Caption Contest

The winner will receive, well, I dunno, prolly several dozen LOLz from amused readers of this blog. Here's the photo:I would certainly accept Biblical chapter and verse references as captions, but Matthew 4:18-20 and John 21:4-6 are already taken. However, feel free to (mis)quote from those passages, or any others, at will.Ready...steady...go! :-DHT: My day job pal Ed, who supplied the Buddy Christ, the little plastic fish, the gorgeous beach photo from his native Cape Cod, the camera that took this shot - heck, everything but the blog. I am merely a conduit for Ed's genius.

by Teresa Jusino What better way to get in good with artists than to plaster their work all over the place? For that matter, what better way to get in good with Pink Raygun's readers than to offer them a bag full of FREE, USELESS, COMIC-RELATED CRAP?!

You have to feel a little bad for Ang Lee. He's a respected director who did his best to make a decent superhero movie. Sadly, no one told him that when you're making a movie called The Hulk, you shouldn't make the audience wait 40 minutes before they see the Hulk. Mrs. Diesel and I made the mistake of seeing The Hulk at a matinee; by the time the Hulk started doing interesting stuff like bounding through the desert and biting the heads off missiles and spitting them at helicopters, the theater had been overrun by middle-schoolers who were bored out of their minds after the seventeenth lingering shot of moss on a rock.So now they're pulling a Batman Begins and making another Hulk movie, pretending that the last one never happened. How do you think that makes Ang Lee feel? (And don't s

Before you tell me, I’m already aware the photoshop nature of the photo. But I think it is quite appropriate for a caption contest. I know it hasn’t been that long since our last one, but finals have got me down and it always cheers me up to see the hilarious stuff you [...]

I'm not sure about this one. Caption contest? I really just want to know what's in that pitcher. Must be damn good.... From popcard.fr, found at frogsmoke.com Wild drinking on Whidbey Island.

Ok, I think I've gotten a handle on my recent technical difficulties. Apparently the Humor-Blogs.com site and this one were both hacked. The hacker put a bit of code in a hidden frame on the site that would make a call to another website, prompting you to download some sort of executable file, which was probably a virus.I have removed the malicious code on both sites and alerted my hosting company who, 5+ hours after my initial email this morning, still have not responded. Good show, guys!I will be posting a more detailed message on Humor-Blogs.com later today.So, with that out of the way, we can get on to the caption contest for this week. Since I've already done Iron Man and Batman Begins, I was a little short on material this week. Once again, I had to go back to one of the classic

Last week, I posted a caption contest and promised to announce the winners today at high noon (CST). If you missed it, you may read about it by clicking here. The entries that were posted to caption this photo are as follows: Daddypapersurfer, on April 11th, 2008 at 2:03 pm Said: “Sorry Olga - friction too much for [...]

~Snooper~The picture below is a photoshop job and can be located here at Melanie Morgan's web site. To enter a caption, please visit her site and you will find the details and instructions. Have fun.You may leave comments here for this post if you wish but they may or may not be forwarded. It will be best to visit Melanie's place.Thanks.

Finding little inspiration in the current crop of movies and TV shows, I have once again gone back to the classics for the caption contest.You know the rules. Submit your captions in the comments. Mrs. Diesel and I will pick our favorites, and I'll post the top ten in a poll on Tuesday. Since I still have a few copies of my book lying around, I will give a free copy of Antisocial Commentary: From the Secret Files of the Mattress Police to the winner.Have fun!Listed on humor-blogs.com.

Here's a nifty gallery with 110 years of Easter greeting cards. It's time for another caption contest, using the card from 1968. What's the chicken in the background saying? Found at Ursi's Blog. Easter on Whidbey Island.

I finally settled on The Other Boleyn Girl for this week's caption contest. Sorry for taking so long; my car continues to make my life interesting.I haven't seen the movie, but I thought this made a pretty good picture.A little twist this week, to keep things interesting: I'm going to give the winner a copy of my book, Antisocial Commentary: From the Secret Files of the Mattress Police. If the person who wins already has a copy, I'll come up with something else. Maybe a plastic bag of dryer lint.Submit your captions in the comments. Mrs. Diesel and I will pick our favorites and I'll post the top ten in a poll on Tuesday. Have fun, and good luck!Listed on humor-blogs.com.

