Applying for a Job at the CIA
2007-07-04 14:46:00
A few months ago, there was an opening with the CIA for an assassin. These highly classified positions are hard to fill, and there's a lot of testing and background checks involved before you can even be considered for the position. After sending some applicants through the background checks, training and testing, they narrowed the possible choices down to 3 men (one Guyanese), but only one position was available. The day came for the final test to see which peson would get the extremely secretive job. The CIA men administering the test took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun. "We must know that you will follow our instructions whatever the circumstances," they explained. "Inside this room, you will find your wife sitting in a chair. Take this gun and kill her." The man looked horrified and said, "You can't be serious! I could never shoot my wife!" "Well," said theCIA man, "you're definitely not the right man for this job then." So they brought t
Blonde Jokes
2007-07-04 14:42:00
Sally was seen going into the woods with a small package and a large bird cage. She was gone several days but finally she returned. Her friend, Liz, had never seen Sally looking so sad.Liz said, "Heard you went off in the woods for a couple of days. Glad you got back okay, but you look so sad. Why?"Sally replied, "Because I just can't get a man."Liz said, "Well, you sure won't find one in the middle of the woods.""Don't be so silly," Sally said. "I know that. I went in the woods because I needed something there that would get me a man. But I couldn't find it."Liz said, "I don't understand what you're talking about."Sally replied, "Well, I went there to catch a couple of owls. I took some dead mice and a bird cage.""So, how's that gonna help you get a man?" asked Liz.Sally said, "Well, I heard the best way to get a man is to have a good pair of hooters." Fifteen minutes into the flight from Kansas City to Toronto, the captain announced, "Ladies and gentlemen, one of our engines h
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New Mercedes Benz
2007-07-02 12:57:00
No steering wheel, you drive it with a joystick. No pedals either.Can you drive with a joystick? Your kids and grandkids probably can.The influence of video games in our lives has really arrived, wouldn't ya say?
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Police Jokes
2007-07-01 16:22:00
Three men are going through CIA training, trying to become secret agents. They finally got through all their written and physical tests when they are pulled aside by one of the instructors who took them to a small room with another room adjacent to it.They brought the first guy's wife into the room and left her there. The instructor then loaded two rounds into a pistol, handed it to the first man saying, "Go kill your wife of five years." The trainee took the weapon, went into the next room. He came back out one minute later and said, "I can't do it." The instructor replied, "Then you fail out, so get out."The second candidate's wife was brought to the room. The instructor then loaded two rounds into a pistol, handed it to the second man and said, "Go kill your wife of ten years." The trainee took the weapon, went into the next room, but returned three minutes later and said, "I can't do it." The instructor replied, "Then you fail out - get out."Finally, the third candidate's wife
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Blonde
2007-06-30 17:00:00
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Funny Blonde Jokes
2007-06-30 16:18:00
"How come you're late?" asks the bartender as the blonde waitress walks in the door. "It was awful," she explains. "I was walking down the street and there was this terrible accident. A man was lying in the middle of the street; he was thrown from his car. His leg was broken, his skull was fractured, and there was blood everywhere. Thank God I took that first-aid course; all my training came back to me in a minute.""What did you do?" asks the bartender."I sat down and put my head between my knees to keep from fainting!"A blonde decides to do something wild she hasn't done before, so she sets out to rent her first x-rated adult video. She goes to the video store and, after looking around for a while, selects a title that sounds very stimulating.When she arrives home, lights some candles, slips into something comfortable, and puts the tape into the VCR. To her disappointment, there's nothing but static on the screen, so she calls the video store to complain."I just rented an adult mov
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I'm going ice fishing!
2007-06-30 16:08:00
A blonde who got a fishing rod for her birthday decided to go ice fishing to make good use of her gift. Early the next morning, she got all her gear together and headed out to the ice.When she reached her final destination, she cut a large hole in the ice and dipped the rod in. Then suddenly she heard a voice that said: "There are no fish in there".So she moves to another spot and cuts another hole, but then the same voice spoke again and told her there were no fish in there.So she moves again, and the voice tells her there are no fish in there. So she looks up and sees an irritated man staring down at her."How do you know there are no fish there?" asks the blonde.So the man cooly says "Well first of all, this is a hockey rink, and second of all, you're going to have to pay for those holes."
