Owner: On the Streets of Chicago URL:http://streetsofchicago.blogspot.com Join Date: Fri, 15 Sep 2006 14:29:50 -0500 Rating:1 Site Description: This blog is about life ... love ... and struggle in the big city. A normal gay man who makes his share of mistakes but does his best to make them right. Life is easier than we make it - words to live by. Site statistics:Click here
New Celebrity Crush 2007-03-18 15:21:00 It's been a while since I've had a new celebrity crush. Has anyone watched this new show OCTOBER ROAD? It's a tired old story line ... kid leaves hometown to find success in the big city and returns to his hometown only to discover what he's really been missing.Blah. But this kid was shirtless in the very first scene - so can't beat that. Read more:Celebrity
Tarot 2007-03-20 17:34:00 What is going on with all the psychics in this town? Jo and I have tried many times now to see these people and they usually aren’t home when we get there. Tired old joke – shouldn’t they know we are coming?I’ve had a minor fascination with tarot cards ever since a friend of mine in college introduced me to them. All the readings I’ve had over the years have been mediocre – except one.Many years ago I was involved in a weird three-way relationship. Before I met these boys I had a really great tarot card reading by one of the moms in the show I was in at the time. I really wish I could remember how she phrased everything – but it was very poetic. It wasn’t until a year later that it dawned on me that everything she told me fit into the current mold of my life perfectly. It was very eerie. And she was pretty specific too.I think a friend of mine may still be in contact with her. I need to set that shit up pronto.So last night’s trek for a tarot card reading was a bust. Read more:Tarot
Bile and Venom 2007-03-28 05:59:00 It’s amazing what people will do to you – and in the same breath tell you they care about you. It’s also amazing what some people (IE – me) will take in the name of love. We all have our breaking point – and I hit mine tonight. Finally.I can’t even come up with the right thing to say right now. So much bile and venom coursing through my veins right now.I wasted two and a half years of my life on that selfish bastard. Not one more day ... Read more:Venom
A Week Later ... 2007-03-27 15:52:00 Seven days since my last post – where has the time gone?I’ve been focusing on being healthy for the past week – because I haven’t been well for the past two weeks. I’ve been under a LOT of stress lately; mainly work/money related. Also relationship related and there is that whole school thing too. My body is so worn down that the slightest little bug blows up into a full-blown disease.Two weeks ago I had a cold. It mostly went away after a few days, but this slight cough held on. Well, this past Friday night right before bed my cough went into over drive. The next day I woke up with a 101-degree temp; fever and cough and everything that comes along with that. To make things worse I had to work and had theater tickets that I sure as hell was not going to pass up.I really thought I had bronchitis – the amount of coughing I was doing just made it seem like the most viable answer. I made it into the doctor yesterday afternoon and he tells me, as they always do, it’s viral and
Will the real him please step forward? 2007-03-30 02:20:00 A friend of mine once said something to me that really had stood out for me this week. It went something like, which version of this person was the real him?Was the real him the man that I feel asleep next to, woke up next to, made love to, laid on the couch and watched TV with or the man I spent those amazing vacations with?Or was the man that I saw on Tuesday night the real him?We all have different faces I suppose. But do we all have faces that totally contradict the others?I’m really trying to figure out if I’m really still in love with him or if I’m just in love with the memories.
Shitty Week 2007-04-01 02:22:00 This has been a really shitty week. One of the shittiest on record. I keep trying to remember that this is not my fault. That I shouldn’t feel so lousy, but I do. I feel awful and I am sick of feeling awful.I’m scared of what this is going to do to my future relationships. Am I going to be able to trust someone like I trusted him? Am I going to be open enough to this when the right guy comes by? Am I even going to be able to recognize that he’s the right guy?