Filed under: Handhelds Sure, it might not be as filling as the Skoda cakemobile, or as family oriented as Martha Stewart’s Wii cake, but do those contain the thrilling tale of The Light Beam Rider? Yeah, we thought not. Paul: “Unfortunately the screen refresh times of ‘30-35 minutes at 350 degrees’ is just plain unacceptable.”Chris: “Moments later, [...]

Filed under: Handhelds Sure, it might not be as filling as the Skoda cakemobile, or as family oriented as Martha Stewart’s Wii cake, but do those contain the thrilling tale of The Light Beam Rider? Yeah, we thought not. Paul: “Unfortunately the screen refresh times of ‘30-35 minutes at 350 degrees’ is just plain unacceptable.”Chris: “Moments later, [...]

Filed under: Handhelds Sure, it might not be as filling as the Skoda cakemobile, or as family oriented as Martha Stewart’s Wii cake, but do those contain the thrilling tale of The Light Beam Rider? Yeah, we thought not. Paul: “Unfortunately the screen refresh times of ‘30-35 minutes at 350 degrees’ is just plain unacceptable.”Chris: “Moments later, [...]

In a truly historic turn of events, Brad won the contest two times in a row, for a total of three wins! I even had to make a special banner for him:In second place was newcomer Jenny, Bloggess, with:The vasectomy was difficult but a success. There would be no more toaster-related paternity suits in Iron Man's future.And Barry took third with:"Hey c'mon Diesel! You said it was just going to be a bit of spanking and back to the script! Hey! Can you hear me? Look I'm using the safety word! Spaghetti!! Spaghetti!!"I also have to give a special nod to three contestants for Most Obscure Mattress Police Reference. If you get all three of these references, you definitely need to get out more:carolinebender:"Frankly, building lawn mowers sounds like a pain in the ass, so how about if I spend an e

In case you're new around here, that's me fiddling around with Iron Man's torso. Submit your captions in the comments. I'll post the best ones in a poll on Tuesday.Have fun and have a super weekend.Listed on humor-blogs.com.

Yes, it's that time of year again, I guess. I can't stand the Academy Awards. What a load of pretentious crap. But hey, that's no reason for me not to capitalize on the popularity of the Oscars for my own purposes.In case you're new here, that's me rubbing shoulders with Frank Coppola, Marty Scorsese and a couple other blokes. Submit your captions in the comments. I'll post the top 10 on Tuesday. And I'll be back on Monday with a brand new post -- not to mention the second brilliant issue of the Clay Pigeon. Have a pleasant weekend.Listed on humor-blogs.com.

This week's winning caption came from Theresa. Theresa, you may proudly display the image with the winning caption and/or the coveted In Your Face award:Theresa narrowly beat out renalfailure, who offered up:The years were not kind to Short Round. Not only was his hairline receding, he completely ceased being Asian as well.And in third was LOBO, with:... Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet ... ?Thanks for playing, everybody. Have a great weekend, and be sure to come back Monday for an earth-shattering announcement. Literally, the earth will shatter.Humor-blogs.com will never cease being Asian.

This week's winning caption came from y not i. Y not i, if you had a blog, you could display the coveted In Your Face award:In second place was Bex Mitchell, with:Rambo - "...and I will love him, and hug him, andcall him George..." (Diesel sighs with contentment.)And in third, AnnieB with:J*sus! This is like trying to open a f**king jar of pickles!Congratulations, folks. There were some really good entries this week. Personally, I had to go with Stushie's "Hey, look Apollo! I caught the chicken!" I mean, come on, that's funny.Thanks for playing and/or voting, everybody. And thanks for your kind comments on my Monkeyhands post. You have no idea how glad I am to be out of that place. As one commenter noted, Monkeyhands was never going to change, so there was no point in giving him th

