Q: What do you call the ghost who haunts TV shows?
A: Phantom of the Oprah!
Q: What kind of illness does Bruce Lee get?
A: Kung Flu!
Q: What do you call a man who doesn't sink?
A: Bob!
Q: What do you call a Rodent that has a sword?
A: A Mouseketeer!
Q: What do you call the bad lion tamer?
A: Claude Bottom
The manipulative husband cajoled wife for a quiet drive in their sporty convertible through wooded roads. The wife had chosen to drive. Then husband broke the news, "I am divorcing you after all this sex starved life with you."
The speed of the car increased and crossed the legal speed limit. The husband continued, "I want to give you a piece of my mind that you are nothing but an
Nurse (admitting a female patient): Are you on any special diets?
Patient: Yes, I drink Slim-Fast twice a day, but it's not working. In fact, I've gained several pounds.
Nurse: Really? Do you think that skipping meals to drink a shake makes you so hungry that you overeat later?
Patient: What do you mean, "skipping meals?"
A blonde walks into a pro shop, points to a golf club and asks the clerk the price.
The clerk looked to where she was pointing and stated that the owner told him not to sell golf equipment to blondes because they always seem to return the items.
The blonde left the shop, very mad, and walked down the street to a wig shop, where she bought a brunette wig.
She returned to the pro shop and, pointing
After working together for a while, Dick and Jane's office romance blossomed, and they really developed the 'hots' for each other. One day,they seize the opportunity to sneak into a supply closet to consummate their lust. Dick finds Jane very 'tight', and difficult to
'enter', but finally succeeds.
When they are finished, Dick says to her, "If I had known you were a virgin, I would have taken
* "Eagle? I thought you said BEAGLE."
* "We're all out of red, so I used pink."
* "There are 2 Os in Bob, right?"
* "Sorry, sir, your chest will only hold the bottle dinghy."
* "That call was for you. Hope you meet someone else named Tahiti Sweetie."
* "Gosh, I hate it when I get the hiccups."
* "Anything else you want to say? You've
It sounds like one of those parenting jokes. On Jan 2, an Oxford woman was arrested for allegedly shoplifting a parenting book while accompanied by her two young children in General Store on College Corner Pike.According to this news report, Callie Rough entered the general store with James Rogers and their two children. An employee noticed the four seemed to act suspiciously while in the store, b
After six years of trying to start a family, a couple was finally blessed with the birth of its first child. The wife told her husband to put an announcement in the local paper. When he returned from the newspaper office, she asked him what details he had included. "Just the name, address and date," he said.
"How much did it cost?"
"About six hundred and eighty dollars,&qu
A man was seen fleeing down the hall of a hospital just before his operation.
"What's the matter?" his wife asked. "I heard the nurse say, 'It's a very simple operation. Don't worry. I'm sure it will be all right," he said.
"She was just trying to comfort you," his wife said. "What's so frightening about that?"
"She wasn't talking to me," he answer
One day a mother took her 6-year-old son with her to visit a friend at work. Everyone there knew her, and she was offered a cup of coffee. That day, as one of the employees went to make more coffee, her son followed her and asked,
"What are you doing?"
"I'm making your mom's favorite drink," she answered.
Imagine the woman's shock when she heard her son say, "Wow! You know
Resolving to surprise her husband, an investment banker's wife pops by his office. She finds him in an unorthodox position, with his secretary sitting in his lap. Without hesitation, he starts dictating,
"...and in conclusion, gentlemen, credit crunch or no credit crunch, I cannot continue to operate this office with just one chair!"
Two rabbis - one Reformed and the other Orthodox - were discussing their respective congregations one day.
The Reformed rabbi asked the Orthodox leader, "Why don't you let the men and women of your congregation sit together, as they do in my temple?"
The Orthodox rabbi - known for his sense of humor - replied, "If you want to know the truth, I don't really mind them sitting together
Farmer: "On a typical day I have to get up at six in the morning, then I work for five hours, then I take out a few minutes for lunch, then I work another five hours..."
