UPDATE: This is not me.SparksFley inspired me with a post she wrote to reveal a few things about myself that I am a touch insecure about before I hit the BlogHer '08 conference. I do not show my face on this website, I have never been to a BlogHer conference before, and I am nervous as hell about meeting new people no matter what the circumstance, and these three things conspire to unnerve me to
Becca from Don't Get Me Started... tagged me to do the 7 Random And/Or Weird Facts About Me meme. Today, I will do it, because, seriously, after coming home from walking the picket line for four hours in sub-zero temperatures and high wind fueled by nothing more than two doughnuts and a hot chocolate, my brain is barely up to the task of making tea. It has taken me three trips to the kitchen just to fill the kettle with water and turn on the stove element and clean the teapot. A structured list is exactly what I need to simplify the writing process, and so, without further ado, I bring you seven random and/or weird facts about me.The rules of the game are:Link to the person that tagged you, and post the rules on your blog.Share 7 random and/or weird facts about yourself.Tag 7 random people at the end of your post, and include links to their blogs.Let each person know that they've been tagged by leaving a comment on their blog.7 Random And/Or Weird Facts About Schmutzie:Back when I
Today, I am smartarded. That is what the Palinode and I call our cat, Onion, because he is almost not slow and guileless, but not quite. He knows how to get three thousand pets by bedtime but has not figured out how to push open a door in over a year of watching our other cat do it several times a day. He is smartarded.The insides of my ears hurt, but let's move on from that.Last night, I dreamt that the cool brush of mild winter-morning air was on my cheek. Everything was a dusty shade of perriwinkle in that moment before the sun broke over the horizon, and I inhaled deeply that scent of fresh, clean snow.And suddenly, winter does not seem so much like a thing to mourn. For someone like me who has spent every winter of her life in some lesser or greater form of emotional distress, this is heartening.Of course, the Funny left a little while ago anyway, but I am sure that that may correspond to the pain in my ears.If you could hear the huge fart noise my cheap pants just made on m
Did you know that I made U.S. postage stamps? And I am Canadian, too. That hardly sounds legal, but lo and behold, it is.Now people all over the United States can drink in the beauty that is my friend, R. He's a handsome devil, that man.Zazzle custom stamps will work with any size mailing, including greeting cards, invitations, and note card envelopes. It features an original black-and-white photograph, taken by Schmutzie, of an ornery man sticking his tongue out at you. The 2.1" x 1.3" stamps come in sheets of 20 and can be purchases in several types of postage amounts: Post Card, 1st Class 1oz, 1st Class 2oz/1oz odd, 1st Class 3oz, 1st Class 3.5oz, 1st Class 4oz, and Priority Mail.Click here, and they can be yours for anywhere between $14.87/sheet of 20 (Post Card) and $109.95/sheet of 20 (Priority Mail), depending on the type of postage you choose.I kill myself.
I have been awarded the Power Of Schmooze Award by I Am The Diva, who said the nicest, schmoozy things about me. This award, which not only awards schmoozing but encourages it, originated over at Ordinary Folk and honours "...those bloggers who exhibit strong schmoozing skills." I Am The Diva is so good at this schmoozing, and I am such a sucker for it, that we are coming ever closer to consuming beer together. Are you up for it, Diva?According to Dictionary.com, schmoozing is "to converse casually, especially in order to gain an advantage or make a social connection." There are less savoury versions, such as in the Cambridge Advanced Learner's Dictionary, which defines schmoozing this way: "to talk informally with someone, especially in a way that is not sincere or to gain some advantage for yourself..." For the sake of accepting an award that I would prefer to think of as congratulatory, especially since I am going to hand it on to five other people whom I do not wish to insul
#682: A VOTE FOR SCHMUTZIE IS A VOTE FOR SCHMUTZIEThe obviously fabulous Sumo, whomever Sumo is, being websiteless as far as I can tell, has nominated me for the Blogger's Choice Awards.Wowzers. That's all I have. Hokey patoot.So, look up near the top of this page where I have the put some very convenient voting links and GO VOTE FOR ME. What are you waiting for?While you're doing that, I am going to go muster up some funny, the best writing of my life, and on top of all that, be the best that there is over all, because, you know, it could happen. No pressure.Is blogging while drunk called drogging or blunking? Because right now drogging while blunk sounds pretty good. If I accidentally run over your masthead or come on all don quixote in your comments later, just tuck me into a blank text document and take away my mouse. I promise not to get violent or throw up on your blogroll.
READ SEVEN THINGS THAT ARE GOOD, SCHMUTZIE SAYSWhile my brain has become slow as bread dough these days, throwing me into a fuzzy grey space in which creativity and the construction of full sentences are mere ideas beyond the real (except for these few, which took me an hour to write), I am still somewhat literate, and I have found a few good things to share. We can all pretend that the show of my good taste through choosing the following posts by other people whose brains are not presently slow as bread dough is somehow an extension of my own skills, which I am sure will re-emerge again with the longer daylight hours and a twist of pharmaceuticals. Enjoy!"Day One! Or, Snatching My Child's Nuts From The Jaws Of Defeat" is a slightly older one from Fussy, but it is not to be missed:But I had a whole month to ignore the problem and so, thinking that it would somehow solve itself -- thinking perhaps that a five-year-old would shrink for my convenience -- I went back to doing whatever i