How excited am I about The Dark Knight, the sequel to Batman Begins, coming to a theater near me this July? Well, considering that Batman Begins is the Greatest Movie of All Time, pretty excited. For about three hours after seeing Batman Begins, the only words I was capable of speaking were, "That was AWESOME." More importantly, it made me completely forget about Tim Burton's Beetleman, and nearly erased my memory of George Clooney's bionic nipples.So I'm jumping the gun a bit with this one, but hey, did you really want to see me insert myself into the Alvin and the Chipmunks movie? Nobody even wants to see Jason Lee in that movie.You know the rules. Submit your caption(s) in the comments. Mrs. Diesel and I will pick our favorites and I'll post them in a poll on Tuesday. Have fun!Oh, and in case you somehow missed my shameless hawking in every post over the past two weeks, today is the LAST DAY to get my book, Antisocial Commentary, for $9.95 with free shipping. Tomorrow it

This week's winning caption came from the beautiful and witty Kadi Prescott, whose blog, Seven Seeds, you should visit right now. I have a feeling that Kadi is going to be very popular in the near future, so you should make a point to get over there and become her friend while she will still have you.Kadi, you may display the prestigious In Your Face award:I have to admit that I was silently rooting for Jay's entry, because it ties in so well with the newfound purpose of this blog:"We're very disappointed with your refusal to play Huey Lewis on this station."And finally, the woman who may soon be known as Third Place Theresa (the 'h' is silent), with another clever pop culture reference:The Cat in the Hat was really sorry he'd let Thing One and Thing Two out of the box. I also have to give a special shout-out to Crazy Aunt Bea, whose caption, though doomed to go down to defeat, holds a special place in my heart. You'll have to ask her what a "diesel fitter" is exactly, but

So I decided to go with a Pulp Fiction theme this week. At first I thought I'd use a pic of Samuel L. Jackson interrogating that kid, but I didn't have a picture of myself that really worked with it. I did, however, have a nice profile of Climber that worked fairly well. Look at how cute he is.Stop yelling at Climber, you chia-pet gangster!Anyway, I didn't want to subject Climber to your captions, so I did another one with me. You know the drill. Submit your captions in the comments. Mrs. Diesel and I will pick our favorites and I'll post a poll on Tuesday.And remember, you're captioning the second picture with the ugly guy, not the first one with the adorable blond kid.Oh, and in case you missed my pathetic and semi-delirious book-hawking yesterday, here's a recap: Until December 14 you can order my book, Antisocial Commentary, for $9.95 with free shipping. I'll even sign it if you want. After that, the price goes back up to $11.95 + $3 shipping. Go here to order it.

This week's winning caption came from Brad, who decisively spanked all competition. Brad, you may proudly display the In Your Face award.Sparrow came in 2nd, with:Nick recoiled as he caught a faint whiff of ape coming from Diesel's direction.And once again, Theresa placed with her entry:Diesel: You just gave her the pencil? Wrong move, man, wrong move.I think this is the first time that two of the three top-rated captions were callbacks to previous posts. Nicely done, folks. Way to confuse the new readers.Have a great weekend, and stay out of the malls. I'll see you back here on Monday.Until then, remember to always ask yourself WWHD?Humor-blogs.com just gave her the pencil.

Lately I feel like I should have the phrase "Sorry, I've been really busy" automatically prepended to the body of all my emails. I forgot how time-consuming this whole employment thing is. How the heck do you people get anything important done when you're working all day?Anyway, sorry about not replying to comments and not making my blog visiting rounds. I'm hoping things will normalize a bit in the next week or so.In any case, at least I haven't been too busy to do the really important things, like photoshop myself into a scene with Nicholas Cage in National Treasure. You know the drill. Submit your captions in the comments. Mrs. Diesel and I will pick our favorites and I'll post a poll with the top ten on Tuesday.Have fun!Listed on humor-blogs.com.