Blonde Car Accident
2007-06-30 16:07:00
One day, while a blonde was out driving her car, she ran into a truck.The truck's driver made her pull over into a parking lot and get out of the car.He took a piece of chalk and drew a circle on the pavement. He told her to stand in the middle and not leave the circle.Furious, he went over to her car and slashed the tires.The blonde started laughing.This made the man angrier so he smashed her windshield.This time the blonde laughed even harder.Livid, the man broke all her windows and keyed her car.The blonde is now laughing hysterically, so the truck driver asks her what's so funny.The blonde giggles and replies, "When you weren't looking, I stepped out of the circle three times!"
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I Want to Buy That
2007-06-30 16:05:00
A blonde goes into a nearby store and asks a clerk if she can buy the TV in the corner.The clerk looks at her and says that he doesn't serve blondes, so she goes back home and dyes her hair black.The next day she returns to the store and asks the same thing, and again, the clerk said he doesn't serve blondes.Frustrated, the blonde goes home and dyes her hair yet again, to a shade of red.Sure that a clerk would sell her the TV this time, she returns and asks a different clerk this time.To her astonishment, this clerk also says that she doesn't serve blondes.The blonde asks the clerk, "How in the world do you know I am a blonde?"The clerk looks at her disgustedly and says,"That's not a TV -- it's a microwave!"
ON A VERY HOT DAY
2007-06-29 14:45:00
Two blonde guys were digging a ditch on a very hot day. One said to the other, "Why are we down in this hole digging a ditch when our boss is standing up there in the shade of a tree?" "I don't know," responded the other. "I'll ask him."So he climbed out of the hole and went to his boss. "Why are we digging in the hot sun and you're standing in the shade?" "Smarts," the boss said. "What do you mean, 'smarts' ?" asked the blonde. The boss said, "Well, I'll show you. I'll put my hand on this tree and I want you to hit it with your fist as hard as you can. " The ditch digger took a mighty swing and tried to hit the boss' hand. The boss removed his hand and the ditch digger hit the tree.The boss said, "That's smarts!" The blonde went back to his hole. His friend asked, "What did he say?" "He said we are down here because of smarts." "What's smarts?" said the other blonde.. The recently enlightened blonde put his hand on his face and said, "Take your shovel and hit my hand."
Blonde
2007-06-29 14:32:00
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Girls just wanna have fun....
2007-06-29 13:37:00
Two women friends had gone for a girl's night out. Both were veryfaithful and loving wives, however, they had gottenover-enthusiastic on the Bacardi Breezers. Incredibly drunk and walking home they needed to pee, so they stopped in the cemetery.One of them had nothing to wipe with so she thought she would take off her panties and use them. Her friend however was wearing a rather expensive pair of panties and did not want to ruin them. She was lucky enough to squat down next to a grave that had a wreath with aribbon on it, so she proceeded to wipe with that. After the girls didtheir business they proceeded to go home.The next day one of the women's husband was concerned that hisnormally sweet and innocent wife was still in bed hung over, sohe phoned the other husband and said, "These girl nights have got tostop! I'm starting to suspect the worst. My wife came home withno panties!!""That's nothing" said the other husband, "Mine came back with acard stuck to her ass that said...
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THE YEAR 1907??
