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Blackmore Vale Probus My first speaking engagement last month was about My Life as a Freelance Comedy Writer for the Probus Club of Blackmore Vale in Marnhull, Dorset on 6 May. This involved a very early bus journey to Salisbury and then a train from Salisbury station (where the ticket office was as slow as ever) to Gillingham, from where I was given a lift to Marnhull by Mr Alan Ll

Which of these three things do you think Sens. Grassley and Baucus did today? If you chose (C) Promote a Medicare payment fix and diss the folks across the aisle, you would be correct. The six-month reprieve for the formula-driven...

It’s not a huge secret that every once in awhile, I like to partake in an adult beverage.  I just do.  I’m not going to lie about it.  Margaritas are my favorite, followed by Mudslides, and then, of course, I like sissy beer… (Barcardi Silver). A 6 pack normally lasts me the whole winter, if not [...]

Kotaku has posted an interview of the damage control behind Guy Somberg’s blog post. Apparently Kotaku, on entirely noble intentions, proclaimed they were going to “see what was really going on.” A few highlights of the article: We first heard back from Flagship’s marketing communications manager, web manager and writer Ivan Sulic, who said while he [...]

By Sean Kelley On my first trip to the grocery store after my son, Graeme, was diagnosed with food allergies, I did something I’ve never done in a food store before: I cried. I’m usually happiest... [[ This is a content summary only. Visit my website for full links, other content, and more! ]]

A couple of weeks ago, I bought two pairs of shorts and a couple of t-shirts for Cordy at Target. (Side note: I cannot profess my love of Target enough. I only wish I could walk into that store without walking out at least $50 poorer.) After washing them, the new clothes were placed into her dresser, ready to be worn.So last week when I pulled out a new t-shirt and shorts, I wasn't prepared for wh

In White v. Fabiniak, Wal-Mart fired Carla White for threatening to "slap the piss" out of a co-worker, Stephanie Jeppe. Prior to the termination, White had used Wal-Mart's Open Door Policy to complain to her supervisor that Jeppe had been threatening her. White was an at-will employee of Wal-Mart. At the start of her employment, Wal-Mart provided her an employee handbook that contained, among o

TMZ.com: If your weekend shopping list looked like this: Mother’s Day card, laundry detergent and a photo with Richard Simmons — then a Chicago Walgreens had you covered!Walgreens hosted... Continue to www.MadHollywood.com

Tonight, Jenna Bush, daughter of George W. Bush, will marry Henry Hager. I wanted to let you know this to remind you of how much easier some people have it in this world than you.I also hope that those who are stationed in Iraq or those who have family members there will look at these two faces and wonder why aren't they serving, especially if her father believes so much in his cause to "spread democracy" or "fight terrorism".Then again, it is easier to fight wars when you're sacrificing some other parents' kids, especially when they're poor.So, tonight, remember that Jenna Bush will be happy, along with her father. And, if you're not happy, they couldn't give half a shit about that.

Senate Guru (does he ever sleep?) catches Sen. Collins breaking with Sen. Snowe, Sen. Roberts (R-KS) and the Democrats to vote with the Republican leadership against legislation "to make the flying skies safer and more passenger-friendly."No word yet on why the junior senator opposed allowing even an up-or-down vote on the bill, which included a passenger bill of rights and a tighter inspections regime for the airlines.A House version of the bill passed last year.

