Owner: The Metamorph URL:http://themetamorph.com Join Date: Thu, 05 Jul 2007 11:42:12 -0500 Rating:0 Site Description: Personal diary in which I discuss life, liberty, the pursuit of happiness, and Harry Potter. Am all too frequently finding myself in the midst of making life altering decisions these days, let's see how wonderfully I can muck it all up. Site statistics:Click here
Someone pass me a happy pill 2007-07-04 14:50:15 So it’s 2:30pm on a rather bright, sunny day, and people all over the neighborhood are letting off fireworks because wheee! Happy Birthday, America! How fun! Except for the part where I mentioned it’s a bright and sunny day? So you can’t actually see any fireworks? Which is doubly annoying when you take into account the fireworks that were being let off all over the neighborhood until at least midnight last night? So the fireworks actually aren’t doing a thing for me except making me tired and giving me a headache.
And I know some of y’all are thinking “Oh, it’s the 4th of July, have some fun, quit yer bitchin’! It’s one day!” Yeah, no it isn’t. People have been letting off fireworks for the past TWO WEEKS. And to top it all off? THEY DON’T CLEAN UP THEIR MESS. On the way home from the store today I spied the garbage from fireworks just left in the gutter and in the streets, and it just makes me want to smack peopl
In the Wizarding World it would be known as an “Unforgivable” and land you in Azkaban indefinitely 2007-07-03 21:23:50
Rated G for all audiences, even though I used the word &ldquo
;whore.&rdquo
; Damn, I need to step up my game.
But that’s not the point of this post.
We got a new car over the weekend, a Honda Civic Hybrid. El Boyfriend loves it to bits and won’t let me drive it, so in retaliation I’ll be covering our other vehicle in glitter and rainbows and Tinkerbell and other horrifically girly things.
But that’s not the point of this post, either.
I’ve applied for six different offline jobs this evening, but that’s not the point of this post, either.
However, the point IS to mention that posting may start to get a little lighter around here until about July 22nd. July 21st will see the arrival of the much longed-for final installment of the Harry Potter Book series - unfortunately, this means every attempt is being made by persons of no morals and ingrown penises to find out what happens in the book so they can spread it around and spoil it for people wh Read more:World
, Azkaban
Taking a momentary break from minding my karma 2007-06-29 13:11:56 There is only ONE moment in the History of The Internet in which MySpace RULES, and that is the moment you see your mom call your younger brother’s cheating girlfriend a f*cking whore - on the cheating girlfriend’s blog.
Pwned!
Now, back to your regularly scheduled “Jerry Springer” rerun. Read more:Taking
, karma
Crankypants - Currently the most comfortable item in my wardrobe 2007-07-05 13:56:42 We did end up having a nice 4th of July yesterday, once we got over to the barbeque and I was able to snarf down some alcohol. Beer is just nasty, I don’t know how y’all drink it. Green Apple Smirnoff to the rescue, wheee! I played around with my camera last night and took a lot of photos of the fireworks that were being set off around my neighborhood - some were even going off after I was in bed at 12:45am, inconsiderate buggers - but nothing spectacular. (Still haven’t learned anything about photography, obviously.)
Anyway.
Back to combating the Summer Vacation Boredom of Doom. (Boredoom? Hm.) I’ve sent my son out to ride his bike, I had to get him out of the house. He was doing something with his piggy bank a little while ago, and the sound of the rattling coins made my eyeballs feel as though they were bouncing around in my skull, which, theoretically, should be an impossible feat what with my brain taking up a good amount of the space. I think.
And hey, Read more:Currently
How to spend a rainy afternoon 2007-07-12 17:34:39 This morning we had a right noisy thunderstorm here, ominous black clouds and all. It’s finally clearing up and becoming sunny outside, but to help pass the gloomy day, my son and I baked muffins together - “together” meaning he asks if can help me, I say “yes,” he fake-grumbles his way through the whole thing, and I let him lick the bowl and spoon to shut him up.
