Turds

I’d like to introduce you to my sister-in-law, Kate*.  Everyone, say hello to Kate! This past weekend, Kate and I got into a–I hate to call it heated, so let’s say *LIVELY*–discussion about two of my most detested movies in the universe. There’s Something About Mary (Blech!  GAG!  Ugh!  Barf-o-rama!)  and The Wedding Date (AWFUL!). The fact that [...]

The Avon and Somerset Police are investigating a spate of violent toilet related incidents in and around the Bath area. A number of attacks have been made of a toilet kind at certain toilet facilities in the area. Police have unfortunately been combing the area for clues to the culprit's identity.Chief Inspector Colin Faggot confirmed today at a hastily arranged conference, “This person or thing concerned has to be caught no matter what. The amount of damage that has been caused so far is astronomical to say the least. We have been studying the evidence very closely but to date we have not had a breakthrough yet. Our top forensic officers have picked through the evidence but to no avail. The toilets near the Avon Street Coach Park has been the straw that broke the camel's back I am a

What's really wrong with people. Are they just rude, inconsiderate or just self-centered. I was on the bus to school earlier and came a guy (in his mid 60s) who sat next to me. He uses his cell phone and speak with his loud voice (he thought he's in his own world where nobody are listening) that could turn the bus upside down. Although I have tried to block my ears (trying not to make it obvious), the voice could still be heard. Just imagine how fucking loud it was. I was heckuva mad. If I have the authority, I will arrest him and kill him for god damn sure.Now, when is it acceptable to use a cell phone? That's really a difficult question. Especially because the answers can differ widely depending on who is responding to them. For example, if you are the person who is being annoyed by the fact that another person is talking on the phone, inside a restaurant blah blah blah, you'll probably say that it is not polite of him/her to use the phone in such a public place where people go e

Good Morning! Plain ceramic white mug this morning... btw. The other morning I had a bran muffin with my coffee. I hadn't made it, this is one my daughter brought me home after work the night before. I love bran muffins but this one had raisins in it. I don't like raisins. But I ate the muffin thankfully and just picked out each raisin as I came to it. I enjoyed the muffin tremendously

Baby Baby Spice!! -- AIWBeckaroo finally plays! -- ASLBritney has good reason for lip syncing -- CSBOne of the Culkin brothers is actually hot -- EBGAngelina's way too skinny -- PEREZDoes Paris have a new man? -- DLISTEDMel B married a violent dude -- ICYDKAnother pregnant Nicole Richie pic -- CBBJohn Mayer lookin hot for once -- INO

Baby Baby Spice!! -- AIWBeckaroo finally plays! -- ASLBritney has good reason for lip syncing -- CSBOne of the Culkin brothers is actually hot -- EBGAngelina's way too skinny -- PEREZDoes Paris have a new man? -- DLISTEDMel B married a violent dude -- ICYDKAnother pregnant Nicole Richie pic -- CBBJohn Mayer lookin hot for once -- INO

Same day birthdays, what a coincidence! -- ICYDK Is Amy Winehouse trying to kill her career? -- CELEBRITYSMACK Johnny Depp might get married! -- INO Maggie Gyllenhaal replaces Kate Moss -- DLISTED Shia LeBeouf has tattoos -- PEREZ Pete Doherty & breakfast food -- ASL Jamie Lynn Spears eating ice cream -- SKINNYWEBSITE Rihanna's got some cool shoes! -- JJ Lindsay turns herself in finally -- EB Britney swims in her underwear -- HR Cute pregnant chicks -- POPSUGAR

Same day birthdays, what a coincidence! -- ICYDK Is Amy Winehouse trying to kill her career? -- CELEBRITYSMACK Johnny Depp might get married! -- INO Maggie Gyllenhaal replaces Kate Moss -- DLISTED Shia LeBeouf has tattoos -- PEREZ Pete Doherty & breakfast food -- ASL Jamie Lynn Spears eating ice cream -- SKINNYWEBSITE Rihanna's got some cool shoes! -- JJ Lindsay turns herself in finally -- EB Britney swims in her underwear -- HR Cute pregnant chicks -- POPSUGAR

