Courtesan

The English Courtesan is away from her desk today but it just so happens that she's near a purveyor of the finest macaroons, hence the pert and peachy pair in the photo.Idle hands make mischief and all that, so today's quiz is an attempt to save the English Courtesan's wicked readers from themselves.In the name of vice avoidance then, the English Courtesan invites the readers to complete the follo

'That's tagged', said the English Courtesan sternly to the sniggering readers. 'Tagged with a T. Not with an S. Okay?'The English Courtesan was delighted to be tagged by the lovely Madam Butterfly of Blissful Desires a few weeks ago. Those of the readers who have yet to meet The Madam might like to know she’s a tantric poet who reads T.S. Eliot.As you can see from the picture, which the English

The English Courtesan felt it was high time for another photo clue! As it's a sunny and warm weekend, though you might not be able to tell that from the picture, the English Courtesan is taking the risk of sending this in situ as it were... The readers are invited to guess as ever: where is the English Courtesan this weekend?To celebrate the unusually clement July weather, the English Courtesan is

Continuing with the theme of what’s in the English Courtesan’s biscuit tin, she thought she’d share a rather fine example with the readers today...The photo shows what is sadly not the English Courtesan's own biscuit tin but rather a William Crawford & Sons biscuit tin, modelled on a sports coupe motor car. This fabulous 1920s lithograph tin was complete with headlights, spare wheel and

The time has come, the Walrus said, to give the English Courtesan a pay rise. Oh yes, it's time for the rates review, and the only way is up!As blog followers will know, the English Courtesan hasn't had a pay rise in 18 months. As readers of Proper Newspapers will know, that means inflation is devaluing the English Courtesan on a daily basis.Before the readers think the English Courtesan is about

The English Courtesan wanted to share a favourite poem with the readers today. She likes fields, which are the topic of this poem, but today's blog post is about more than that. Like all good poems, The Bright Field by R.S. Thomas made the English Courtesan look at something a little differently today...This poem reminded the English Courtesan to look at the things she takes for granted and to tre

'I'm hot!' said the English Courtesan. 'Yes you are', said the Gentleman Suitor with a smirk, admiring the English Courtesan's slightly rosy cheeks. 'It's too hot for blogging' added the English Courtesan. 'Oh yes, much too hot!' agreed the Suitor, rather too quickly. 'Shall we find something else to do?'.And that is exactly what the English Courtesan and the Suitor did. There are times when even

Whoops! Due to user error and Blogger problems, this blog post appeared and then disappeared again on Saturday. Luckily Blogger and the English Courtesan have got it together now... ;-)The English Courtesan is a little busy this weekend so she thought she'd offer the readers a multiple choice quiz by way of a lazy blog post.This one is based on the doorhanger in the photo, which the English Courte

Guided by the sure and steady directing hand of Chu Yuan, arguably one of the Shaw Brothers greatest directors, and written by Chiu Kang-Chien, one of the Shaw Brothers most prolific and impressive writers, this multi-genre picture delivers in spades more than can possibly be imagined.

While the English Courtesan is catching up on sleep, she thought the readers ought to have something to play with. Other than themselves. So by way of a positively puritanical suggestion, at least by the English Courtesan’s usual filthy standards, how about a Cock-A-Doodle?This one's pretty much self-explanatory, at least to the English Courtesan. Get out the Cock-A-Doodle memo pad, bursting joy

Here is the clue, Part II! The good news is that the English Courtesan and the lost clippy sucky thing have been happily reunited. The bad news is that the English Courtesan is still a little tied up, as it were... ;-)So whilst they await her return to the bloggery, the readers are invited to guess the following: where might the English Courtesan and the clippy sucky thing be?Technorati Tags: cour

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'No time!' squeaked the English Courtesan, hopping about like a mad thing looking for TomTom's clippy thing. 'No time for blogging! Must find the clippy thing! Who's got TomTom's clippy sucky thing?'.The English Courtesan hopes the readers will write in if they find the clippy sucky thing. They have exactly 7 minutes to do so. It's grey and round and it's the thing that sticks TomTom, AKA the sat

The English Courtesan is all of a flutter today because she’s been tagged by the Delectable Dolly Mopp of London! ‘Oh the honour, the honour!’ wept the English Courtesan lying prostrate before the Deliciousness of Dolly ‘The English Courtesan is not worthy!’.Dolly Mopp mopped the English Courtesan’s fevered brow. With a saucy and secretive smile and a brush of her bountiful bosoms, she whispered in the English Courtesan’s ear…no, sorry, that’s a story for another day isn’t it?Those of the readers who have yet to become acquainted with the Mistress of Moppery should hurry over to Dolly Mopp's online lair at once. She has an online Venetian boudoir and even a Victorian boudoir for the English Courtesan to read Victorian novels in! She wears shorts with a double breasted s

OO la la, η νέα συλλογή της Modern Courtesan με έχει ξετρελάνει! Είναι φοβερή!! Σίγουρα δεν είναι ο ντροπαλός και συνεσταλμένος τύπος, αυτή η πικάντικη γραμμή ταιριάζει απόλυτα για μια τέλεια έκπληξη στα γενέθλιά του, στην επέτειο, ή απλά για να δώσετε μια πιο πικάντικη νότα στα πράγματα. Μπορεί να σε ανεβάσει η ιδέα του να κρύβεις κάτι πραγματικά ιδιαίτερο κάτω από τα ρούχα σου – θα του έχεις εκεί μια σίγουρη έκπληξη...Modern Courtesan