Since every picture tells a story, I’m curious about what the story is behind this. Seen at 8th and Oakey since Thursday and still there this morning. We’re giving away a $10. Gift Certificate to Rejavenate for the best story or caption for this “vacuum cleaner” on the roof scenario. send an email, or post your best story in the comments.   Hat tip to Pam for bringing it to my attention. I’ve offered to loan them a ladder, but I was turned down.   Share This

This week's winner was McCafferty Himself, with a caption that may or may not have been an intentional reference to the motto of the Jupiter Tourism Bureau, as displayed here by best-selling author* and caption contest loser Joel Bezaire:If you want to be as big a loser as Joel, get your t-shirt here!Ok, where was I? Oh yeah, caption contest. Congrats, Mr. Himself! You may display the coveted In Your Face Award.Brad came in second with:"You had me at hello...then you flung feces.."And one-woman commenting machine Theresa brought up the rear with a clever riff on The Princess Bride:Since the invention of the kiss, there have only been five kisses that were rated the most passionate, the most pure. This one was not one of them.Thanks for playing and/or voting. Hopefully next week's picture won't be nearly as disturbing. And I promise not to post any more pics of ear-rats -- although in my defense I didn't make that picture. They really did grow a human ear on a mouse. (I thoug

Have you ever had the experience where you can see yourself doing something, and you know you're going to regret it later, but you just can't make yourself stop? Like maybe when you're inserting yourself into the scene in Planet of the Apes where Charleton Heston is kissing Zira the chimp-woman and then posting it to the interwebs for the whole world to see?Sigh. I'm just glad I have my eyes closed. Here goes nothing....You know the drill. Post your caption in the comments. Mrs. Diesel and I will pick our faves and I'll post them on Tuesday. Have fun. And have a swell weekend!Listed on humor-blogs.com.

Well folks, he did it again. Mr. Pink T-shirt, proprietor of Crummy Church Signs and author of the runaway bestseller Crummy Church Signs Volume 1, won the caption contest. And with the shortest caption ever, I might add.Joel, you get to display the coveted In Your Face award. Again.By the way, has anyone else noticed how much my face looks like those funny novelty glasses people wear?It's just me, right? Ok, good.Second place goes to crotch-obsessed Jocelyn with a typically bizarre, Jocelyn-esque entry:That evening's game of "Guess Who's Sucking on Sammy's Glass Eye?" ended abruptly when Diesel-- daydreaming about the olive in his "martooni"--absentmindedly swallowed.And coming in third is perennial bridesmaid and one-woman caption machine Theresa:Diesel: Oh my god, I'm back in the early 60's! What if I run into my parents and I'm never born?So it's a sweep by my Adjutant Inspectors this week. Very nice.Congratulations to the winners, and thanks to everybody for playing

Ok folks, now that you've all bought Joel's book, here are the top ten captions. Vote for your favorite below. I'll post the results on Friday. And since I did a shout-out yesterday, I guess I'll have to do an actual post tomorrow. Sigh.Joel B.: Ol' Four Eyes. al: Diesel was ejected from the rat pack after suggesting that, instead of "groovy cats," they should refer to themselves as "valleculated felines."Theresa: Diesel: Oh my god, I'm back in the early 60's! What if I run into my parents and I'm never born? Brad: Who's the guy next to me with the terrible lighting? Jocelyn: That evening's game of "Guess Who's Sucking on Sammy's Glass Eye?" ended abruptly when Diesel-- daydreaming about the olive in his "martooni"--absentmindedly swallowed. Mark Jabo: The Pack agreed that, despite strides made by Sammy, it would be another 50 years before the entertainment world was ready to hear Diesel rap. I Dive At Night: Dean: Joey looks bad. I bet he's dead before a

If you're like me, you remember exactly where you were when Joey Bishop died. Otherwise you have a really bad memory, because, dude, it happened like five minutes ago. Maybe you should have that looked at.Actually, I'm writing this at 7:55pm Thursday night, but I'm reading a story on The New York Times website about his death that is inexplicably dated 10/19. So I says to my wife, I says, "Hey, did you hear that Joey Bishop is going to die tomorrow?"And she's like, "No way! Who's Joey Bishop?""You know, the last surviving member of the Rat Pack. Should we try to warn him?""Let me check the handbook."So she hauls out the Handbook for Celebrity-Related Space-Time Continuum Manipulation."How old is he?""89.""Hmmmm. Doesn't look good. Was he ever in a movie with Judy Garland?""I doubt it.""Nope. Can't warn him.""Screw the Handbook!" I said, grabbing the phone book. "Why would the Lords of Time and Space have given us this chance if they didn't want us to save him?" I look