The recipe I use is here, but I add a tablespoon of vanilla extract…which my son discovered, by licking the tablespoon, doesn’t taste all that great on its own.
Apparently he hasn’t forgiven me for letting him lick that tablespoon.
Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix: My 2 Sickles 2007-07-11 20:16:16 I could start this post ranting about the trials and tribulations of trying to buy tickets for this movie in my area and/or pondering the insanity of one theater not showing the movie AT ALL, but I won’t. Must get to the good stuff.
So, the good, in no particular order:
- I BAWLED MY ASS OFF. (That means they got it right, mostly.)
- Ron Weasley is no longer the wimpy, goofy sidekick who’s just being used for laughs, and THANK MERLIN. This is the Ron we’ve missed in the last few movies.
- Speaking of being back in character, the real Dumbledore has returned. I don’t know what happened with Dumbledore in “Goblet of Fire,” but he was wildly out of character in that film.
- Neville Longbottom. Honestly? I think I like movie Neville better than book Neville, and that is really saying something. I LOVE Neville.
- Evanna Lynch as Luna Lovegood is PER. FECT.
- Imelda Staunton is SO perfect as Dolores Umbridge that I am seriously reconsidering my affect Read more:Harry
, Potter
, Order
, Phoenix
It’s a gas, gas, gas 2007-07-09 22:35:05 I was sitting on El Boyfriend’s lap a little while ago and accidentally farted on him. I didn’t intend to, of course, because I’m not quite that rude; had I known it was coming I would have gotten up and gone into the bathroom. I don’t think he believes me, so we’ll just call it paybacks.
I think the crankypants are coming off, albeit in a slow, strip-tease fashion. I’ve been in a funk lately for no apparent reason and it’s taken a lot of restraint to not rip people’s heads off for doing something so insanely annoying as breathing, fer gawd’s sake. I’ve baked a couple of batches of cookies lately and thought, after ingesting a half-dozen at a time, that they were exorcising the demons (they were Holy Water Garlic Chunk cookies, don’t you know), but then someone would, you know, speak, and I’d find myself wanting to rip out their vocal chords. Today I’ve been reminding myself of things to look forward
Spoil me and DIE, turdbrains! 2007-07-16 23:51:10 Okay, that’s a little dramatic, yes, but I want to get my point across.
I have come across something that may or may not be actual spoilers for “Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows.” It appears that either scans or photos of pages from the book are running amok on the Internet, and as I’ve said before: “DO NOT WANT.” Whether these images are of pages from the real book remains to be seen, but not by me, because I’m not examining the images that closely - what if they are genuine? SPOILED! DO NOT WANT.
All of this just to say that I won’t be back on this blog until I’ve finished reading the book on the evening of July 21st. I mean, you can tell people ’till you’re blue in the face that you don’t want the spoilers, but if you don’t take actions that you can control to avoid the spoilers, then you might as well just shut up. So I am avoiding most of the Internet now.
See you Saturday night! Read more:Spoil
Because common sense is apparently too much to ask for 2007-07-22 10:54:09 Now that I’ve finished Deathly Hallows - and haven’t spoiled it for anyone, either - I’m back to full-on Internet Surfing. No hiding, no avoiding places like I was last week. So I was clicking around visiting different blogs this morning and I’ve come across some posts saying “Hey, I’ve got my book, reading now!” and such. But then I came across a post saying “Hey, I’m reading, I haven’t finished yet, and everyone on the Internet needs to just shut up until I’m done.”
Because I’m pretty sure it’s impossible to stay off the Internet - or at least, not click on possible spoilery links - until you are finished reading the book. I really wouldn’t know how that works, even though I and several other people have done it and managed not to be spoiled for this book. I mean, how does that happen?