'Overtired' said the English Courtesan's mother with an irritatingly meaningful mother-knows-best look. 'Am not!' roared the English Courtesan, leaping up from the sofa in a convincingly sprightly fashion and falling over own silly feet. All of that at 7pm before a large dinner and a long drive home through a Yorkshire blizzard. Oh dear. Spring may have sprung but early mornings plus late nights have made the English Courtesan a decidedly dull girl of late. So tonight she's getting a virtuously early night on her ownsome.So until the English Courtesan comes back to take them in hand, as it were, the readers are invited to play along with her caption competition. Here is an astoundingly poor photo of something fuzzy, taken as ever by the English Courtesan's own fair hand. The readers are in

The English Courtesan was thrilled to be tagged by Tres Chère Juliette a few weeks ago to write a six word memoir. Those of the English Courtesan's readers who don't know Chère Juliette might like to know that she's the proud owner of the world's most enticing collection of saucy black and white photos... Juliette is also a lyrical writer and a practitioner of the midnight vices and she recently won the English Courtesan's prize for nice clean knickers. What better recommendation could there possibly be for a girl than to pass the English Courtesan's gym knicker inspection with such flying colours?Revenons à nos moutons...as well as liking Chère Juliette, the English Courtesan likes tags too as she's a bit of an overgrown child at heart. If the truth be told, the English Courtesan can

Never let it be said that the English Courtesan does not cater to her readers' every whims, for further to the comments on the Jane's Guide post, she has found them a particularly delightful antique Bonheur du Jour! What's more, it's coming up next week at a saleroom in Yorkshire near you (or maybe not) and it’s at what the English Courtesan thinks is a very fair price...read on...It may be catalogued as Victorian but the English Courtesan thinks this little gem is un tout petit peu Frenchy 19th century looking. The twin porcelain plaques, adorned with a pair of bewigged lovers, are set into two doors, which conceal velvet-lined shelves. The superstructure of the Bonheur du jour sits beneath a coved top and is adorned by gilt metal escutcheons and beading and what appear to be caryatides

OO la la, Modern Courtesan’s new collection has got me all flustered!!It’s amazing! Definiately not for the shy and retireing type, this saucy little line makes a perfect surprise for his birthday, anniversary, or simply if you want to spice things up a little. You can feel smug in the knowledge that you’re hiding something really very special under your outerwear- he’s guaranteed to be bowled over! Or gents, if you’re reading this...read more about Modern Courtesan

Oh yes, it's time for another round of unbearable smugness today - Jane says the English Courtesan is quality and original! Oh lookety look at this, my lovelies, for the English Courtesan has a review on Jane's Sex Guide...Those of the readers who haven't come across Jane's Guide to adult websites should be ashamed of themselves. Jane's Sex Guide has been going since 1997 which makes her 77 in hooman years. The English Courtesan should perhaps add a note to that which is that new media years are like dog years, i.e. you follow the x7 principle to work out the real world equivalence. What's more, Jane is not only still having sex at the age of 77, she's having sex aplenty, with vintage pin-ups, escorts, erotica writers, fetishists, glamour models, courtesans, photographers, gender benders,

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It's a Friday... a Bank Holiday... the sun is shining in Yorkshire… those are red herrings... but… the English Courtesan is delighted to serve up a platter of blog treats for the readers' pleasure! Why has the English Courtesan broken with her tradition of Wednesday and Saturday blog posts? The reason is a good one…read on…Oh yes, the delicious and delectable Secondhand Rose has awarded the English Courtesan a high five as part of that fabulous initiative known as High Five Fridays! Those of the English Courtesan’s readers who have yet to follow the lewd link to the luscious and lovely Secondhand Rose might like to know that she’s a writer turned phone companion and conversationalist. She’s pink and she’s petalled and you can see a picture of her in fabulous ruffled panties

‘No, my lovelies’ said the English Courtesan ‘It’s not here and it’s not there either today...' 'That’s because today is Wednesday and the whole point of High Five Fridays is that they must absolutely always and only be done on Fridays!’That means that the readers will all have to troop back to the English Courtesan’s blog on Friday to see what she has for them. However by way of consolation in the meantime, here is a fuzzy wuzzy picture of a peacock, or to be more precise a peahen, up a tree. Never let it be said that the English Courtesan leaves her readers less than satisfied… ;-)The photo was once again taken by the English Courtesan’s own fair hand. It might be a clue as to her whereabouts this past week or it might just be a very lazy post because the English Cour

The English Courtesan is still away from her desk. Despite the readers' dazzling array of international travel destination guesses, none of them was quite right. To be fair, some of the guesses weren't that far away. For reasons of discretion however the English Courtesan couldn't possibly say which...So the English Courtesan thought she'd be a bit more helpful with today's photo. Here's where she is. It looks a bit Dutch doesn't it? Of course that could well just be another of the English Courtesan's trademark red herrings. It's not necessarily Holland. It might be but it might not be. That's the English Courtesan's clue for a whoop of laughter and a little wiggly dance in a 'wooh-wooh, the readers can't catch meee!' fashion.Incidentally the building in the photo is not exactly where the

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'Why hasn't the English Courtesan replied to our comments and emails?' asked the readers indignantly. 'Ah well' replied the English Courtesan with a mysterious smirk, 'that would be because she is currently away from her desk'...So today's post in haste is a nice easy quiz: the readers are invited to guess where the frozen and windswept English Courtesan is this week. The clue is that it's not exactly the Côte d'Azur... :-) Technorati Tags: courtesan, courtesans, escort, escorts, travel companion, travel companions, travel, luxury travel, cluesThe English Courtesan...naughty but nice! xxx