Hi everybody! Sorry I haven't been around much lately; it's been a crazy week. At times like these I'm glad to have a faithful minion like Grundir to fill in for me. He handily eliminated several memes and made a good showing of doing an almost civil shout-out yesterday. He probably should have mentioned Theresa's review of Antisocial Commentary as well, but don't be too hard on him; it was his first time. And don't take his threats about "tasting his steel" too seriously, by the way. I think he's mostly just trying out a catch phrase. If you're over 4' 2", he is unlikely to slay you.Anyway, on to the caption contest! It's hard to believe I haven't done this one yet, but this is actually the first time I've inserted myself into Heroes. You know the rules: Post your caption in the comments. Mrs. Diesel and I will pick our favorites and I'll post the top ten in a poll on Tuesday. Oh, and be sure to come back on Monday for a special "behind-the-scenes" look at the

This week's winning caption came from the always clever Lonie Polony.In second place was this entry from y not i:So which one of you is Lionel Richie's kid again? 'Cause, man, I love that guy!And rounding out the pack was perennial favorite Joel B. with:This would be the last time that three of K-Fed's former conquests would be seen together...People occasionally ask me what the prize is in this contest. Apparently the admiration of one's peers isn't enough these days. So I've made up a little banner award that you can display if you win. Lonie Polony (and all past winners), you may proudly display the "In your face" award on your site.Pretty awesome, huh? I know, you were just thinking that the only thing your site was missing was a picture of my face. Oh, and you may also post the photo with your winning caption if you want.Thanks for playing and/or voting, everybody! Have a swell weekend, and meet me back here on Monday for something or other.Humor-blogs.com always pick

Thanks to this blog, I'm now considered something of a celebrity in some circles. Generally they are very small circles, drawn with chalk. Still, occasionally I get the opportunity to hobnob with the beautiful people. Witness the photo below.Submit your caption in the comments. Mrs. Diesel will pick her favorites and I'll post a poll on Tuesday.And remember, if you would like Grundir the Implacable to guest post at your blog, email him at Grundir@mattresspolice.com. He can handle any meme you throw at him, as well as most hobbits.Have a great weekend. See you Monday!Listed on humor-blogs.com.

I'm not finding much inspiration in the current crop of movies or TV shows, so I'm going back to an old favorite again.You know the rules: submit your caption in the comments. Mrs. Diesel will pick her favorites and I'll post a poll on Tuesday. Have fun!Oh, and I'm the one on the left.Listed on humor-blogs.com.

Man, there was some tough competition this week. The final result was a tie between Humor-Blogs.com member Chris C., and David McMahon, bestselling author and inmate of the world's largest prison.Third place goes The Frogster:"Didn't you read the sign on The Death Star? NO SOLICITORS! Take your droid and your book and get out of here!"Also, a special honorable mention for Joel B., for making an obscure reference to a previous post:"Tell us the location of Kenny Skywalker NOW!"What can I say? Mrs. Diesel thought it was funny.Have a nice weekend, kids. If you live in the southwest, don't go outside unless you want to catch on fire.Tip your waitresses and buy my book. See you Monday.

The Contest and Poll Well, even a blind squirrel gets a nut. I finally made the finals of one of Mattress Police's Caption Contests. These things are not really my strong suit at all. I could write a 300-word parody using a picture but as far as one-liners, there is my weak spot. If a terrorist held me hostage and demanded I do funny captions or be killed, I'd just take the gun and do it myself. I've seen how some of these guys operate and frankly, I trust myself to get the job done right more then them. Anyways, I call upon you, my minions of Nothingness to go forth and vote for me. Or not. I leave the choice up to you, all I can do is ask. If you do, please don't play games and rig the voting. If I win I want to do so fairly. Thanks for your support my faithful army of followers.

