Let me in, dammit!What’s this whole fuss about Chak De, India? Just can’t land tickets, I’m finding it so bloody difficult to get into a movie-hall playing the blessed flick, just as easy as a terrorist would find it to walk into the CIA HQ at Langley.Okay, YRF seduce the movie-goers but if TRRP and [...]
I woke up very, very late this morning after not having slept much last night. And when I woke, I had anxiety issues from the moment I opened my eyes. That may be due to a very strange dream I had that I was trying to throw a now-deceased relative out of my mom's house. In the dream he was some kind of horrible version of himself. It was very odd. I don't know if the dream caused me to wake u
OK, like I told you on the phone, Mr. Obama, I didn't want to drag this into the public arena, especially here on my lovely blog and all, but you've left me no choice. You are either going to deliver the goods or else you owe me $387.59 in reparations for all the money I wasted calling, faxing, emailing and writing actual hand written letters demanding that you indulge my curiosity as an American
Let me in, dammit!What’s this whole fuss about Chak De, India? Just can’t land tickets, I’m finding it so bloody difficult to get into a movie-hall playing the blessed flick, just as easy as a terrorist would find it to walk into the CIA HQ at Langley.Okay, YRF seduce the movie-goers but if TRRP and [...]
Okay... readers in America, if you haven't gotten out yet to vote (for Obama), then stop reading right now, back away from the computer and go do it... it's cool... I'll wait.........See, don't you feel better now? You should...... and I'm not going to burden you with my mindless prattling today, I'm just gonna serve up a tune by NYC-based Afrobeat/Funk mavens Kokolo, and I think it'll be pretty
The Black Cap's poor series in Bangladesh is a worrying sign, especially when you consider the Summer ahead.And the fact that they're staring down the barrel of a Test loss.And the fact there's still a Test to go.Hmmmm.The Black Caps will face Australia in two Tests and five ODIs (all in Australia), two Tests and five ODIs at home against the West Indies, and the same again against India - not to
From AOL News'Palling Around With Terrorists'
Palin Rips Obama for His Past Ties: Do You Think Her Remarks Are Fair?
This article from AP's Jim Kuhnhenn appeared on the AOL News front page today. I have posted portions of it below. The bold text is mine. This is what we're up against. This, my friends, is what passes for objective journalism in today's America. Could there be any better
As a banquet manager, I never work less than 12 hours a day. Most of the time I'm too busy to even eat. I usually just pick a little morsel of food here and there. At the end of the day I wonder why I have a splitting headache and can't wait to get home.But one thing I can't stand is when a waiter of mine thinks it's ok to eat a full meal in the kitchen during lunch or dinner service. Sometime
I don't have (yet) internet connection in the new house, neither phone line. I'm on holidays for the rest of the month, so there'll be no updates in a while.The telephone company offered me a line usually installed on rural areas... damn! I want my connection back!!!Maybe next sunday I can post a thing or two ;)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~This is an official Offended Blogger message from your hostess:Hey fellow offenders!I am working on my new website Humor Bloggers dot com, (you can see the beta version at ) so if I don't answer comments or publish high quality Offensives over the next few days, you'll know why.Hooyah!!Not only would I love some feedback on the new project, I also didn't want you to think th
Stuart Smalley allusions aside, I stumbled across this site the other day and it just made me laugh. While I'm somewhat new to the world of blogging, I have definitely noticed that as with any other group dynamic, these people are competitive! I initially thought it would be fun to do some writing, keep in better touch with the people I never call and maybe even pick up some new friends along the
According to an article in Yahoo News today, children participating in the Gold Crown Junior Golf Association Tournament became distracted as a group of flirtatious strippers arrived at the course. Officials at the Eagle Trace Golf Course claim that the whole fiasco was a simple case of "mistiming". The strippers, serving as caddies to the patrons of the gentleman's club Shotgun Willies, were pa
When will Usurper actually take that first stuttering step towards the ultimate in freedom - bipedal movement? She is close, very very close. She will at times stand up and let go of whatever she is holding onto, standing there grinning and giggling like a maniac until she falls to her ass - at which [...]
Yo, Flo ain't really with that Kia Shine shit, you feel me? It just ain't my bag, baby! But on the other hand, I do love hip hop and exposing you to some artists that you don't find on the most popular sites out there. By the way, sorry for the minimal content lately. Trust me... When you see the finished product, you'll be thankful.