City Man: "With all that work, what do you grow?"
Farmer: "Tired."
Banta to Doctor : Doctor Sahab! Mein apna dimag daan karna chahta hu. Doctor : Hoga to hum le lenge . ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Son to Dad : Papa, Mein itna bada kab hounga ki mein mummy se bina puche bahar ja saku? Papa : Beta abhi itna bada to mein bhi nahi hua!!! -------------------------------------------
Crazy Star' Ravi Teja is one man who has been associated with the Telugu industry from the past few years is said to be an avid speaker of the Punjabi language. Apparently, Ravi's father was working in the Air Force and it was during one of his postings, the hero had spent few years in the prosperous land of Punjab.Today, that Punjabi language is coming in handy for Ravi since he is talking to the
Viagra (sildenafil) is a avow verify utilised for treating problems with obtaining or maintaining an antiquity (erectile dysfunction) also known as impotence. Erectile pathology is calibre to intend or keep an antiquity firm sufficiency for sexed intercourse. Viagra is manufactured by Pfizer, an FDA authorised avow in 1998. Viagra acts by stilly the muscles and crescendo the remove distinction to
Podcast: DalecastDates: October 23, 27 and 29, November 3, 6, 14, 20 and 25, December 17, 2008Titles: Show Number 402, Show Number 406, Show Number 408, Show Number 413, Show Number 416, Show Number 424, StreamRadio Episode 3, Show Number 433, Show Number 451Download the show: Episode 451. (Additional episodes available at Dalecast. If unavailable, send a request.
I treat the podcasters who play
Wives r incoming calls, Lovers r outgoing calls, Aunties r Toll-free calls, Call girls r Roaming calls, Neighbour girls r Missed Calls. Plumber:- Sir pipe naya laga dia hai aur bill Rs.700/- ho gaya. Engineer:- Are itna tu main engineer ho ke bhi nahin kamata Plumber:- Main bhi nahi kamata tha jab engineer tha!!Wife to husband:- Tum bahar jate ho toh hamesha darr laga rehta haiHusband:- Do
This week has been a slow week for Jokes. I guess everyone is a little uptight with the Holidays and All. But I want to dedicate some of my jokes this week to Little Johnnie. These came from a co-work...
The funny jokes over at Comedy Plus deserve compliments indeed. This blogger certainly finds a way to make her readers laugh. One of my favorites is the joke about the pregnant wife, the horny husband, and the greedy next door neighbor.
And they aren’t all that dirty, I promise.
*******************************
As part of my Compliment Challenge, I’m [...]
Mobile Full FormDo u Know Mobile Means?Mobile?Mobile?Mobile?Mobile?Mobile?Mobile Mobile Mobile Mobile Mobile?M-MindblowingO-OutstandingB- BestI-Instrument OfL-Life 4E-Ever********************************************BPL MobileB-BAPA naP-PaiseL-Lila lahercalled BPL Mobile********************************************Santa : yaar jab tumhe garmi lagti hai to tum kya karte hoBanta : Arre bhai A.C
Santa soote waqtDo glass rakhte hai,Ek mein paani sur ekKhaali why? Socho?Kyunki pyas lag bhi saktiHai aur nahi bhi. Girl: I love u. Boy: Me too. Girl: Kitna karte ho. Boy: Jitna tum mujhe karti ho. Girl: Kamine, main sochti thi ki tum sachha pyaar karte ho!Din mein chain nahi,Raat ko neend nahi,Ji na lage kahi.Khuda, kya yehi pyaar hai?Khuda bole: Nahi beta, Commerce ke students kaYe