Usually I pick a current movie to insert myself into, but pretty much all the movies out right now suck. So I'm going back to an old classic... sort of.This isn't actually a scene from Star Wars, but I found this photo online and thought it was too good to waste. So what are you waiting for? Gimme a caption already. You know the rules: Submit your caption in the comments by Monday night. Mrs. Diesel will pick her favorites and I'll post them in a poll on Tuesday.Have fun, and may be the force be with you.Listed on humor-blogs.com.

I've been seeing these Simpsonized pictures of bloggers everywhere, which gave me the idea for this week's caption contest. I Simpsonized myself, made a few Dieselifications, and then inserted myself into a scene with Homer. Neat, huh?You know the drill: Post your caption in the comments by Monday night. Mrs. Diesel will pick her 10 favorites (if she's not "busy" like last time), and I'll post them in a poll for your voting pleasure on Tuesday.And remember, today is the last day to pre-order your signed copy of my book, Antisocial Commentary at a big discount. Today it's $9.95 with FREE shipping. Tomorrow it's $11.95 + shipping. Do the math. Order it now!UPDATE 8/11: I'm going to be gone all day today, so it looks like I won't be ordering the pre-ordered books until Monday. That means you have one more chance to get your orders in. Order it by Sunday night and I can still get you a discounted, signed copy. JUST DO IT. Keep the captions coming. I'll be back with a f

First things first: If you're here looking for information on my book, scroll down to the Antisocial Commentary Release Party post. Or, if the sight of my surly face is enough to convince you to buy it, just go directly to the order page. Note: to order the book, you will need to know the name of at least one of the Marx brothers. This prevents spam-bots from filling out the form, unless they have an above average knowledge of classic comedy. In case you don't know the names of any of the Marx brothers (I know, I can't believe it either), just put in "Groucho." And yes, for you fellow smartasses, "Karl" will also work.On to the caption contest! If you're new here, here's how this works: I insert myself into a scene from a movie or TV show, because I'm a raving narcissist. You supply a caption in the comments. Normally the deadline is Monday night, but I'm going to give you until Tuesday at noon this week, since I'm a little late posting this. Mrs. Diesel will pick he

That's me with what's-his-name, for those of you who aren't familiar with the concept. Submit your caption in the comments by Monday night. Mrs. Diesel will pick her favorites and I'll post them in a poll on Tuesday for you to vote on. Winner receives an autographed digital copy of the picture and a fleeting sense that you may have found your purpose in life.Have fun, and good luck to each and every one of you!Listed on humor-blogs.com.

Congratulations to wyo from Temporary Digression of the Spotted Kind for taking home the coveted autographed digital photo this week.Second place:"Thinker: Foolish flesh-man! No mortal can best me in a game of 'Statues'!Diesel: F*** you and the plinth you Rodin on!" - Lonie Polony fromThe Blog Shall Set You Free Third place:"Thinker: Go ahead Mr. Original, sit on the rock and strike a pose. Like no one's ever done that before." - crazy aunt bea from Central SnarkFind more leprechauns and foolish flesh-men at humor-blogs.com.

Come up with a funny caption for this photo of President Bush and National Security Council Advisor Stephen Hadley. Leave captions as comments here. The winner will be chosen at my (basically random) discretion and will get absolutely nothing. Well, I’ll link to your website and give you a shout by name (if you want). No purchase necessary, void where prohibited. Email this post...

I thought I'd mix things up a bit with this week's caption contest. Normally I post a photo of myself with some iconic figure, and this week's photo is no exception. The difference is that this time it's an actual, unaltered photo. One of the unexpected bonuses of our trip to Michigan a few weeks ago was a chance to see a cast of Rodin's The Thinker, which was visiting Grand Rapids.I couldn't resist posing next to the big lug. So here we are:Submit your captions in the comments by Monday evening. Then I'll see what captions I can come up with, and Mrs. Diesel will pick her favorites. The top ten will be posted in a poll for you to vote on.Have fun and good luck!Listed on humor-blogs.com.