So... This is my weekend gift to you...
MURS
Take some time and
I want my children to grow up to be happy, healthy, productive members of society who never have to see the inside of a shrink’s office or a prison cell.
I also want my kids to like me and think I’m the coolest mom on Earth, worshipping my every move while putting me first at all [...]
"Nobody ever told me that." I've said those words to myself countless times over the last year. 'Trying to conceive', or more accurately 'trying and failing miserably to conceive' not only brings about the standard old side effects you read in the books or on websites, but there are hidden and unexpected side effects too, particularly for us gentlemen. I've found, not all of them to be quite what
I have been searching through craigslist as well as other websites looking for a new apartment. Just for fun I was also looking at people who are looking for roommates and I've found a ton of great East Village listings, which I would kill for, and they all have one thing in common.Cats.I'm fucking allergic to cats. I made my first roommate give hers up because I didn't know I was so allergic. It was fine because she hated the cat anyway...even though she guilt tripped me to try and get "hand" in our relationship.Anyway...why the hell does everyone in this town have a cat? Aside from me being allergic, have you experienced the joys of litter boxes? Yeah. Nothing like shit in a box. Gross. When are some dog people going to start listing places.P.S. to those of you posting "420 Okay...": tha
So Google has released Goog-411 and I would not bother telling you about yet another new Google service but this one is awesome. I’ve tried it and already programmed it in my cell phone.
I have not problem at all if Google, or any other company wants to add services like this GOOG-411. Except for some [...]
Did you hear the one about the Wisconsin family who woke up one April 12th morning to snow flurries?
And then the mom stabbed herself in the eye with one of the toothpicks she was using to prop them open in the hopes that she was only having a nightmare and that the longest winter [...]
Put the needles down! Work for your ISH! We all know about the Roger Clemens and Barry Bonds deal goin' down. I don't use 'em, never have, and don't plan on using them. All the steroids and HGH injections are not needed. You can boost your GH levels naturally...through a hardcore workout. Plus, it'll last you longer and you won't get woozy from seeing any needles. Its the HG workout, a workout that I found a while back and tested it out for myself. Yup, went through the whole workout and it is 100% gauranteed. Most people don't know that GH is an amino acid bound to a protein that is produced in the pituitary gland and is secreted into the bloodstream. Ok, that's my little biology lesson for the day. We'll go ahead and get to the workout.The workout only lasts a month...but you have to bri
Okay, guys?
I almost hate to tell you this because I have this horrible vision of you all immediately deleting my blog from your Google Reader to make room for this other one (actually the image is more like ah! and ooh! and pinch me, is this shit for real?? and screaming and crying and genuflecting [...]
Well, no offense to the pope, but it looks like I am the Antichrist. That's right, it's me, and since you are my #1 fan I felt obligated to tell you about it. I mean, between you and me, you may even want to get some therapy now that you know you are the #1 fan of the Antichrist!!Hey, don't worry, I won't think less of you.OK, I know what you're thinking. "Chelle B., you are so nice and practically angelic, what makes you think you are the Antichrist?!"Because it's true!I actually started wondering a few weeks ago when I realized that I love to eat crab and bacon, but I absolutely hate to eat fish, olives, figs, wine and lamb!Weird, huh?! I knew it couldn't just be a coincidence, and then I found a website that confirmed my suspicions.Check it out for yourself, I bet YOU aren't the Antichr
I switched facial cleanser recently and the breakouts that resulted from that change is horrendous. In hindsight, I guess it was really a silly thing to do to switch cleansers since the old one was working well. I switched from Deep Cleansing Seaweed Cleanser from The Body Shop to the Deep Cleansing Wash from Simple. It always takes at least 4 weeks for my skin to adapt to the new cleanser and during that time, I have hell of a lot of trouble trying to keep the breakouts at bay. The Deep Cleansing Mask from Simple may have also had some contribution to the sudden massive breakouts since you know, deep cleansing masks brings out the impurities from the skin which in turn causes acne. For me at least, not sure about other people though.I also think that my diet lately has affected my skin. I