In Entertainment Sony Patrick WalksDown the Aisle Summer Box Office Has Weddings,Sequels & a Joker: What Not to Miss Star's Pre-Baby Body Not Back YetFlaunts (Bigger) Curves in Sexy Dress Should've Known BetterAnother Pic Miley Doesn't Want OutActor Gives New Fiancée Ex's Ring? Next

In my 11+ years of mothering my children I have made many grocery store trips.  I have had my ankles run over by my children who wish to push the cart and SWEAR they won’t hit anything with it. I’ve shushed them way too many times because they were being too loud in the store or were arguing. I’ve calmed crying babies. I’ve said no to all the sugary cereals (ok, well not ALL of them.) I’ve allowed them to help pick out fruit and showed them where to find the “clearance” foods. I’ve pretty much done it all… except… …causing a store employee to pipe over the loud speaker that some retard spilled something all over the place. that is, until Friday night. And the worst part about it? I was that retard who caused the spill that

The Ballad of Gilligan's Island -- George Wyle and Sherwood Shwartz Would you like to get stranded on Alicante Isle? (I know it is spelled Aisle and it means something else, but just go with it.) People buying properties as flips during the down cycle are betting on the return of the market. There is no shortage of ignorant prognostications of the bottom, and if flippers are foolish enough to believe them, then they deserve to become bagholders. If flippers and lenders became the bagholders for the decline, Karma would be delivering its comeuppance. Flippers hope to get in and out of a property quickly, and like the passengers on the US Minnow who thought they were going on a 3 hour tour, getting off the island will likely take much longer than planned. They end up stranded in a

The epitome of online shopping will always be convenience and anything that detracts from that can cost a website a customer. A quality shopping cart software package is one that can handle online shopping with ease. More: continued here

In boxing parlance, a "tomato can" is a hand-picked schlub brought in to go a few rounds with the champ, whose odds of scoring an upset are comparable to say, Madison, Wisconsin landing the next games of the Olympiad.While these guys are technically professional fighters, at least when they're not earning a living as roofers, drywallers and doing other jobs that don't require a background check, it's not uncommon for the town drunk to take one glassy-eyed look at one of these soft around the midriff ham 'n' eggers and think to themselves, "I could take 'em"--especially if he's facing the other way and I'm swinging a barstool. It's no accident then that "punch drunk" has become part of the lexicon as we'll see in this story. A London man, on the back end of a two-day drink and co

These are pictures from my lovely SIL's wedding two weeks ago. I know I am biased, but isn't the Mermaid the cutest flower girl you have ever seen? She did so well too, she walked and didn't run down the aisle! She kept telling me she was a princess! Her hair took FOREVER to curl! The flower girl and the beautiful bride The Guppy with the bride Both my beautiful angels.The funniest part happened right after she and the bride had finished walking up the aisle. The music had stopped and the minister hadn't started speaking yet, so it was eerily quiet. All of a sudden, everyone heard the Mermaid's voice ring out, "Nana, I like your shoes!" Too funny!

The 'new thing' in yogurt is (NEWSFLASH! You are *not* going to believe this, but...) it is a digestive aid. Yogurt companies are making a very big deal out of this these days. Like it's new news. If nothing else, I find it entertaining (except for the shameful overpackaging of most of these).The packages look a lot like they are prescription food, they have funny names (Activia - that could be a car! ...or a line of fitness wear), and then they wrap everything to look like vitamins! The cute little (overpackaged...grumble) bottles for their yogurt look like big vitamins (or like little vitamin bottles, depending on your point of view.) Like a shot of wheatgrass, a B-12 shot: Your daily shot of friendly bacteria... I guess.Oh well. I love yogurt (but I'll stick with my old stand-by's, tha

Finally, relief is here for those Realtors and real estate consumers who have had to contend with the agent and mortgage lenders that were merely “order takers”. The hot real estate market of the past few years has come to an abrubt end and so has the careers of the agents and mortgage brokers that jumped [...]