This week Howard from The Web Pen Blog takes home the coveted signed digital photo.2nd Place: Kiefer: FOR THE LAST TIME, I say, "Knock, knock ..." and YOU say, "Who's there?" - wyo from Temporary Digression of the Spotted Kind.3rd Place:Jack: Let's get this straight...you put a plastic playhouse on a platform in a tree... your son's nickname is Climber... and you thought WHAT, would happen? - Robin from Random Observations (sorry Robin, here come more curious visitors.)Also, a special honorable mention for Crazy Aunt Beatrice for posting the caption that made me giggle like a little schoolgirl, and me for apparently garnering exactly one pity vote. Go me!In other news, I'll be posting the next three blog reviews at humor-blogs.com this week, starting with The Reasonable Ego tomorrow. Later this week I'll get to Davezilla and Conservathink.And on Monday, I'll regale you with tales of the much vaunted Scariest Motel Ever.

I was planning on posting this before the season finale, but I ran out of time before my vacation. So anyway, here's me with what's-his-name from 24. You know the drill: Submit your caption in the comments. Get them in by Monday night, and on Tuesday I'll post Mrs. Diesel's favorites for you to vote on. Have fun, and good luck!Listed on humor-blogs.com.

This time the autographed digital photo goes to humor-blogs.com member The Drive-By Blogger. TDB, here's your award:2nd place: Another humor-blogs.com member, Joel from Crummy Church Signs:Spider man,Spider man,Does whatever a spider can.Carries DieselThrough the airThere must be more than friendship there.Lookout! Here comes the Spiderman!3rd place (tie): wyo"Hey, Spidey! Do you know what this is? IT'S A BRAIN SUCKER! Do you know what it's doing? IT'S STARVING! Hahahaha! Oh grow up; it's just a joke."3rd place (tie): Bluepaintred"I shoot so much farther when you rub my head, diesel!"I came in a pathetic 5th in my own contest. I claim fraud!Thanks to everybody who submitted captions and/or voted. I'll be doing another one this Friday. Have a great weekend!

I almost scrapped this pic, because I'm afraid of what y'all are going to do with it. But laziness won out over caution and respectability, so here we are. Just keep in mind that originality is a factor, so if you notice a lot of people submitting captions with the same [ahem] theme, you might want to go the other way, so to speak. And again, let's try to keep this in the PG-13 range; my mom reads this blog.A couple other changes this week, in addition to the oddly suggestive photo. First, some of you who submit multiple captions have accused me of not selecting your best caption for the finalists. So this week I'm going to have Mrs. Diesel do the selecting. And she's going to do it blind: I'll read her the captions and she will select her favorites. If there are duplicates from the same submitter, I'll make her pick one of them.Second, others have accused me of doing these caption contests because I'm too lazy to come up with my own content. So how's this for lazy:

And the winner in the North By Northwest edition of the caption contest is...G from G Simply Said (you can catch her today spinning at Central Snark).Second Place: Sher from Wiping The Crazy Off My Face. Dude, next time you wanna dine and dash at the nudie bar down by the airport, let's not do it on chimichanga night. I think I'm having a freakin' heart attack.Third Place: Joel Bezaire from Crummy Church Signs:Why the hell hasn't Snoopy shot down that damned Red Baron yet?!?Everybody's a whiner at humor-blogs.com.

Alfred Hitchcock died on April 29, 1980 -- my tenth birthday. Coincidence? Yes.In honor of the famed director and, um, myself, I present a revised version of the famous biplane scene from North By Northwest. If you haven't seen it, then you may think that Cary Grant and I are running from a biplane that is swooping down on us in an empty field for no apparent reason. Come to think of it, that is what is happening. Cary Grant's character's name is Roger Thornhill, by the way.Submit your caption in the comments. You have until Monday night. I'll pick my favorites and post a poll on Tuesday for you to vote on the best one. The winner, as usual, will take home an autographed digital copy of the picture and the adoration of dozens.Good luck!Humor-blogs.com will meet you at the bus stop.