Las Vegas $500 A man comes home to find his wife packing her bags. "Where are you going?" demands the surprised husband. "To Las Vegas! I found out that there are men that will pay me $500 cash to do what I do for you for free!" The man pondered that thought for a moment, and then began packing HIS bags. "What do you think you are doing?" she screamed. "I'm going to Las Vegas with you... I want
All the 4 sardars were very disgusted with their naseeb and decided to push their taxi into the sea at Marine Lines. They started pushing their taxi. They pushed the whole day and were very exhausted but the taxi did not move even an inch. They decided to rest for the night and start the next day. The next day the story repeated itself. The taxi just wouldn't move. They pushed for a whole we
How Guys select the girl they want to marry.....A man is dating 3 women and wants to decidewhich to marry.He decides to give them a test. He gives eachwoman a present of $5000 and watches to see what they do with themoney.The first does a total makeover. She goes to a fancy beauty salon,and dresses up very nicely for the man.She tells him that she has done this to be more attractive for himbecaus
1. A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.2. Men wake up as good-looking as when they went to bed. Women somehow deteriorate during the night..3. A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he wants. A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't want.4. A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't. A man ma
January to decembersunday to saturdayAm to PmMy feelings for u have never changed…….u….R….always….a HEADACHE to me !!!! When u feel lonely and alone & cannot see any one around you,the world seems to be fading away,come along with mei’ll take u an eye specialist !!LOVE is like a CIGARIt starts with a fire….. continues with smoke…..and ends in ashes…But dont worry - we are cha
For everyone that thrives on a daily fix of humor, there’s good news in the world of online funniness. Comedy Central has officially announced the reopening of Jokes.com, a website dedicated to all things stand-up.
The site currently offers upwards of 5,000 clips of stand-up comedians, and this archive includes many of the popular comedians that [...]
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Roz roz ka drama nahi2009 is coming Wish u a veryHappy new yearValentine’s dayBasant23rd march14 augustEid ul fitrEid ul azhaFriendship dayMother, fatherDadi, dadaNana, naniChildren’s dayHappy b’day365 good morningsAfter noons, evenings’& nights Roz roz ka drama nahiHota mujh seAb pura saal mat kehnaSMS nahi kia
Ek mandir thajisme buri niyat wale gayab ho jatethe.Salman Khan gaya-Salman gayab,Aamirgaya-Aamir gayab,MALLIKA SHERAVAT gayiBhagwanaajkal maanav bahut vikas kar raha hai,baap gabbar ka tobeta dharmendra k role ka abhyas kar raha hai. 1 din hamare padosi film dekhne gaye sholey,ghar aake apni biwi se bole,basanti jara 1 2 thumke hame b dikha de,unka beta b film dekh k aaya tha,usne dharmendra ka r
Main Tumhare Gam Me Pita Gaya (Kept Drinking) Pita Gaya Pita Gaya, Pita Gaya, Pita Gaya, Pita Gaya, Pita Gaya, Kya Kare Bada Thumbs Up Khatam Hi Nahi Hota…Arz Kiya Hai: Aaj Kal Aapke Sms Aana Band Hai, Aajkal Aapke Sms Aana Bandh Hai, Khafa Ho Humse Ya Balance Kam Hai!!!Gandhiji Bhi Chale Gaye, Nehruji Bhi Chale Gaye, Bhagat Sing Bhi Nahi Rahe, Meri Bhi Tabiyat Thik Nahi Rehti Hai Pata Nahi Is D