Courtesy of those amusing people at BlogThings, and inspired by a reader close to the English Courtesan's heart, comes the 'what muse are you?' quiz. The English Courtesan is showing the readers hers. That means they have to show her theirs. As it were... ;-)While she awaits the readers' contributions, here is the English Courtesan's muse diagnosis:Your Inner Muse is UraniaYou are most like this muse of astronomy. Your head is in the stars, and you look to the future. You give off a heavenly, mysterious vibe. And you're not too bad at predicting the future.What Muse Are You?If you do the quiz, you'll note that the English Courtesan has substituted her own choice of painting, The Muses Urania and Calliope by Simon Vouet, for the quiz one. That's because hers is prettier. Ahem... ;-)DISCLAIM

Sent in by A Reader this week, and further to the previous post entitled 'Shower scene with the English Courtesan', comes a helpful suggestion as to how you can create your very own shower scene at home, without the English Courtesan and with minimal expense and trouble...So for those of the readers who’ve been wondering how to get the English Courtesan into their shower without her price tag, she's proud to present...Drum roll…Camera pans shakily round the bathroom door as a ghostly hand draws back the shower curtain …Cue ‘Eeh! Eeh! Eeh!’ Psycho film score…Oh yes, it’s the shower scene without the English Courtesan! In the English Courtesan place you'll find a ten inch dolly in a towel and turban. That was quite an anti-climax, wasn’t it? :-)OK, OK, so it’s not quite the

This clue should be contemplated in conjunction with the English Courtesan's previous clue. To be honest, this clue is unfair. Unless you share a certain hobby with the English Courtesan's Paramour Du Jour, you just don't stand a chance... The trouble is, the English Courtesan's clues don't even belong to the same species. That's because it would have to be out to see it from this angle and in fact it was in when the English Courtesan was there.'That's because it's more fun when it's in!' added the grinning Paramour. 'Quite!' said the English Courtesan, whooping with glee and doing a little jiggly dance at the sheer fiendish genius of the clue... ;-)Technorati Tags: courtesan, courtesans, English courtesan, escort, escorts, international escort, travel companion, travel companions, travel,

‘How the bl**dy H*ll…’ muttered the English Courtesan crossly ‘does M*ggy know what a bow thruster looks like?’ ‘And while we're on the topic of nautical nous, since when did Mr. Tickles and VJ know their transoms from their toe-rails?’It looks like the English Courtesan's fiendish clue Part I and the English Courtesan's fiendish clue Part II weren’t half as fiendish as she intended. The readers, and in particular the Terrible Threesome of Tickles, Moggy, and VJ, have made mincemeat of her mysteries this week, despite the kind and furry Anonymouse’s attempts to divert them.So here’s how it was meant to go. At the first fiendish clue, the English Courtesan’s readers were meant to leap off down the hotel path and suggest a few suitable landlubber locations. At the secon

It looks like Moggy and Winter are busy doing something else tonight, ahem, so the English Courtesan supposes that she and the readers will have to wait for them to share with the class in the fullness of time. So in the meantime, by way of a post in haste, the English Courtesan thought she’d share a clue about why she’s late for the day job deadline with the readers...The clue comes courtesy of the health and safety police at a rather nice hotel with which the English Courtesan is acquainted. It’s a comical comment on the nanny state and perhaps the state of the dumbed-down-and-prone-to-suing nation. Has English education really become so utterly worthless that hotel guests need to be told not to fall out of the shower?The English Courtesan will forgive this particular hotel as she

By way of a belated Happy Valentine's Day and fashionably late as ever, the English Courtesan thought she'd share a favourite poem with the readers today. The photo is of a rosebud, not unlike the English Courtesan's own...ahem... ;-)The poem, 'The innocence of any flesh sleeping', is from Brian Patten's Love Poems. It's one of the most tender and beautiful poems the English Courtesan has ever read and that's why she wanted to share it with the readers.The English Courtesan hopes that those of the readers who are blessed with a companion they love will whisper a few lines of this poem in their ear as they sleep tonight. She hopes that those of the readers who don't have such a companion will find one some day soon, and discover for themselves the delights of watching a loved one sleep.Slee

'After a few long-winded posts...' said the English Courtesan, 'It's time for a quickie!'. 'Ooh yes!' replied the readers enthusiastically. 'Ra-therrrr Livvy!' Now it has to be said that the English Courtesan isn't famed for her quickies. She's a ponderous creature, languid and leisurely as a general rule, but with lewd and lusty interludes when the occasion arises....However the English Courtesan and the Paramour du Jour can vouch that there's a lot to be said for a quickie from time to time. Especially when, like the English Courtesan this week, you're having a bit too much fun to write all about it...cue another irritatingly mysterious smirk... :-)So the readers' challenge for today, by way of their very own quickie while the English Courtesan is playing away, is as follows.Q: Where has

Further to the previous post on luxury lingerie buying tips for wives, girlfriends and modern day courtesans, the English Courtesan has had some worried enquiries from the readers. From the English Courtesan's mailbag, it would seem that there's more than one gentleman out there whose significant other either doesn’t have a lingerie drawer or has a woefully neglected lingerie drawer...The photo shows a rather cute bit of luxury lingerie from Damaris, from whose website the English Courtesan purloined the photo. So today’s post is by way of guidance on what to do if your lady friend doesn’t buy lingerie but you fancy turning her into a modern day courtesan. If she wears no lingerie at all, ever, then you probably don’t have an issue with seduction. That means you can forget the whol

January is almost out, there's love and perhaps a little lewdness in the air for a few lucky readers, and that can only mean one thing......Oh yes, the English Courtesan's international gentlemen readers are worrying and writing in to their Maiden Auntie Livvy about their lingerie for Valentine's Day!The photo shows a rather delightful set of hipster brief, bra and garter by luxury lingerie purveyor Spoylt, from whose website the English Courtesan purloined the photo. The set depicted is called 'passion' and is meant to serve as inspiration for terrified troubadours and eye candy for luxury lingerie lovers...To be fair to the fearful, it's not their own lingerie that the English Courtesan's readers are worried about. It's what to buy for their wives and girlfriends for Valentine’s Day, h

