Owner: The JOKES Blog URL:http://jokingblog.blogspot.com/ Join Date: Mon, 18 Sep 2006 07:53:48 -0500 Rating:1 Site Description: This is a JOKES Blog - it contains the BEST jokes on the internet. So keep reading, and keep laughing, and enjoy yourselves! HA HA HA (Loud Evil Laughter) !!! Site statistics:Click here
Joke 82 2006-12-04 13:24:00 A retiree was given a set of golf clubs by his co-workers. Thinking he'd try the game, he asked the local pro for lessons, explaining that he knew nothing whatever of the game. The pro showed him the stance and swing, then said "Just hit the ball toward the flag on the first green." The novice teed up and smacked the ball straight down the fairway and onto the green, where it stopped inches from
Joke 2006-12-01 10:54:00 Two elderly ladies had been friends for many decades. Over the years they had shared all kinds of activities and adventures. Lately, their activities had been limited to meeting a few times a week to play cards. One day they were playing cards when one looked at the other and said, "Now don't get mad at me... I know we've been friends for a long time, but I just can't remember your name. I've
Joke 81 2006-12-01 00:31:00 Original Lyrics Put your left foot in,Your left foot out,Your left foot in,And shake it all about.You do the hokey pokeyAnd turn yourself aroundThat's what it's all about. Shakespearean Style O proud left foot, that ventures quick within Then soon upon a backward journey lithe.Anon, once more the gesture, then begin:Command sinistral pedestal to writhe.Commence thou then the fervid Hokey-Poke.A
Joke 80 2006-11-27 10:21:00 A lawyer defending a man accused of burglary tried this creative defense: "My client merely inserted his arm into the window and removed a few trifling articles. His arm is not himself, and I fail to see how you can punish the whole individual for an offense committed by his limb." "Well put," the judge replied. "Using your logic, I sentence the defendant's arm to one year's imprisonment. He can
Joke 79 2006-11-25 09:32:00 Engineers and scientists will never make as much money as business executives. Now a rigorous mathematical proof has been developed that explains why this is true:
Postulate 1: Knowledge is Power.
Postulate 2: Time is Money.
As every engineer knows, Work = Power * Time
Since Knowledge = Power, and Time = Money, we have:
Work = Knowledge * Money
Solving for Money, we get: Money = Work /
Joke 78 2006-11-24 10:51:00 An English professor wrote the words, "A woman without her man is nothing" on the blackboard and directed the students to punctuate it correctly. The men wrote: "A woman, without her man, is nothing." The women wrote: "A woman: without her, man is nothing."
Joke 77 2006-11-23 04:19:00 Element name: WOMAN. Symbol: WO. Atomic weight: 'Don't even go there'. Physical properties: Generally round in form. Boils at nothing and may freeze at any time. Melts whenever treated properly. Very bitter if not used well. Chemical properties: Very active. Highly unstable. Possesses strong affinity to gold, silver, platinum,and precious gemstones. Violent when left alone. Able to absorb great
Joke 76 2006-11-21 04:16:00 A professor was giving a big test one day to his students. He handed out all of the tests and went back to his desk to wait. Once the test was over the students all handed the tests back in. The professor noticed that one of the students had attached a $100 bill to his test with a note saying "A dollar per point." The next class the professor handed the graded tests back out. This student got back
Joke 75 2006-11-18 04:15:00 A police recruit was asked on an exam, "What would you do if you had to arrest your own mother?"
In the blank, he wrote, "Call for backup."
Joke 74 2006-11-17 04:13:00 A blonde goes into work one morning crying her eyes out. Her boss, concerned about all his employees' well being, asked sympathetically, "What's the matter?" The blonde replies, "Early this morning I got a phone call saying that my mother had passed away." The boss, feeling very sorry at this point, explains to the young girl. "Why don't you go home for the day, we aren't terribly busy. Just take
Joke 73 2006-11-16 04:12:00 The warden, addressing the three instigators of a failed prison riot, said, "I would like to know two things: First: Why did you revolt? Second: How did you get out of your cell?" One of the three men stepped forward, "Warden, we rebelled because the food is awful." "I see. And what did you use to break the bars?" the warden asked. Replied the spokesman, "French Toast..."
Joke 73 2006-11-13 11:06:00 A guy (we'll call him Aaron) was laying down carpet in some woman's home. As he was finishing, he got a craving for a cigarette. Aaron looked around and discovered that his cigarettes were missing. He did, however, notice a bump in the carpet and figured that he had laid carpet over the pack without noticing it there. Aaron decided rather than to take up the carpet, he would get a hammer and pound
Joke 72 2006-11-12 11:03:00 A ragged individual stranded for several months on a small desert island in the middle of the Pacific Ocean one day noticed a bottle lying in the sand with a piece of paper in it. Rushing to the bottle, he pulled out the cork and with shaking hands withdrew the message. "Due to lack of maintenance," he read, "we regretfully have found it necessary to cancel your e-mail account."
Joke 71 2006-11-11 11:03:00 For years, it has been believed that electric bulbs emit light, but recent information has proved otherwise. Electric bulbs don't emit light; they suck dark. Thus, we call these bulbs Dark Suckers. The Dark Sucker Theory and the existence of dark suckers prove that dark has mass and is heavier than light. First, the basis of the Dark Sucker Theory is that electric bulbs suck dark. For example,
Joke 71 2006-11-10 11:00:00 A young girl asked her father if all fairy tales begin with "Once Upon A Time?" "No," he replied. "A whole lot of them begin with 'If elected, I promise...'"
