. Blimey!Tonight Sabby is taking me to a c Read more:Merry
, Merry Christmas
Ugh--I just got back from jewelry shopping 2008-03-08 21:26:00 I am exhausted! I just realized this morning that Tuesday is my Mom's birthday and, after forgetting it last year, I wanted to get her something really nice for this birthday! At first I thought about flowers, but that seems so easy to just order online. I wanted her to know I'd picked it especially for her. My mother is very much an elegant woman. She gets her hair done every Saturday, and gets weekly facials, pedicures and manicures. I knew I had to pick something that a high society woman would appreciate but that wasn't the typical gems and polished stones. So off to the Mall I went.I went to Saks, Neiman's, Macy's, Nordstrom's, and 3 major jewelry stores. Nothing! It was either too plain, too trendy or way too gaudy and flashy. Then I noticed some jewelry in the window
A Memorial 2008-03-04 18:41:00 I was awoken in the middle of the night with nightmares of the little rabbit that passed away before my eyes. In my dreams he was chasing me with red-glowing eyes, waving a hoe and repeating in an elf-like voice "You murdered me! You will pay!" I was sweating and my heart was racing. I thought about digging up the little corpse and taking it somewhere more beautiful, like a park but I didn't know how I'd be able to dig a hole in a public park in broad daylight and decided I'd look pretty-suspicious carrying around the Tide box. I was going to send some money to a local rabbit charity but somehow it seemed inadequate. I finally decided that a memorial is what this furry little creature deserved. I drove into Newport Beach at 8:00 a.m. to go to "Garden Statuaries". There was a Read more:Memorial
Two Weddings and a Funeral 2008-03-03 19:07:00 Well, in the past 2 months I've gone to two weddings and today,... a funeral. When I woke up this morning and thought of the day that lay before me, a funeral was not at all on my list of plans! Today happened to be my day off from the studio and since Mrs. Stinkycheese is in Florida visiting her daughter and is unable to help me with my usual housework, I thought I'd spend the day doing chores. Being a gorgeous 70 degree day I decided I'd start out in the yard. In the past 3 months or so, we've had a lot of rain and what was once something-resembling-a-lawn has grown to be weeds that are above my kneecaps. No joke! With visions of the toe accident that had befallen my nemesis, I decided my little push mower wasn't going to do the job. I concluded that I needed the big guns. Read more:Weddings
, Funeral
A Busy Month and a Revealation 2008-02-25 01:33:00 I have had such a busy past month that I haven't had a chance to check in or post! My little sister, Betty, and her boyfriend, MonkeyBoy, decided to get married 2 weeks ago and I had to make a quick trip up the coast. They got married at the San Francisco Zoo in front of the monkey cage. No.....I'm not joking. I wish I was. The other members of the Flush Pilots (their band) were there, dressed up like bridesmaids (did I mention that they are guys?). My parents refused to go, so there was a lot of family drama going on. Especially after Betty announced that they are moving to Saskatchewan Canada and are going to live with MonkeyBoy's family in the little Northern town called La Ronge. Since she also 3 months pregnant (coincidentally due at the same time as Jen and Mannon), my paren Read more:Month
A new woman in my life whom I LOVE! 2008-01-18 15:00:00 Well, Mrs. Pooches lived up to her promise. I came home that day to a house so clean I didn't recognize it! She had sent over a professional cleaning service that spent over 4 hours in my home. The blinds and windows sparkled, the wooden floor was buffed and polished, the dishes were cleaned and put away. Even the stove and refrigerator shined. The bathroom smelled of a pine forest and fresh clean towels were folded into little animal shapes and put on my bathroom counter. The best part.... Mrs. Pooches bought me a brand new mattress and cotton bedding set and it was on my bed when I got home! I guess I really worried Mrs. Pooches with all my talk of selling my house and moving up to Northern CA, because not only did she do all of the above but two days later she sent another huge Read more:woman
I came home this morning to a sight worse than death 2008-01-05 19:56:00 I got into the Orange County airport at 10:00am this morning and was looking forward to going home, taking a nap and spending the evening with some friends. As I approached my driveway, I knew my plans were shattered. There was the dripping El Camino. Leaving my suitcase in the car, I went charging in to hear laughter coming from my bedroom. Yes, the place where I sleep. My sanctuary. There they were...on my bed with all kinds of toys and a live crawling turtle, leaving a trail of salmonella on my spread. I couldn't even speak for a moment as my jet-lagged brain was trying to process that Mannon's black fur was probably spread all over my sheets. My nice, expensive, white Egyptian Cotton sheets. All that would come out of my mouth were obscenities. A loud and long string of obs Read more:death
My present from Sabby 2007-12-27 02:46:00 .........I just had to share. Look what I got from Sabby for Christmas. It's a 12" x 12" photo in frame of her!Where will I put it? I have a few ideas.......
Consultation with a Doctor 2008-03-14 21:52:00 This past week has been a very bad week for me. I have just felt down-in-the-dumps and that is a very uncharacteristic for me. I am a happy guy normally and I always see the glass as half full. This week the glass has seemed empty. First the death of the little rabbit in my yard, then buying a totally ridiculous looking present for my mother’s birthday, and then the final straw. Having two of my scheduled Spring dance classes cancelled due to lack of enrollment. That means less hours for me at work and less money! Sometimes bad things just come like dominos falling. I was getting ready to go buy some tequila and margarita mix last night in hopes that it would cheer me up when I suddenly realized that maybe I just needed to talk to someone. I thought about my regular circl Read more:Consultation
, Doctor
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