Heavy Heart 2007-04-02 05:15:00 I’m incredibly lucky. My life has been relatively pain free. I grew up in a home where I got everything I needed and almost everything I wanted. The things I didn’t get are pretty insignificant now. I was loved. Even though I’m not very close to my family I know they love me and I love them. I know if I ever really needed anything they would be there for me.For the last 10 years or so I’ve fantasized about what it would be like to find the perfect man. I’ve dreamt about what he would look like – what he would sound like – what he would do for a living – what it would be like to introduce him to my friends and family - and how it would feel to make love to him. I pretty much covered it all, but it never happened for me. There was always something illusive about it. I would always fall for the wrong guy. Either he wouldn’t be gay or he wouldn’t be available.My ex was no exception. When I first joined the chorus I spotted him almost right away and admired him from a fa Read more:Heavy
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LISTEN! 2007-04-03 09:27:00 1:30 in the morning and I’m wide awake and starving. I ate a good dinner. I shouldn’t be starving.Thank you to those of you who encouraged me to seek therapy. I wouldn’t be surviving this if I hadn’t. During these past two weeks a lot of things have happened. We’ve both done and said stuff to hurt each other. It’s time for this madness to end.I’ve spent so much time focusing on his shortcomings and haven’t taken enough time to look at my own. Throughout this thing I have prided myself on being a great communicator when in fact that’s only half right. I’ve come to a place with him where I can express exactly what I’m thinking and feeling in a rather colorful yet clear way, but the other half of that is listening. I’m not a good listener. I haven’t been listening to what he’s been saying all along and this is evident by the fact that the next day I rarely remember what we talk about. There are bits and pieces here and there but I can’t replay the scene in or
A Date of Sorts 2007-04-08 18:19:00 As I’ve said many times, the art of dating eludes me so my romantic past isn’t very exciting. Some years back, however, I did get involved with a couple. It was a strange experience, but I learned a lot. It didn’t end all that cleanly but years later we do enjoy each other’s company now and then.They live about an hours drive from my dad’s house so last night I borrowed a car and headed up to see them. Some of my other friends were going to be in town as well so I figured it would be a good opportunity. I was very nervous going up there. I wasn’t sure how it was all going to play out. Yes, part of me wanted sex but I wasn’t sure if that was still an option. I really wasn’t sure if I’d be able to go through with it.Dinner was nice. Two of us are realtors so we talked shop probably a little more than we should but it was fun to swap stories of bad deals and annoying agents. The bar was fun too. I haven’t been dancing in a long time and it was nice to be out on the dan
Dating Other People 2007-04-13 17:23:00 I’ve said this before – the art of dating has alluded me for many years. It’s really not that hard I guess. Perhaps it’s always been a self-esteem issue. Now that I’ve gotten past a lot of those issues I’m hoping it will be a little bit easier for me.Last week my ex and I met again for yet another talk. With each therapy session I learn a lot more about myself and how I operate and in turn I learn a lot more about this relationship. Bottom line is we started in a bad place. We have to go backwards to fix it and that is the toughest thing in the world to do.Everyone is talking about “The Secret” these days. I don’t know anything about it other than it’s the theory that says you put positive energy out and you’ll get positive energy back. Makes sense right? So over the weekend I decided that this was going to be my mantra and so far it’s worked.Tuesday evening was our first date. I walked out my front door with one goal in mind – to have fun and I was not going Read more:Dating
Triumph 2007-04-23 00:07:00 Since January I’ve been working on a project that, when I started, I was so excited about. I was producing a show. The chorus show. I finally had a chance to get a crack at doing what I want to do for the rest of my life. Not just talk about it.I started off really strong – pushing to get things moving and making sure everything happened in a timely fashion. However, in February when the ex dumped me I couldn’t keep focused. The chorus is something that both the ex and I are very involved in and care a lot about. His name is written all over it, which is why every time I thought about working on the show I couldn’t do it. I kept putting is aside because it made me think of him and that hurt too much.However as the show approached I had no choice but to step up to the plate. I’m disappointed in myself when it comes to my performance as the producer. I was able to accomplish a lot over this past week and I do think I was helpful – but I could have done better and I’m upset
Bitter 2007-04-28 01:23:00 Bitterness:* Characterized by intense antagonism or hostility: bitter hatred.* Hard to admit or accept: a bitter lesson.* Resentful or cynical: bitter words.Thank you for the note UGH! You are right – bitterness isn’t pretty. What I’m going through right now isn’t pretty. It sucks and it’s not something that is going to end overnight. Would you happen to be a friend of the ex?I had a really great therapy session yesterday. She helped me do something I should have done a long time ago – step back and take a look at the whole picture. It’s helped.It’s been a tough week – but I’m still going. I’ve gotten a couple dates under my belt with some sweet guys. Hopefully some second dates will come out of it - who knows. It feels good to put myself out there though. Read more:Bitter
FU 2007-04-25 05:42:00 So many wonderful comments and great advice. Thank you all!I’ve been going over the timeline in my head. Every single time we broke up something significant was happening in my life where I was to be in the spotlight. School, my 30th birthday, Valentine’s day. All of these events suffered because I was so distracted. No support on the home front. The one person who should have been cheering louder than anyone for me wasn’t cheering at all. Especially with the chorus show. Not a single compliment.It’s not all his fault though. That first time he broke up with me I should have turned and ran. Any man that gives my heart back after I give it to him is not worthy of it. This is what I have to say to any man that would do that:FUCK YOU!I have to be the champion of my own successes. I have to put the past behind me – take what I can from it and move forward. I’m determined to do that. I’m going to do that. I have no choice.