2007-06-29 03:23:00
THE YEAR 1907?? This will boggle your mind, I know it did mine! The year is 1907. One hundred years ago. What a difference a century makes! Here are some statistics for the Year 1907 : ************************************ The average life expectancy was 47 years. Only 14 percent of the homes had a bathtub. Only 8 percent of the homes had a telephone. There were only 8,000 cars and only 144 milesOf paved roads. The maximum speed limit in most cities was 10 mph. The tallest structure in the world was the Eiffel Tower ! The average wage in 1907 was 22 cents per hour. The average worker made between $200 and $400 per year .A competent accountant could expect to earn $2000 per year,A dentist $2,500 per year, a veterinarian between $1,500 and $4,000 per year, and a mechanical engineer about $5,000 per year. More than 95 percent of all births took place at HOME . Ninety percent of all doctors had NO COLLEGE EDUCATION!Instead, t
Skeleton jokes
2007-06-28 15:18:00
Q: What happened when the skeletons rode pogo sticks ?A: They had a rattling good time !Q: Why did the skeleton go to hospital ?A: To have his ghoul stones removed !Q: How did the skeleton know it was going to rain ?A: He could feel it in his bones !Q: What's a skeleton's favourite musical instrument ?A: A trom-bone !Q: How do skeletons call their friends ?A: On the telebone !Q: What do you call a skeleton who won't get up in the mornings ?A: Lazy bones !Q: What do boney people use to get into their homes ?A: Skeleton
keys !Q: What do you call a skeleton who acts in Westerns ?A: Skint Eastwood !Q: What happened to the boat that sank in the sea full of piranha fish ?A: It came back with a skeleton crew !Q: What do you call a skeleton snake ?A: A rattler !Q: What is a skeletons like to drink milk ?A: Milk - it's so good for the bones !Q: Why did the skeleton stay out in the snow all night ?A: He was a numbskull !Q: What do you call a stupid skeleton ?A: Bonehead !Q: What happened to
Ages of women
2007-06-28 15:00:00
Age 8: Looks at herself and sees; Cinderella/Sleeping BeautyAge 15: Looks at herself and sees; Cinderella/Sleeping Beauty/Movie Star, or if she is PMS-ing; sees pimples/ugly ("Mom I can't go to school like this!")Age 20: Looks at herself and sees; "too fat/too thin, too short/too tall, too straight/too curly" - but she decides she is going out anyway.Age 30: Looks at herself and sees; "too fat/too thin, too short/too tall, too straight/too curly" - but decides she doesn't have time to fix it so she's going out anyway.Age 40: Looks at herself and sees; "too fat/too thin, too short/too tall, too straight/too curly" -but says, "At least, I'm clean" and goes out anyway.Age 50: Looks at herself and sees; "I am" - and goes wherever she wants to.Age 60: Looks at herself and reminds herself of all the people who can't even see themselves in the mirror anymore; goes out and conquers the world.Age 70: Looks at herself and sees wisdom, laughter and ability - goes out and enjoys life.Age 80:
Miracle spray
2007-06-28 14:52:00
A man was driving along the highway and saw a rabbit hopping across the middle of the road. He swerved to avoid hitting the rabbit, but unfortunately the rabbit jumped in front of the car and was hit.The driver, being a sensitive man as well as an animal lover, pulled over to the side of the road, and got out to see what had become of the rabbit. Much to his dismay, the rabbit was dead. The driver felt so awful that he began to cry.A woman driving down the highway saw the man crying on the side of the road and pulled over. She stepped out of her car, and asked the man what was wrong."I feel terrible," he explained. "I accidentally hit this rabbit and killed it."The woman told the man not to worry. She knew what to do.She went to her car trunk and pulled out a spray can. She walked over to the limp, dead rabbit, and sprayed the contents of the can onto the rabbit.Miraculously, the rabbit came to life, jumped up, waved its paw at the two people and hopped down the road.Ten feet away the
RED MARBLES
2007-06-27 15:55:00
I was at the corner grocery store buying some early potatoes. I noticed a small boy, delicate of bone and feature, ragged but clean, hungrily looking over a basket of freshly picked green peas. I paid for my potatoes but was also drawn to the display of fresh green peas. I am a pushover for creamed peas and new potatoes. Pondering the peas, I couldn't help overhearing the conversation between Mr. Miller (the store owner) and the ragged boy next to me. "Hello Barry, how are you today?" "H'lo, Mr. Miller. Fine, thank ya. Jus' admirin' them peas. They sure look good." "They are good, Barry. How's your Ma?" "Fine. Gittin' stronger alla' time." "Good. Anything I can help you with?""No, Sir. Jus' admirin' them peas.""Would you like to take some home?" asked Mr. Miller. "No, Sir. Got nuthin' to pay for 'em with." "Well, what have you to trade me for some of those peas?" "All I got's my prize marble here.""Is that right? Let me see it." said Miller. "Here 'tis. She's a dandy." "I
Keeper
2007-06-27 15:01:00