Aap sochte honge ki hamariaur se aanewale sms kasilsila kab khatam hoga?Janab, ye to EKTA KAPURke serial jaisa hai...CHALTE RAHENGE Mere din fir se SANVAAR debas ek bar fir SENSEX sudhar detute INDEX ko sajana heMARGIN k paise se firse ashiyana banana he. :-) Judge:is sardar k dono kan kat do!Sardar:nahi mei andha ho jaunga!Judge:bewkuf kan katne se andha kaise hogaS:mei chasma kaise pehnunga
There are lots of jokes attempts to be accessible to anyone. Users who are visually impaired are no exception. Lots of jokes employs a number of features and design considerations to assist users with disabilities and the technologies they depend on to interpret visual information to speech. If you are a user with a disability and would like to suggest ways Lots of jokes could improve its support
An engineering student to his sweeper brother:"mere paas degree hai, knowledge hai,4 logon mein baithne ki izzat hai. Tere paas kya hai?".Sweeper: Mere paas naukri haiA father asks peon: How are the studies in this college?Where do I see my son in future?Peon: The future is bright,I had also completed my engineering from the same college!Harbhajan starts raising his bat on 33 runs.Dravid: What hap
Close your Eyes,Relax your Body,And stop your Breathing as long as you can...NOW BREATH......I Miss you as much as YOU MISSED THE AIRIn The Flower My Rose Is You,In The Diamond My Kohinoor Is You,In The Sky My Moon Is You,I'm Only Body My Heart Is You,That's Why I Always MISS YOUI MISS YOU in every beats of heart,In every blink of my eyes,In every second of Time and...In every moment of the DayA B
Husband: kash hamare ladki ki jagah ladka ho jata?Wife: Chhodo ji, agar main aapke bharose rehti,to ladki bhi nahi hotiDaughter: Mom, kya yeh sach hai ki ladke jahan apna l*nd dalte hain,bachha wahin se nikalta hai?Mom: Haan.Daughter: Oh my god!To kya mera bachha mere muh se niklega?A lady from 2nd floor asking a bananawala: Kaise diye?Bananawala: Memsaab Aath mein Bara.Lady: Saat mein Tera deta h
Marriage islikegoing to aResturant..U orderYour choicefromthe menu,and thenlook at theneighbouring table and wish"KAASH...YE ORDER KIYA HOTA" :-Wife: If I die what will u do?Husband: Main paagal ho jaun ga!Wife: Will u marry again after I die?Husband: Pagal kuch bhi kar sakta haiWhat's the similarity between MOBILE and MARRIAGE -In both case you feel "aur thoda ruk jaata to accha model milta"How w
Prem: Dil mateDil: Laagni mateLaagni: Manushya mateManushya: Khoosurat Duniya mateDuniya ni Khoobsurati: A to Mara dost fakt tara ma Dosti ma jivjo,Dosti ma marjoHimmat na hoy to Dosti na karjo,Zindagi nathi amne dosto thi pyariDosto mate j 6e jindagi amari.Tamari sathe maro jug-jug no natoHaiya ma 6e hajaro mithi vatoDil ni dhadkn ne Aatur aa ankhoPu6i rahi 6e Su tame pn mane am j chahso?Andhar
Tumse mila main kal to, mere dil mein hua ek sound,Lekin aaj tum mili to kehti ho: "Your file not found"!Ab aur kaho na tum, "but" ya "if"Tum ho meri zindagi ki animated gifAisa bhi nahin hai ke, I don't like your facePar dil ke computer mein, nahin hai enough disk spaceMain tumhein pyaar kyun karoon, Tum nahi ho Ash,Phir bhi tumhe dekh kar mera, system hota hai crashJo sadiyon se hota aaya hai...
