Owner: The B-Movie Catechism URL:http://b-moviecat.blogspot.com/ Join Date: Tue, 26 Jun 2007 20:00:15 -0500 Rating:0 Site Description: One man's desperate attempt to reconcile his love of his Catholic faith with his passion for really, really bad movies. Site statistics:Click here
COMING ATTRACTIONS: SATISFACTION 2007-06-25 13:55:00 The nice folks over at Spirit of Vatican 2 "Catholic" Faith Community suggested in the strongest, yet strangely loving and non-violent, way possible that I review the movies of a certain famous actress. Sadly, as the lady's movies don't really fit into the B-Movie category, so it seemed unlikely I would be able to fulfill their request. Until I remembered this little gem
NOW SHOWING AT A BLOG NEAR YOU 2007-06-24 19:40:00 As much as I hate to admit it, there does appear to be other movies besides what you can find at the drive-in or direct to video outlets. And a lot of the nice people on the other side of those links in the sidebar actually watch them. What's that all about? Anyway, since most of these films don't stand much of a chance of making anappearance in these pages, I thought I might occasionally
THE STUFF 2007-06-23 12:15:00 TYPICAL REVIEW
"Always a better idea-man than a director, Cohen has a knack for killing surefire premises, yet he leaves plenty to salvage from the twisted wreckage." - Scott Tobias, The Onion A. V. Club
THE PLOT
A quarry worker discovers a puddle of bubbling white goo in the dirt and does what any normal person would under the circumstances; he eats some. From that humble
CLASS OF 1999 2007-06-14 12:35:00 TYPICAL REVIEW
"Even though this violent indie film has "exploitation" stamped all over it--with its gratuitous car chases, shootouts, and anarchistic characters--it is a guilty pleasure." - Bryan Reesman, Amazon.Com
THE PLOT
It's 1999 and teenage violence has escalated to the point that many inner city schools are now located inside free-fire zones, areas controlled by teenage
COMING ATTRACTIONS: CLASS OF 1999 2007-06-09 20:20:00 I can't find a trailer for this one, or even a decent poster for that matter. Aren't they proud of their achievement?
DUNGEONS & DRAGONS: WRATH OF THE DRAGON GOD 2007-06-06 00:50:00 TYPICAL REVIEW
"A cheap jack, shot in Lithuania with an affordable unknown cast, direct-to-video sequel to one of the decade’s biggest flops is actually pretty darn enjoyable. " - David Cornelius, eFilmCritic.Com
THE PLOT
100 years have passed since the first Dungeons & Dragons movie (just long enough so that both the viewers and the characters mercifully don't have to give it
DR JEKYLL & SISTER HYDE 2007-05-31 00:00:00 TYPICAL REVIEW
"It is with great surprise that a movie with such an exploitative name... would manage to emerge from the pack as one of the best examples of the kind of thought provoking little horror film Hammer once produced with ease." - DVDVerdict.Com
THE PLOT
There's a mysterious killer stalking the back alleys of White Chapel ripping up prostitutes. His name isn't Jack,
DEVIL DOG: THE HOUND OF HELL 2007-05-22 13:05:00 TYPICAL REVIEW
"It could be pretty creepy ... if it weren't so darn stupid." - Scott Weinberg, DVDTALK.COM
THE PLOT
A coven of satanists devise a scheme to cross breed a German Shepherd with Lucifer resulting in the birth of a litter of devil dogs. (That's as logical as it's gonna get, folks.) One of the evil pups is adopted off to the Barry family, who can't seem to understand
INTERMISSION 2007-05-14 19:45:00 It happens sometimes. You're sitting comfortably in your theater seat, a ginormous tub of artificial buttery-flavored popcorn in your lap, a drum of cola in the cup holder, all is well with the world.... and then the phone/pager/whatever goes off. So it's back out to the lobby to see who's calling.
Turns out it's D. G. D. Davidson over at The Sci-Fi Catholic passing along a meme he inherited
BLOODSPORT 2007-05-11 01:00:00 TYPICAL REVIEW
"Proudly plotless in a way that other low-budget actioners ought to emulate more often." - Luke Y. Thompson, NEW YORK TIMES
THE PLOT
When Frank Dux learns his sensei Tanaka is dying, he goes AWOL in order to honor Tanaka in the only way possible; by traveling to China to participate in an unsanctioned full-contact martial arts tournament and beat the living spit out
COMING ATTRACTIONS: BLOODSPORT 2007-05-05 22:10:00 It's time to take a short break from the creature features and head over to the next auditorium for some low budget 80s action hero cheese!
GODZILLA (GOJIRA) 2007-05-01 20:45:00 TYPICAL REVIEWS
“[This film] might well trump the art films Hiroshima Mon Amour and Dr. Strangelove as a daring attempt to fashion a terrible poetry from the mind-melting horror of atomic warfare.” – The Village Voice
“[This film] can now be appreciated not just as a minor classic of tragic destruction, but also as a somber exploration of conflicted postwar emotions.” – L.A.
COMING ATTRACTIONS: GODZILLA (GOJIRA) 2007-04-27 10:40:00 First up, we have the trailer put out for the American release of Godzilla.
While this is the original Japanese trailer for Gojira. A slight difference in focus and tone perhaps?
INTERMISSION 2007-04-25 23:33:00 At some point, even the most rabid of movie lovers has to leave the comfort of the darkened theater and wander out into the lobby. And on those rare occasions when I can actually tear myself away from the screen, I think I'll use the time to pass along some of the interesting things I run across while preparing my movie reviews.