I grew up in the 50's/60's with practical parents. A mother, God love her,who washed aluminum foil after she cooked in it, then reused it. She wastheoriginal recycle queen, before they had a name for it... A father who washappier getting old shoes fixed than buying new ones.Their marriage was good, their dreams focused. Their best friends livedbarely a wave away. I can see them now, Dad in trousers, tee shirt and ahatand Mom in a house dress, lawn mower in one hand, and dish-towel in theother. It was the time for fixing things. A curtain rod, the kitchen radio,screen door, the oven door, the hem in a dress, things we keep.It was a way of life, and sometimes it made me crazy. All that re-fixing,eating, renewing, I wanted just once to be wasteful. Waste meant affluence.Throwing things away meant you knew there'd always be more.But then my mother died, and on that clear summer's night, in the warmth ofthe hospital room, I was struck with the pain of learning that sometimesthere isn't
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The Thermos
2007-06-26 15:24:00
A blond was shopping at K-Mart and came across a shiny silver thermos.She was quite fascinated by it, so she picked it up and took it over to theclerk to ask what it was. The clerk said, "why, that's a thermos....it keeps hot things hot and cold things cold.""Wow," said the blond, "that's amazing....I'm going to buy it!"So she took the thermos and took it to work the next day.Her boss, who is also blond, saw it on her desk."What's that?" he asked."Why, that's a thermos...it keeps hot things hot and cold things cold,"she replied."What do you have in it?"asked the boss,"Two popsicles and some coffee"
Milk Bath
2007-06-26 15:21:00
A blonde heard that milk baths would make her beautiful. So she left a note for her milkman to leave 15 gallons of milk.When the milkman read the note, he felt there must be a mistake. He thought she probably meant 1.5 gallons so he knocked on her door to clarify the point.The blonde came to the door and the milkman said, "I found your note to leave 15 gallons of milk. Did you mean 1.5 gallons?"The blonde said, "I want 15 gallons. I'm going to fill my bathtub up with milk and take a milk bath."The milkman asked, "Do you want it Pasteurized?"The blonde said, "No, just up to my boobs, I can splash it in my eyes."
Funny Blond Jokes
2007-06-26 15:05:00
A young blonde woman goes to an office for a job interview . The interviewer decides to start with the basics. "So, miss, can you tell us your age, please?"The blonde counts carefully on her fingers for about 3 seconds before replying "Ehh... 23!".The interviewer tries another straight forward one to break the ice. "And can you tell us your height, please?"The young lady stands up and produces a measuring tape from her handbag. She then traps one end under her foot and extends the tape to the top of her head. She checks the measurement and announces, "Five foot three!"This isn't looking good so the interviewer goes for the real basics. "And ehh, just to confirm for our records, your name please?"The blonde bobs her head from side to side for about twenty seconds, mouthing something silently to herself, before replying "Stephanie".The interviewer is completely baffled at this stage, so he asks "Just out of curiosity, miss. We can understand your counting on your fingers to work out you
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The funniest blonde joke
2007-06-25 17:24:00
* she called me to get my phone number.* she spent 20 minutes looking at the orange juice box because it said "concentrate."* she put lipstick on her forehead because she wanted to make up her mind.*she tried to put M&M's in alphabetical order.*she sent me a fax with a stamp on it.*she tried to drown a fish.*she thought a quarterback was a refund.*she got locked in a grocery store and starved to death.*she tripped over a cordless phone.*she took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept.*she asked for a price check at the Dollar Store.*she studied for a blood test.*she thought Meow Mix was a CD for cats.*when she heard that 90% of all crimes occur around the home, she moved.*when she missed the 44 bus, she took the 22 bus twice instead.*when she took you to the airport and saw a sign that said "Airport Left" she turned around and went home
Enjoy our collection of Funny Blonde Jokes
2007-06-25 16:55:00
This blonde decides one day that she is sick and tired of all the blonde jokes and how all blondes are perceived as stupid, so she decides to show her husband that blondes really are smart.While her husband is off at work, she decides that she is going to paint a couple of rooms in the house.The next day, right after her husband leaves for work, she gets down to the task at hand.Her husband arrives home at 5:30 and detects the distinctive smell of paint. He walks into the living room and finds his wife lying on the floor in a pool of sweat.He notices that she is wearing a ski jacket and a fur coat at the same time. He goes over and asks her if she is OK.She replies, "Yes."He asks what she is doing.She replies that she wanted to prove to him that not all blonde women are dumb and she wanted to do it by painting the house.He then asks her why she has on a ski jacket and a fur coat.She replies that she was reading the directions on the paint can and they said, "For best results, put on tw
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Foto Fany Blonde
2007-06-25 16:12:00
Hey ...Be My Prince?