What are people thinking when they write shit like this? 2007-04-24 03:44:00 hi.. im looking for fun, friend, friends with benefits or even more.. im verydiscrete and masculine, i got a lean-muslce built, i just got back to gymlately..can you fuck me tonight dude? Read more:people
, thinking
Dating Fool 2007-04-30 03:55:00 Date number four in the string of dates with gentleman number four. This is the hottie from Manhunt. Dinner at a hole in the wall mexican joint. Sort of blind since we haven't even spoken on the phone.What in the world will I wear? This boys body is HOOOOOT. Read more:Dating
Phone 2007-04-30 01:32:00 I can't remember the last time I had a phone conversation with a friend that lasted longer than 1 minute. But I chat on IM with people for hours.I think I need more human contact.
Penis Power 2007-04-29 23:43:00 Got this from towleroad - priceless. Read more:Penis
Gym, Job, Jock 2007-04-29 14:49:00 Gym – Things are going very well at the gym. I am still seeing my trainer twice a week and the progress shows. I’ve also gained a lot of my running stamina back. 30 minutes on the treadmill is not a problem yet again. Doesn’t sound like a lot, but baby steps. I can’t wait to go running in the park again. The weather is finally perfect for it.Job – I’ve been so busy lately I can’t even believe it. My boss has got me on two developments and it’s kinda running me ragged, but starting next month I should see the fruits of that labor. By mid-June I should be able to afford a car. I’m not going to be switching offices anytime soon, but that is ok.Jock – I’ve had dinner with three nice guys over the past two weeks. One of which I think will become a very good friend which is great. You can never have too many good friends. I look forward to meeting more guys and spending time with them.It’s been a beautiful weekend. I went out almost every night last week so I spent la
Quick Update 2007-05-07 15:46:00 It’s been over a week since I’ve updated – the reason being I’ve been working like a dog! 14-hour days here people just trying to pull everything together and make some money. Mild success.Just when you get to a place where you feel comfortable in what you are doing something happens to jar your confidence. Nothing major – but I’ve been putting out small fires all week. All great learning experiences.Another fire to put out this morning. Just lost a buyer. Job unstable. Not buying a house. I understand – but I need that money!Things will work out – they usually do. Read more:Quick
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, Quick Update
Six Years and Goodbye 2007-06-06 08:13:00 Wow – I’ve been a slacker huh? I think, my lovely readers, that you’ve guess I am through with this blog. It’s just not working for me the way it used to. Too many people that know me personally are reading. I don’t have that filter that says “I shouldn’t put this out for the world to see”. So I’m closing up shop. May 23rd was my 6 year blogger anniversary. I wanted to do this ON my anniversary but haven’t had the time or the patience. Below are all the entries from my old blogs on or around my anniversary. Many entries that haven’t seen the light of day in years.I am going to start a new blog – but I’m going back underground. No more real names and/faces. Just code words and I’m not giving the address to anyone. Well, maybe a few of you out there. Maybe I will go through my entries and post a “favorites” of sorts as my last one – but until then here ya go. It’s interesting to see how my writing has progressed over the years.**********2:25 p.m. 2001- Read more:Years
, Goodbye
Fun Social Activities 2007-11-30 13:37:00 And it’s Friday and I couldn’t be happier about it. Two days to work on healing and having fun. I’m looking forward to it. My calendar is filled up all the way through Thursday of next week with fun social activities such as;The Chicago Gay Men’s Chorus at the BeanDinnerAn Art GalleryMore DinnerDrinksA DocumentaryPizzaAnd perhaps more drinksI’ll be spending a lot of time with friends over the next week, which is great. I need to try and make some sense out of all of this. I need to keep repeating to myself: Everything happens for a reason and that reason will become apparent soon. Until then I have to get used to the fact that my ex sits 10 feet away from me in my office. Read more:Social
Warm and Fuzzy 2007-11-29 16:04:00 So how do you like the new digs? I decided a makeover was in order, and I actually liked one of the cookie-cutter layouts. I don’t have the time or the patience right now to try and figure out how to put a template together in the new blogger – so I’ll stick with this for a while.Thank you so much for the warm welcome! I can’t believe how many of you even remember that my blog exists much less still want to come back and read. It’s made the day a bit easier.I won’t lie – today has been a rough one. I am so thankful I have the greatest friends in the world who will sit and listen (well actually read on IM) all of my craziness. Special shout out to Chicago Jo for being the best listener and to my Swan Benet for being there for me. I’ve been dealing with some passive-aggressivity up in here today and it hasn’t been pretty but I continue to try and let it roll of my shoulders as best I can and go on with my day. I do wish my appetite would come back though. I think that w Read more:Fuzzy