1) One man was standing on the top of a building, his watch fell down, but he went to take his watch only afterten minutes-why? - His watch was ten minutes slow.2) An actress was filling up a form to open an account in a bank. There was a column in the form where one hasto fill Marital status, "Married / single". And she wrote "Occasionally Married".3) A man advertised in a news paper, in the matr
U are a... B. I. T. C. H.BeautifulIntelligentTalentedCuteHornyr u smiling now? *YOU BITCH*Hi,Doing nothing?Then Make a Place,4 Me in ur Heart!!I May come there any time!Ur's Faithfully, "HeArT aTtAcK"SomeOne..MiSSES U..NeeDS U..Worries About ULonely Without UGuess Who?THE MONKEY IN ... THE ZOO ... You are one of the mostCUTE persons in the world!!Just a second,don't misunderstand.CUTE means:Creati
Wo chand hai magar aap se pyara to nahi. Parvane ka shama ke bin guzara to nahi. Mere dil ne suni hai ek mithi se awaz, Kya apne mujhe pukara toh nahi.First the engagement ring,then the wedding ring,then the suffering...Why do we all marry?Because romance is notthe only element of life.We should also knowhorror,terror, suspense, irony,stupidity & tragedy of LIFE.Marriage is like going toa rest
A sardar passing through a jungle. A churail stops him & says: Hoo hoo ha ha,main churail hoon. Sardar: Janta hoon teri ek behan mere ghar main bhi hai! A tourist from United States comes to visit India and he see a sardar. He asked a question to sardar: Tourist: Any great man born in this village? Sardar: No sir, only small Babies!!! Sardar sent sms to his boss:Me sick, no
Teacher: Apka beta cigarate peeta hai. Aap kabhi use puchhte nahi? Santa: Haan, puchhta hoon, par mujhe kabhi deta hi nahi.Umeedo ki manzil toot gayi,Aankho se ashqo ki dhara beh gayi,Are tumahri bhi kya izzat reh gayi,Jab class ki ladki bhaiya keh gayi.Santa falls in love with a nurse… After much thinking,he finally writes a love letter to her: “I luv u sister.”A lady calls Santa for
EmOtiOnAL cOmEdyDiLkO pAtA tha wO jArur AyEgiDiLko pAtA tha wO jArur AyEgiPAr kAbi sOchA nA thA kiSurPrisE mE wO ApnE pAti kO B 7 LAyEgQue."Naari"ka matlab kya hai?Ans.Naari ka matlab hai ShAkTi.Que.To fir Purush ka Matlab kya hai?Ans."Sehan Shakti".Hi Frndz! Njoy! Teacher:Acha insan wo hi hai wo dusro k kaam aye.P@ppu:Par madam exam mein na aap humare kaam aati hai,aur na hi kisi aur ko aane
Aaj main aap se apne dil ki baat kehna chahti hun Han wohi 3 words jo aap sunna chahen Han wohi 3 alfaz jo aap ke dil ko chulen - - - - ***HAPPY INDEPENDENCE DAY*** Independence a Precious gift of God.May We Always Remain Independent. A Very Happy Independence Day To You.Some Like Sunday,Some like Monday,But i like One DayAnd that is Independence Day I have something for uClose your ey
Love bears all things, Love believes all things, Love hopes all things, and most precious of all, Love endures all things. Come we love and make things happy..Where r u? U r u not replying?I m worried coz todays paper I read that due 2 thunder a monkey has been severely injured. So if u r safe, SMS me immediately.Do u know whats A B C D E F G?A Boy Can Do Everything For GirlNow reverse da order, c
A true and caring relation doesn’t have to speak loud, A soft sms is just enough to express the heartiest feelings. Enjoy the festival of Holi with lot of fun.Chadenge jab pyare rang, ek meri dosti ka rang bhi chadhana. Lagne lagenge tumhe suhane sare rang, Aur meri dosti ka rang chamkega hurdum tumhare sang. Wish you a very mastiful and colourful Happy Holi!Har rang aap pe barse,koi apse Holi k
Beet gaya jo saal,Bhul jayye,Es Nayai Saal ko Gale lagayye,Karte hain duwa hum Rab se sar jhuka kay…Es Saal ka Sare Sapne pura ho Aap kay.*NAYA SAAL MUBARAK*Oh my Dear, Forget ur Fear,Let all ur Dreams be Clear,Never put Tear, Please Hear,I want to tell one thing in ur Earwishing u a very Happy NEW YEarGood time Bad timeDay time Night timeOff time Work timeHappy time Sad timeNaye saal main kisi
Pal pal sunhare phool khile, Kabhi na ho kaanto ka saamna, Jindagi aapki khushiyo se bhari rahe, Dipawali par humaari yahi shubhkaamna.Kumkum bhare kadmonKumkum bhare kadmon se aaye LAYXMIJEE apke dwar,sukh sampati mile aapko apar,Deepawali ki subhkamnain kare sweekar.HAPPY DIWALIMakki ki Roti, Nimbu ka Aachar,Makki ki Roti, Nimbu ka Aachar,Suraj Ki Kirne, Khushiyo ki Bahar,Chand Ki Chandi, Apno k
Jingle bellsJingle bellswhat fun it is towish our friendsa very happy Christmas.Christmas is not a time nor a season,but a state of mind.To cherish peace and goodwill,to be plenteous in mercy,is to have the real spirit of Christmas.A silent night,a star above,a blessed gift of hopeand love.A blessed Christmas to you!Bless us Lord, this Christmas, with quietness of mind;Teach us to be patient and a
Kids can be so funny - Jokes.