‘Not got a Valentine yet?’ enquired the English Courtesan tenderly of the readers, with the gentlest and kindest of smiles. ‘Not got the budget to book one either?’. The good news is there’s still time and you shall go to the ball with a suitable escort too!Fear not, my darlings, for the English Courtesan really does think of everything. Today she is proud to present exactly what you need to find a special friend for Valentine’s Day and for the price of less than a drink in a London bar. The English Courtesan herself may be booked up but you can still get some on Valentine's Day if you follow these instructions!Just order a pack of these fabulous little cue cards, go out to a nice bar, and slip it into the hand of a suitable looking suitor of either sex. No, not that, or you’

Today's headline shouldn't come as too much of a shock to those readers who have been paying attention to the English Courtesan. However it's not actually that sort of spreading to which she's referring... :-) 'No, my lovelies, it's here but it's also there!', said the English Courtesan, striking a Le Penseur pose and giving her readers a mysterious smirk... This week's hot news is that the English Courtesan has trotted off with her basket of snacks to Spread Magazine! It seems that Vixen and the readers of Spread are hungry too (must be all the Spreading) so the English Courtesan is on a mission of mercy to spread meaty treats amongst international madams and mistresses across the Pond (see below).Those of the readers who have yet to acquaint themselves with Spread Magazine might like to

No, my lovelies, it's not here today...this week's hot news is that the English Courtesan has moved into The Guest Room at Sex-kitten.net!Oh yes, spread out against the peachy silk curtains of Gracie Passette's inner vestry, you'll find the English Courtesan being interviewed by the delicious and delectable Secondhand Rose. Secondhand Rose is a former escort who became a writer, phone companion and conversationalist. She does indeed have a second hand and she's currently using to...no, too much detail...you'll have to ask her... ;-)Those of the readers who have yet to discover Sex-kitten.net might like to know that it's an international online boudoir 'dedicated to helping women regain their purrs'. It has book reviews ('because slutty girls read too'), erotica ('because even mistresses li

The English Courtesan thought the readers might like a clue as to where she is spending the festive season. Answers on a postcard to the usual... ;-)Technorati Tags: Courtesan, courtesans, escort, escorts, international escort, international courtesan, travel, international travel, travel companionThe English Courtesan...naughty but nice! xxx

"They said I gotta go to rehab, but aaah said, nooooo, nooooo, no!' sang the English Courtesan in a growly voice, doing a little jiggly dance round Amy Whitehouse's big beehive...No, no, no, before the readers write in to chastise her, it's not that the English Courtesan has been snorting things, for she is a clean-living creature, apart from Marlboro Lights and cake. No, it's rather that, in the ultimate failure to wish hookers a happy Christmas, the British Government is pondering criminalising prostitution, with fines and possible prison for clients, and a dose of rehab for prostitutes. Yawns. Should the English Courtesan just go and have a nap at this point or would the readers like to discuss, once again, why criminalising men who visit prostitutes is a really bad idea?It was MP Harriet Harman who kicked off the debate again when she said on BBC Radio 4's Today programme last week that she supports criminalising men who use prostitutes as a means of tackling sex traffi

Today’s post was supposed to be a ceremonial unveiling of the answer to the English Courtesan’s fiendish clue. The readers were meant to be gazing in awe at the photo of the answer and marvelling at the English Courtesan’s evil genius. What d’you mean, the readers already guessed it? ;-)Technorati Tags: Courtesan, courtesans, escort, escorts, travel, cluesThe English Courtesan...naughty but nice! xxx

‘Where is the English Courtesan and why is she so slow in replying to emails?’ asked the readers. ‘Mmmm’ said the English Courtesan with a mouthful of something rather tasty... By way of an apology and a token of esteem, she sends the readers this faintly erotic photographic clue as to the whereabouts and whatabouts of the English Courtesan this week. Answers on a postcard to the usual! :-)Technorati Tags: Courtesan, courtesans, escort, escorts, travel, companion, cluesThe English Courtesan...naughty but nice! xxx

Dragonfly's wings are broken. You can read the story in Dragonfly's own words here. Those of you who haven't met Dragonfly should know that she is the proprietor of The Okiya, where the English Courtesan has gone this evening. She is also a dear friend to the English Courtesan from whom, as the readers may recall, she received a well-deserved Rockin' Girl Blogger Award some months ago... Dragonfly is one of the kindest and gentlest creatures the English Courtesan has been blessed to meet. She is a purveyor of peace, pleasure and poetry to weary travellers and she is always ready to hold out a hand and offer a listening ear to anyone who needs one. She has welcomed the English Courtesan to the Okiya on several occasions, just as she has welcomed countless others who had lost their way on life's path and needed a cup of tea and some kindness.But Dragonfly has lost her own way now and the English Courtesan needs the readers' help to mend her beautiful wings. Please say a prayer for

The English Courtesan is delighted to note that the peculiar searchers of the worldwide web are coming out of the woodwork this week. As the readers know, the English Courtesan has her geeky moments and she confesses to a secret fascination with web statistics and in particular keywords...For those of the readers who are not of a technical bent, keywords are the terms people type into a search engine to find the English Courtesan’s blog. Here’s an example of one that left the English Courtesan particularly baffled. When someone types ‘wife humps dog’ into a search engine, what exactly are they looking for? Is it that they want a wife that humps dogs or is it that they’re pondering divorcing their wife because of her dog-humping antics and could do with a lawyer who specialises in the dog-humping field? Is it that they’d like their wife to hump the dog and they need to find a polite way of broaching the subject with her or are they looking for a psychologist who can help the