Back and Better! 2007-11-28 10:33:00 So hello world! I’m back and better than ever. My hiatus was exactly what I needed. As you may recall my writing had turned pretty ugly and who really wants to read that shit? If you thought it was crap to read, it was even crappier writing it.The last I left you my bf had dumped me and I was flipping out about it. Well, we got back together. Again. And it was really great for a while. He really tried hard to be the bf that I needed and wanted but of course it didn’t really last long. Without going into ridiculous details, we mutually ended things Sunday night for the last time. I tried. Lord knows I tried to make it work, but it’s never going to and that is ok.I think the reason I took it so hard before was that I was really just floundering. I was in school and had a vague idea of what I wanted to do with my life but I had really no idea how to get there and that was pretty scary, but I had the bf to distract me. Once that was gone I was just a mess.Things are different now. I
Filler 2007-11-27 12:57:00 Just a filler ... I'm back ya'lls. With bells on.
Weekend Update 2007-12-03 12:30:00 Weekend wrapupFriday:The chorus I sometimes belong to performed an outdoor caroling event at the Bean down in Millennium Park Friday night. My friend Phil had asked me if I’d like to join him and I went last year and enjoyed it, so I decided to go again. It was f’ing cold outside and I wasn’t rightly prepared for the weather but I had a nice time anyway in spite of unexpectedly running into the ex.Post Bean we meet up with some friends up in Boystown for dinner and drinks and ended the night with more friends as Sidetrack. It’s always a good time when you prop yourself up in the corner and catch up with people you haven’t spent time with recently. It makes me happy knowing that I have this in my life.Saturday:I had most of the day off so I took advantage and moved pretty slowly. I had to head down to my office in the morning to pick up some stuff. Then I went to the gym and ran 3 miles on the treadmill. There is this trainer there that usually trains a client when I’m with Read more:Weekend
, Update
Michael Knight and Mary J 2007-12-02 17:03:00 When I was a kid I watched a lot of television. I was painfully shy and didn’t have a whole lot of friends so I had plenty of time to sit in my room and watch other people live their lives and didn’t do a lot of living of my own. I was big on the sitcoms of the 80’s. There was always some sort of issue being dealt with, many times there were tears but then there was laughter and at the end of the 30 minutes everyone was happy and I knew that it would all happen again the following week.In addition to this I also had/have a very active imagination. I had a complete life made up for myself inside my head that was based largely upon what I was watching on television at any given time. I feel like makes it sound like I didn’t like my family or disparages them in some way. So I just have to make it clear that I love my family very much and have no misgivings about my childhood at all. I think most kids have a very active fantasy life though.For a while MichaelKnight
used to park K. Read more:Michael Knight
This is my last entry on this, next week I'll move on to more topical topics. 2007-12-15 21:23:00 So what is a band-aid? Its purpose is to cover a wound in order to help it heal. When the wound has healed you peal off the band-aid and throw it away.Last week when I talked to the ex for the last time he told me I was his band-aid. I covered him and helped him heal. I guess he's done healing. The analogy goes further - he's been trying to pull the band-aid off for months - slowly - and now he's ripped it off quickly which is why it hurts so much.I wish I had really understood what he was saying while we were talking, but I didn't. It took me about a week to really think about it and understand it. The truth hurts. One conversation we had I listed every problem and issue has was dealing with, many we hadn't even talked about to show him how hard I worked at getting to know and understand him. I asked him to do the same and he couldn't mention one thing.The last week was tough. I wish I could turn my brain off and not think about these things, but the pieces of the pu Read more:topics
Best Night Ever 2007-12-15 03:52:00 3 am and at the Eagle in my underwear = best night ever. Read more:Night
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