I'm reliably informed that most of these are true ..... make up your own mind.
Psst.
A kindergarten pupil told his teacher he'd found a cat, but it was dead. 'How do you know that the cat was dead?' she asked her pupil.
'Because I pissed in its ear and it didn't...
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With the addition of the following seven lists, Shayne-Michael.COM has reached a huge milestone:What Celebrities Hear Behind The Scenes - Blog, 1,000How To Aggravate Conservative Talk Shows In...
Funny Jokes - Bank LobbyDuring the years that I was home with my three children, Ioccasionally had to handle banking business for ourfamily-owned corporation. One of those times my youngest wasonly two weeks old and the older ones were three and fouryears old. With trepidation I entered the bank lobby withall three children in tow, hoping that they would behaveappropriately for that business
Jokes of My Week 12/05/2008
Most of these I got from my Cousins in Canada. I'm sure you will be able to spot which ones...
A sure sign of when you have had one too many.....
A cop on t...
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Saat ‘ngrumpi’ di luar tugas antara orang Indonesia dan orang Eropa saling menanya perihal penghasilan masing-masing. “Berapa gaji anda dan untuk apa saja uang sejumlah itu?,” tanya orang Indonesia mengawali pembicaraan.
Orang Eropa menjawab, “Gaji saya 3.000 Euro, 1.000 euro untuk tempat tinggal, 1.000 Euro untuk makan, 500 Euro untuk hiburan.”
”Lalu sisa 500 Eu
Some jokes before going to office ^^ Lady: Is this my train? Station Master : No, it belongs to the Railway Company. Lady: Don't try to be funny. I mean to ask if I can take this train to New Delhi .. Station Master : No Madam, I'm afraid it's too heavy. A drunkard was brought to court. Just before the trial there was a commotion in the gallery. The judge pounded the gravel on his tab
"Your husband seems to be very impatient lately.""Yes, he is, very.""What is the matter with him?""He is getting tired waiting for a chance to get out where he can sit patiently hour after hour waiting for a fish to nibble at his bait."short funny jokes
A resident of Nahant tells this one on a new servant his wife took down from Boston."Did you sleep well, Mary?" the girl was asked the following morning."Sure, I did not, ma'am," was the reply; "the snorin' of the ocean kept me awake all night."-------------------------0-------------------------Love the sea? I dote upon it—from the beach.—Douglas Jerrold.-------------------------0-------------
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Dibawah ini adalah hal-hal yang jangan Anda lakukan di kolam renang:
Berdiri di papan loncat paling tinggi dan berteriak bahwa anda tidak akan turun sebelum permintaan anda dikabulkan
Berkata kepada penjaga kolam bahwa ia tidak becus menjaga kolam, karena anda melihat paling tidak ada 15 orang yang tenggelam hari ini.
Tanya sekeliling anda apakah mereka melihat [...]
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Suatu malam saat masih pendidikan di Akademi kepolisian di Candi, di pinggiran Semarang, Paijo mendapat tugas praktik lapangan untuk pertama kalinya.