The English Courtesan received a text today from one of her most long-standing clients, who she is honoured to call her friend. For the purposes of the blog, Livvy’s beloved client will be called Lancelot. He chose that himself…arise Sir Lancelot! The text read like this:‘I did think of you whilst I was alone on distant shores. I will admit the thoughts were lewd and at the same time simply conversational harmony. You are a unique gem and I am glad we met. In another life I suspect we would have passed as ships.’That is why being the English Courtesan means something to Livvy. Lancelot is right that we might never have met were it not for this. Geography divides us from like minds even on a small island. Work means meeting more of the same kind of people who think the same way. Our social circles are sometimes so small, not through intent but through laziness.There are some 200 miles between Lancelot and the English Courtesan. Lancelot’s job is totally unrelated to the Englis

You have to admit that the English Courtesan carves a pretty good pumpkin for her age. She thought she'd share it with the readers before she totters off in her pointy witch shoes to a suitably select witches and ghouls party with the ghoul du jour. If you click on the photo you'll notice her pumpkin has a special touch, not unlike the English Courtesan herself... ;-)Sing, my lovelies, sing now with Livvy: 'We're off to see [to] the Wizard, the wonderful Wizard of...West...!' Ah no, the English Courtesan is not quite that silly as to reveal her precise location.This one goes out with a big lewd lick and a pair of pumpkin pies to the Beautiful Blue Chevalier, the nubile Nia Dark And Lovely (did I mention her fabulous boobies?) and the Pervaliciously Perfect Ptr Leeds, all of whom have been giving the English Courtesan some serious link loving over the past few weeks...thank you my dears, and a Happy Halloween to one and all!Technorati Tags: Courtesan, courtesans, escort, escorts, p

Is anyone else expecting the frenemies to descend on them around Halloween? Have you ever wanted to scare the life out of an overstaying house guest with something truly wicked? If so, the English Courtesan has a wonderful treat for you and a truly foul trick for them, in the form of something Very Peculiar and Really Quite Vile. Oh, this is such a fabulous thing! Oh yes, it’s Fright Night round at the English Courtesan’s and you’re all invited! Assuming the photo hasn’t spoilt her thunder (you mustn’t look at it until she says so!) the English Courtesan’s Weird And Wondrous Thing Of The Week is…wait for it…are we all sitting comfortably…? Well we’re not sitting comfortably any more, because out poppeth that most vile and vicious of spooks, the Easy Chair Ghoul! Click on the photo to enlarge it and you'll see him (her?) pop out...Oh, the nastiness of it! At this point the English Courtesan should explain she isn’t usually into gruesome Halloween stuff. She loves

OK, OK, so she’s not exactly a good girl in the traditional sense of the word, but the English Courtesan is in GOOD magazine.Question: What does the English Courtesan have in common with maggot therapy, shoemaking, beekeeping, hanging, letterpress printing and ship towing?Answer: She’s a traditional trade!You can read the article and see the fabulous illustrations by Jeffrey Middleton online here at GOOD magazine but in the meantime the English Courtesan naughtily pinched one of the said pictures for the readers’ pleasure. If you’re after a printed copy of GOOD magazine, perhaps to frame but more likely to practise the sin of onanism over, it’s available in the US at Barnes and Nobles, Borders, B. Dalton, and on Follett's newsstands. GOOD magazine’s real home, just so the English Courtesan’s stalkers can pop over and visit the GOOD people instead of looking for Livvy, is in a building called The GOOD House in LA.Those of you who haven’t come across GOOD might like to k

Today’s post is the latest in the English Courtesan’s series on how to be an escort or courtesan. Have any of you gentlemen wondered what's in a lady’s handbag? Well wonder on! The English Courtesan has no intention of divulging the secrets of her sex, but she might just let you have a little peek in her bag of tricks…read on…The photo incidentally shows the gorgeous Passion handbag by Nuria Gambau. Sadly Nuria London is no longer training, so you'll find it hard to come by one of these, but it's just so lovely that the English Courtesan wanted to share it with the readers. It has to be said that it would make a most unsuitable bag of tricks for an escort or courtesan, as it's rather too obvious, but the English Courtesan hopes you'll agree that it would make a wonderful boudoir bag for one's bedside... :-)The English Courtesan gets a lot of emails asking what a courtesan or escort needs to buy to get started and also what a courtesan or escort should take with them whe

The English Courtesan was highly amused by a press cutting which was given to her this week by the charming T.R. The readers might like to know that T.R. is a reformed Londoner, now resident in Yorkshire, who has a taste for fine cheeses and courtesans...The article that T.R. gave the English Courtesan was about an 18th century Venetian courtesan who had recently come home to roost in Yorkshire... The Venetian Courtesan, depicted in the photo which the English Courtesan purloined from the Kiplin Hall website, was painted by an artist from the circle of Bartolommeo Nazzari (1699 – 1758). She has just been restored to her former glory and is now back at Kiplin Hall, near Richmond in North Yorkshire, where she belongs. The reason why this tale tickled the English Courtesan's fancy however was not just the Yorkshire or courtesan connection, but rather a little idle speculation regarding the painting's possible saucy history...The Venetian Courtesan was originally bought by Christopher

Those of the readers who missed the previous instalments of The Wife’s Tale might like to catch up by clicking on the ‘Courtesans and Wives’ link on the right hand menu (under Luscious Labels)...The summary is that the English Courtesan’s lovely client Roger turned out to have a Concealed Wife who couldn’t have children. Roger is a Good Egg but so is his Wife probably and they’re both in something of a pickle, if the readers will excuse the mixed metaphors. It's now a few weeks since the English Courtesan got a call from the Wife and we’ve got as far as Roger calling and the English Courtesan answering…English Courtesan: Of course I’d want to talk to you, Roger!Roger: I hoped you might call…English Courtesan: Oh, Roger, I’m sorry. I just didn’t want to get you into any more bother. Anyway, I imagined she’d confiscated your phone.Roger: You imagined right. I got it back today though.English Courtesan: Oh Roger – I’m sorry. I should have helped you clear yo