HP7: All was well (no spoilers!) 2007-07-22 00:00:52 First things first - I finished reading Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows about an hour ago and managed NOT to be spoiled, W00T! Just a note for non-HP readers, avoiding book spoilers has become a big deal in this series, especially for books 5 and 6. Well, to amend slightly, spoilers were mainly not to be avoided for Book 6, what with all the news reports about the large amount of bets being taken on the death of a certain character - so many bets, in fact, that bookies correctly guessed there had been a leak at the nearby book publishing plant and stopped taking bets altogether. So all the news leading up to that book’s release was “So-and-so dies!” and while the story was so wonderfully, shockingly, and suspensefully written that I screamed aloud and nearly threw the book across the room when that character died, I was still HIGHLY pissed off about knowing something of what was coming. That’s part of the joy of this series - although you might correctl
O buy, all ye faithful 2007-07-25 18:54:51 I don’t know whether it’s a by-product of living in the Southern U.S. - notoriously the most religious region in the country apart from Mormon Utah - or whether the simple fact of the matter is that advertisers really are crossing over into Eternal Damnation Territory, but I was rather amused by a commercial I heard on the radio today.
The advert was for a local jewelry company that I wish I’d caught the name of, but basically the commerical said “Buy our jewelry! God wants you to!” - only a little more subtle. “Gemstones are a gift from God and you should gift your loved ones with them,” basically. So of course, being the very mature grown up human being that I am, I spent the rest of the afternoon going back and forth with my son - “I am buying these shoes because God wants me to,” and “I’m buying a new purse because God wants me to,” snickering in contempt the whole time.
Of course, chocolate is also a gi
I’m starting to get on my own nerves, now 2007-07-24 20:11:42 I’m feeling extra bitchy lately. All I can think of blogging about is how badly every person I come across offline is determined to snap my last nerve.
Like - is it just me, or should you maneuver around store aisles the way you do when driving your vehicle on the road? I mean, if you were out driving and were making a left turn onto a main road from a little alleyway, would you actually whip out without looking first and hold out your hand to stop the oncoming traffic? You shouldn’t do that in a store, either, coming out from between two display cases without pausing to see whether anyone was there and putting your hand on my cart to stop me. How ’bout I just put my hand on your little wheeliemobile thing and push you back in between those two display cases since I’ve got the right of way, mmkay?
And another thing: From here on out, any pedestrians who know that a vehicle is moving and still refuse to move their asses out of the way deserve to be run over. I& Read more:nerves
Maybe they’re sucking the Miracle Gro from my geraniums 2007-07-27 22:43:23 I just have to ask - what the hell is up with these southern mosquitos? Are they on steroids? I’ve just discovered a bite on my right arm, the swelling around it is an inch and a half long, no lie. I’ve got another bump from one bite last night on my left wrist. The swelling on that is still so bad I look deformed. And, I’ve still got red spots on my feet and ankles from the fifty two bazillionty mosquito bites I got on the 4th of July, and no, I haven’t been scratching at them.
The U.S. Government needs to stop spending $600 on hammers and start funding research for mosquito eradication. Read more:Maybe
Because I’m feeling antagonistic 2007-07-26 21:10:50 Is “antagonistic” even a word? I think it is, I’m just too lazy/tired to look it up at the moment.
Speaking of words, my next layout is going to include a tagline, and the tagline is going to include the word “bitch.” I’m bound and determined to destroy radical feminism single-handed(ly?).
Or would that be single-blogged(ly?)?
“The Metamorph: The bitch bringing you new vocabulary on a spontaneous basis.”
This post makes no damn sense. Isn’t it great?
Muddling through 2007-07-29 21:38:49 I’ve been a bit concerned lately that my writing here has lost that…I don’t know, little zing or whatever it had when I first started blogging. I have also been concerned that I’m suffering severe atrophy of the brain. Related? Perhaps. However, I’ve just sent an email that is chock-full of zing to a friend of mine, so I know it’s not gone, I just have to rediscover how to get it back into my blog all nice and comfy-like, the way it used to be.