Dia diantarkan oleh seorang instruktur berpangkat Brigadir memasuki kota Semarang. Sesaat kemudian sampailah mereka di tempat di dekat perempatan jalan.
“Kamu liat lampu merah itu? Kamu harus bertugas disana,” kata sang i
I was just in All Bar One and heard THE MOST SEXIST JOKE:Q: Why are hurricanes normally named after women?A: When they come they are wild and wet, when they go they take your house and car with them!Don't laugh! How rude. If I were to tell such a joke it would run as follows:Q: Why are tropical storms often named after men?A: Because they kill people.You see: feminists can be funny too..
My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table.My wife asked, 'Do you know her?''Yes,' I sighed, 'She's my old girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since.''My God!' says my wife, 'Who would think a perso
Take care of the pennies and the dollars will be blown in by your heirs.—Puck.-------------------------0-------------------------"Do you save up money for a rainy day, dear?""Oh, no! I never shop when it rains."-------------------------0-------------------------JOHNNY—"Papa, would you be glad if I saved a dollar for you?"PAPA—"Certainly, my son."JOHNNY—"Well, I saved it for you, all right.
It had been snowing for hours when an announcement came over the high school intercom:"Will the students who are parked on University Drive please move their cars so that we may begin plowing."Twenty minutes later there was another announcement:"Will the twelve hundred students who went to move 26 cars, return to class."
A sheikh employed a track star to run from the palace to his harem, which was about three miles away, to fetch one of his wives whenever he was in the mood. The sheik would nod and the track star would take off. This event usually took place about three times a day until the runner died at age 36. The sheik lived to be 96.The moral of the story is, "Sex doesn't kill you...it's the running after it
Once Xain asked Yash, "What is the secret behind your happy married life?" Yash said, "You should share responsibilities with due love and respect to each other. Then there will be no problems."Xain asked, "Can you explain?"Yash said, "In my house, I take decisions on bigger issues where as my wife decides on smaller issues. We do not interfere in each other's decisions."Still not convinced, Xain
A run in time saves the nine.-------------------------0-------------------------Knowin' all 'bout baseball is jist 'bout as profitable as bein' a good whittler.—Abe Martin.-------------------------0-------------------------"Plague take that girl!""My friend, that is the most beautiful girl in this town.""That may be. But she obstructs my view of second base."-------------------------0-----------
On their 50th wedding anniversary and during the banquet celebrating it, Bob was asked to give his friends a brief account of the benefits of a marriage of such long duration."Tell us, Bob, just what is it you have learned from all those wonderful years with your wife?"Bob responds, "Well, I've learned that marriage is the best teacher of all. It teaches you loyalty, meekness, forbearance, self re
My 7-year-old daughter came home from school one day, held up her middle finger, and asked me what it meant. I was so shocked that I could say only,"Shame on you," followed by, "If anyone does that to you, just say, "Shame on you" to that person.A few weeks later we were at the dinner table when my husband let out a huge belch. I reprimanded him by saying, "Shame on you."Imagine my husband's shock
MR. HILTON—"Have you opened that bottle of champagne, Bridget?"BRIDGET—"Faith, I started to open it, an' it began to open itself. Sure, the mon that filled that bottle must 'av' put in two quarts instead of wan."-------------------------0-------------------------Sir Andrew Clark was Mr. Gladstone's physician, and was known to the great statesman as a "temperance doctor" who very rarely prescri
I'm embarrassed to admit it, but I've tried on-line dating. I haven't met anyone in person yet because the guys always stop writing before we can set up a date. I don't know what it is. Perhaps that handsome athletic thirty-two-year- old doctor was lying about his age, got grounded, and lost his Internet privileges. Or maybe it was something I said, "I'd love to meet for coffee. Thursday's are bes
An "Uncle Tom's Cabin" company was starting to parade in a small New England town when a big gander, from a farmyard near at hand waddled to the middle of the street and began to hiss.One of the double-in-brass actors turned toward the fowl and angrily exclaimed:"Don't be so dern quick to jump at conclusions. Wait till you see the show."—K.A. Bisbee.-------------------------0--------------------
Rating the Late Night ComicsOn Balance in Political JokesNovember 19, 2008Rate the Late Night Comics' jokes.The Tonight Show with Jay LenoIt’s reported that Barack Obama’s new attorney general is going to be Eric Holder. Here is what we know about him: His name is Eric Holder.It’s being reported that Hillary Clinton will accept the position of secretary of state. Actually this works out grea
A DROP IN SALARY PERHAPS A man came home from work one day to find his wife sitting on the front porch with her bags packed. He asked her where she was going and she replied "I'm going to Las Vegas."