So we contacted my son's father about the call we received from the SFPD. My husband and I just wanted to let him know I did my best to paint him in a positive light, then asked if in the future he would let us know that he's applying for these types of positions so that I know to expect a phone call to prepare better.Let's just say that he responded in a manner that was less than gracious.My initial reaction was an inwardly spoken Well fuck you then! Next time I won't go to the trouble of telling little white lies to paint such a rosy picture! But only seconds afterward I actually felt, wait, what was this?Pity.Actual, genuine, I-feel-for-you, pity. Because his lack of graciousness had to do with his continuing to blame me for his failure to obtain a position with either the Modesto Police Department or the Stanislaus County Sheriff's Department six years ago. I admit being a tad perplexed about my role in his being snubbed by these two agencies. Neither of them contacted me and
Let me in, dammit!What’s this whole fuss about Chak De, India? Just can’t land tickets, I’m finding it so bloody difficult to get into a movie-hall playing the blessed flick, just as easy as a terrorist would find it to walk into the CIA HQ at Langley.Okay, YRF seduce the movie-goers but if TRRP and JBJ are anything to go by, you’d think that the crowd would hold their horses. Apparently, it’s the SRK magic that’s paying off here. Or maybe his beard. Or maybe, we are yet to see a genuine sports film after Lagaan and Iqbal teased us with bits.Hmm. Probably, that’s just it. A sports flick, albeit chicks and hockey. Still, it’s a start. Will someone please let me in?Source: showbizia.rediffiland.comEnough on Abhishek-Ash!The New Year kick started with news breaking news, but of course. The world and its living room is occupied betting Shilpa Shetty’s chances of winning Big Brother, even though most of us haven’t even seen the pr
Let me in, dammit!What’s this whole fuss about Chak De, India? Just can’t land tickets, I’m finding it so bloody difficult to get into a movie-hall playing the blessed flick, just as easy as a terrorist would find it to walk into the CIA HQ at Langley.Okay, YRF seduce the movie-goers but if TRRP and JBJ are anything to go by, you’d think that the crowd would hold their horses. Apparently, it’s the SRK magic that’s paying off here. Or maybe his beard. Or maybe, we are yet to see a genuine sports film after Lagaan and Iqbal teased us with bits.Hmm. Probably, that’s just it. A sports flick, albeit chicks and hockey. Still, it’s a start. Will someone please let me in?Source: showbizia.rediffiland.comSholay returns!Whoop-dee-doo, Sholay is out again, next Friday!Er, oops, this is ‘Aag’. Damn, and I thought I had the classic. Let me sit through this one anyway, for Company’s sake. RGV, this is your last chance from a die-hard
For many, a daily Oprah episode signals the beginning of a session of pleasure, a desperate excitement that lasts for an hour and then melts into a lathered puddle of women lazily lounging around on the steps outside of her studio, grabbing cigarettes and moaning about how the sparks flew and lit up their eyes for the better part of an afternoon. To some it’s a satisfying event; for others, she leaves us ridden hard and hung up without a vigorous towelling-off. Not even the “O” word in magazine format can possibly wrench us from the idea that whatever just happened on that TV probably cost us a few tenths of our soul.
A couple of days ago, I managed to gather that Jessica Seinfeld, wife of famed and funny Jerry, was on Her Majesty’s program to promote her new cookbook about how to hide vegetables within foods that children have naturally found easy to stuff down their maws in large quantities, thus avoiding a task that most parents have found to be unpleasant
I have a small side business developing Web sites and doing general computer consulting for a handful of small businesses that my friends own or operate in addition to my day job. The work that I do is primarily brochureware - not because I'm not capable of more, but because my customers generally just aren't at a place where they're ready to move beyond it.In any case, I am not a graphic artist. Almost everything I know about computers and the Internet I have learned on my own, and the same is true of my sense of aesthetics (or lack thereof, depending on your point of view). To me, good Web site design is a lot like pornography, i.e.: hard to define, but I know it when I see it. My problem is actually producing it.The site concept I am developing for my friend's West Hollywood practice isn't developed enough to post just yet, but it involves a lot of white space with a very simple two-column layout, with the left-hand column being 1/3 the width of the site and the other colum
From the director that brought you, Holy Shit, It’s Only Wednesday and What in the Hell Did You Flush?, we bring you a new summer blockbuster hit that’s sure to please:
It’s Called Modern Communication Methods, Dumbass!
The Answering Machine
Around since 1904, this terribly handy device is still not understood by the masses of people that call my home phone. Our phone message is simple: “Nathan and Yolanda’s answering machine, leave a message.” We’re even being way obvious in our communication — yes, this is an answering machine, as if you had any reservations about the tinny recorded voice coming to you down the line. Yes, you should leave a message. When? Well, there’s this little beep thing — well, most of you have heard this before, haven’t you? You know what to do.