I’ve been thinking that maybe I need to take a blog break and come back when I’ve got zing coming out my ass - no that wouldn’t be disgusting, it would smell like rainbows and Unicorn breath and be full of diamonds, thankyouverymuch - however, my blog layout appears to be breaking down, bit by bit, and to take a break now would feel like going on vacation when the roof of my house is caving in. No matter how nice it would be to board a plane to Europe right now, I must stay and
Mish mash, I was takin’ a bath 2007-07-31 16:54:25 Ok, internet, wish me luck, I’m going to see a man about a job on Thursday afternoon. It’s a waitressing job and I’m fairly confident - now that I’m able to speak to someone in person - that I’ll be able to get it. I just hope, what with the 52 billion degree temperatures we’ve been having here lately - combined with a bit of inevitable nervousness - that I don’t dissolve in a big, oogy, sweaty mess and gross out Mr. Interviewer.
The ads on this site are all going to go away, I think they’re what’s buggering up bits of my layout. Also, I’ve had the ads up for just over a month and not even earned a whole dollar from them all combined, so they’re not worth it. I might have mentioned before that I’d like to get into making jewelry or something, so who knows, maybe you’ll see me with an Etsy shop one of these days.
Speaking of jewelry love, I have plans for another blog in that regard, but I won’
Apparently it’s because I’m an English speaking non-plumber 2007-08-03 18:07:03 Thank you for the good wishes, Internet, I do believe I’m gainfully employed. Will find out for sure on Monday. My tips for getting a job in five minutes: 1, apply for a job in which all other applicants speak Spanish, thus rendering the hiring manager unable to interview them. 2, apply for a job in which the other applicants are all plumbers (unless, of course, you’re applying to be a plumber, then maybe not so much). 3, have good hair, wear Stella by Stella McCartney and a Superhero necklace. (I’m sure #3 has nothing to do with anything except the fact that they just made me feel good and cute.)
David and I went shopping for school stuff today, the process of which has left me wondering when my son disappeared and left a girl in his place. Who knew boys could be just as picky about clothes as girls? “I can’t wear any clothes that make me look like a nerd, Mom, so just stay away from pretty much every rack of shirts in this store.” “That colo Read more:English
The agony of da feet 2007-08-07 16:29:35 Okay, I don’t want to turn this blog into Waiter Rant, but why is it that people still don’t know how to tip when they go out to eat? Why do people still think it’s okay to tip $1 on a $40 bill, even though they’ve had good service?
That happened to my trainer today. I’ve waited tables before, so it’s not like bad tippers are new to me, but it still pisses me off. There’s so much talk about this kind of stuff - at least, online anyway - that it amazes me that people still don’t know how to act. I thought it was fairly common knowledge that you’re supposed to tip 15-20% of your bill in restaurants. I know it’s less common knowledge that most servers aren’t even paid minimum wage hourly - say hello to $2.63/hour! A lot of people probably also don’t realize that many restaurants require servers to share their tips with the barstaff, cooks, and dish room employees - none of whom are being paid the low rate of $2.6 Read more:agony
I like a little tea with my sugar water 2007-08-06 14:09:07 It’s official, I’m employed! I’m going this afternoon to fill out paperwork and take a tour, and I’ll be training this week. I just wish my uterus didn’t feel like it was about to fall out, but I can’t have everything, I guess. I’m also not looking forward to buying jeans - yay for the casual dress code but OMG I’m really not looking forward to trying to find jeans at my current size. Jeans shopping is difficult at a size 6, so trying to find something flattering/comfortable for someone who is short and chubby is going to be extremely unpleasant. Hopefully this job will jumpstart some weight loss.
We took a little
road trip this weekend down to Dallas. I had forgotten how big cities can be, how much neon lighting can be made to fit into one area. We went to Dallas because we used an old stand-by, bribery, to motivate my son to get off his arse and pass 8th grade. We promised him a night out if he passed, and he did just squeak th Read more:water
Thank you, Captain Obvious 2007-08-09 11:42:40 When what you really, really want more than anything in the world at that particular moment is a warm, gooey brownie smothered in hot fudge sauce with a big scoop of vanilla ice cream melting on the top of it, a bowl of stale Honey Nut Cheerios is not going to be satisfying. Like, at ALL.