Being the germaphobe that I am, I generally don't look forward to my child's wellness exams. Somehow the signs that virtually designate the 'healthy children' from the 'sick children' waiting areas (seriously, who thunk that up) make me twitch just a bit (just kidding, not really).I inquired about a rash on my son's hand to our pediatrician."Oh, that's just ringworm. No big deal".No big deal?NO BIG DEAL?NO BIG DEAL?In 1.7 seconds, I free associated ringworm to tapeworm to the Ebola virus. She prescribed an OTC cream and off we went to our pharmacy. I couldn't find the cream, so I stood in line and asked our pharmacist where it was.In a gargantuan voice he bellowed "PHYLLIS, CAN YOU HELP THIS LADY WITH JOCK ITCH, AISLE 4?"Thank you, asshat.Apparently, jock itch cream cures ringworm. The lit

An anonymous visitor recently left this comment on my post Bad Compliments a Man Can Give a Woman: I am looking for some advice regarding complimenting women. There is a woman that works at a grocery store. Everytime that I go in there we are always making eye contact with each other. I have only talked [...]

Always head straight to the clearance aisle and racks where you can find bargains of all kinds. Sometimes you might have to dig a little to find any real deal , but it is worth it. If you have kids, like I do, than the clearance aisle is a true lifesaver. It is well worth your time to check out clearance racks. You can find some really great and trendy items. You can even find some great household items. I have gotten a juicer and espresso maker from a clearance aisle and saved huge!!Download Our Free Toolbar

[...] The Nation -- Senator Joe Lieberman will finally come clean on Monday, unleashing his inner-Republican to endorse the struggling campaign of Senator John McCain, according to several news reports. It is a bittersweet alliance for both men. Lieberman's move confirms his critics' longtime argument that he is a "Democrat in Name Only," while McCain looks desperate by leaning on backers beyond the G.O.P. base in the homestretch of a partisan primary. [...]

... DVD World whose blog Windmills of My Mind was indulging in an obsession with Arlyn’s favorite director through a gimmick called “31 Days of Spielberg,” when it was stopped dead in its tracks in late August by charges of plagiarism. ...

This post contains strong language. Don’t read it out loud to your children or employer (like you usually do) without reading it quietly to yourself first. There are times I know other people believe my kids are misbehaving when I know otherwise. What my kid is doing or saying is perfectly innocent but causes onlookers to suspect I am dropping the ball in the parenting game. In these moments, I can choose to slouch, act apologetic, maybe even try to escape. Or, I can hold my head high and enjoy a little laugh at the quiet shock of strangers. My four-year old is a great grocery shopper. He is typically sweet and cooperative and I miss his company when he doesn’t tag along. Because it is more work for me to let him walk, I usually ask him to ride in the cart for the first half. He’s getting a little big, though, and the cart hurts his legs. Last week I agreed to let him walk along the whole time. I kept him involved by letting him push the cart. We started in produce w

We Won't "Usher" Down The AisleThis just in! Usher has called off his wedding which was supposed to take place today. Usher was set to wed his fiance Tameka Foster but no reason has been cited for the abrupt change of heart. If you recall Tameka is pregnant with Usher's child. If I didn't know any better this is part of a publicity stunt. This is becoming Usher's thing now to have publicity play a part in boosting album sales. It works though! Many artists have done it in the past including Foxy Brown, TLC, and Madonna.No "Rush" HourThere will be no soundtrack to the "Rush Hour 3" movie set to be released Aug 10th. JD wrote from his journal stating that the music didn't reflect the movie which is set in Paris. He also went on to say that the contribution Janet made to the soundtrack you may hear on her upcoming album. JD also took the time to congratulate Usher on his impending nuptials which it looks like won't be happening.

I've always been a little performer. I remember being little, singing into a hairbrush and performing in the mirror. In fact, I remember being about Princess' age, singing in the mirror to a song called, "Love is Blue." Mind you, I have grown up with music in my veins - my parents had a great love of music and played all sorts of music on the stereo all the time, and my 4 siblings loved music as well (all different kinds), so I have a musical library in my SOUL (there is your answer, Janet!).My mother tells the story of me looking in the mirror, with my elbows on the dresser and my face in my hands, singing "Love is Blue," but not only was I singing about the color BLUE, but I would change the words to the song. I went through all the colors I knew! And when I got to pink, I sang, "Pink, pink, I think you stink!" My older sister caught me singing this and promptly ran to my mother to tell her, since it was gosh darnit, so funny. And this little girl, MOI, went on to become a m