The problem is — you fuckers haven’t figured it out! The damned devices have been around for over 103 years (that’s 1,2
I’m hoping to prevent further posts in which I cry about my feet, having bought new shoes yesterday from a medical uniform shop and two different kinds of gel inserts. I feel like an old lady now.
About that old lady thing - one of the bartenders where I work was genuinely shocked to hear my age. “No way! You don’t look anywhere near that old!” Vanity has decreed that she’s my new favorite person.
The “With Love” by Hilary Duff perfume is surprisingly pleasant. I wasn’t expecting anything in particular, nor was I actually shopping for perfume, but there was a handy-dandy tester bottle at the store yesterday that I made use of. I might go buy a bottle in a few days and will not feel guilty about it, especially when I consider that it’s over $50 cheaper than ”Addict” by Christian Dior, the one El Boyfriend really likes.
Am trying not to dwell on whether or not it is appropriate for a 32 year old woman to buy a
Okay the "YAY" stuff first because the "Dammit" stuff just pisses me off. I wanted to show recognition and love to some people who have given me awards lately. Talk about good for the ego! All these awards are gonna make me feel like a supahstah and shiz. lol.My lovely friend Janice has given me an award and her reasons why I deserve it. All I can say is that I'm very humbled AND I'm so very behind on giving out awards now. lol. Thank you Janice. You are a great friend and our phone calls always brighten my day no matter how I'm feeling. That means alot to me. I'm sure many of you have seen the little "Blue Ribbon Blogger" award from the Blog Fairy on people's blogs right? Well I'll be honest and say anytime I've seen that award I've thought to myself "Well I want one tooooo!". It just speaks to the spoiled little brat side of me that wants what the other kids have I guess. LMAO. Well, it seems I have finally impressed the Blog Fairy because two days ago I received this message
Okay the "YAY" stuff first because the "Dammit" stuff just pisses me off. I wanted to show recognition and love to some people who have given me awards lately. Talk about good for the ego! All these awards are gonna make me feel like a supahstah and shiz. lol.My lovely friend Janice has given me an award and her reasons why I deserve it. All I can say is that I'm very humbled AND I'm so very behind on giving out awards now. lol. Thank you Janice. You are a great friend and our phone calls always brighten my day no matter how I'm feeling. That means alot to me. I'm sure many of you have seen the little "Blue Ribbon Blogger" award from the Blog Fairy on people's blogs right? Well I'll be honest and say anytime I've seen that award I've thought to myself "Well I want one tooooo!". It just speaks to the spoiled little brat side of me that wants what the other kids have I guess. LMAO. Well, it seems I have finally impressed the Blog Fairy because two days ago I received this message
In keeping with what I said yesterday or the day before that or whenever it was, I again woke up extremely early this morning and attempted to work out. Attempted.My knee -- specifically the left one but the right's also giving me trouble-- needs medical attention. It hurts.I managed to bite the bullet and get the ol' heart rate up for 10 or 15 minutes, though. My muscles were working. I began to sweat. It was painful but going well until the pain became too much even for me to bear. So I had to stop about fifteen minutes in, and that really sucks.Secretly I'd made a pact to myself to lose 10 pounds in the next 20 days. I can do that; I've done it before. It requires exercises, cutting calorie consumption, getting lots of sleep, and drinking exclusively water. I was surprised to learn that I weigh 195 pounds. 195 is too much for me. I have a muscular build and do not appear obese by any means, but 195 is soft. I generally look pretty good at 180 to 185.And if I could fu
Picture a woman lying in bed (no, she's not nekkid gutter mind!) finally sleeping soundly after tossing and turning all night thanks to freakin' leg pain. This woman is at last relaxed and comfortable as she turns over to snuggle with her youngest child enjoying the peace and quiet.Then. Yes THEN this is what happens...beeeeeeeeeeep*snort* "Huh?" *lying back down*beeeeeeeeeeep beeeeeeeeeeepppp"Uhhh what the?" *eyes open slightly and then close again*beeeeeeeep beeeeeeeeep beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep*woman talking out loud to herself* "What the hell is that damn noise? Is that the answering machine?"beeeeeeeeeeeeeeep"Dammit what the bloody fuck is beeping?"*woman hears the distinct sound of a potato chip bag rustling which tells her that Hubby Guy is home from work. This is immediately followed by...*beeeeeeep "I mean" beeeeeeeep beeeeeeeeeep "man"*woman peers comes down the stairs and peers into the living room to see.....*Woman- "You have got to be fucking kidding me!"Hubby Guy- "Wh