At least my dog seems to be enjoying himself.
Read more:Thank
, Captain
, Obvious
Full stop 2007-08-08 14:01:21 “Bridges in America should not be falling down.”
Exactly right!
Because they should be falling down in Taiwan instead.
[/end sarcasm]
I do try not to nitpick what other people write, after all, I’m no master of the English language myself. Apostrophe abuse is rampant but I don’t say much about it because I know I misplace commas and throw around hyphens and ellipses like they’re gold for the poor.
However, I have to say it does bug me to see a sentence like “This bad thing should not be happening in America,” because the implication is that it’s okay for the bad thing to happen anywhere else. I don’t believe that that’s how most people feel when they write something like that; I think most people would rather the bad thing not happen at all, to anyone. I just wish that’s what they’d actually write.
No cheese with that, please 2007-08-11 23:35:42 I’m not even going to complain about the jerks that didn’t leave me a tip today for no damn reason, because what’s more important is the fact that my feet hurt so damn bad I could cry. Note to people who care about me: foot massager = EXCELLENT IDEA for saving what little remains of my sanity.
Also? Who the hell did what to Kate Hudson? About men’s ability to be faithful, she has this to say:
“As primal beings, men are not supposed to be monogamous,” the actress, 28, deep thoughts to Harper’s Bazaar. “When people ask, ‘Do you believe in monogamy?’ Well, of course that’s what you want. But part of what I love about men is that it’s hard for them to be monogamous.”
Continuing with her lemonade from two-timing lemons rationale, Kate posits, “Women, I think, need to spend more time understanding men than changing men. And vice versa.”
If understanding a man means putting up with his cheating, then wh
Cleaning out the belly button lint 2007-08-15 11:52:43 I’ve been reading around the ‘net and have been catching up on things linked here and there, reading posts in blogs I don’t normally read, and people are still writing about BlogHer ‘07. Sure as shit, I’m now finding all the negative posts that I expected to find: “I was shunned, excluded, it was like high school, there was a hierarchy, there were parties and no one invited me.”
Shut up and throw your own fucking party next time. Oh, I know: “Michelle, you didn’t go, you don’t know what it was like, so you should shut up.” What I do know is that when you’re at an event involving a thousand people, no one’s going to be catering just to you, and if you go to such an event wanting to have a good time then maybe you should take a little responsibility for yourself and decide to actually have a good time regardless of what other people are doing.
“Wow Michelle, you dropped the F-bomb, that&rs Read more:Cleaning
, belly
, button
Old lady life in bullet points, dammit 2007-08-14 12:03:53
I’m hoping to prevent further posts in which I cry about my feet, having bought new shoes yesterday from a medical uniform shop and two different kinds of gel inserts. I feel like an old lady now.
About that old lady thing - one of the bartenders where I work was genuinely shocked to hear my age. “No way! You don’t look anywhere near that old!” Vanity has decreed that she’s my new favorite person.
The “With Love” by Hilary Duff perfume is surprisingly pleasant. I wasn’t expecting anything in particular, nor was I actually shopping for perfume, but there was a handy-dandy tester bottle at the store yesterday that I made use of. I might go buy a bottle in a few days and will not feel guilty about it, especially when I consider that it’s over $50 cheaper than ”Addict” by Christian Dior, the one El Boyfriend really likes.
Am trying not to dwell on whether or not it is appropriate for a 32 year old woman to buy a Read more:bullet
, dammit
I’m glad it’s not me 2007-08-17 13:05:24 I had forgotten how very attention whorish teenage girls can be sometimes. Maybe it sounds a little harsh, but I say “attention whorish” because there’s really no other reason for one teenage girl to be screaming at the top of her lungs her side of a conversation with the non-hearing-impaired-girl two inches away from her.