Asking Price: $547,500 Purchase Price: $542,239 Purchase Date: 12/5/2006 Address: 8 Mozzoni Aisle, Irvine, CA 92606 Beds: 3 Baths: 2.5 Sq. Ft.*: 1,676 Lot Sq. Ft.*: 1,623 Year Built: 1990 Stories: 3 Type: Condominium Neighborhood: Westpark $/Sq. Ft.*: $327 MLS: S469169 Status: Active on market On Redfin: 124 days Categories: Unsold in 90+ days Sales History: Date ————– Price ———- Apprec 12/05/2006 — $542,239 — -10.8%/yr 08/11/2005 — $630,000 — 15.5%/yr 09/24/1999 — $270,500 — 0.8%/yr 04/04/1991 — $252,000 Redfin, Zillow When I was looking for my most recent rental, I viewed one of the units in this community. The whole place is just too dense (a 1,623 SF lot, WTF?). When your in there, the claustrophobia is inescapable. The unit I viewed was completely updated. This one doesn’t look

The inconceivable has happened. With all his bald-faced lying, with all of Turd Blossom's vaunted 72 hour masturbation programs, Chimperator Caesar Deciderus is no longer the unchecked and uncheckable neocon tool that he was. I just hope that when Democrats go back to form the new majorities, they extend the party of fat old sleazoid greedy white men a hearty "FUCK YOU!" right into their faces, along with a bunch of middle fingers: it's time to start putting America back together. So while John Conyers, bless him, will begin hearings on Impeachment, the rest can repeal the Military Tortures Act of 2006, US Patronizing Act, and other over- and under-reaches of the Perfidious Monstrosity. And in the mean time Henry Waxman can start subpoenaing the CEOs of Halliburton, Raytheon, and Boeing! Of course Vice President Sidius, being a fascist at heart, said that he would fight "to his death" any attempts to subpoena his fat old sleazoid greedy white ass. Oh, what fun! Sending him to jai

If you're interested in the goings-on at the 2006 General Convention of the Episcopal Church in the USA (which is going on right now in Columbus), I recommend that you check out the perspective offered by The Center Aisle, a moderate webzine (yes, we have moderates in the Episcopal Church, despite what you may have read) that's published by my own diocese, the Diocese of Virginia. Several folks whom I've met and regard highly (including Bishop Peter Lee, Fr. John Ohmer of St. James' in Leesburg, and Susan Daughtry Fawcett, who will soon join the clergy at Holy Comforter, my big church) are involved in writing, editing, and publishing the mag. It's full of good stuff.I've only read one thing so far that I take issue with: the second "growth" goal in this article: "growth in numbers". I honestly don't think the Episcopal Church (or any church) should be concerning itself with numerical growth in membership. Membership, schmembership. I would hate to see our Anglican traditi

so this week, Sprout is the size of an avocado. The above picture is the actual size of my Sprout! I think it's pretty amazing that such changes can occur so relatively fast. Yesterday, we were the size of a pea... now an avocado... what's next, you might ask?Well, at 19 weeks, he/she/it will be the size (length) of a small zucchini LOLThings have been going pretty well, considering. The nausea has backed way off, thankfully. My boobs are FULL, but at least not painful - I'm grateful for all that time I spent breastfeeding, because otherwise, I know I'd be in a world of hurt right now. I've grown 2-1/2 inches or so around the waist! See, the problem with being fat & pregnant is that to most everyone else, I'm just fat. Not pregnant & fat. LOL But anyways, that's my update for this week. I go for my monthly checkup next week, when we'll discuss my GALLSTONES, which have apparently grown larger since my last ultrasound a year ago. So now they want me on a low-fat, high f