I don't know why, but Sundays always make me feel like casting aside my offensive thoughts to take the time to contemplate the deeper, more spiritual things in my life. It is a day for reflecting on all my blessings and to really work on being a better person.OK, I'm lying, Sundays make me really only think of two things:1) I wish Jesus's taco truck was open today.2) The church sign generator is too much frigging fun to play with!My first round of church signs still brings more traffic to my blog than any other post to date so I thought it was time for round 2.Enjoy!!:)They say the darnedest things over at humor-blogs.com too!!
(Pssst.... in case you didn't know, there is an Offended Blogger "What Was Willy Thinking?" caption contest going on 2 posts down, don't miss it! 60 + entries already! Voting starts Friday and the winner will be announced on Monday. A new Willy contest starts this Sunday, too. Hooyah!!)So anyhoo... after that Aussie crybaby set my effing teeth on edge earlier, I decided to just put it behind me and turn the other cheek, at church. OK, well it wasn't really church, it was actually this really fun website I found called Church Sign Generator where I created the following offensive church signs to humor myself:This first one was inspired by and is dedicated to Ender over at Red Monkey . It is a recreation of a true story that happened to her.(Note that the "R" in "FIRST" fell off, so it start
I read something online last night that made me a little sad and nostalgic. Thinking back to some of the many lapses in judgment I made over the years, I caught myself doing the “if only…” Had I made different choices at certain crossroads in my life, my life would be totally different right now…
I happened to have Kid Nation on a few minutes later, and one of the kids summed it up nicely. (I’m
Sorry this is late ladies, my husband was supposed to publish yesterday for me since he had my computer, but he forgot. I hope it brings a good laugh to your weekend. See you Monday.
Emily has started Kindergarten. She loves her teacher, and loves her school. Last week her assignment was to memorize a verse: “God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in time of trouble” (Psalm 46:1) At first when we began working with her on it, she would get irritated and say she didn’t want to do it. Then she came home one day from school to inform me that we had to do something. “About what?” I asked. “My memory verse, mama, you are not going to believe this. We had a boys against girls competition today to see who knew their memory verse, and the boys won. We cain’t (southern for can’t ) be havin’ that. AND they got the candy, uh- uh” I laughed, but by the end of the night, she knew it.
The next day I asked her if she could
#13 "If you run, you'll only go to jail tired." #12 "Can you run faster than 1200 feet per second? Because that's the speed of the bullet that'll be chasing you." #11 "You don't know how fast you were going? I guess that means I can write anything I want to on the ticket, huh?" #10 "Yes, sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think it will help. Oh, did I mention that I'm the shift supe! rvisor?" #9 "Warning! You want a warning? O.K., I'm warning you not to do that again or I'll give you another ticket." #8 "The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?" #7 "Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy and corn dogs and step in monkey poop." #6 "Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven." #5 "In God we trust, all others we run through NCIC." #4 "How big were those 'Just two beers' you say you had?" #3 "No sir,
1. “Multiculturalism in America should ONLY mean we have choices of eating Chinese food, Indian food, Thai food, French food, etc…”
buzzthepug!, FreeConservatives [Comments (40)] 2007-Aug-11
2. “Whoever voted for evolutionists, well I am sorry we have new evidence, the Theory of Relativity, that points toward a young earth. Who said Christians are again science, I never did.”
Thank you Troops, Hannity [Comments (63)] 2007-Aug-05
3. “God does not want us not to use common sense.”
celticmist138, Rapture Ready [Comments (52)] 2007-Aug-10
4. “Wouldn’t it be great if the troops were all handed out bibles as part of their protection gear?”
I Believe, Rapture Ready [Comments (68)] 2007-Aug-19
5. “ALL viruses are good for human beings, but sad to say, the human being immune systems were wrecked/weakened by sin, then, these viruses are become dangerous.”
samurai, IIDB [Comments (29)] 2007-Aug-20
(more…)
atheism, fu
Today I thought I would share a funny story about a conversation with my daughter Emily. Let me set this up by saying two of my dearest friends, Melanie(28) and Shay (almost 33, Sorry girl ) are both single and have never been married. Because they are very close to me, like sisters I have grown up with, my girls are close to them and hear a lot about their single status. On a different subject, anytime Emily begins to grumble about what she does not have, we always make her tell us the things she is grateful for, and tell her that not everyone has all she has. Not everyone has a home, not everyone has parents, etc. You get the picture.
Now to tie the two together …
The other night as Ben and I were spending time with Emily, watching TV, out of the blue she decides to tell us what she wants to be when she grows up:
“When I grow up I am going to build a building, with bricks.”
“You are? What for?”
“Well, it is going to be for poor people of all k
According to the Bishop of Carlisle, recent flooding is God's judgment of man. In particular, the Bishop of Carlisle states that, "Our government has been playing the role of God in saying that people are free to act as they want. The sexual orientation regulations are part of a general scene of permissiveness. We are in a situation where we are liable for God's judgment, which is intended to call us to repentance." Curiously, the Bishop refers to the environmental damage humans have done in passing.Needless to say, I find the notion that an all-powerful and omnibenevolent being would release its wrath in such indiscriminate method to be an absurd idea. Consider the suicide bombers as a reference. They release their anger indiscriminately in buses, grocery stores, etc. harming innocent individuals. To consider a being that practices indiscriminate punishment as the epitome of goodness is a degradation of the ideal.I'll always find it curious, however, that religious people tend t
“Oh, and guess what your son said at school today?”
That can’t be good. This has been an odd week at the Franzone house. Our children attend a private Christian academy here in Pensacola, FL and my wife on very rare occasion will substitute teach. I say very rare because we have a baby at home [...]
Patient: This is the last time I'm having a baby.Me: Have you ever thought about getting your tubes tied?Patient: Oh, no. My birth control works fine.Ten minutes after the baby is taken from the labor room to the nursery...Patient: Do you think they've cut the cord yet?Five minutes after I gave her 2 gm of stadol IV...Patient: Isn't this a nice campfire?Me: It's been a while since you got up to pee. Do you want me to help you to the bathroom?Patient: That's ok, I've just been peeing in the bedpan and dumping it in the trashcan.Patient: Could you tell me why my husband is bleeding from his rectum?Me: No, no I can't.
Note: I’m revising my last post in this entry for the simple fact that I keep forgetting you guys aren’t familiar with what city I’m in, where my restaurant is located in the city, the racial/cultural/economic boundaries in my city and, as a writer, that’s all my fault. I’ll try my best in the future to give you guys some decent background when I’m writing from now on.
Every now and again, a family will come in and bring their loud-mouthed son or daughter into the restaurant. And every now and again, they will say something so socially awkward, so incredibly uncomfortable, I have to remove myself from the table, print out a blank receipt and write it down.
Case in point:
A family of four came in. In the city I live, there are obvious boundaries in town in terms of economic and racial diversity. For example, in one part of town, the population “diversity” goes as follows:
1. 90% white
2. Small percentage of hispanics, blacks and asians.
I
After reading to my three year old son his third and final bedtime story for the night last night, we started talking about going to sleep and dreams. He asked me, "Do people still dream when they're awake?"And I thought, that's a good question. And then I thought, it could be, people could dream all through the day (not day-dreaming) and not even know it, and then when they go to sleep they gradually get in touch with their dreams.There is no direct observation that proves one begins to dream once one reaches deep REM sleep. So I said to my son, "That's a good question. Maybe people do dream when they're still awake, but they don't actually see their dreams until they fall asleep."