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Funny Blonde
2007-06-25 15:57:00
Q: How many stupid blondes does it take to make a circuit?A: Two - one to stand inside the bath, the other to pass the hair dryer.Q: What's the diff between a blonde and a computer?A: You only have to punch information into a computer once.Q: Did you hear about the dumb blonde couple that were found frozen to death in their car at a drive-in movie theater?A: They went to see "Closed for the Winter".Q: What's a dumb Blonde
s favorite rock group?A: Air Supply.Q: Why is it okay for blondes to catch a cold?A: No need for em to worry about blowing their brains out.She was so blonde she fell for these Crazy Pranks & Hilarious Gags - great pranks for playing on your blond friends :)Q: What do blondes and cow-pats have in common?A: The older they get, the easier they are to pick up.Q: How did the blonde die drinking milk?A: The cow fell on top of her.Q: What do you call a blonde skeleton in the closet?A: Last year's hide and seek champion.Q: Why did the blonde keep a coat hanger in her back
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These egg shells were cut with a high intensity precision Laser Beam. This gives a very good idea of what can be achieved with a Laser Beam. From
2007-07-11 16:43:00
Incredible what can be done with an eggshell and a laser beam. "A true friend is someone who knows you'rea good egg even if you're a little cracked."
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These are truly incredible. You'll love the watermelons, but you'll be blown away by the eggs!
2007-07-11 16:30:00
WATERMELONS AND EGGSHELLS
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Indian chief
2007-07-09 17:02:00
An old Indian chief sat in his hut on the reservation, smoking a ceremonial pipe and eyeing two U.S. government officials sent to interview him."Chief Two Eagles," asked one official, "You have observed the white man for 90 years. You've seen his wars and his material wealth. You've seen his progress, and the damage he's done."The chief nodded in agreement.The official continued, "Considering all these events, in your opinion, where did the white man go wrong?"The chief stared at the government officials for over a minute and then calmly replied, "When white man found the land, Indians were running it. No taxes, no debt, plenty buffalo, plenty beaver, women did all the work, medicine man free, Indian man spent all day hunting and fishing, all night having sex."Then the chief leaned back and smiled, "Only white man dumb enough to think he could improve system like that."
Smoky Mountain Preacher
2007-07-09 16:58:00
The Alabama preacher said to his Congregation, "Someone in this congregation has spread a rumor that I belong to the Ku Klux Klan. This is a horrible lie and one which a Christian community cannot tolerate. I am embarrassed and do not intend to accept this. Now, I want the party who did this to stand and ask forgiveness from God and this Christian family."No one moved.The preacher continued, "Do you have the nerve to face me and admit this is a falsehood? Remember, you will be forgiven and in your heart you will feel glory. Now stand and confess your transgression."Again all was quiet.Then slowly, a drop-dead gorgeous blonde with a body that would stop traffic rose from the third pew. Her head was bowed and her voice quivered as she spoke, "Reverend there has been a terrible misunderstanding. I never said you were a member of the Ku Klux Klan. I simply told a couple of my friends you were a wizard under the sheets."The preacher fainted, and the congregation roared.
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Funny Joke
2007-07-09 16:56:00
A man came to visit his grandparents, and he noticed his grandfather sitting on the porch, in the rocking chair, wearing only a shirt, nothing on from the waist down."Grandpa, what are you doing? Your willy is out in the wind for everyone tosee!" he exclaimed.The old man looked off in the distance without answering. "Grandpa, what are you doing sitting out here with no pants on?" he asked again.The old man slowly looked at him and said, "Well.......last week I sat out here withno shirt on, and I got a stiff neck. This is your grandma's idea."
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