The Washington Post recently published these Yugo jokes,What do you call a Yugo's shock absorbers?Passengers.The new Yugo has an air bag. Before an accident, start pumping real fast.How do you double the value of a Yugo?Fill the gas tank!What do you call a Yugo at the top of a hill?A miracle.Man to car dealer: "I'd like a gas cap for my Yugo."Dealer: "Sounds like a fair trade."
A terrific explosion occurs in a gunpowder factory, and once all the mess has been cleared up, an inquiry begins. One of the few survivors is pulled up to make a statement."Okay Simpson," says the investigator, "you were near the scene - what happened?""Well, it's like this. Old Charley Higgins was in the mixing room, and I saw him take a cigarette out of his pocket and light up.""He was smoking i
MANAGER (five-and-ten-cent store)—"What did the lady who just went out want?"SHOPGIRL—"She inquired if we had a shoe department."-------------------------0-------------------------"Hades," said the lady who loves to shop, "would be a magnificent and endless bargain counter and I looking on without a cent."-------------------------0-------------------------Newell Dwight Hillis, the now famous N
The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent terrorist threats and have raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved."Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross." Londoners have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies all but ran out.Terrorists themselves have been re-categorized from "Tiresome" to" A Bloody
An old colored man first joined the Episcopal Church, then the Methodist and next the Baptist, where he remained. Questioned as to the reason for his church travels he responded:"Well, suh, hit's this way: de 'Piscopals is gemmen, suh, but I couldn't keep up wid de answerin' back in dey church. De Methodis', dey always holdin' inquiry meetin', and I don't like too much inquirin' into. But de Bapti
An American took an Englishman to a theater. An actor in the farce, about to die, exclaimed: "Please, dear wife, don't bury me in Yonkers!"The Englishman turned to his friend and said: "I say, old chap, what are yonkers?"Short Funny Jokes
Three Sardarjis went for a tour to Singapore.They searched for rooms everywhere and finally got one which is inthe topmost floor of a 100 floor hotel.After taking rest they started for a local visit.While leaving the hotel, the manager informed them that they should Reachthe hotel before10.00pm or else lift will not be available and they have totake the steps for which they agreed and went out.Aft
Sardar: I haven't slept all night in the train..Friend: why?Sardar: Got upper berth.Friend: why did'nt u exchange?Sardar: oye, there was nobody to exchange in the lower berth..A sardar went to a bank to open a S.B. A/C. After seeing the Form, hewent to DELHI for filling up. U know why? Form says " FILL UP INCAPITAL ".A sardar invested 2 Lakhs in a business and suffered huge loss. Do uknow what the
The following questions and answers were collated from the SAT tests givento 16-year-old students!Q: Name the four seasons.A: Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegarQ: Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink.A: Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutantslike grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists.Q: How is dew formed?A: The sun shines down on the
When Lawrence Barrett's daughter was married Stuart Robson sent a check for $5000 to the bridegroom. The comedian's daughter, Felicia Robson, who attended the wedding conveyed the gift."Felicia," said her father upon her return, "did you give him the check?""Yes, Father," answered the daughter."What did he say?" asked Robson."He didn't say anything," replied Miss Felicia, "but he shed tears.""How