The photo shows another glimpse of The Road to Roger's, in a mystery location somewhere in or near Yorkshire. The English Courtesan likes this picture because it reminds her of André Gide's 'La Porte étroite' (1909), often translated as 'Strait is the gate', which is another of her favourite books... 'La Porte étroite' is a novel about love and insanity, piety and loss, structure and the soul. It's a book for anyone who has ever walked away from someone they loved because they believed it was the right thing to do...On with the postscript to The Wife's Tale! Last week the English Courtesan got a call from Roger. Readers who missed the previous chapters of The Wife’s Tale might like to catch up on the story by clicking on the ‘Courtesans and Wives’ tab on the right hand menu. The conversation went like this:Waah oogley-woogley waah ooh! [Livvy’s ringtone]Waah oogley-woogley waah ooh! [The phone skitters across the desk as Livvy peers nervously at it]Waah oogley-woog

It’s tagging season chez the English Courtesan and she was delighted to be tagged by the sleek and sensual Sulpicia in this post here. Today's post is a tag on the most interesting thing the English Courtesan has ever done with a book...read on MacDuffs!For those of you who haven't met Sulpicia, she's a fabulous Canadian confessional writer, with a love of Roland Barthes, 20th century art, clouds and sex, so the English Courtesan very much hopes you'll pop over to meet her.The illustration shows another literary clue, as the previous one here got lost in the shock dénouement of the Wife’s Tale. The English Courtesan once again invites the bibliophile readers to guess the name and publication date of the volume from which the illustration came and the story behind it, which is peculiarly relevant to both the Wife's Tale and of course this tag.This is a tag about ‘something interesting you did with books’ which reminded the English Courtesan of her first romantic interlude

The English Courtesan was delighted to be tagged by the charming blue Chevalier here and almost simultaneously by the positively edible Ptr. Leeds here! They've both been very patient so here at last are the English Courtesan's Seven Things... The picture shows two images which the English Courtesan stole from their blogs and superimposed on top of each other in a deliciously lewd 'Ptr. Leeds gets it on with The Chevalier' fashion. Those of the readers who have yet to discover Ptr. Leeds and the Chevalier must do so at once as the English Courtesan will be setting an examination on the topic of both blogs later this month. Or she might let some of you off with an internal examination – price on application… ;-)This tag is about telling the readers seven random things about the English Courtesan. There are lots of random things about the English Courtesan, but here are a few hand-picked eccentricities to tickle the readers’ fancies:1) The English Courtesan does not like loud b

The picture shows The Throne Canopy where all is not as it seems. The English Courtesan invites the bibliophile readers to guess the name and publication date of the volume from which it came and the story behind it, which is peculiarly relevant to the Wife's Tale. In the meantime, readers who missed the earlier chapters might like to catch up with the English Courtesan's story here, here, here and here.Writing about someone else’s misery feels wrong but the English Courtesan somehow feels that The Wife’s Tale is worth telling. As the readers know, the English Courtesan loves Victorian novels, and they always have a moral. The moral of this tale is perhaps that The Wife is not necessarily the sworn enemy of the courtesan or escort. The English Courtesan herself had maybe slipped into that way of thinking since becoming an escort, as so much of what we do involves covering for married clients. Yet this episode made her reconsider…Roger’s wife told the English Courtesan that sh

Readers who missed the earlier chapters of The Wife's Tale might like to catch up with the English Courtesan's story here, here and here. The illustration comes from ‘The Book of Fortune Telling’, which is another of the English Courtesan's favourite random reads and was published by Morrison and Gibb in 1935. This picture comes from the section about the mouth as an indication of character traits. The English Courtesan sincerely hopes that the readers will find it useful in their daily lives.The English Courtesan has Cupid's bow lips. So does Roger and no doubt Roger's Wife has them too. Here's what the The Book has to say about those:'The Cupid's bow mouth...points to an ideal character. The temper will be good and uniform, the nature optimistic, and the character high; there will be sympathy, sincerity and kindness, logic, penetration, and critical deduction; so that the possessor will not only have a reliable character himself, but he will be an excellent judge of the t

Those of you who haven’t been following The Wife’s Tale might like to catch up on the posts here and here. The photo, which is once again taken by the English Courtesan’s own fair hand, shows the Road to Roger’s, which bears a marked ressemblance to the long and winding road to the English Courtesan's dénouement…The English Courtesan rang Roger back as soon as she heard the message. She didn’t call him to tell him off. She called him because she was sorry he was in the doghouse and because she wanted to squeeze his hand telephonically. She also wanted to say that she'd cover for him in any way she could.The English Courtesan was and still is very fond of Roger, despite the part of the story that is to follow. He was one of her first Yorkshire clients and had found her via an advertisement. He was gentle and courteous and kind. There was something fragile about Roger too. He struck the English Courtesan as a man who had been totally starved of affection. Roger liked the E

The time has come, the Walrus said…for the English Courtesan’s mini-awards ceremony!Those of you who read the blog on Wednesday will know that the English Courtesan was thrilled to be awarded a Rockin’ Girl Blogger Award by the fabulous flame-haired beauty Catherine in this post here. For those of you who haven’t met Catherine, she’s the distinguished authoress of A Week In The Life Of A Redhead and she’s hilarious, so do pop over for a slice of her best burnt toast.The bad news for those who are keen to hasten the end of The Wife's Tale is that the English Courtesan also received three more tags this week! She loves tags and she particularly loves tags like these, as they came from such fabulous sources. The first is from the appropriately blue 'pay for play' Chevalier, the second from the deliciously pervy Ptr Leeds In Wonderland and the third from the spiritually soothing and saucy Pammm at My Sacred Spiritual Dance.The answers will follow shortly but in the meantime