Picture a woman lying in bed (no, she's not nekkid gutter mind!) finally sleeping soundly after tossing and turning all night thanks to freakin' leg pain. This woman is at last relaxed and comfortable as she turns over to snuggle with her youngest child enjoying the peace and quiet.Then. Yes THEN this is what happens...beeeeeeeeeeep*snort* "Huh?" *lying back down*beeeeeeeeeeep beeeeeeeeeeepppp"Uhhh what the?" *eyes open slightly and then close again*beeeeeeeep beeeeeeeeep beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep*woman talking out loud to herself* "What the hell is that damn noise? Is that the answering machine?"beeeeeeeeeeeeeeep"Dammit what the bloody fuck is beeping?"*woman hears the distinct sound of a potato chip bag rustling which tells her that Hubby Guy is home from work. This is immediately followed by...*beeeeeeep "I mean" beeeeeeeep beeeeeeeeeep "man"*woman peers comes down the stairs and peers into the living room to see.....*Woman- "You have got to be fucking kidding me!"Hubby Guy- "Wh
Angie over at GirlGoesGlobal has a lovely and quotable piece entitled Just Dance (the “Dammit!” is my addition):
Tucked away in a dusty, locked box in our brain is a dream. Something we take out when we’re alone and quiet. Something that begins with “I hope” or “I wish” and for a moment, we get lost in the split-second of possibility. For a moment, the dream is an imagined reality. Then…the list starts. The list of reasons why not. Why it’s not practical or appropriate. What people would say. What money we’d lose. The dance stops, and we look at our feet.
Again.
As someone who tends to overthink everything, this post hits particularly close to home.
John Travolta & Kelly Preston are gonna try to have another kid. They have like 3 already. Why do they get so many and I can't have another one??? Maybe I'm being punished for gossiping . . . . [Source]
John Travolta & Kelly Preston are gonna try to have another kid. They have like 3 already. Why do they get so many and I can't have another one??? Maybe I'm being punished for gossiping . . . . [Source]
That was the most grueling 5-day "weekend" EVAH. :-) Unpacking at the new house; minor renovations, yard work, and LOTS of cleaning at the old house in what will probably prove to be a vain effort to get much of our security deposit back; a heap of move-related errands; and some small amount of sleep. But we're DONE, for some definition of done. Done with round one of unpacking, where almost everything is out of boxes and roughly where it belongs. (Round 2, where everything is more precisely where it belongs and everything is clean, needed to wait until our cleaning supplies made it over from the old place, anyway.) Done, done, and done with the falling-apart rental house in Vienna. Done with the oven where the knobs have no labels and are falling off. Done with the fridge with pieces peeling off it. Done with the doors that won't close. Done with mowing the big, unused lawn. Done with the landlord and property manager doing nothing with the place, ever, ever, ever, no mat
I'm Power Girl Dammit!!! - Click here for more home videos"Based loosely on the DC comic's story arc, Oracle calls up Power Girl, asking her to rejoin The Birds of Prey. But after having a previously bad experience, Power Girl is not exactly jumping at the chance. And while on the phone having her chat,Power Girl is stuck dealing with a childlike Bizzaro Superman. Hopefully he will finally overcome his terrible diction before he makes a complete ass of himself..... or maybe not. Either way, watch I'M POWER GIRL DAMMIT!!!"
Why Me, Dammit?
For those who haven't heard these before, I'm going to tell my three stories of getting approached by gay dudes out here in DC. Not that I have anything wrong with gay people...Just leave me out of your "lifestyle activities" and we're cool. These took the cake, though.
Story #1: The Gym near Dupont Circle
About 3.5 years ago, I started working in downtown DC and decided to
Don't ya just hate it when people lie to you? There is a nurse in my PCP's office that really rocks my world. First of all, she b****** all the time. You are barely in the room before she starts whining about her co-workers and the fact that NONE of them are as good at their job as what she is. They don't document right, they don't write down medications in a way she likes, on and on it goes..
This coming Friday, June 8th, is my love's birthday. His 43rd birthday, to be exact. His birthdays are always taxing on me because I never know what to get him. That and the fact that a week later is Father's Day! He's not a neck ...