My son knows the loud girl in question and has branded her simply “psycho.”
Ah, high school.
Yesterday I went to the first day of ninth grade with my son as part of a “Back to School Celebration.” I think it’s a good idea, actually, to have a day set aside specifically for the ninth graders and their parents. Not only do the ninth graders - all 900 of them, jeezohpete - get to take the time to find their way around the school without upperclassmen hassling them, the parents get to tag along and recall their own first day of high school and understand how their kids may be feeling - anxious, shy, and lost. ”Um
If you wouldn’t let her do it at home… 2007-08-23 09:43:06 then don’t let her do it out in public. Seriously, I’m pretty sure there’s a reason you don’t give your child the sugar bowl as a toy when you’re sitting around the breakfast table. So letting her play with the sugar caddy in a restaurant isn’t such a hot idea either.
Unless you want to tip me $100 for cleaning up the mess you let her make. Read more:hellip
The thing I like about having a job 2007-08-22 20:53:59 Being able to put FUN! things on my shopping list. Like these:
and
Am hoping to order those this weekend or the beginning of next week.
It’s not exactly a post about my feet 2007-08-21 15:16:02 What’s a girl gotta do to get a comfortable pair of non-skid shoes around here? This area is almost nothing but restaurants, why aren’t shoe stores carrying better stock of shoes for us waiterly types? I bought my fourth pair of shoes in three weeks last night, and so far, they’re the most comfortable, though I doubt I’ll be saying that if/when I end up on my arse in the dishroom because of the skidding and sliding thing.
I wish I could order a pair online, but I’ve tried on shoes from 7 wide all the way down to 6 medium, and my size seems to vary from brand to brand, which is really aggravating! Aren’t shoes and clothing assigned a number for a reason? So that you should be able to pick up something in that number and have it fit if you’re actually that size? Now it seems it’s more of an approximation, which makes shopping online either extremely expensive initially - as you choose the item in the size you think you’re supposed t
I don’t think so 2007-08-27 14:27:10 Apologies ahead of time to those who may be bothered by how sporadic my posting may start to become. I have lately been in a nasty phase of “The-world-hates-me-so-much-right-now,-so-eff-it,-I-hate-the-world-right-back.” And when I say the world hates me, I mean this to include all of the traffic lights which ALWAYS turn red when I approach an intersection, even when no one is waiting in the other directions, and the radio stations who all insist on playing Fergie and/or Avril Lavigne at the same time. Can’t a girl get a little Maroon 5 now and then? Sheeze!
I hurt myself a little bit at work today, nothing major, I just skinned my wrists a bit and got a little cut on my hand while carrying a bin of rolled silverware that I shouldn’t have been carrying because it was overfilled and too heavy for me. Anyway, when I was trying to put it on its shelf, the bin slid down my arms and wrists and nailed me. I’ve got what appears to be a bruise on the inside Read more:think
Catastrophically Underrated, Part Eleventy Billion 2007-08-25 13:44:47
Nutless brownies. My sweet tooth was making what I thought to be a fairly reasonable demand last night for something somewhat gooey and very yummy, but not too complicated. Although I was pretty tired I decided to give in to the sweet tooth’s demands. (Okay, so I had to go to the store anyway for a few things and decided to pick something up while I was there.) When I got to the store I headed to the bakery in search of something brownie-ish or cheesecake-ish. They get so creative with brownies these days, don’t they? German chocolate brownies, cream cheese brownies, triple chocolate fudge brownies…all covered with nuts. I don’t like nuts on my brownies. There’s a rule book out there somewhere that commands all brownies sold in bakeries shall be covered with nuts; someone needs to find and destroy said rule book, is all I’m saying. I ended up going to the freezer section and buying a pan of ready-to-bake brownie mix from Duncan Hines and a bottl Read more:Underrated
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