The English Courtesan is thrilled to have been the lucky recipient of a Rockin’ Girl Blogger Award this week, bestowed upon her by Catherine, AKA the gorgeous goddess who writes A Week In The Life Of A Redhead! So do watch this space – the English Courtesan’s own mini-awards ceremony will follow shortly but in the meantime she hopes the readers will pop over to visit her new flame-haired friend... In the meantime, back to the tale of The Courtesan and The Wife! The next day, the English Courtesan received a call from a landline number she didn’t recognise. The English Courtesan’s number is a closely guarded secret and she always recognises her clients’ numbers. This wasn’t one of them…Waah oogley-woogley waah ooh! [Livvy’s ringtone, which once again loses something in the retelling]English Courtesan: Not here, not here, not here… [mutters to self, peering nervously at phone skittering across desk]Waah oogley-woogley waah ooh!English Courtesan: Don’t have to answer

Oh no, my lovelies, it’s not here today, it’s here…this week’s scandalous news is that the English Courtesan is at the Okiya where she has been arranging Dragonfly's teacups! 'Teacups' is of course a euphemism as is 'dunking one's biscuit' . Never let it be said that the English Courtesan doesn’t teach her readers new things… ;-)The English Courtesan...naughty but nice! xxx

The painting is The Arnolfini Portrait by Jan Van Eyck which is in the National Gallery in London. It was painted in 1434 but its themes are peculiarly relevant to today's post...read on if you dare...It had to happen. This morning the English Courtesan had her first call from an angry wife. It went like this:Waah oogley-woogley waah ooh! [Livvy’s ringtone, which loses something in the retelling]English Courtesan: Hello Roger! What are you doing up at this time of night, you naughty boy? [Time: 3am]Wife: It’s not Roger. It’s his wife, you f*cking b*tch.English Courtesan: [sound of gulped air]Wife: Who are you, his girlfriend?English Courtesan: [sound of gulped air]Wife: She hung up! The b*tch! The f*cking b*tch! She hung up on me!English Courtesan: [sound of gulped air]At which point the f*cking b*tch, AKA Livvy, AKA the English Courtesan, did indeed hang up on The Wife.To be continued…Technorati Tags: Courtesans, courtesan, escorts, escort, wife, wivesThe English Courtesan...

Further to the English Courtesan's post on niqabs and crosses in the workplace, it seems the issue of what not to wear in schools or at work is rearing its head again, this time with a sexuality angle...A teenage girl whose school banned her from wearing a Christian 'purity ring' is taking her case to the High Court in London. Lydia Playfoot (stop sniggering at the back there - the English Courtesan can see you), a 16 year old who attends the all-girls Millais School in Horsham, West Sussex, says the non-denominational school 'does not afford equal rights to Christians'. She points to the fact that although jewellery is forbidden in the School rules, Muslims are permitted to wear hijabs (headscarves) and Sikhs are allowed to wear kara (bangles). Christians however are not allowed to wear crucifixes or rings. The photo is courtesy of The Telegraph and shows Lydia and her ring.For those of the English Courtesan's readers who haven't encountered the concept of the 'purity ring',

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Brace yourselves, my lovelies - it's a long one today, but the English Courtesan hopes that the readers like long ones as much as she does...ahem...as it were... ;-) Further to the post on international rates for courtesans and escorts, the English Courtesan has been flooded with emails about the best way of taking card payments and deposits. The tenuous link with the photo, which was once again taken by the English Courtesan's own fair hand, is that money doesn't grow on trees and that as a courtesan or escort you need a way of taking payment. That really is a quite incredibly tenuous link though so perhaps the English Courtesan should just confess that there really isn't a link and she just thought the readers might like to see some nice trees in fog in Yorkshire.Please note before you read on that the English Courtesan is totally unqualified to offer financial advice of any kind to escorts, courtesans, or indeed anyone else. This is only based on her own experience of payment me

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The English Courtesan is delighted to be featured in the latest Sugasm! 'What is Sugasm?' asked the innocent readers, looking shocked. 'It's the devilish digest!' replied the English Courtesan with a lascivious look towards the deliciously democratic and supremely saucy Radical Vixen. In case you wondered, the photo isn't the English Courtesan but rather Sara X courtesy of Viviane’s Sex Carnival. So the English Courtesan's series on 'How to be an escort' is hereby temporarily interrupted by Sugasm #80! For those of you who haven't come across Sugasm, it's a roundup of the week's sex blogs and it's full of the most fabulous filth. The English Courtesan had been pondering submitting herself for a while but was a little nervous of Radical Vixen whose merest mention makes young Olivia come over all submissive. Luckily Radical Vixen turns out to be rather delightful and the rest is, well, it's all in Sugasm #80...prepare yourselves for a little delicious debauchery...Sugasm:

The English Courtesan is having a busy week but while she catches up, she thought she’d share one of her favourite poems with the readers. The photo, once again taken by the English Courtesan’s own fair hand somewhere in Yorkshire, shows one of her favourite journeys and is peculiarly relevant to today’s subject matter…read on...Ithaka, by Constantine P. Cavafy, was written in 1911. Whilst this has always been one of the English Courtesan’s favourite poems, even before she became an escort, it is also a reflection on how she feels about her new life.Before you start on the poem, you might like to know that Ithaca (an alternative spelling of Ithaka) is a real island in the Ionian Sea off Greece. It features in Homer’s Illiad and Odyssey as the home of Odysseus (although whether Homer’s Ithaca is the same as the real one is open to interpretation). Yet its significance both in Homer and on a personal level for the English Courtesan transcends geographical debates and refers