Liv Tyler wants plastic surgery . . . for what??? -- ALLIE IS WIREDAvril wants to act . . . . what??? -- PEREZ HILTONBritney's still drinking . . . when did we think she wasn't? -- A SOCIALITE'S LIFEParis may have screwed Jack Osbourne . . . she coulda waited til he was hot -- DLISTEDRachel Bilson because she's frickin cute -- POPSUGARThe OC's Kelly Rowan gettin hitched to a rich guy -- ICYDKNude Sting . . . beware, very disturbing -- THE EVIL BEETKenny Rogers was hot up until about '97, now he just looks like a deformed pear -- CELEBRITY SMACK

Liv Tyler wants plastic surgery . . . for what??? -- ALLIE IS WIREDAvril wants to act . . . . what??? -- PEREZ HILTONBritney's still drinking . . . when did we think she wasn't? -- A SOCIALITE'S LIFEParis may have screwed Jack Osbourne . . . she coulda waited til he was hot -- DLISTEDRachel Bilson because she's frickin cute -- POPSUGARThe OC's Kelly Rowan gettin hitched to a rich guy -- ICYDKNude Sting . . . beware, very disturbing -- THE EVIL BEETKenny Rogers was hot up until about '97, now he just looks like a deformed pear -- CELEBRITY SMACK

David Beckham shaves head . . still hot -- DLISTEDK-Fed had nothing good to say about Brit's new man -- HOLLYWOODRAGCate Blanchett not looking like a corpse anymore -- JUSTJAREDCameron on Paris -- POPSUGARJanice Dickinson eats ice cream -- THE SKINNY WEBSITEHayden and Rumer hangin out -- ICYDKNEWSFLASH! Lindsay's a cokehead! -- PEREZ HILTONAmerican Idol contestants as kids -- CELEBRITY SMACK

David Beckham shaves head . . still hot -- DLISTEDK-Fed had nothing good to say about Brit's new man -- HOLLYWOODRAGCate Blanchett not looking like a corpse anymore -- JUSTJAREDCameron on Paris -- POPSUGARJanice Dickinson eats ice cream -- THE SKINNY WEBSITEHayden and Rumer hangin out -- ICYDKNEWSFLASH! Lindsay's a cokehead! -- PEREZ HILTONAmerican Idol contestants as kids -- CELEBRITY SMACK

Please don't send Paris to jail! -- DLISTEDOnce a cokehead, always a cokehead -- JUSTJAREDShannon Elizabeth walking with a hot guy -- ICYDKPlease get a tan! -- POPSUGARBritney jokes about rehab -- PEREZ HILTONANOTHER person doing coke? -- CELEBRITY SMACKAre DUIs the new trend or something? -- A SOCIALITE'S LIFE

Does Kiera Knightley even eat? -- MOLLYGOODLindsay's mom wants to replace Rosie (LOL) -- PEREZHILTONJust what everyone wants: An Edible Anus -- DLISTEDI feel like I need a bath after seeing this -- JUSTJAREDLilly Allen goes to the gym and smokes -- A SOCIALITE'S LIFEBritney Poll -- POPSUGARParis leaves her house -- ICYDKPamela Anderson gets an island -- HOLLYWOODRAGThis is my kinda bar! -- ALLIE IS WIRED

As a small child, I loved Easter. My family wasn’t particularly religious so my only obligation for this holiday was to create an Easter basket pretty enough and big enough to house my chocolate bunny and assorted treats the bunny would leave behind. Usually socks and a set of jacks. Sprinkled liberally with those foil-wrapped chocolate eggs that now remind me of the moose shit I have to clean off my lawn every damn week in the summer. Yummy. You haven’t lived until you step into a pile of moose turds. Things changed as I became an adult and a parent. Not only did the little foil-wrapped chocolates lose their appeal, but suddenly I was responsible for filling the Easter baskets, not just gnawing on the chocolate bunny. There was also the matter of me becoming a Christian and suddenly this holiday actually has a meaning beyond a little rabbit shitting out chocolate eggs for kids to eat. Now Easter means dipping hardboiled eggs into the vinegary dye, after an Easter egg s

While praying to the porcelian the other night I called out your name many a times and you never came to help. what the fuck! Eric Dear child, Thou. Shalt. Not. Have. Any. Gods. Before. Me. All my love, JHC