Yes, it's that time again. Apparently a few of you were confused last time about how this works, so let me 'splain it to you, good and slow. Every two weeks I post a scene from a popular TV show or movie. I digitally insert myself into the picture (and no, "digitally insert" does not mean I stick my finger in it, Gawpo). So one of those sorry-ass lost souls below is me. I'm the one whose skin tone suggests I actually might have spent some time on a tropical island.Your job is to come up with a suitable caption. Submit your caption(s) in the comments before midnight Monday, April 23. I'll pick my favorite ten and post them in a poll for you to vote on them. The winner takes home an autographed digital copy of the picture and possibly some leftover Dharma Potato Chips.Good luck!If you don't click on the humor-blogs.com link once every 108 minutes, my teeth will start to hurt.

First Place:"Examine you?! House, they don't make latex gloves thick enough for me to examine you!"- Pavel from Probably Pavel.Second Place:"You blinked.""Did not.""You so totally blinked.""Did not.""Did too. I just saw you. You blinked.""Did not.""My stare has remained unwavering. You, however, blinked.""Did not.""Hey, um, LOOK! There's a latex glove masquerading as a condom hanging on the wall behind us!""Is not."- Jocelyn from O Mighty CrisisThird Place:"I see dead people. But then, I'm not a very good doctor."- neva from PuppyToes and possibly Central SnarkYes, Pavel took home the autographed copy of the doctored photo (get it?) once again, barely edging out Jocelyn's one act play. The length of Jocelyn's caption may have been a factor, as well as Pavel's shameless begging for votes on his site. But then, we like shameless self-promotion around here, so it's all good. And Neva, who rivaled Candace this week in sheer number of entries, finished a respectable third.I am put

First place:Data looked up at the captain wishing he knew how to quit him.- Pavel of Probably PavelSecond place:"12, Data. 12 Hornecian Flognarts to screw in a lightbulb. No. I didn't get it either."- Candace of Jumping at the Ground and MissingThird place (tie):"Data, you're in charge. I have to head to my night job fronting David Letterman's house band." - Brad of Diaries of the Professor"With my new X-ray Specs I can clearly see Uranus."- Anne of Queen Anne's RevengeCongratulations to all the winners! I'll be posting another picture this Friday. Will I be on American Idol? Lost? Queer Eye? Even I'm not sure.One more thing: I'm losing miserably in Tracy's Booger Award contest. At this rate, I may not even get third place, and there are only three blogs competing. I think I'm losing to "None of the above" and Pat Buchanan. Please spare my dignity by voting. Polls close sometime today, so do it NOW. Thanks ever so much.I'll be back with a typically well thought o

Inspired by your comments on my bad hair posts, I put together a little treat for you: Diesel as Captain Picard on the bridge of the Enterprise! I made myself bald and grayed my hair a bit to seem more dignified and Picard-esque. The dark glasses require some explanation: In the picture of me that I was using, my eyes were squinted because I was in the sun (it's the same pic as my profile pic on the top right of this page). I tried to unsquint my eyes, but there's no unsquint feature in the version of Paint Shop Pro I use. So I said, "Screw it," and gave myself shades instead. I couldn't decide on a caption to use for the pic, and that's when the idea hit me: Caption contest! Submit your caption in the comments by this Tuesday, and then I'll create a poll where you can vote on the best one. The winner will receive an autographed digital copy of this picture and perhaps some Cheetos I found in my couch.If this isn't a complete disaster, I may make this a regular feature.

[Copyright notice this is my stuff and carries with it jws blogprint] Let’s have a write your own caption contest for this picture I snapped while in Dothan, AL: My Caption:  “Pentecostals, fearing a decline in membership, plan a couple’s retreat in Dothan, AL” Be sure to leave me a comment with your suggestion! ~JW, for thegospelfortoday.com

I took this photo today and it screamed "caption contest." So go ahead, provide a caption for this picture. It could be dialog, an explanation, or anything else to accompany this photo.Rules: Each participant can submit up to three different captions.Entries accepted up until 5:00 pm PST on Sunday, February 18th.Whichever caption makes me laugh the hardest wins.1st place winner gets $20 cash mailed to them.2nd place gets $5 mailed to them.3rd place gets a Hollywood Flakes magnet (no, I can't seem to get rid of my stash!)You can participate anonymously if you like. If an anonymous entry wins, the prizes will just go to the consecutive runners up.What's your caption?