It looks like Father Roderick and the folks over at SQPN will
EEGAH 2007-04-24 00:30:00 TYPICAL REVIEW
"Reputed to be one of the worst movies of all time." - Videohound's Golden Movie Retriever
THE PLOT
While driving on a darkened freeway, teenaged (oh, sure) Roxy nearly mows down a hulking figure standing in the middle of the road. It's Eegah, wearing a Flinstones hand-me-down fur toga and the world's most incredibly fake beard while carrying a paper mache club in
COMING ATTRACTIONS: EEGAH 2007-04-18 20:40:00 If there's one thing we love almost as much (and sometimes more) than a good B-Movie, it's a trailer for a good B-Movie. I thought it would be fun in between posts, if I could find them, to post coming attractions for upcoming reviews. (Once I know what they are, that is.) If I can't find a trailer, I'll try to at least put up a poster. So without further ado, COMING SOON TO A B-MOVIE CATECHISM
BEAST FROM HAUNTED CAVE 2007-04-17 00:45:00 TYPICAL REVIEW
"After it's over, you'll be scratching your head, asking, "So who's left alive and who's dead?" That's just one of the reasons horror fans love this unconventional B-movie." - Jeff Stafford, Turner Classic Movies
THE PLOT
After staging a heist, a small gang of crooks con ski instructor Gil Jackson into taking them to his mountain lodge where a
STUDENT BODIES 2007-04-10 00:15:00 TYPICAL REVIEW
"As if the plethora of mindless slasher films weren't enough, they were followed by a flood of mindless slasher film parodies, including STUDENT BODIES." - TVGuide.Com
THE PLOT
The idea of sex is so yucky to high-schooler Toby that she wears a "Sex Is Bad" button on her sweater.... AND another one under it. This might turn out to be a prudent stance, however, as a
MAN-THING 2007-03-29 00:30:00 TYPICAL REVIEW
"This is easily the worst comic book movie ever made, and no, I haven't forgotten about the original Punisher adaptation." - David Nusair, REEL FILM REVIEWS
THE PLOT
There's a new sheriff in town. No, really. And when we meet him on his first day at the job, he's confronting a group of eco-radicals chained to some construction equipment. It appears the local oil
SATISFACTION 2007-07-04 00:45:00 TYPICAL REVIEW
"Director Joan Freeman stages the movie with little imagination, and the script (by Charles Purpura) couldn't be more formulaic if it was simply a blueprint (and perhaps it was)." - DSH, The DVD Journal
THE PLOT
High school is over and Jennie Lee and The Mystery, an 80% all-girl cover band from the big city, have a dream. They know in their hearts if they can
MESA OF LOST WOMEN 2007-07-14 18:00:00 TYPICAL REVIEW"Put it all together, and you have the closest approximation I've ever seen to a fever dream I had once when I was running a temperature of 112 degrees." - Dave Sindelar, SciFilm.comTHE PLOTRight. I'll do my best. Grant and Doreen are found wandering near death in the Muerto Desert. (Muerto means death the narrator informs us.) Upon recovering, Grant begins to tell in flashback the story of how they escaped from the laboratory of local mad scientist Dr. Aranya (And Aranya means spider!). However, Grant's flashback is interrupted by local handyman Pepe who knows some stuff he's not telling. But before Pepe can get his flashback going, the narrator interrupts and begins his own flashback in which he... Look, let's start over. There's this other guy Masterston, who travels to Dr. Aranya's lab whereupon he discovers the crazy scientist is breeding amazon spider women, dwarven spider men, and enormous spider puppets. This knowledge drives him insane. Later he visits a c
WEEKLY NEWSREEL 2007-07-16 23:40:00 Good evening Mr. and Mrs. Catholic and all you other Christians at sea. (While not required, it would help if you read this in your best Walter Winchell voice.) Welcome to the inaugural edition of The Weekly Newsreel, our rather snarky new feature here at The B-Movie Catechism designed to further enhance that old Saturday Matinee experience. Each week our intrepid news hounds will scour the headlines for breaking news in the world of movies and, more importantly, movie stars, in order to filter them through a little catechesis. Remember, today's gossip is tomorrow's bible study. Now, let's go to press.DATELINE: CALIFORNIA - BEVERLY HILLS 9021 OH NO!USA Today reports that actress Tori Spelling recently received her minister's license after applying for one online. Her first act as an "ordained" minister was to perform a same-sex union which will likely be shown on Inn Love, her "reality" show currently being broadcast on the Oxygen network. (Yes, that's Oprah's channel.) Ms. Spell
NOW SHOWING AT A BLOG NEAR YOU 2007-07-15 23:15:00 The Sci-Fi Catholic continues his tour of Asia with the Jet Li opus The Legend. He also takes a look at some little films you may have heard of by the name of Transformers and Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix. If you blinked you might have missed the hundreds of millions of dollars they made worldwide during their respective opening weeks.Speaking of that Potter kid, The Mad Tea Party's March Hare also got a chance to take the kids for a look see. But imagine our surprise when we discovered The Mad Tea Party had also risked a viewing of that Justine Bateman/Julia Roberts classic Satisfaction. The March Hare gives it 2 golden tickets out of 5, which is probably still kinder than our own review.As long as we're discussing movies we've reviewed before, poor old Man-Thing manages to garner a few more comments over at Arkanabar's Eclectic Rants. None of them favorable. For balance, though, he gives Man-Thing's fellow Marvel universe resident Ghost Rider a bit more respect.If
Recommend Site To A Friend