Following on from the earlier post on Oxford For The Weekend, the English Courtesan has a scandalously naughty proposal to put to the readers this week...She has just been invited to a University of Oxford Alumni Weekend which promises a range of intellectual and sensual delights amongst the dreaming spires…read on…First things first, and the dates for your diary are the 14th to 16th September. Booking for the University of Oxford Alumni Weekend closes on 31st July and there is only one English Courtesan, so if you would like to book her and the weekend you may need to move fast. It probably goes without saying that the Alumni Weekend is strictly only for former students of Oxford University and/or their guests and you need an Alumni Card to register your place and gain entry into University of Oxford buildings. Luckily the English Courtesan has one of those and what’s more she worked extremely hard for it so she now intends to put it to scandalously good use! ;-)Onto the schedul

The English Courtesan was delighted to be tagged for another meme by the Nubile and Naughty Nina, also known as the Lazy Geisha, in this post here, and is squeaking in just minutes before her midnight deadline! Nina stretched out her lacy-gloved finger, pointed at young Livvy and whispered ‘it’s yooooou...’ like an adults-only form of that National Lottery advert that UK readers may recall...This meme is about revealing 5 things that you haven’t yet disclosed in your blog. Nina’s threat/promise that she’d give the English Courtesan a sound whipping if she didn’t play was tempting indeed, but the English Courtesan likes memes, so she decided she’d do her homework and ask if she could still have the detention anyway… :-)So here are 5 things that you probably didn’t know about the English Courtesan…read on, my nosy readers!1) Despite her love of pointy witch shoes with ankle straps, The English Courtesan loves running around barefoot in summer. This means that althou

The photo shows a mystery picture taken in Yorkshire by the English Courtesan's own fair hand - answers on a postcard to the usual! In the meantime, the English Courtesan has taken a rather momentous decision this week and has decided to change her rates. A kamikaze act or a carefully considered strategic move? Read on hedge fund hotties, mid cap masturbators, bawdy bulge-bracket baddies and kinky Keynesians!6 months as a courtesan, escort, call girl, or whatever you’d like to call her, has left the English Courtesan a changed creature. Much of her learning has been immensely enjoyable, but some of it less so. The reasons for the rate change are largely positive however, in that they relate as much to offering new opportunities to existing clients as they do to attracting new clients...Whilst the English Courtesan originally toyed with the idea of a penetration pricing strategy, just on the grounds that she’s a penetration enthusiast, she eventually settled for premium pricing, wi

The picture is Solitude, which was painted by Alexei von Jawlensky in 1912. It is one of the English Courtesan's own particular favourites and she's sharing it with you as a form of bribery for you to reveal your secrets...read on...The English Courtesan’s notoriety appears to be spreading like wildfire! Last week she received three interesting requests for her participation in non-coital activities…The first was from a documentary maker who wanted the English Courtesan for an ‘I was a mistress but look what I turned into!’ type feature. That wasn’t how they described it, but reading between the lines and having some knowledge of the TV channel in question, I can quite imagine the salacious lines they would pursue. My feelings towards the Bunny of The Tale may be mixed at times but I would never stoop to an expose and I felt that was what they ultimately sought. So amusing though the concept was to the English Courtesan, in an ‘Oxford high-flyer turns scarlet harlot!’ s

As the English Courtesan's posts are getting longer, I will make them once every few days from now on, if my readers will allow it. It is not that my enthusiasm for blogging is waning but on the contrary it is about maintaining quality. As I child I was taught not to speak unless I had something worthwhile to say, and I still adhere to that view. The plethora of choice in modern communications, from text to mobile to email to blogs, seems to have made verbal diarrhoea the malaise of choice for our age.To the English Courtesan, there is something charming about an old fashioned letter by snail mail, simply because it is a rarer and arguably more thoughtful and carefully-crafted form of writing. My aim is to make my blog the online equivalent and in this small way to mirror the gulf between prostitute and courtesan. Rationing supply is an essential part of maintaining value – for those of you who are fellow antique buffs, you need only look at what the influx of brown furniture from E

Today’s photo, taken by the English Courtesan's own fair hand by way of thanks to her readers, is a small but perfectly formed rosebud. Not unlike her own indeed! For anyone who missed the previous post, I was pondering the practicalities of becoming a courtesan or escort. I was sidetracked by beribboned lingerie but today I’m back to bending over the professional development grindstone…So onto the operational and commercial aspects of becoming a courtesan, with renewed vigour! Whilst it is a courtesan that Olivia wishes to become, these notes might well be relevant to escorts too, hence the label. Thanks to my dalliance with becoming a ‘social and professional’ escort, I already have the requisite separate mobile phone, which is of course a prepay one and unlisted in case of stalking. All celebrities attract stalkers and unfortunately Livvy is no exception, even before starting out on her path to becoming a courtesan.I am considering a website of my own with a few select ph

The topic for discussion today is ‘how does one prepare to become a courtesan or escort?’. Prepare yourselves for a thoroughly low-brow post today as it’s too hot to write anything sensible. At least regarding courtesans, I’m actually an exponent of the ‘you’ve either got it or you haven’t’ theory, so I suspect these are all rather irrelevant, but they do serve an amusement purpose until my first encounter. Please don’t try these at home (probably best not to try them at work either, come to think of it) as I am of course a novice courtesan-to-be rather than an accredited courtesan training provider. In fact I carry a government health warning blazoned across my pert little bosom but you’ll only get to inspect that if you pass my selection process (more on that below)…From what I’ve read to date, the essential skills of how to be a courtesan or escort can be broken down into the following 5 areas:1) Fundamental things – kindness, charm, intellect, beauty, refi