Joke 70 2006-11-08 10:58:00 A drill sergeant had just chewed out one of his cadets, and as he was walking away, he turned to the cadet and said, "I guess when I die you'll come and dance on my grave." The cadet replied, "Not me, Sarge...no sir! I promised myself that when I got out of the Army I'd never stand in another line!"
Joke 69 2006-11-05 16:46:00 There was a man driving down the road behind an 18 wheeler, at every stoplight the trucker would get out of the cab, run back and bang on the trailer door. After seeing this at several intersections in a row the motorist followed him until he pulled into a parking lot. When they both had come to a stop the truck driver once again jumped out and started banging on the trailer door. The motorist
Joke 68 2006-11-02 16:43:00 10 reasons why TV is better than the World Wide Web:
1. It doesn't take minutes to build the picture when you change TV channels. 2. When was the last time you tuned in to "Friends" and got a "Not Found 404" message? 3. There are fewer grating color schemes on TV--even on MTV. 4. The family never argues over which Web site to visit this evening. 5. A remote control has fewer buttons than a
Joke 67 2006-10-31 16:40:00 A farm boy accidentally overturned his wagonload of wheat on the road. The farmer that lived nearby came to investigate. "Hey, Willis," he called out, "forget your troubles for a while and come and have dinner with us. Then I'll help you overturn the wagon." "That's very nice of you," Willis answered, "but I don't think Dad would like me to." "Aw, come on, son!" the farmer insisted. "Well, OK,"
Joke 66 2006-10-29 16:34:00 Most people hate to parallel park. The other day, I saw this woman trying to get out of a tight parking space. She'd bump the car in front, then back-up and strike the car behind her. This went on about 2 minutes.
I walked over to see if I could somehow help. My offer was declined though. She said, "Why have bumpers if you're not going to use them once in a while?"
Joke 82 2006-12-01 10:54:00 Two elderly ladies had been friends for many decades. Over the years they had shared all kinds of activities and adventures. Lately, their activities had been limited to meeting a few times a week to play cards. One day they were playing cards when one looked at the other and said, "Now don't get mad at me... I know we've been friends for a long time, but I just can't remember your name. I've
Joke 84 2006-12-08 11:20:00 When we put our house up for sale, I stressed emphatically that my sons make their beds each morning. I left for work before they left for school, and I wanted to be sure that the house looked presentable when the agent showed it to prospective buyers.
I was surprised and impressed that my 15-year-old son's bed was perfectly made each day. One night when I went into his room, I discovered his secret. He was fast asleep on the floor in his sleeping bag.
Joke 83 2006-12-04 13:24:00 A retiree was given a set of golf clubs by his co-workers. Thinking he'd try the game, he asked the local pro for lessons, explaining that he knew nothing whatever of the game. The pro showed him the stance and swing, then said "Just hit the ball toward the flag on the first green." The novice teed up and smacked the ball straight down the fairway and onto the green, where it stopped inches from the hole. "Now what?", the fellow asked the speechless pro. "Uh... you're supposed to hit the ball into the cup" the pro finally said, after he was able to speak again. The retiree replied, "Oh great! NOW you tell me!"
Joke 85 2006-12-11 10:16:00 A father was at the beach with his children when the four-year-old son ran up to him, grabbed his hand, and led him to the shore, where a seagull lay dead in the sand. "Daddy, what happened to him?" the son asked. "He died and went to Heaven," the dad replied. The boy thought a moment and then said, "Did God throw him back down?"
Joke 86 2006-12-15 10:26:00 John and Jessica were on their way home from the bar one night and John got pulled over by the police. The officer told John that he was stopped because his tail light was burned out. John said, "I'm very sorry officer, I didn't realize it was out, I'll get it fixed right away." Just then Jessica said, "I knew this would happen when I told you two days ago to get that light fixed." So the officer asked for John's license and after looking at it said, "Sir your license has expired." And again John apologized and mentioned that he didn't realize that it had expired and would take care of it first thing in the morning. Jessica said, "I told you a week ago that the state sent you a letter telling you that your license had expired." Well by this time, John is a bit upset with his wife contradicting him in front of the officer, and he said in a rather loud voice, "Jessica, shut your mouth!" The officer then leaned over toward Jessica and asked. "Does your husband always talk to you like
Joke 87 2006-12-17 10:47:00 The strong young man at the construction site was bragging that he could outdo anyone in a feat of strength. He made a special case of making fun of one of the older workmen. After several minutes, the older worker had had enough. "Why don't you put your money where your mouth is?" he said. "I will bet a week's wages that I can haul something in a wheelbarrow over to that building that you won't
Joke 88 2006-12-18 10:56:00 ISDN = It Still Does Nothing
APPLE = Arrogance Produces Profit-Losing Entity
IBM = I Blame Microsoft
DEC = Do Expect Cuts
CA = Constant Acquisitions
CD-ROM = Consumer Device, Rendered Obsolete in Months
OS/2 = Obsolete Soon, Too.
SCSI = System Can't See It
DOS = Defunct Operating System
BASIC = Bill's Attempt to Seize Industry Control
WWW = World Wide Wait
MACINTOSH = Most Applications Crash; If
Gmail Invite! 1970-01-01 00:59:59 Anybody wanting a GmailInvite
- just leave a comment with your e-mail address!
I'll send you the invite pronto!
(A link back from your blog/website would be greatly appreciated, but it isn't necessary)
:)
Orkut Invite! 1970-01-01 00:59:59 Anybody wanting an OrkutInvite
- just leave a comment with your e-mail address!
I'll send you the invite pronto!
(A link back from your blog/website would be greatly appreciated, but it isn't necessary)
:)
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